max3732 Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 On Eharmony I messaged this woman asking/commenting about a couple things in her profile and she responded with a moderately long message and asked me a follow up question.... "are you a skier?" She also "liked" a couple parts of my profile. I responded to her message about where I like to ski and asked if she's ever skied in the areas I've mentioned or just around her home resort. No response from her. My message was sent about a week ago and I don't know what to do now. She's extremely attractive and her profile shows some of the attributes I'd like to find in a match. Plus she responded and liked my profile so she has to have an interest in me, right? Do I ask another question about our messages (she mentioned she got into a different sport in college so I could ask about that) or send something like "Hope I didn't stump you with that" or "I won't hold it against you if you haven't explored those resorts". Or maybe something like "did your cat get your tongue"? I don't know what to do Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 You do nothing. You assume she is no longer interested. Sorry 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 Don't send anything else. If she were interested in keeping the conversation going, she would have responded. I promise you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 Yeah. Have to agree with above. It is a numbers game and she's probably chatting with one or more other guys that she fancies more. Don't take it personally. You might have been late to the party. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 As a woman who online dates and has done this, I will say it was because my interest wasn’t high enough and the conversation not doing it for me. So I just let the convo die out. More often than not, I do get a follow up message along the lines of how are you or are you still there? I have responded to that just to be kind, but the interest just isn’t there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 Eharmony is obtrusive and unnecessary. Plenty of Fish is a much better choice, because you have the option to pay money for a premium profile, which makes you stand out more than Eharmony where everyone pays. Getting past the messages is the easy part, you sound frustrated with it alone though. And yeah, of course she liked the skiing part of your profile, all women like men who actively travel. Make your pof profile script: "Looking for a travel partner" and you will have the attention of every woman who comes to your profile. Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 Nine times out of ten, I would just let it go and not pursue. With that being said, I will send a second message to them if I am really interested in them. Something along the lines of "if I sent you a second message, you'd call me pleasantly persistent, right? ;)". It's a harmless short in the dark but it's OLD and I've managed to land a few dates with that second message. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted January 11, 2020 Author Share Posted January 11, 2020 2 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: As a woman who online dates and has done this, I will say it was because my interest wasn’t high enough and the conversation not doing it for me. So I just let the convo die out. More often than not, I do get a follow up message along the lines of how are you or are you still there? I have responded to that just to be kind, but the interest just isn’t there. If you're not interested why not just close out the match? On Eharmony it even has a little tab with some prefilled reasons why you're not interested. If she found my profile and initial message interesting enough to respond with a semi long answer, why wouldn't she find my follow up message interesting enough to at least send something? It wasn't much of a conversation with just 3 messages (2 from me). Definitely not enough to get to know someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted January 11, 2020 Author Share Posted January 11, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, OatsAndHall said: Nine times out of ten, I would just let it go and not pursue. With that being said, I will send a second message to them if I am really interested in them. Something along the lines of "if I sent you a second message, you'd call me pleasantly persistent, right? ;)". It's a harmless short in the dark but it's OLD and I've managed to land a few dates with that second message. That's what I'm thinking. If it was someone I had very little interest in I'd probably ignore it, but with her I think it's worth a shot in the dark message. If she wants me to stop messaging she can always close me out. Edited January 11, 2020 by max3732 Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 @max3732 It's OLD so it's not going to hurt anything. Honestly, I fire off quite a few second messages to women who don't respond to the first via OLD. It can't hurt anything and it's certainly worth it if they spark my interest. Be prepared though; I've gotten some rather nasty responses from women to the line I posted above. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 (edited) Well as a woman online dating in a moderate sized city, you get an endless amount of messages. It’s impractical to tell every guy who messages you’re not interested, insofar you’d even want to do that. Standards, options, tastes change so why would you close the door to that by saying you’re not interested at all? She was moderately interested at least in chatting if she responded at all, but not sufficiently interested enough to keep the conversation going or wait for you to close. Maybe another person got her attention more or maybe the conversation was a bit dry. In most cases, it has been the latter for me. Never underestimate the texting skills when you’re trying to close an online date. Banter, humor, wit is going to keep someone’s attention more than just a dry. “So where do you like to ski?” When a person has a lot of options, which this attractive woman on OLD has, you have to set yourself apart. Edited January 11, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 Waste of time. She's not interested. Better to spend your energy on sending out messages to other women and see what sticks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 With that being said, you don’t have much to lose by shooting a follow up message... I recently was talking to this guy on OkCupid and it worked on me, at least. Here are the messages to illustrate my point : Him: In your defense - narwhals are some cartoony-ass animals me: Haha, I know, right. They’re unicorns that swim and look like 70s sci fi book spaceships. How did I not know this was a thing? Where’d you move from? Him: Chicago - been here a little over six months. How long have you been in Indy? Okay so here I was already starting to get bored and distracted. Me: Cool. Back for 2 years. Grew up here tho Him:Nice! Where were you at in-between? Any specific reason for moving back? By now he had completely lost me and I was talking to other people. Three days later he writes: Him: How’s your week been? I was less distracted at this point so we started talking again. He’s actually pretty cool and we might be going out Tues night. Its a rough world out there on OLD. Cruel and unforgiving. Be safe. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Interstellar Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 (edited) Or she found someone she has higher interest in. Let’s say her interest in yours is 55% but on another profile she saw she has 65% So the 65 beat your 55, but if that doesn’t work out she’ll call you in maybe two or three weeks. You’re her second choice, boink....but you don’t know that. Go slowly and protect your heart. This is war my friend. Edited January 12, 2020 by Interstellar 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CLS63AMG Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 Leave it alone and message other women, 9 times out of ten one day you'll be blocked by her but there is the slim chance she responds when the others guys she's chatting with don't work out. On another note: Is eharmony still 90% long dead profiles they present as active? It was the last time I used it, has to be the worst dating site out there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted January 12, 2020 Author Share Posted January 12, 2020 5 minutes ago, CLS63AMG said: Leave it alone and message other women, 9 times out of ten one day you'll be blocked by her but there is the slim chance she responds when the others guys she's chatting with don't work out. On another note: Is eharmony still 90% long dead profiles they present as active? It was the last time I used it, has to be the worst dating site out there. My friend is on eharmony and suggested I sign up, which I did about a month ago. I think it is mostly long dead profiles. That's why I was so excited to start chatting with someone that looked good for me. I had an account years ago and was hoping for a lot of new activity, but no luck. I sent her another message and she read it, but no response yet. In the meantime I've been chatting with 2 women on match. With them it has been back and forth rapid fire messages. Link to post Share on other sites
Daisydooks Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 7 hours ago, max3732 said: My message was sent about a week ago and I don't know what to do now. She's extremely attractive and her profile shows some of the attributes I'd like to find in a match. Plus she responded and liked my profile so she has to have an interest in me, right? Do I ask another question about our messages (she mentioned she got into a different sport in college so I could ask about that) or send something like "Hope I didn't stump you with that" or "I won't hold it against you if you haven't explored those resorts". Or maybe something like "did your cat get your tongue"? I don't know what to do I found a different man in cases like this. I have spoken to more men online than I ever met or had the desire to meet. It wasnt that there was no interest initially, but it didnt go anywhere or I had continued conversations elsewhere that lead to a date. If she is extremely attractive, she is getting multiple messages a day from men. OR the response given was simply boring and she didnt like it and maybe didnt feel anytning? Seeing it from a mans perspective is interesting. I know I engaged in conversations with men, then didn't continue the convo because I just wasnt into it. I didnt feel the need to say that after one convo where I disappeared immediately. At this point she may feel a week goes by and her point is made she is not interested as she hasnt responded. There is no reason to message every guy she didnt engage with and say "sorry, I'm not interested." I know I didnt. OLD for me was overwhelming. Tons of "interest" albeit not all serious. I definitely jumped around in my message box A LOT. What may have seemed like a sure connection to a man wasnt necessarily to me in some cases. Sometimes I'd engage again if something else didnt pan out. A woman interested in meeting you wouldnt go a week without chatting in most cases. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Daisydooks Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 3 hours ago, max3732 said: If you're not interested why not just close out the match? Maybe to keep you on the backburner for now until she figures out if #1 guy is worth it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
rjc149 Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 For your own dignity's sake, do not send another message. She won't respond to it. Trust me. On OLD, women are *deluged* with messages from men. I believe that women's physical standards for men have increased these days because they are just bombarded with messages on their Tinder profiles, and it grossly inflates their perception of their own dating market value. Even plain women have their pick of online suitors. If she's attractive, she'll have hundreds of messages, matches, and profiles to sift through. You also have no idea what's going on with her in the background. She may be looking for a rebound, and the ex came back. She may looking to get even with her boyfriend, and they reconciled. She may just be looking for validation, bantered with you with zero intention of meeting you or anyone, and moved on to the next drooling chump. She may have been in conversations with several other men (highly likely if she's attractive) and one of those guys edged you out. You have no idea, and you have no reason to speculate. Message more women. If a woman on OLD isn't carrying a conversation, move on to the next tone. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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