Chances after mistake.

[Rishi_07]

Among other things of my life (Family, etc), In order to focus on my career which has yet not kicked off, i asked my gf to leave me after 2 months of relationship, so that i can completely focus on my career. It was not that i stopped loving her but i always had the feeling that it was just a break from my side and not a breakup.

In the meantime i isolated myself from all social media accounts to completely focus. I focussed on my career for 3 months and in the meantime i periodically asked her how she is how is she doing etc.

Post my attempt for my career, i asked her whether she still loves me. She said yes. We dated again for 4 months during which my love for her grew even more and i came to know how much she was hurt, in fact she was badly hurt during that time.

But after 4 months she said that i cannot trust you and you will leave me again. i have been trying to win her back since last 3 months, apologised from my heart promised her that it will not happen again and i completely realise my mistake and asked her to understand my situation during the time i asked you to leave me. but due to no fault of hers she could not trust me anymore. now i don't know what to do. we talk twice or thrice in a month but with an invariable cold response from her side. 

I love her and there is no doubt about it. I was a fool and lost, during the so called "Focus phase for my career". I have realised my mistake that you need to keep everyone close especially the person who loves you the most and understands you. All i ask her to understand my situation, and all the adverse situations that was being bombarded upon my life. But she is adamant that she does not want to stay with me anymore. 

It's easy to say that dude move on stop loving her and realise your mistake. But if you love someone truly,  its easier said than done. At the same time one can say that if you truly loved her why did you leave her for those troubled phase. I know. But i seriously do not know what to do now.

Can anyone suggest something about what should i do ? and am i the only one in this whole world who did this ? Is there any success story in this situation ? Basically i do not know what to do.

[salparadise]

When you say that you talk 2-3 times a month, is the extent of your interaction, or only discussion about the relationship ( her not trusting you, etc.)? How often are you spending actual time together, as in going on dates and hanging out in person? 

You were in a relationship 2 months, then you ditched her for 3 months (for no good reason), and now you're in love and can't live without her? And she's not convinced. Well, I am not convinced either. I get the feeling that a key piece of info is missing––shat are you not telling us? 

 

 

  

[schlumpy]

The proper way to handle what you did was to tell her that you see her as long-term partner but that to get to that future you need her help. Explain how this two month break will help get both of you there with promises to make it up to her. Thus reassured she might have been able to endure the hiatus.

I can understand where what you did would cause serious doubt for her but her reaction is more along the lines of meeting someone else during the two month break. If there is someone else then you may be wasting your time. 

[elaine567]

2 month relationship
3 months break  up at your instigation
4 months "2nd chance" relationship.
She then breaks up with you, as she cannot trust you not to leave her again.
You damaged the trust and without trust there is no relationship.
3 months of you pining for her and her being cold and distant and adamant she does not want you back.

Basically in this life, you do not get to discard people and then pick them up again as if nothing has happened.
It is over, finito, caput, done.
There is nothing you can do apart from move on and learn the lesson.
 

[Piddy]

Sometimes you don't realize what you had until it's gone.  You took her for granted.  Lesson learned the hard way.   

[Grathblagg]

You wouldn't want her if she took you back under these circumstances. You just don't realize that now. The relationship was too short for such nonsense. 

I certainly wouldn't want someone who allowed me to treat them in such a fashion. You told her that your career is more important than she was, instead of inviting her to help you get things squared away. What other important future event will she find herself excluded from, which will take priority over her? The die was cast. 

Her unwillingness to fully bond with you again is attractive, as it shows that she respects herself, and her honesty regarding her feelings is admirable, but you dropped the ball, and it's now time to move on. 

[d0nnivain]

You got what you wanted -- the freedom to focus on your career without the distraction of a relationship.  Now go off & work on your career.  Such a project will take at least a year, not a few months.  That said, you need to learn how to balance: work & life.  You can't isolate yourself; it's not healthy. 

Furthermore understand there is no such thing as a break / time off in a relationship.  You are either together or you are broken up.  It's one thing to take a few hours apart, maybe even a weekend but anything more then that & the relationship stops existing.  

Once you feel you have reached some work goals, then you can go back & look for a new relationship with somebody else.