can retail clerks 'approach' customers

[nospam99]

LOL because lots of events in my life get me to 'thinking' .... Just went out for a slice of pizza and the clerk, sexy young thing young enough to be my granddaughter, gave me her typical 'have a nice day' as I was leaving, something she didn't need to do.

I'm a 'repeat customer' in a number of 'stores' I buy stuff in, in particular semi-fast food. I'm enough of a regular that the clerks recognize me and often are very friendly ... 'Hi, how are ya', 'nice to see you again', 'have a nice day', etc, etc. Maybe a little bit more than for people they don't recognize, but basically what's expected - just being nice to the customer. I assume it's them just doing their job .... maybe that little extra for familiarity ... and I'm not about to get out of line and make it awkward to keep coming back to buy food.

I don't think it is at all what's going on in this particular situation. But I wonder .... if the circumstances, similar ages for example, were appropriate, what can a retail clerk do if they are actually interested in probing a customer for a 'would you like to date' type of question? Doesn't that hypothetical clerk have a similar restriction to what I perceive as the customer? Where, knowing nothing about the customer's personal life, they wouldn't want to risk damaging the business relationship by asking too personal a question? I don't have an answer. I assume the clerk would also be so reluctant to ask too much that it probably wouldn't happen. What do you other folks think? Is an ongoing clerk/customer relationship too 'business' to risk trying to make it 'romantic' from either direction? And, if it's not, what are the tactics that the clerk (or, less likely, the customer) can 'get away with' trying?

[mark clemson]

I get flirted with (in the sense of friendly conversation) with some frequency by female cashiers and similar. I think it's mostly that they're bored and I'm a bit of a "pleasant interlude" to chat with. They seem much more interested if I've had a haircut with the last 3-4 weeks, so I think part of it is some level of modest attraction. It never seems to mean too much, but then again I'm not single.

A few have seemed to like me more in earnest. I suspect it's because they don't or didn't have anyone else in their lives at the time. One actually started giving me hugs every time she saw me, but she got transferred to another area before I had to fight her off or anything.

Girls be fishin'...

[alphamale]

I have no comment on this issue

[PinkFlamingo]

Aren't you analyzing this dating thing a bit too much?  If people find you attractive, they flirt with you, whether they are at work or not. There are some professions where you have to be really careful, like doctors, but I think, I even had a doctor flirt with me. But usually, it was harmless enough so that it couldn't be construed into harrassment.

[preraph]

"Have a nice day" or any sort of greeting or comment when you're exiting the place is part of their job and nothing more.  I would imagine if they were interested, they would maybe ask a personal question or something like that.  But people are paid to be friendly in retail, and most of them get tired of it being taken the wrong way and people who come in leering at them.  

[Foxhall]

On 1/13/2020 at 4:43 PM, nospam99 said:

Just went out for a slice of pizza and the clerk, sexy young thing young enough to be my granddaughter, gave me her typical 'have a nice day' as I was leaving, something she didn't need to do.

its more than the pizza you would accept off her  if you got half a chance!!🤨

[vla1120]

Where I worked my second job recently, it would be frowned upon for a clerk or retail worker to approach the customer in that regard (a "fireable offense," actually.) My daughter, however, quite often has men (of all ages) giving her their business cards and asking her to give them a call. It happened when she was a convenience store clerk and it happens even more frequently now that she's a server and bartender. 

[chillii]

 

Women will try it on anywhere and in front of anyone , even around family, their husbands , anytime, l've found.

lt's not the same for them as it would be a guy if he did it . ln all the places and situations men would have to hold back and be a bit dignified  , l find women won't hesitate and a shop or somewhere would be no different usually. There's no repercussions for women it's just laughed off even if it was noticed or maybe not even suspected by others around, not sure what it is but they can get away with it and they know it.

Also, a cheeky woman for example, is much faster and better at quickly spotting and grabbing just about any opportunity in just about any situation than men , to just slip something right on in there at the tiniest of gaps in a situation , convo , anything, in my experience . l've often been just amazed at times .

Unfortunately it doen't mean the one we actually might be interested in will be this way and so bold, it's usually mainly just the really cheeky ones l find.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited January 17, 2020 by chillii

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

I believe in the idea that if you spend your money in the same places, your money becomes worth more... People will give you free s*** sometimes or you get a better deal or they just treat you better... So I typically spend all my money in the same place for this reason. Sometimes the odd cashier or waitress will get the idea in their head that I am coming so often to see them, but they never get too aggressive so i just let them think what they will.

I think what most people do not recognize is the inherent trust between an employee and a customer... Once you violate that trust, performing your professional duties in association with that individual becomes a chore... Like if you, the employee, initiate the interaction, the customer might suddenly take it to an inappropriate place, without recognizing the consequences for you. 

I used to work at a super store as a cashier before I went to school and there was this beautiful lady who would frequent our store, she would never use my till, always used a till 2-3 lanes down and would wave at me when our eyes met, every time... I think this is still appropriate, but is as far as you need to go to express interest., 

[preraph]

I guess people asking these questions have never worked retail. You said she didn't have to say have a nice day, but she very well may have been instructed to greet people coming and going. I do that and all the little stores I shop in for clothes or anything else. It doesn't mean a thing. 

[preraph]

Correction above. Should be "they do that." 

[elaine567]

All people who work with the public, need to put on this friendly "I am interested in you personally" exterior.
The only ones who can get away with being gruff or unfriendly are those at the top of the chain, but even some of those are very friendly as their business/organisation depends on good customer relations.
All those at the bottom need to be "trained" to be extra nice, their job will often depend on it.
The sexy young thing giving you your pizza slice, in fact DID need to say "Have a nice day!"

[basil67]

It also depends on the job.  I don't know if it's an Australian thing or more broad, but butchers in small business are frequently really friendly.  Ask how your day has been going, what you're doing on the weekend and perhaps a little flirting.    But them doing this doesn't mean that they are interested, it's just how butchers are.     As a bank teller, I used to have similar conversations with the regulars....especially the people who worked for businesses where transactions could take a while to complete.   Chatting with customers was one of the reasons I really enjoyed that job.

Anyway....don't view asking questions as an expression of romantic interest.   Instead, view it as human interest.

[LivingWaterPlease]

Is it possible if you come from a background where folks are not as friendly you may misinterpret someone's intent when they're just being nice; being their normal selves? 

I love people and everywhere I go I'm interested in people I meet. Today I had to drop some things off at a shop where I trade a couple of times a year as a longstanding customer. The shop owner told me he was fighting off the flu and not feeling well so may not be open normal hours. I was very concerned about him and expressed it to him, not because I have any attraction to him or interest in him (he's homely, skinny, a nervous type person, etc.), but because I empathize with someone who is sick and having to keep working.

So when I picked my things up several hours later, I brought him a ginger ale with a glass of ice that I had at home because ginger ale supposedly helps nausea. It meant nothing, other than helping another human being through their day. That's the way I treat everyone. If I can cheer their day up, I do. Will do this for old ladies, old men, young ladies, young men, anyone. 

All that to say, am sure it's been misconstrued sometimes by folks who come from a cold or disinterested culture.

Case in point, my sister is a narcissist. It's all about her all the time. Her son stayed overnight with me once and I had to take him to the airport the next day. At one point I had to pay a guy for parking and I was nice to him, just nice, not flirty. My grown nephew commented after that I was flirting with the guy! I was taken aback, it seemed such an odd comment to me. I figured because his mom is so self-absorbed that when he saw me being kind to someone he thought it was flirting.  

So, yes, I think a lot of people are just being warm and kind when they greet a stranger. It's a more pleasant way to get through the day and through life, IMO.

 

[Ellener]

3 hours ago, LivingWaterPlease said:

I think a lot of people are just being warm and kind when they greet a stranger.

I have friends who are retail clerks etc. to me, in that we get to know each other's lives and chat some. Some I give gifts to, or say a bereavement card, or a hug if I know them really well. Loads of people do, it usually doesn't mean anything in terms of a deeper or romantic relationship. I've been doing a side gig in a store and people give little things to me all the time and to the owner. People are just being kind or 'shooting the breeze' mostly. One man says 'morning gorgeous' and it's just a phrase, I've heard him say similar stuff to other women there and he also talks about his wife and family.

Rarely are such situations flirty, usually just friendly, but if it is- I would not think of it as more than that though, a passing fun moment.

When I recently got close to someone where it now seems inappropriate at the workplace our conversations etc I gave him my number and presumably he'll call if he's interested. If not, well it was just a missed connection. I would not want to bother someone at their work and I will avoid going there now.

People don't date or have a relationship to every single person where there's a mutual attraction, or we fantasize there is.

Yes, it would be inappropriate for someone to ask out a customer of their place of business in their place of business. Away from their work, as someone else said, depends on the work or workplace policies. Some people sign contracts to say they won't have relationships with coworkers or clients. Some professions it is unethical such as therapists, doctors. 

I would not think someone was interested in me whatsoever if he said 'have a nice day' in a service position, that's his job and just general politeness.

I know it seems complicated when life has so much innuendo, and it's easier for some people than others to 'read' situations.

Hope this helps.

[LuckyM]

I agree with others. Has anyone here actually picked up and dated a retail clerk when they were shopping?

(They are called associates now.)  Even if you are her age, still her job is to be friendly and she would be flattered perhaps

but taken aback by a request for dinner. She might say yes, then change her mind, or give out a wrong phone number, or get ill

when the time comes. Or I hate this: tell you to call at a particular time, then not answer.

[preraph]

I'm 67, and I can be more open and friendly with servers or the like now more than when I was younger, I think.  My favorite restaurant where I've gone now for 20 years, there's been times I got embroiled in the dramas there, with servers telling me their romantic insecurities with another server because they knew I had some rapport with him.  And one who told me her 16 year old was acting weird just out of the blue and said she thought God told her to tell me.  I asked if her daughter could be pregnant, and she was.  I had a special catering manager friend there who hugged me when I came in and often sat with me if she had a moment.  She had twins and left the position and I sent her a nice gift certificate, and I've recently been tipping extra cash tips there because two different servers told me they were leaving because they weren't getting paid timely by management for a time.  One of them was having trouble with her teen and I gave her some advice she said she was going to take about getting him into a community police or fire sponsored athletic group of some sort and maybe redirect him.  

 

One server I don't see often has told me he's bipolar and will tell me if he's depressed at the moment.  I always ask how he is feeling and tell him what a great server he is (he is).   

 

So all these servers talk to me about personal things.  And the manager comps me meals sometimes and gives me a break on the bill at others, like not charging for tea or whatever.  So these servers are doing way more than "Have a nice day," and yet I clearly know there are no sexual undertones.  Why? Because they're all 20-30 years old, FFS!!  

 

Now, I will admit that early on, I had a server I couldn't shake, and he was somewhat older, and became a real pain, but he's gone now.  Still that was him "server stalking" me, not the reverse.  Maybe like others suggested above, he wasn't used to friendly treatment, or maybe because he was friendly, he just thought maybe we were a match, though I strongly believe he already has a wife and several children, so....

Edited January 18, 2020 by preraph

[preraph]

16 minutes ago, LuckyM said:

I agree with others. Has anyone here actually picked up and dated a retail clerk when they were shopping?

(They are called associates now.)  Even if you are her age, still her job is to be friendly and she would be flattered perhaps

but taken aback by a request for dinner. She might say yes, then change her mind, or give out a wrong phone number, or get ill

when the time comes. Or I hate this: tell you to call at a particular time, then not answer.

Decades ago, I worked in record retail and it was just already a party atmosphere, I guess.  Fun job.  The last retail store I worked in was a social hub for local people interested in music, obviously, and bands.  It was way before internet, so it's one of the places you'd go to find out who was playing in the clubs and pick up a little local magazine for that or just ask the clerks.  Band guys would come in asking me if I had seen their other band mate recently and things like that.  So it was an exception to most retail jobs.  

 

I can honestly say no, I never just got picked up there.  But I did meet my crowd there (as well as at the gigs) and made friends there who I may have later dated.  But some of those were guys who worked there too.