Haru-no-yuki Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 It's been a while since I've posted on here. I hope everyone is doing well So my question to the collective is whether my colleague is into me or just using me for some sort of self validation or something else? Background: we work in the same office but not directly with each other. She's always been really friendly with me. I always felt there's been some extra (good/positive) tension between us compared to other colleagues. Over the last three months or so we've been seeing other outside of work 1-1, drinking mostly, and texting each other reasonably regularly (couple times a day more recently). Pretty benign text messages though, nothing really deep. Things came to a head recently and we started making out when we were out together. After a few drinks, it has to be said. We're both married, although hers is not a happy one (her words, she's complained a lot to me about her husband). Mine is pretty good for the most part, I don't complain to her about it. Also she was dating some other married guy fairly recently but it didn't work out and I think she was pretty cut up about it. She told me the evening we were making out that she's not interested in me in that way (I asked if she wanted to date me). However, we then started to make out again. She was pretty contradictory the whole night, telling me she was still into this other guy and couldn't date me. Kept talking about how hot this and that guy who walked by where we were was, etc. Told me as we were colleagues and married we couldn't date. Then after saying all this stuff continuing to make out with me again. Said it again, then made out with me again. Rinse and repeat for couple hours. We texted each other the morning after, again pretty benign stuff. She was pretty prompt in replying, and we already have made plans to meet up 1-1 again soon. Any insights into her thinking? On the one hand she always is keen to meet up with me 1-1 and most recently things took a more serious (physical) turn. On the other hand she has said, pretty often tbh, that I'm not her type etc etc. I'm pretty relaxed about the whole thing, and playing it pretty chill since firstly she's a colleague and secondly not sure myself how far I want to take it. Link to post Share on other sites
Legatus Posted January 14, 2020 Share Posted January 14, 2020 If she doesn't want to date you, why would you agree to see her 1 on 1 again? Clearly she's going to play you again and again but from what I can tell you're pretty aware of those games. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Haru-no-yuki Posted January 14, 2020 Author Share Posted January 14, 2020 Thanks, that's a very clear and sensible perspective. Why indeed? I don't have a good answer yet. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted January 14, 2020 Share Posted January 14, 2020 Greetings MR. Yuki. I am doing fairly well. Instead of meeting up with your colleague, try taking your wife out. Find some other activity that will strengthen your marriage and stay away from home wrecking bimbos. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Haru-no-yuki Posted January 15, 2020 Author Share Posted January 15, 2020 She's not a bimbo, actually a very lovely girl. Had lunch together and cleared things up. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted January 15, 2020 Share Posted January 15, 2020 4 hours ago, Haru-no-yuki said: She's not a bimbo, actually a very lovely girl. Had lunch together and cleared things up. A bimbo is a woman who is very attractive but is not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Haru-no-yuki Posted January 15, 2020 Author Share Posted January 15, 2020 Yeah, she's actually very clever. Anyway pointless discussion... No one answered my question but hey ho. Link to post Share on other sites
5x5 Posted January 15, 2020 Share Posted January 15, 2020 From what she has said that she isn't interested in having a significant ongoing relationship with you, yet her actions show she is willing to play with you. From what you describe I think she is likely to be willing to have sex with you and play for a bit, without wanting any significant emotional entanglement like she had with her recent boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 She's not interested, but she is using you as a distraction. Stop meeting up with her. Who cares if she likes you or not. You have a wife that you need to have a bit more respect for. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Haru-no-yuki Posted January 16, 2020 Author Share Posted January 16, 2020 Agreed, and I asked her yesterday to give me space and not message or meet me 1-1. She's respected this. As for the wife, that's a separate topic but I also agree, stop once thing before starting another thing. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 Here you have a woman that doesn't get attention from her husband, and got rejected by a married guy, so her self esteem is pretty low. She's feeding off your attention to feel desirable. Simple as that. Link to post Share on other sites
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