How can I improve my communication skills and self-awareness!

[Virgin26]

Hi everyone - I (Female, 31 years old) hold a senior managerial position at a large international corporation and I often get feedback about my communication skills and “executive presence”! I try to be careful of what I say, speak slowly and in a structured way, smile more often, be proactive, practice active listening, etc. but nothing seems to work. This isn’t new though, I’ve always struggled in the workplace and in-person with forming meaningful human relationships. It seems that I always manage to turn people off somehow! 

In my personal life, I’m married and have very few (but very close) friends! I often struggle to keep up with conversations with people I don’t know well and I struggle with making new friends.

This issue is seriously starting to affect my self-esteem and I’m just not sure what to do! I’ve read just about every article about communication and have asked close people to give me feedback on what I’m doing wrong. No one was able to provide any actionable feedback, and they all brush it off as “if someone doesn’t like you for who you are, it’s their loss”. 

I’m ready to do about anything to improve my communication, charisma, and executive presence skills. Any advice on how to proceed in this case when I don’t even know what I’m doing wrong? I’m getting seriously depressed and isolated because of this issue.

[alphamale]

sign up for the next Dale Carnegie course in your area

[Mr. Lucky]

1 hour ago, Virgin26 said:

It seems that I always manage to turn people off somehow! 

While introspection is often difficult, I think you’re slightly in denial. If this happens every time, you’ve gotten plenty of situational feedback to understand the problem. I’d guess it’s a combination of facial expression, body language and poor word choice.

Time to grant a close friend immunity and ask for brutally honest feedback.  They know, but have been avoiding an unpleasant conversation with you...

Mr. Lucky 
 

[schlumpy]

Look for education companies offering training in interpersonal skills. You might even consider talking to someone who teaches acting. I think Mr. Lucky is right about body posture and the words you say. Someone who teaches acting may be able to give you the feedback you are looking for. 

[d0nnivain]

There are many companies who help people with this as well as some high level coaches.    You may even get some free advice from groups like SCORE