12 Days NC and feeling down

[Dragi1016]

Its been 12 days NC with my ex Fiance since she left me. I can go hours were I feel good but then bam it hits me like a truck that shes gone and more then likely not coming back. I'll then sit there glued to the chair just staring for hours lost of all energy. It really sucks then I'll feel better. But I've also been dreaming about her almost everyday and I wake up feeling like we just broke up all over again. How can I overcome this ? Also even though I know we most likely wont get back together and I know deep down we shouldn't I still left wondering if she forgot about me or dosen't care ? I have never gone this long not talking to her in 8 years we were together. 

[schlumpy]

You get over it by enduring it. You immerse yourself in routine as much as possible so you don't have any idle minutes to let the mind wander. Stay away from places that remind you of your ex. Move the furniture around to give yourself a different perspective. Put away all memorabilia and any presents that she gave you. Secure support from family and friends. 

[mooncake11]

I really hope you stay strong, 8 years is a long time  I guess its all apart of the process...

[scooby-philly]

• Get rid of all mementos from your time together. And also - clean social media and delete digital pics. including the ones you might have saved or Google or Apple automatically saved in the cloud for you
• Stay busy.
• Dive into new or hold hobbies
• Learn
• Work harder or extra hours. If you're salary - work harder to do a better job or to learn something new

 

BUT.....DO NOT RUN FROM THE FEELINGS.

 

Especially as a man - embrace the feelings. Anger, hatred, loneliness, sadness, depression, grief, betrayal, confusion, hurt, pain, sorrow, etc. Take them all in. Only push aside if you absoultely have to for something like a meeting at work. Otherwise, let them come. Let the bathroom at work, your bathtub, your bed, become your new best friends. Cry. Scream. Go on a hike and in the middle of the woods scream, cry, chop down a tree. Let it all out. And then move on. And when the emotions come back, do it all again.

 

Do not break NO CONTACT. You didn't describe your relationship or the reason(s) for the breakup. However, as the dumpee - it doesn't matter. Your self-worth - even if things were 98% you fault - and your growth, your healing, your mental and emotional stability - depend on a clean, fresh slate. If she comes back you better have a very good, clear, and in-depth discussion. If you both chose to resume things you put in plan a detailed, exhausting, and SMART Goal based plan which puts accountability on you both. But don't even let your mind dwell on the 'what-ifs' or dreaming of reuniting. Use the time to think of a future FOR YOU AND YOU ONLY.

[Dragi1016]

Thank You these words help me more then you know

[Late Nights]

I was in your situation 3 years ago and it was the worst pain/feeling ever.  Like everyone else says you will very over it embrace the pain. 

What will help is to get rid of everything that reminds you of her. Block all social media and where ever you will see her. 

Next what helped me out also is that I rearranged my house a tiny but to have change.  

[Ruby Slippers]

I just broke up with someone myself. I know it hurts.

Everything begins in your mind, so focus your thoughts elsewhere. Sure, cry and let it all out when you need to. Then focus your thoughts on something better - everything you want in your present and future, the many blessings you have.

As some wise person said, "A lot of the pain that we are dealing with are really only thoughts." So think about something else as much as you can. Then time does its work as the great healer.