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Would you leave a woman based on her past?


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Say you're a man dating a woman for some serious time now and you're both having a great time. She's nice, faithful, kind to you and she trusts you completely (by giving you access to her phone, computer and whatnot). You're even thinking of starting a family. And then, suddenly, someone anonymous finds you and sends you dirty photos of her and another guy (taken from before you've met) and goes into great detail about her past. She never mentioned doing that. But you've never asked either.

Would you be disgusted forever by her and leave her? Or would you accept the facts as happened before you two met each other and move on?

 

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I'm a woman.  But I don't do drama.  I'd be pissed as hell that somebody thought it was OK to reach out to me.  I'd probably ask my partner about it, especially to learn if they had a clue as to who would do this.   The longer the SO & I had been together the less likely this would influence me but if this was a new relationship, I'd be more likely to walk based on the drama not her past level of promiscuity.  I may have an issue or two about allowing sexy pictures to exist. I just don't cotton to that.  

Edited by d0nnivain
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For most situations, I wouldn't be worried. Whatever was in that past, is in the past (and not present now) for a reason. I'm certainly not going to expect that anyone I date hasn't made mistakes in the past. The only issue I'd have is whether they deny the past that was presented to me.

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1 hour ago, changed_ways said:

 She's nice, faithful, kind to you and she trusts you completely (by giving you access to her phone, computer and whatnot).

 

Based on my current relationship, I dont think the phone access is necessarily a good thing, I prefer a certain amount of privacy etc.

the other question- lol I dont know- I probably would not be thrilled about it, but I guess people are going to have a previous sexual history and I tend not to worry too much about that,

Id probably delete such messages if received them and turn a blind eye.(assuming things were going well otherwise)

 

 

 

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2.50 a gallon

I might ask them if they had any videos?  And then realizing that they might be bearing a grudge ask them if they wanted any current videos?

Current GF of almost a quarter of a century, divorced, from a not so nice former husband.  He was a drunk, and screwed up tried to show her he was the boss and gave her divorce papers, which to his astonishment she promptly signed.  He spent the last 20 years of his life trying to get her back.  Every once in awhile would get drunk and call me, trying to get me to drop her.  He learned not to call her a sxxt, etc. as I would agree with him and let him know she was now my sxxt   

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good question.

1) it happened BEFORE your relationship with her, so technically, it's NONE of your business.

2) having said that, it'd be nice to know, but that's entirely up to her.

3) you also have to consider.. that who we are, are the experiences we've gone thru.. our mistakes, our heartaches, our regrets, our resolutions to be better... whatever mistakes/choices she made in the past, she is who she is... that you love and cherish and considered making a future with... all this, resulted in the woman you see... 

4) no one is perfect. Not you, not her. Sure some mistakes may be bigger than others, but if you believe she loves you, is faithful, is truly into you... then who cares the imperfections of another person, when you aren't perfect either.

5) someone obviously wants to sabotage your relationship with her; it isn't like she's withholding any information when she started her relationship with you concerning anyone else... that's key. Her past is her choice; whether she wants you to know or not, it is on her time and her decision. Trust that.

Good luck to you!

btw... how your relationship with her, is up to you... .but the whole access to the phone thing.. is it a mutual thing? as in, do you give her complete access to you like she does to you?

might be how she got into that mess with the prev guy; trusting too much, which sounds benign, but can lead to really bad situations, when it isn't balanced with your own thoughts/discernment.

also, believe it or not, it doesn't build trust/faith in your partner... it kinda works against it, b/c the trust isn't based on faith in your partner, but rather evidence. i'm wording this wrong, but i hope you get the idea.

Edited by 2BGoodAgain
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thefooloftheyear

Its a bit unfair to judge what she did or didn't do sexually...But its human nature and most guys are probably going to be bothered with it to varying degrees, but the hardest part will probably trying to erase that image from your mind...Sure, most people have a past, but its the type of thing that's all good as long as its buried deep and there is no evidence of it...

I guess my biggest concern is why are people trying to deal dirt on her??  They have nothing to gain, really...Its not like she's Kim K or anything...

Like stated, forget about erasing that memory from your mind, it will never happen. .That's the biggest concern I see...

TFY

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Pleasant-Sage

I would be more interested in the motive of the person who sent you the questionable material that's caused you to ask this question. 

My guess is it's an ex lover who screwed things up and now since they can't have her...they don't want anyone to have her.

Don't be a pawn for someone else's game.

Edited by Pleasant-Sage
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Men and women would handle this differently. Most men wouldn't be able to erase these images from their mind, I'd say most women would get over it as it belongs in the past. Personally I would delete the pics and block the person and life would go on. I don't suffer from retroactive jealousy either. 

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4 hours ago, changed_ways said:

Would you be disgusted forever by her and leave her? Or would you accept the facts as happened before you two met each other and move on?

No, not at all. Yes, no problem.

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It'd have to pretty extreme to make a difference I think. Bestiality or actual (not safely practiced) harm or self harm would probably make me think twice. Threesome or something, I'd be "whatever" about. I myself have been tied up and blindfolded by candlelight and displayed to a mutual friend in a graduate school office after hours, so...

Since the sender is obviously hostile it might be a good chance to look into whether revenge porn laws apply.

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I'd be most worried that she has made it possible for this guy to know enough about you that he was even able to send those pics.  That's her still communicating with him, so it's ongoing.  

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1 minute ago, preraph said:

I'd be most worried that she has made it possible for this guy to know enough about you that he was even able to send those pics.  That's her still communicating with him, so it's ongoing.  

just b/c some prev guy knows how to contact her current guy, doesn't necessarily means she's in contact with him.

mebbe he's someone who's in her life, but whom she doesn't communicate with?

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major_merrick

I'll add my two cents since I date women.  The answer is YES.  When I'm picking out a girlfriend, I'd rather have one who hasn't had much in the way of male partners.  Female partners I could care less about, but boys are icky and carry stuff.  And there are certain kinds of male partners that are a 100% NO for me, and if I find out my GF has been with someone of that type, it ain't gonna work ever. 

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No matter the strength of a relationship, I think it would alter it in the long run because it would forever be in the back of my mind. 

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How recent are the photos? Red flag that she would agree to have those taken. 

Be honest with yourself. If you can dismiss this, then fine. Get rid of them and move on. If not, then you will have to resolve the issue by confronting her.

You can't conduct a relationship with those pictures being replayed over and over in your mind or wondering when the next batch will show up.

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7 hours ago, changed_ways said:

Would you be disgusted forever by her and leave her? Or would you accept the facts as happened before you two met each other and move on?

Welcome to LS....

Dated a lot of ladies, had a few girlfriends and married one; any sharing of their past was volunteered. What happened before us was before. Any human has a history. I was more interested in their FOO because that's where relationship nuances are forged. How has it gone with you?

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thefooloftheyear

For all the guys that say its cool. gotta wonder how they would feel if the guy in the picture had a way better physique and a dick twice the size of his....

TFY

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My boyfriend has a very hard time accepting how many partners I have had & of what background they are. We have discussions about it from time to time & we always get through it. 

As for the pictures, I would confront her but not in an accusatory way but ask why this person thought you should see them. Are they recent? Are they still communicating? 

We take explicit pictures which are of course now, only for our viewing. But should we break up & my bf ever disrespected me by showing someone else, I'd be sure to never do them with my current partner. Ask yourself what about the situation bothers you most & then go from there as to how you should react. 

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6 minutes ago, thefooloftheyear said:

For all the guys that say its cool. gotta wonder how they would feel if the guy in the picture had a way better physique and a dick twice the size of his....

TFY

That's a good question and I think men vary widely on this. I never saw any pictures but my exW quite graphically described physical features of past lovers, having had plenty of them, and had no problem sharing she liked 'big'. I didn't see this as odd, perhaps because I was used to it. Women were in demand so were pretty brazen about a lot of things. More recently, I was a bit flummoxed by a MW's interest, considering what a fine physical specimen her H is, and she shared he was a bit 'thin' down there. Yeah, but that face and body, man what woman wouldn't go for that? Answer: After 30 years, things change. OK, cool, everyone is different. Personally I think the key is being comfortable with oneself. I learned early in life there's always a bigger dick and a fatter wallet and, yup, some women, likely most, all else being equal, go for that. That''s reality. I fought it for awhile, longer than was healthy but finally accepted it and life improved.

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1 hour ago, thefooloftheyear said:

For all the guys that say its cool. gotta wonder how they would feel if the guy in the picture had a way better physique and a dick twice the size of his....

TFY

A fair question. It wouldn't bother me as chances are I've been with at least 2 women that were hotter than her too, possibly more.

Is she into me now. That's the defining question in my mind. If she is great; if not it's not going to last anyhow. Mr. big-dick from her past clearly IS a dick as well as hurting for her if he's sending these pics, so I'm not worried that she's pining for him or anything. Big c*ck or no, he's clearly been outplayed. Also mine is decent sized, so if hes 2x he's one of those freaks you sometimes see and a lot of women don't want that.

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25 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

A fair question. It wouldn't bother me as chances are I've been with at least 2 women that were hotter than her too, possibly more.

Is she into me now. That's the defining question in my mind. If she is great; if not it's not going to last anyhow. Mr. big-dick from her past clearly IS a dick as well as hurting for her if he's sending these pics, so I'm not worried that she's pining for him or anything. Big c*ck or no, he's clearly been outplayed. Also mine is decent sized, so if hes 2x he's one of those freaks you sometimes see and a lot of women don't want that.

rule#1: there will always be someone with a better/bigger/sexier/richer/etc.... than you.

having said that... what does it say if the guy she had before had a huge dick or an awesome hard bod but she's with you, instead... i guess it depends on your confidence level and what matters more to her... 

some women/men are with their partners b/c it's plan B. It's quite sad but honestly, i think it happens alot. But there's also some women/men who are with their partners b/c they had plan A, or what they thought they wanted and found out... it wasn't what they truly wanted... in which case, whether or not she's/he's with you isn't about them... it's really how you feel about you, isn't it?

it differs for each person i think. some would be more bothered by it, or bothered by different aspects. 

I have to agree with Mark in that what matters most to me... is what did she finally decide... me? that would be the most important thing to me, more than anything in her past. 

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Pleasant-Sage
1 hour ago, thefooloftheyear said:

For all the guys that say its cool. gotta wonder how they would feel if the guy in the picture had a way better physique and a dick twice the size of his....

TFY

Once heard a guy say "I might have a needle for a dick but I got a sewing machine for an ass." 🤣

If a video to makes you question your skill in the bedroom...your self-esteem issues are bigger than your God given equipment. No pun intended lol

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