Steve40th396 Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 When you start a no contact phase of a relationship during a separation, for example, what are the guidelines? Timeframe? What are the goals? Do they generally work or back fire? My wife and I are getting separated and will start a no contact phase next Friday after paperwork gets started by lawyers. We already have 99% of the agreement ready, via mediation and making things amicable. But, when I asked my wife we need to treat this separation as a divorce lite, and not contact each other for the separation timeframe, as an example, it hit her hard. Real hard. She is emotionally drained right now. It will Not be easy for my either. She relys on my for help in everything from kids to vehicle related stuff. Not finances, just every day life stuff. She lives in her own place, with my youngest daughter. My oldest is with granddaughter in her own place. Seems simple, but why would it emotionally drain her, unless she needs me for more than what she is stating. I think some of you know my past with her on other threads. But. No contact is where we are going to try a last ditch effort to see if she and I can truly handle divorce.. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 She's drained because you will no longer be around to carry the heavy load. Her workload is going to increase. Link to post Share on other sites
2BGoodAgain Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 it's a good thing. it'll be hard, but both of you.... need to see the reality of the other not being there... that's what divorce is... two individuals who have their own lives, connected by children, if any. That's what this separation is for... a reality check before you commit to the 3rd biggest decision of your lives. and prob the most important decision currently in your lives. good luck to you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 3 hours ago, Steve40th396 said: When you start a no contact phase of a relationship during a separation, for example, what are the guidelines? Timeframe? What are the goals? Do they generally work or back fire? NC is not a phase. It's a healing too. You stop picking the wound of your broken heart, let it scab & heal. You can't do that if you are constantly begging the other person to come back, texting them & watching their social media. Yes it works to help you heal. In this situation you will be better served treating the legal separation as divorce lite. If you are no longer her husband she has to find somebody else to rely on. Don't be the patsy at her beck & call but shut out of her bed & life. NC is NOT a manipulation tool otherwise known as the silent treatment designed to get the other person to come crawling back to you. NC doesn't have a timeframe. It's forever. You are getting a divorce at share children with your STBX. You do not get the luxury of NC You have to communicate to finalize the details of the divorce. You can do it all through lawyers but that will prove slow, ineffective & prohibitively expensive. You will always remains your children's parents so you will always have to interact. Your best bet is low or limited contact, deigned to move the divorce forward & avoid drama when you are thrown together. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 You can't go NC if you have kids together. You will still have to co-parent. You can't just go MIA and leave all the kid's stuff to her. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 elaine567 -- I think the kids are adults. But still some interaction for their sake is required. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steve40th396 Posted January 10, 2020 Author Share Posted January 10, 2020 Kids are 19 and 29, only 3 grand children, 7/8 and one 3 year old Link to post Share on other sites
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