Hello4ren Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 Hi... I’m new to this forum. I have seen a pattern in my dating life. I have always been the OW. I am single now, have a daughter. We co-parent. growing up I would date a guy, than realize they have a gf and than I would walk away, never saw the need to stick around and “fight” for whatever. Recently I got involved with a guy I thought was mine. Turns out he is a married father of 4, he lied to me. And he was dating another woman too (to her he was a single guy with no kids). I’m getting over things now, however I am trying to find a way to not make myself end up in similar situations again. i want my own relationship with someone that is committed to me alone. anyone with a similar experience? Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 What type of relationship are you looking for? Long term (LT) with the option to marry? Friends with Benefits (FWB.) Casual dating for fun? Where are you meeting these men? Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 6 hours ago, Hello4ren said: i want my own relationship with someone that is committed to me alone. I have a female friend who dated a guy that had a fiancé, and she thought they were exclusive and serious. The way she found out was that a friend of her's called and told her to look at his FB page. What she found were wedding photos of the happy couple. She was flabbergasted––must've been the shock of a lifetime. I'm not sure how guys pull this stuff off so easily. For starters, I suspect they are big talkers (and compulsive liars) and do the love bombing routine, which may also be called heavy pursuit. They have to keep you isolated too –– if you aren't meeting his friends and family or going out in public, something's up. If you haven't been to his house... if his stories are either too vague or too detailed... if he's unavailable a significant part of the time... if notifications for your texts are turned off... if he never leaves his phone lying around unattended. There are a huge number of clues, and if several exist concurrently, you need to dig deeper. But the bottom line is that it takes a certain type of personality to run these scams, and you need to learn how to see that. They're going to be fakers and fundamentally disingenuous types. There are background check websites that may be of some help. It's sad that you'll have to become suspicious of everyone rather than dating easily and comfortably, but if this has been a pattern you have to understand that your picker isn't working well, and diligence is how you will need to compensate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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