Preciousredd Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 I believe that a fwb should be with someone you wouldn't want to be with on a serious level. I have been having sex with a guy I work with (different shift) for almost a year. The sex is amazing but he is an a**h*** of a person, but I admit it turns me on. I am what I consider to a beautiful woman. Throughout my dating /relationship life I have always been involved with guys who are possessive or clingy or want to be serious right away...... Him on the other hand is the opposite way. We talked about what we wanted. He just got out of a marriage.... I just got out of a relationship that I was involved in for almost 14 years. So no strings just sex. I work in a place where there are majority men and very few women. There are a lot of crazy rumors about me at the job that aren't true.... Guys gossip much more than women and I believe he believes the things that he hears and feel he is treating me different as if I'm a whore. I will text him to meet up, he won't respond. But if I don't respond when he reaches out to me. He is upset and kind of aggressive. I am more turned on by him than I have ever been by a man sexually, why I don't know but I have been feeling weird about continuing the fwb thing because I feel like it's one sided. He doesn't perform oral sex on me because he says he doesn't trust me but we have unprotected sex and he has been in every hole in my body. I don't have to receive oral sex but I want it every now and again. We only have sex about two/ three times a month and that's not enough but I don't want a new partner. I don't know whether I should continue with him or cut it off. Thoughts Link to post Share on other sites
enchanted771 Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 Been there. Done that. If your not happy, I would run Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 Yeah, you should cut it off. It's one sided. But you are addicted to the sex. What do you want to do? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PinkFlamingo Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 I complain about guys wanting sex too fast, but at least they do seem eager to please and they do look for mutual pleasure, even the dominant ones. I'm not sure if an a**h*** who is good at sex and thinks you are a w*** is worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 He doesn't respect you for more than a FWB 3 times a month. Girl run! He is not going to move you to girlfriend status so protect your heart and get out now. Link to post Share on other sites
Piddy Posted January 14, 2020 Share Posted January 14, 2020 (edited) Telling sign. It's amazing sex for you, but in the words of Larry David it's just 'eh' for him. If the sex is that good why isn't he having sex two or three times a week with you instead of a month? And you do anal! 🙂 Look elsewhere for someone who will appreciate what you're bringing to the bedroom or where ever you do it.😉 Edited January 14, 2020 by Piddy 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Preciousredd Posted January 14, 2020 Author Share Posted January 14, 2020 Yea, I agree. It is very one sided. I wouldn't say I'm addicted to sex with him... Just didn't want to be with a new partner. (Body count management) I honestly don't know why I'm still involved I guess I was just doing some ish to be doing it. Sex is a great sex reliever for me but the feeling I get after being with him isn't worth it. @Piddy thanks. Your response has helped me tremendously 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Piddy Posted January 14, 2020 Share Posted January 14, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, Preciousredd said: Yea, I agree. It is very one sided. I wouldn't say I'm addicted to sex with him... Just didn't want to be with a new partner. (Body count management) I honestly don't know why I'm still involved I guess I was just doing some ish to be doing it. Sex is a great sex reliever for me but the feeling I get after being with him isn't worth it. @Piddy thanks. Your response has helped me tremendously Don't worry about your body count, that's your business. You should be able to bang as many guys as you want to and it's nobody's business. You deserve to be treated better than he's treating you regardless if it's just a sexual relationship. I'd love to have had a woman like you back in my day. I was more into relationship sex and their was no FWB back then. I guess I was born a little to soon. 🙁 Oh, and he doesn't go down on you and you give him anal! No way! Give him the boot! Edited January 14, 2020 by Piddy Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 He says he doesn’t trust you but he has s*x with you? Walk away from this creep. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 (edited) On 1/13/2020 at 1:39 PM, PinkFlamingo said: I complain about guys wanting sex too fast, but at least they do seem eager to please and they do look for mutual pleasure, even the dominant ones. I'm not sure if an a**h*** who is good at sex and thinks you are a w*** is worth it. She said him being an a**h*** turns her on so she's perfectly happy with it. Edited January 19, 2020 by stillafool 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 On 1/13/2020 at 7:37 PM, Piddy said: Telling sign. It's amazing sex for you, but in the words of Larry David it's just 'eh' for him. If the sex is that good why isn't he having sex two or three times a week with you instead of a month? And you do anal! 🙂 Look elsewhere for someone who will appreciate what you're bringing to the bedroom or where ever you do it.😉 Just because the sex is mind blowing for her doesn't mean it is for him. He probably has more than one FWB and may enjoy sex better with one of them. She needs to get an additional FWB or a new one. Link to post Share on other sites
Piddy Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 7 minutes ago, stillafool said: Just because the sex is mind blowing for her doesn't mean it is for him. He probably has more than one FWB and may enjoy sex better with one of them. She needs to get an additional FWB or a new one. Not up on the FWB rules. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 (edited) Seems to me. men in FWB "relationships" tend to like to be in control and call the shots. He calls her, she doesn't get to call him. He wants her to be exclusive whilst he gets to play the field. These men place FWB women in the FWB box and that can mean treating her like a wh*re, an exclusive free escort basically. It rarely works out well for women as the whole premise is free and NSA sex for men on tap. Women try to be cool with it, but it is not usually designed for woman and she ends up feeling used. And then there is the "feels", she gets the feels, he has no intentions of turning a fwb into a gf, that just doesn''t work... Edited January 19, 2020 by elaine567 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 3 minutes ago, Piddy said: Not up on the FWB rules. FWB - Friends with benefits Rules - Contact when you want to have sex. Don't get attached. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 1 minute ago, elaine567 said: Women try to be cool with it, but it is not usually designed for woman and she ends up feeling used. Yes there are women who are trying to be cool by accepting this sort of set up with a guy thinking they can sex him into a relationship with them. It never works because guys don't view FWB women as relationship material. But some women want them so badly that anything is better than nothing. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 It's an epidemic ^ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 OP, you realize you are likely one of many, right? Just saying. Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Tantrum Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 Self-respect management is just as important as body-count management. Keeping your notch count low does nothing if you destroy your self-respect and self-esteem by clinging to a sexual relationship that is not healthy for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PinkFlamingo Posted January 21, 2020 Share Posted January 21, 2020 On 1/19/2020 at 7:45 PM, stillafool said: She said him being an a**h*** turns her on so she's perfectly happy with it. The OP said this: "He doesn't perform oral sex on me because he says he doesn't trust me but we have unprotected sex and he has been in every hole in my body. I don't have to receive oral sex but I want it every now and again. We only have sex about two/ three times a month and that's not enough but I don't want a new partner. I don't know whether I should continue with him or cut it off. Thoughts" So she is not perfectly happy with him being selfish. That's why she is also not sure if she should continue or not. Maybe his a**h***-sexy attractiveness has reached its turning point... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 21, 2020 Share Posted January 21, 2020 You say you are a beautiful woman so why are you making do with some separated guy who only calls you up 2-3x a month for sex. No wonder you have a reputation at work... you are giving it away for nothing. Yes he may be seeing other women, but he may just be at his limit 2-3 a month... Whatever it is it is not a great situation for you, so get rid. I am sure there are better choices for a FWB, if that is what you want. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 21, 2020 Share Posted January 21, 2020 On 1/12/2020 at 9:27 AM, Preciousredd said: I am what I consider to a beautiful woman. I believe he believes the things that he hears and feel he is treating me different as if I'm a whore. I will text him to meet up, he won't respond. But if I don't respond when he reaches out to me. He is upset and kind of aggressive. I am more turned on by him than I have ever been by a man sexually, why I don't know but I have been feeling weird about continuing the fwb thing because I feel like it's one sided. He doesn't perform oral sex on me because he says he doesn't trust me but we have unprotected sex and he has been in every hole in my body. I don't have to receive oral sex but I want it every now and again. We only have sex about two/ three times a month and that's not enough but I don't want a new partner. I don't know whether I should continue with him or cut it off. Thoughts You have been conditioned by getting everything you ever want, socially, yet even that conditioning leans toward (the norm which is) fawning over you (and doing absolutely ANYthing to have your company, long term ). (Sexual intimacy always, uh, glazed with LONG-term thoughts and desires and wishes) So in this case, his seeming indifference is a new intoxication which other, less attractive women recognize and do away with (sooner). (You neither want nor need the restraint with which most men act when hoping to bed you for the long term - that's everywhere for you ) I don't know that he treats you like he would a whore... perhaps more as if you're a mare on a farm with a prized stallion. Men who won't go down on women are just... the sorts of people that women should run from, on principle alone. I 'get' some of why you're more turned-on by him sexually than by all others... because most who have been with you were simultaneously trying to avail themselves of all of your amenities, long-term, and with that comes some (holding back of the raw lust). Final thoughts are that you will do what you always do... await something better to come along, and continue to occupy yourself with this while you wait. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Preciousredd Posted January 26, 2020 Author Share Posted January 26, 2020 Thanks to all for your perspectives. I have ended the fwb situation because you were all right in one form or another. I had to realize that although it was intriguing for a time ultimately it was just unhealthy. I guess I felt as if it was a challenge for me in a way. I can't use meaningless sex as a drug 4 Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted January 29, 2020 Share Posted January 29, 2020 Glad you dropped him. Don't date at work. It is not good for you / your reputation. Be picky - FWB or relationship. You can be. Don't put up with selfish people. Link to post Share on other sites
Luna66star Posted March 2, 2020 Share Posted March 2, 2020 I was in a FWB with a man from work. I want to warn you. I found out he discussed our affair with other male colleagues in the office. I ended it with him as I no longer felt attracted. I wasnt aware for awhile after I dumped him that he talked about me with others. Until 2 other men at work were seemingly interested in me out of no where. They hung around outside when I left for work, or were waiting in the hall as i was coming in. Coincidence? Not likely. Be careful about FWB at work. Link to post Share on other sites
simpycurious Posted March 6, 2020 Share Posted March 6, 2020 On 3/2/2020 at 2:26 PM, Luna66star said: I was in a FWB with a man from work. I want to warn you. I found out he discussed our affair with other male colleagues in the office. I ended it with him as I no longer felt attracted. I wasnt aware for awhile after I dumped him that he talked about me with others. Until 2 other men at work were seemingly interested in me out of no where. They hung around outside when I left for work, or were waiting in the hall as i was coming in. Coincidence? Not likely. Be careful about FWB at work. They were more interested than simply taking you out dancing, don't ya think? Low class for him to talk about what went on between the two of you LOW CHARACTER DUDE Link to post Share on other sites
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