Coworkers, friends or more?

[Stella81]

I don’t know where to start with this but here goes.

im 38 years old and he is 40, so you would think we’d have this clear but far from it.
we have worked for the same company for the last two years in different departments until February last year, where he was moved onto my team and sat opposite me. We didn’t have the greatest start in all honesty he pushed my buttons a lot of the time and i lost my temper with him(which just fuelled him to carry on). But over the months we developed a great friendship. I even organised his 40th as he doesn’t have contact with his family and the thought of him being on his own killed me.

when we started to be friends he was seeing another colleague of ours, their relationship didn’t last and things definitely ended by October. I always wanted to be her friend too but she wasn’t interested and thats fine, until she started attacking the friendship i had with him and some other people we worked with. Ive not spoken to her since I don’t need that energy in my life. 
anyway we have been good friends for a while, hanging out at weekends, sleeping over on nights out etc. Wherever we go people will always ask if we are together as we are so much like an old married couple. We always explained that we weren’t together but friends. This happened on new years eve when we were invited to a party, people got very drunk and kept at him pushing him to just sleep with her and get on with it. I have had feelings for him but always ignored them as I believed (still do) that he had no interest in me. Until midnight on new year’s eve where we ended up kissing and eventually sleeping together.

with beer fear the following day i felt anxious and just wanted to hideaway. I was confused and I didn’t want to fudge things up. We hung out the following day but things felt different and i felt he was distant. We had a goodbye kiss and no more was said. In the 2 days following my head was going crazy and I needed to know what was happening i went over see him in sunday and after spending the day together i just asked him what he was thinking as I needed to know. I explained that if he wanted to be friends that I would be fine with that as I don’t want to lose that. He doesn’t open up easily and I basically cornered him to say something. He said that I needed to chill my boots, that i was being letchy and that he was concerned as he obviously didn’t have the best reputation with relationships at work. I said understood and left. Broken hearted..unfortunately we had already had a cinema trip planned on Tuesday and even though I fought off feelings if we should cancel or not we ended up going, I felt awkward and i wished that things were as they were before. Ive not communicated with him since giving him space. He sent me a stupid video to watch and I responded respectfully but I don’t know where we go from here.  
 

[GeorgiaPeach1]

You played with fire choosing to be intimate with a co-worker, and you got burned. Learn the lesson.

[FMW]

To make things go smoothly at work, just continue on as if nothing happened.  I know it seems impossible, but it can be done.

His telling you to chill would probably put me on subzero setting as far as anything else goes though.  Remain friendly, but keep your boundaries tight.  Give it some time and the answer of where all this ends up will probably become clearer to you.    

[JTSW]

Hi Stella,

He went on the defensive because he felt awkard about what happened.

It's never a good idea to get involved with a colleaugue, but this was different IMO.

You both established a very close, deep friendship. 

I can guarntee that he has feelings for you too. 

Let the dust settle and continue on like nothing has happened for now.

Maybe address it later on. 

[PinkFlamingo]

I had to look up letchy. So he called you horny? I don't think he is really into you, what an awful thing to say to a friend you slept with. It seems more like he was embarrassed for what happened and would like to forget it. 

[alphamale]

don't eat where you sh*t

[schlumpy]

It's already difficult to establish a relationship. The fragile nature of a budding romantic relationship needs privacy and not the attention of a Greek chorus of office workers. Their interest is not your interest. To them, you are simply today's entertainment.

I don't think there is anyway back to just being friends so I expect that both of you will within a short period of time either step into the role of a couple or go back to antagonizing one another.

If you want more with this guy one of you will have to eat your pride and quit playing games. It you want to be the adult in the room tell him you want more and then just leave him alone. He will either respond or avoid you. At least he won't be pushing your buttons anymore.

I'm sorry for your hurt and confusion but it's all part of the human experience.

I recommend that you look outside of work for romantic entanglements. 

 

[Stella81]

22 hours ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said:

You played with fire choosing to be intimate with a co-worker, and you got burned. Learn the lesson.

I agree, my previous relationship was also a colleague and we were together for 2 years it can be done, however i am looking for another job.

22 hours ago, Finding my way said:

To make things go smoothly at work, just continue on as if nothing happened.  I know it seems impossible, but it can be done.

His telling you to chill would probably put me on subzero setting as far as anything else goes though.  Remain friendly, but keep your boundaries tight.  Give it some time and the answer of where all this ends up will probably become clearer to you.    

Thank you, i am giving no contact i saw him in Tuesday as we had the cinema booked in before this started, but he sent me a message on Thursday with a video that he found amusing. I responded with a very neutral comment. We haven’t spoken since, we have been both been on holiday this week and he goes back Monday and i on Tuesday. Back to being as nothing happened.    

21 hours ago, JTSW said:

Hi Stella,

He went on the defensive because he felt awkard about what happened.

It's never a good idea to get involved with a colleaugue, but this was different IMO.

You both established a very close, deep friendship. 

I can guarntee that he has feelings for you too. 

Let the dust settle and continue on like nothing has happened for now.

Maybe address it later on. 

Thank you, we are very close and every one we meet does ask if we are a couple or we are like a old married couple. I do think he is worried about this could end ie his comment about not having the best reputation with relationships at work.

19 hours ago, PinkFlamingo said:

I had to look up letchy. So he called you horny? I don't think he is really into you, what an awful thing to say to a friend you slept with. It seems more like he was embarrassed for what happened and would like to forget it. 

I understand letchy to mean clingy or pushy. I think he felt i was pushing him into saying something that he didn't want to say, but for my peace of mind i needed fo him to say yes this could go somewhere or no this can’t. 

8 hours ago, schlumpy said:

It's already difficult to establish a relationship. The fragile nature of a budding romantic relationship needs privacy and not the attention of a Greek chorus of office workers. Their interest is not your interest. To them, you are simply today's entertainment.

I don't think there is anyway back to just being friends so I expect that both of you will within a short period of time either step into the role of a couple or go back to antagonizing one another.

If you want more with this guy one of you will have to eat your pride and quit playing games. It you want to be the adult in the room tell him you want more and then just leave him alone. He will either respond or avoid you. At least he won't be pushing your buttons anymore.

I'm sorry for your hurt and confusion but it's all part of the human experience.

I recommend that you look outside of work for romantic entanglements. 

 

Thank you, I'm probably pushing him more for an answer sooner than he wanted to give.
as i stated above my previous relationship was with a colleague and we were together for 2 years not ideal and i said i’d never do it again, but I didn’t even think he liked me in that way until he kissed me on New Years eve. 

[Characterized]

I think there is more to this. We have all had the awkward morning etc, what seems to be the problem is the means of communication. It could be the foundations for a FWB relationship, but maybe more. You will never know until you talk about it, with an idea of getting right down to the issue and what you can both do!