Jally Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 My husband and I have had a tumultuous marriage; much of it stems from his own lack of self esteem and issues not dealt with. Short version: last weekend he lost his temper and hurt me. He was as shocked as I was and immediately left. We’re now separated, as much his decision as mine. It’s new and raw so I’m just looking for any support in any form. So many questions and feelings happening and I don’t know where to begin. Some basic info about me: I’m 41, registered nurse working full time, I have 3 biological children still at home, one adopted adult child, and a stepchild from my current husband. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 As someone who's been divorced, my best advice is to take one day at a time. I can't take credit for it though, the advice came from our MC as a tool to help me to process out feeling overwhelmed on a daily basis. Since you have a family to consider, and are separated physically it appears, I'd suggest, even if divorce isn't on the menu today, you get help with the legal parts of the situation. Make sure you're aware of the realities where you live and then can make informed choices. Where I live it's generally free to interview a divorce attorney. No obligation. You can learn a lot. Concurrently, since your H hurt you and you and he will continue to co-parent regardless of marital result, I'd suggest offering the idea of counseling and/or mediation to him. If you/he can remain amicable, the worst result is the marriage will end and you'll continue to co-parent your children and move on in life. That's no a bad thing. Drama, rancor, contested divorces can make for a real mess of life and bankrupt people. You're at the beginning right now. Choices you make today start the ball rolling. It can roll in any numbr of directions and the farther it rolls the more difficult to re-direct. Think it through. Good luck and welcome to LS! Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 Welcome to LS, and sorry to hear of your circumstances. Is your husband willing to go to counseling with you? And also separately to deal with his anger? Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 Was this physical assault the end result of escalating threatening behavior? How long has it been going on? Does he do it in front of the children? Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 i'm sorry about what you are going though. We are here to help with anything you may need to know about, and there is always someone to listen. I'm also newly out of a long relationship (20 yrs together, 18 married) I also have kids with a semi-hostel environment. More emotional/story than physical... but it still hurts, and has effected my kids. It will eventually get better, and less raw. With that said... you do need to consider the legal side of things now. In all honesty, I think figuring out how to deal with the kids, and all of our "Stuff" was harder than the actual divorce. I'm not someone to tell people to go to a lawyer... but since you have a mix of kids, with the adoption... that is a part I have no idea how it would be handled. Counseling is good, as long as both parties decide on it. With me... I was accused of not wanting to go, but by the time I actually got the ex to agree... she was just angry, and had no real interest in it. Just try to find something that can help you be calm, and if you have an emotional upwelling... just let it out. There is a lot to process for the amount of time you were together. Link to post Share on other sites
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