SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 8 hours ago, changed_ways said: Say you're a man dating a woman for some serious time now and you're both having a great time. She's nice, faithful, kind to you and she trusts you completely (by giving you access to her phone, computer and whatnot). You're even thinking of starting a family. And then, suddenly, someone anonymous finds you and sends you dirty photos of her and another guy (taken from before you've met) and goes into great detail about her past. She never mentioned doing that. But you've never asked either. Would you be disgusted forever by her and leave her? Or would you accept the facts as happened before you two met each other and move on? LOL - in this day and age there are sooooooooooooo many people with porn videos making their way around the interwebs that to find "dirty photos" of a woman and another guy (taken before you met) and to take a blanket position about "Would you be disgusted forever and leave her?" would be stupid. And in order to do away with any double standard, why don't you approach this as IF you were a woman dating a man and you later found his old internet sex tapes floating around? At least the random internet find need not be dissected to death. In your hypothetical case, your first concern is the motive of the anonymous donor. ONCE you ascertain that the anonymous donor is likely someone who used to bang her, and who wishes he were banging her again... OR someone who always crushed on her, and who still lives 4 blocks away, in his mother's basement, and who wishes he could ride into her life on a vivid white horse... then you take it with a grain of salt and probably forget it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
2BGoodAgain Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 1 minute ago, Pleasant-Sage said: Once heard a guy say "I might have a needle for a dick but I got a sewing machine for an ass." 🤣 If a video to makes you question your skill in the bedroom...your self-esteem issues are bigger than your God given equipment. No pun intended lol PS is 100% right. and i have NO IDEA what the hell a "sewing machine for an ass" means....?????!!!! HELP! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 (edited) I wouldn't be disgusted Rather, I'd be terribly worried for her because there's someone who's clearly out to destroy her. Depending on how the images arrived in my possession, and what the 'revenge porn' laws are where you live, I would consider reporting the person who shared them to me to the police. Edited January 10, 2020 by basil67 4 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 35 minutes ago, 2BGoodAgain said: PS is 100% right. and i have NO IDEA what the hell a "sewing machine for an ass" means....?????!!!! HELP! Perhaps he farts like the sound of a sewing machine??? My machine can get pretty noisy, esp when it needs an oil. Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 8 minutes ago, basil67 said: I wouldn't be disgusted Rather, I'd be terribly worried for her because there's someone who's clearly out to destroy her. Right, this isn't about 'past is past.' Someone out in the inter webs wants to bring her, you down. I would not assume that it is a man or past lover or that it is even someone she knows. I wouldn't make any assumptions. You are a couple in a good and trusting relationship, why wouldn't you show her? Why not approach this attack on your relationship as a team. That some person has this material and is passing it around with malice is something she should know, it's a violation of her privacy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 51 minutes ago, Pleasant-Sage said: Once heard a guy say "I might have a needle for a dick but I got a sewing machine for an ass." 🤣 If a video to makes you question your skill in the bedroom...your self-esteem issues are bigger than your God given equipment. No pun intended lol Eh....Its the same reason why women get so jerked off(pun intentional) when they find out their man is watching porn and getting excited about women with bodies they couldn't achieve if they quit their jobs and did nothing but work out and spent all the money they had on plastic surgery...The only difference, in this case, is that the guy was the player in the flick...That takes it to another level.. TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 Hell yeah, for sure . Because even just for a start , the fact that there is even pictures , and taken by God knows who at the time, and they're all floating around God knows where these days, and that she's even allowed that in the first place, and whatever else has gone on , and someones now sending them , to you, and God knows who else has them or where they all ended up, l just mean just wtf. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 (edited) Sorry, I know everyone has a past but I don't really want to see it in glorious technicolor. Those images would be seared on my mind forever. I would get rid of the "offending" bf asap. "Sorry never going to work" Last thing I would want is to get involved with some stalking ex out for revenge either... Edited January 10, 2020 by elaine567 2 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 5 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said: For all the guys that say its cool. gotta wonder how they would feel if the guy in the picture had a way better physique and a dick twice the size of his.... TFY It depends on your mindset, values, attitudes, etc., so what works for one person may not for another. We've had a semi-open relationship for 20 years, and we've been in poly relationships and were part of the swinger community for years. We've seen each other having sex with others (yes, some of the guys were in better shape or had much larger dicks, some of the women were prettier or younger), and we've had a variety of threesome experiences. Very little would bother us, and something like this certainly would not - it is an obvious ploy by a former jealous or jilted lover in an attempt to ruin this relationship. We also have pasts, which helped make us the ideal partners we are today. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 (edited) Well yea, information you get about a partner can change your perception of them. If I found out a bf killed puppies before he met me, yes it would change my opinion of him. Same with his sex life, to a lesser extent. This actually happened to me where one of my ex’s had a video having sex with another girl still in his cloud even though he deleted it I had found it on accident. I watched it and it f’ed up my perception of him. It didn’t matter if we made videos too. I broke up with him like a month later “fell out of love”. It was definitely a contributing factor Edited January 11, 2020 by Cookiesandough 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 Accept her and in fact support her as this person sending the picks is a *#%¥. If anything it may bring us closer, nice try *#%¥ I say. It doesn’t offend me my girlfriends had sex with other men before me, I know it to be true and there being a picture of it doesn’t make it any different. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 Mostly I'd question the judgment of someone who allowed those types of photos to be taken. However, I once dated a man who'd been wild wild wild and had changed. People do change. If you care for this woman I'd say date her for awhile and pay attention to her integrity and her judgment in all things. Make your decision based on her present behavior. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 (edited) PS But, I'd definitely ask her about who would be sending the photos to you and why she thinks they'd do that. Edited January 11, 2020 by LivingWaterPlease spelling Link to post Share on other sites
Poutrew Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 The past is never just in the past. Imagine you are now a school teacher. Some of your students found your old sex tapes on the net and are now sharing them with all their friends... You only know that people at work are looking at you funny... then the Principal calls you into his office... Think you are still gonna have a job? Anyway, as a physicist, I don't believe in time - past, present, or future. It's all just a well crafted illusion brought about by how our minds and brains process sensory information, with entropy thrown into the mix. So, yeah, it would matter to me, definitely. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 Absolutely not.. I have my big boy pants on most of the time.. ALL people have pasts and that is none of our business and if it becomes known to me via any means it needs to be looked at the same way... Besides.. Glasshouses and all that 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 Bottom line is you know you, what anyone else believes or thinks you should do is irrelevant. Dont allow anyone to influence your thoughts in either direction. After all not everyone views sex and intimacy in the same light. If you think its going to create issues then dump her, if you can handle it and move forward then do so. If you do move forward, have a discussion with her then bury it and dont pull it out as a weapon down the road Link to post Share on other sites
5x5 Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 18 hours ago, changed_ways said: Would you be disgusted forever by her and leave her? Or would you accept the facts as happened before you two met each other and move on? Presuming she wasn't doing something that is illegal with respect to sexual consent, in other words all participants were adult and consenting. I would have no problem with it at all, and wouldn't leave her over it. At the end of the day it's just sex, so it wouldn't be a notable revelation. Whatever it was, whomever and or how many it was with, I would also hope that she enjoyed herself along the way. That said I would be concerned that someone was out to hurt her, and as a consequence of that I would tell her about it. So that she could seek legal redress, if she was so inclined. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
5x5 Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 11 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said: For all the guys that say its cool. gotta wonder how they would feel if the guy in the picture had a way better physique and a dick twice the size of his.... TFY Meh,. It doesn't bother me. None of us are identical, so it seems a waste of time for me to worry about things that I can't change. When I was 22 I was in an ongoing sexual relationship with an Anglo-Australian woman, who aside from having other previous sexual partners, she had also done sex work as a hostess in Japan. Yet I'm still glad she shared those experiences with me, including the ones where she had fond memories of some of her clients. Like me she had done some cool things with different people along the way. So I don't see why she should feel bad about her past, just as I don't see why I should have been concerned about it either. Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 We've all got a past. My feeling about another person's is a combination of 'did they learn anything?' and 'it's none of my business now'. ( LOL I typed that as 'did they earn anything?'...how Freudian?! ) 5 hours ago, 5x5 said: At the end of the day it's just sex, Amen 😑 so let it be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 (edited) I think it would depend on exactly what the pics were and who sent them. If they were private pics from a previous relationship and basically my partner and their ex and no-one else was in those pics , then I would wonder who had made their private pictures available to me. They are a previous relationship which was before I was with them. if, however, they were porn that the people involved had published and/or consisted of acts I found weird or abhorrent, then I would not wish to continue with the relationship. if someone sent me private pics out of spite or because they were her disgruntled ex, then as I see it my ex has done nothing wrong but picked an ex who was out to punish them for leaving. Edited January 12, 2020 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 (edited) BTW, it occurred to me that IF this was early on in the relationship, like first six month, I might be inclined to bail due to it. This is not walking back what I said prior, but just to add info. IF it was very early in I might well leave not due to the sex itself (if anything remotely in the ballpark of normal) but just because of not wanting to deal with the drama of a stalkerish ex. If we're anywhere close to well established, then what I posted earlier in the thread would apply. Just adding for completeness. Edited January 13, 2020 by mark clemson Link to post Share on other sites
Super Phantom Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 Yeah. Sometimes the past reveals things they may do in the future and if she was smart she would reveal that past before it comes out from someone else. It's easier to reveal and suffer the consequences than have to do damage control Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 It would depend on what that past is. Having dirty photos would not be something I would leave somebody over. Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 It's going to depend on how far in the past it is, how far disconnected it appears from the person she now is (or has presented herself as), and how she reacts to the revelation. Everyone's got some kind of skeletons in the closet. Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Tantrum Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 Would this REALLY be leaving because of her PAST in this sort of situation? Or is it leaving because of her PRESENT (drama drama drama)? This scenario is a far-cry from a bashful and private confession of something regretted, after all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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