What's the importance of fathers?

[Emilie Jolie]

7 minutes ago, SuperHeroMan said:

I'm not thinking of fatherhood right now. I just always wonder what the importance of fathers are, and I just decided to ask now. 

Fair enough. Well, as you can tell by your thread, opinions differ :).

Some men (like mine) are good fathers, and some (like yours) are not, and there is every type of father inbetween.

Don't look at your father as the mould for all fathers. You can be a good father yourself - you have the perfect 'how not to be' model, you know not to do, and you can be a great influence on your kids' lives if you decide to have any one day

Edited May 26, 2020 by Emilie Jolie

[amaysngrace]

On 5/24/2020 at 5:42 PM, Emilie Jolie said:

 I haven't always made the best decisions in my life but I never felt judged by him

I love that, I even told my dad that just a few weeks before he passed, that I always felt loved and accepted by him and as a daughter what more could you want?  

This was after he told me he knew that I loved him.  He was about to say “the only thing I regret” but I cut him off and said what I said.  

Sometimes I wish I knew what he regretted, like I should have heard him out, but most times I don’t.   

Edited May 28, 2020 by amaysngrace

[basil67]

That is the nicest thing I've read today @amaysngrace

[amaysngrace]

On 5/26/2020 at 6:04 PM, SuperHeroMan said:

 It was a good thing she left him. 

My kids love that I left theirs.  Even my oldest son, who wasn’t his child, wanted to present him with the divorce papers.  And that child was living with my parents.  I got my oldest out of there ASAP which was about two months after we were married. 

But the day we left my two youngest (his bio children) got off the school bus and ran up the driveway cheering that we were moving today.  I rented a van and my brother helped me that day. 

They knew we were leaving him, he had no idea.  It had to be that way for everybody’s safety.  

Anyway today they’re 21 and 22 and both love that they’re free to be themselves.  If they hung around him their whole lives there’s no way they’d be who they are today.  

Sometimes the dad you have is unnecessary, detrimental even.  

Edited May 28, 2020 by amaysngrace

[Pumaza]

Fathers are same important!

First ,without the sperm...no baby can be made!

Fathers love is important and it give you also a level of security and protected.

For your further life it also do alot for you mentally emotionly and at your education.

Because if he is not there or he is a bad one(mom also), you will see it and feel it.

In things like you may have a harder time to trust man or to accept male autoritys, problem in relationships,and in some cases problem with yoir sexuality.Like feeling you have to be manly, or become lesbian because of that trauma.

Fathers bring the balance in your life.

Structure.Love, and introduce you to the male gender. Means by him you enter the world with your first view of man.

When a father is missing alot is missing.

So a dad is as important as a mom.

Specially the biological father.

And biological mother,siblings. Because with them you can relate,and that give you certain type of peace,even if its just the looks.

Look at adoption storys. Dont matter what adoption parents give the adopted child ,this kids grow up dying to know their real family and parents, rebeling ,many in rage also during puberty, some also ends up in drugs and alcohol. And wont get that peace if they dont know about their real parents.

Also you came from both parents.you need both. both are same important. its a team work.When mom tired of telling you stop, dad just say one word and you listen.

Beside in your DNA is history of your both biological parents to. If you may need blood one day, when you pragnant, etc. they need your real familys info. They go first to them. Because the blood type have to match for it to work. And the kidney to,if you may need one one day.

Much deeper level: People that never met their dad or mom, still grows up doing the same mistakes, job, hobbies, or have same passion as him many times. Hahaha. Till they meet them and will see how much they look like them without never seen eachother before. Probably cause part of both parents are in toir DNA!!!?

Often it takes the parent to tell them their life story,why he doing certain bad behaviour,so their kids would understand and change their ways.

Also when you have kids, Your father is important. Because part of him is in you and it pass to your child to.

Think of behaviour, talents, life choices, interesse, profession, certain qualitys, interest in music, etc.

How many times you hear people say their baby look just like granpa, just like dad, or bossy just like granma, stubborn like his mom.etc.

Its all connected.

Thats why people need to let kids stay in touch with the dad. even if you mad he left you. Even if its once a month. Unless the kid and you  will be in danger if you do.Because he is a childmolester,abuser or so.

This go much deeper then just what we see.

Mom is more emotionly, dad more logically and both give you and your brain and heart that support.

Mom and dad both are same important.

Without one you are like a car missing the wheels on one side.

God bless both. because being a parent is not easy.

[SuperHeroMan]

On 5/26/2020 at 2:17 AM, basil67 said:

No, women aren't born with this.  Granted, the learning comes easier to some than others...

But according to this website https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/dollars-and-sex/201401/why-do-mothers-care-more-about-their-children-fathers, it says that women are hardwired to raise children. 

[Sarah_Smiles]

My dad was the mother and father to us... he was the gentle, kind, loving, and compassionate one, the one who tried to build up your self esteem. My mom was the opposite of my dad she was very abusive and narcissistic , difficult to please.  If not for my dad I'd have very little happy childhood memories.

[Ellener]

Father's Day coming up here again, I sure would love a chat with mine, well I do talk to him out in nature sometimes, think of him as a guardian angel now. Miss you Dad.

[Miss Spider]

My father was my other parent, helped raise me to the woman I am,  and best dad in world. Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there !!! 

Edited June 19, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

One of the biggest losses I felt in my life when my dad died was the loss of unconditional love.  He always told me he was proud of me and was genuinely interested in me and what I was doing, thinking, feeling.  As others have said, I never felt judged by my father.  He also taught me the importance of a positive attitude and a strong work ethic.  None of these are unique to a father (just as easily could have been from my mom), so I don't know that this answers OP's question!  

[thefooloftheyear]

You guys are making me feel bad...I love my daughter like crazy and have made enormous sacrifices for her, but I also don't hesitate to come down on her a bit when I think she isn't doing what she should be...

I dunno...I just don't want her to make the same stupid mistakes I did....My dad didn't care one way or the other as long as we stayed out of his way...I would never do that...

Happy Fathers Day to all the dads!!

TFY

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

2 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said:

.I love my daughter like crazy and have made enormous sacrifices for her, but I also don't hesitate to come down on her a bit when I think she isn't doing what she should be...

 

What's wrong with that?  You can still be supportive while coming down on her.  I'm sure you're not calling her stupid or making her feel she's unloved because you're helping her correct her mistakes.

[carhill]

6 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said:

You guys are making me feel bad...I love my daughter like crazy and have made enormous sacrifices for her, but I also don't hesitate to come down on her a bit when I think she isn't doing what she should be...

My dad became my friend as an adult, after the tough but fair period of socializing concluded. I thanked him to his dying day for being a hard ass, even though he never ever cussed, not once. Stern language didn't need to be profane with him. The one takeaway I recall from that era was respect for elders in general, and particularly the male elders who were tasked with guiding us young bucks. Like my dad used to say, son you have a lot of freedom between the concrete walls of my rules. Yup, and it hurt when smacking into those walls!

[carhill]

Happy Father's Day to all those great dads out there. Mine's been gone 36 years now but the little things, from throwing ball in the front yard to having a burger at the bowling alley each week when he bowled league still stick with me, and hot rodding the car on the empty freeway at zero dark thirty after the games were over. Ha. Didn't know he would inspire a racer at that point. Thanks to all the dads out there.

[SuperHeroMan]

Moms get all the credit, and maybe they should – or at least most of it. When it comes to making children, they do most of the work. For the better part of a year, an expecting mother has a soccer game going on inside of her belly. It’s uncomfortable, painful, exhausting – and they don’t even let you drink while you’re going through it.

The tradeoff is something called maternal instinct – a biologically driven, internal connection that a mother has with her baby. It’s strong, it’s undeniable, and it can’t be defined or explained. Every human being who has ever lived had a belly button, which was once attached to a cord that literally linked them to their mother – the physical embodiment of the most intimate bond in the world.

Mothers are usually the nurturers and caretakers while fathers usually parented from a distance.

[OatsAndHall]

I can really only relate from my own experience as a step-father and the parenting dynamic I was in with my ex-wife.

 

My ex-wife was a good mother; she was firm with my former step-sons and focused on giving them a solid moral compass. With that being said, her more "maternal" instincts didn't really allow for some "tough love".

A few examples:

-I'm a certified swim instructor (goes along with my PE degree) but the youngest boy didn't want to learn how to swim through instruction because he was afraid of deeper water. At seven years old, he couldn't go down water slides or off of diving boards because he wouldn't go anywhere in the pool where he couldn't stand.. He was a stubborn kid and swim lessons just didn't take. So, I scooped him up, took him to the middle of the shallow end of the pool and made him doggy-paddle to the side of the pool. I stayed within arm's reach of him to keep him safe but it was basically an exercise in "not drowning". Three rounds of that, he kicked his fear of water and become a solid swimmer. Lord... She was pissed at me.

-The middle son was perfectly content sitting around the house, even in the middle of summer. My ex-wife didn't care if he got much exercise as long as he spent a few hours a day playing educational games. I wasn't having any of that; I dragged that kid's butt out of the house most of the year; electronics were banned from 9am-4pm on the weekends and in the summer (with a few exceptions) and we were out of the house doing something. We walked every where in the summers too; to the post office, grocery store, parks, swimming pools, etc..etc..  If he fought me on it, the electronics ban would be extended.

-I used to compete and do well in the Highland Games. In one event, I was competing against a bunch of guys who had never done one before and they were just learning. I won my age group handily and accepted my metal at the end of the day. But, I didn't perform well in any of the events; I threw well under my PRs in every one of them because I hadn't prepared well for those games. I knew I'd win because of the guys in my age group so I got lazy; I was focused more on winning and not self-improvement.

I kept all of my Highland Game metals in a display case in my office but I put that one in a drawer . The kids wanted to know why I didn't put that one in the case since I had accepted it at the games. I explained it to them; it would have been disrespectful towards the guys I competed against to turn down the metal but I wasn't going to display that metal because I hadn't accomplished anything by beating a bunch of guys who'd never competed and I let myself down by being lazy and not training the way I should have. My ex-wife thought I was just being a poor sportsman but I was trying to teach the kids the value of being humble while also holding myself to a higher standard.

[chillii]

On 5/30/2020 at 7:45 PM, Pumaza said:

Fathers are same important!

First ,without the sperm...no baby can be made!

Fathers love is important and it give you also a level of security and protected.

For your further life it also do alot for you mentally emotionly and at your education.

Because if he is not there or he is a bad one(mom also), you will see it and feel it.

In things like you may have a harder time to trust man or to accept male autoritys, problem in relationships,and in some cases problem with yoir sexuality.Like feeling you have to be manly, or become lesbian because of that trauma.

Fathers bring the balance in your life.

Structure.Love, and introduce you to the male gender. Means by him you enter the world with your first view of man.

When a father is missing alot is missing.

So a dad is as important as a mom.

Specially the biological father.

And biological mother,siblings. Because with them you can relate,and that give you certain type of peace,even if its just the looks.

Look at adoption storys. Dont matter what adoption parents give the adopted child ,this kids grow up dying to know their real family and parents, rebeling ,many in rage also during puberty, some also ends up in drugs and alcohol. And wont get that peace if they dont know about their real parents.

Also you came from both parents.you need both. both are same important. its a team work.When mom tired of telling you stop, dad just say one word and you listen.

Beside in your DNA is history of your both biological parents to. If you may need blood one day, when you pragnant, etc. they need your real familys info. They go first to them. Because the blood type have to match for it to work. And the kidney to,if you may need one one day.

Much deeper level: People that never met their dad or mom, still grows up doing the same mistakes, job, hobbies, or have same passion as him many times. Hahaha. Till they meet them and will see how much they look like them without never seen eachother before. Probably cause part of both parents are in toir DNA!!!?

Often it takes the parent to tell them their life story,why he doing certain bad behaviour,so their kids would understand and change their ways.

Also when you have kids, Your father is important. Because part of him is in you and it pass to your child to.

Think of behaviour, talents, life choices, interesse, profession, certain qualitys, interest in music, etc.

How many times you hear people say their baby look just like granpa, just like dad, or bossy just like granma, stubborn like his mom.etc.

Its all connected.

Thats why people need to let kids stay in touch with the dad. even if you mad he left you. Even if its once a month. Unless the kid and you  will be in danger if you do.Because he is a childmolester,abuser or so.

This go much deeper then just what we see.

Mom is more emotionly, dad more logically and both give you and your brain and heart that support.

Mom and dad both are same important.

Without one you are like a car missing the wheels on one side.

God bless both. because being a parent is not easy.

 

Exactly , but just as l'd expect not one like . l couldn't even believe the question, until l just read a bit about op , so ok , maybe he just never knew. l'm amazed at stuff l read around forums from women, people , or even hear in real life sometimes, of the often attitudes and thoughts about the father side of things . lt's just mind boggling to think there are some women that think the father has no real job or purpose , dumbfounding. Even how people will literally push some women to purposely just go and get  herself preg, with zero thought to her child not having a father, zero. So it's nice to hear some of the girls here talk about their dads and what he was to them , that's the real side of both parents , they're equal in every sense, just different and good at different things both have huge purposes , it just sometimes has to be adapted because he or she is letting the kids down or not in their lives.

You talk to women though that loved her dad, felt loved , supported, had a good relationship with him, like some of the posts here, same to a man that did with his father , and equally mother also, they're just different people. My dad , he was an incredible man and overall as l got much older l realized father too. So many things.  But l often read posts from guys , and see how lost they are , how little identity they have or how unsure of just about anything , they are , and of themselves. You can see they just don't know , and my guess would be most of them didn't have a father in their lives or else not close anyway. Both are so so important , equals , and complete the child. l got many many things from both , like one thing from mum l'll always be thankful for , was in how to spot and choose a good quality woman , a special woman, person. lt wasn't usually a teaching , like 100s of things from dad either, it was from example .  You know what a good woman or man looks like when your parents were.

 

 

 

 

Edited July 11, 2020 by chillii

[major_merrick]

Fathers are EXTREMELY important!  Their presence or absence and how they act can really determine the course of a child's life. 

I've gotten two see three fathers in action.  My own, my FIL, and my husband.  My FIL is a good father and grandfather.  Strong, caring, honest, respectful.  My husband has turned into the same kind of man, if not better.  My husband's kids are quiet, balanced, talented, and growing up pretty well.  My own father, on the other hand, was absent most of the time, and drunk and abusive.  My life was hell.  He died early, my mother died in prison, and my sister is in prison now.  My father's absence and abuse nearly destroyed my life.  I've got a decent life mostly because I determined that I had to be responsible and take care of my sister.  I also had my husband, who was my friend in those days and gave me a lot of support.   

Talk to prisoners, and the majority of them either had an absent father or an abusive father.  Talk to teen mothers and single mothers, and many of them have "daddy issues" that caused them to attach to a man they shouldn't have been with.  While mothers are nurturing and caring (mostly), fathers tend to set the "tone" of the family.  They frequently provide the moral example, the work ethic, and many other standards.  A father trains and guides his sons in practical ways, and a father (or a father-like figure) teaches sons how to become men.  A father protects his daughters and shows them what a good man looks like, which is why a girl will often choose a man who is similar to her father. 

I find it discouraging how fathers in the US are portrayed in media as being ignorant, overbearing, or some other negative stereotype.  I find it discouraging how so many men fail at their fatherly duties.  I find it unacceptable that courts see fathers as non-essential except to provide money, and pretty much push fathers to the side during custody disputes.  I find it unacceptable that our society and our families don't hold fathers accountable to do the right thing by their kids.  The absence of fathers and the irresponsibility of fathers is pretty much killing the proper idea of manhood.  It is killing the nation. 

[Haydn]

On 7/13/2020 at 4:59 AM, major_merrick said:

Fathers are EXTREMELY important!  Their presence or absence and how they act can really determine the course of a child's life. 

I've gotten two see three fathers in action.  My own, my FIL, and my husband.  My FIL is a good father and grandfather.  Strong, caring, honest, respectful.  My husband has turned into the same kind of man, if not better.  My husband's kids are quiet, balanced, talented, and growing up pretty well.  My own father, on the other hand, was absent most of the time, and drunk and abusive.  My life was hell.  He died early, my mother died in prison, and my sister is in prison now.  My father's absence and abuse nearly destroyed my life.  I've got a decent life mostly because I determined that I had to be responsible and take care of my sister.  I also had my husband, who was my friend in those days and gave me a lot of support.   

Talk to prisoners, and the majority of them either had an absent father or an abusive father.  Talk to teen mothers and single mothers, and many of them have "daddy issues" that caused them to attach to a man they shouldn't have been with.  While mothers are nurturing and caring (mostly), fathers tend to set the "tone" of the family.  They frequently provide the moral example, the work ethic, and many other standards.  A father trains and guides his sons in practical ways, and a father (or a father-like figure) teaches sons how to become men.  A father protects his daughters and shows them what a good man looks like, which is why a girl will often choose a man who is similar to her father. 

I find it discouraging how fathers in the US are portrayed in media as being ignorant, overbearing, or some other negative stereotype.  I find it discouraging how so many men fail at their fatherly duties.  I find it unacceptable that courts see fathers as non-essential except to provide money, and pretty much push fathers to the side during custody disputes.  I find it unacceptable that our society and our families don't hold fathers accountable to do the right thing by their kids.  The absence of fathers and the irresponsibility of fathers is pretty much killing the proper idea of manhood.  It is killing the nation. 

You sound like another poster, the name escapes me. 

[SuperHeroMan]

Even though fathers don't want to admit it, women are usually considered the primary caregiver of children, and are more likely to be closer to them than the father is. Women have a maternal instinct that children respond to, while fathers don't have anything like that.  Younger children respond more to the gentler female approach. 

[sothereiwas]

16 minutes ago, SuperHeroMan said:

Even though fathers don't want to admit it, women are usually considered the primary caregiver of children, and are more likely to be closer to them than the father is. Women have a maternal instinct that children respond to, while fathers don't have anything like that.  Younger children respond more to the gentler female approach. 

A lot of boys who were raised by single moms feel that way. They probably don't know any better and instead rely on flawed gender stereotypes. 

[SuperHeroMan]

On 9/23/2020 at 6:39 AM, SuperHeroMan said:

Even though fathers don't want to admit it, women are usually considered the primary caregiver of children, and are more likely to be closer to them than the father is. Women have a maternal instinct that children respond to, while fathers don't have anything like that.  Younger children respond more to the gentler female approach. 

Also, babies and mothers have a special connection. That's how they understand each other. While babies and fathers don't have a special connection, and so they don't understand each other. 

[mark clemson]

18 hours ago, SuperHeroMan said:

 babies and fathers don't have a special connection, and so they don't understand each other. 

Is there evidence for this claim, or what are you basing it on?

Maybe babies have a special connection to both their mother and father?

[SuperHeroMan]

2 hours ago, mark clemson said:

Is there evidence for this claim, or what are you basing it on?

Maybe babies have a special connection to both their mother and father?

Well that's just what I heard a lot of people say. 

[DKT3]

First let us say GOOD. A good father is as important as a good mother.  Fathers teach boys how to be men, and daughters how to receive love from men. Before anyone gets weirded out, let me explain for those not sure where this is going.

If a daughter has an absent father she will often search out unhealthy male attention or be far more accepting of poor treatment from men. I believe Fathers set thier daughters up for success or failure moreso then mothers.  

Parents have different strengths and weaknesses also different perspective on life based largely on gender alone. One parent can raise a healthy well adjusted adult,  two parents have a much better chance.  

It goes far beyond biology.  It doesn't take biology to make a man a good father.