Author SuperHeroMan Posted November 28, 2020 Author Share Posted November 28, 2020 I read somewhere that the only legit type of love that actually exists is mother-son/daughter love. Is that true at all? I actually do have a hard time believing that one to be true. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted December 1, 2020 Share Posted December 1, 2020 Plenty of mothers have struggles and challenges bonding to the kid. Let's start with depression after birth, which is shockingly more common than we imagine. It's hidden because new mothers are often so ashamed to admit they're mile-deep depressed. Lots of women find breast feeding to be terribly painful. They don't necessarily take "naturally" to it. Then add personality differences. You gotta get around some older women talking to other women--about raising difficult children. They will say, "that boy was a problem from the start." Very challenging to raise someone who is fundamentally different than you are. And then there are the conflicts with people who are similar to you! Plus, babysitting can be just exhausting and boring. My close buddy talked about coming home from work and his wife literally handing him the baby, as if to say "here. Yours!" Sure, there's lots of love. I'm not discounting that. But there's nothing magical about mothering from what I can tell. Lots of ups and downs. Lots! Link to post Share on other sites
Author SuperHeroMan Posted December 20, 2020 Author Share Posted December 20, 2020 (edited) Women carried babies in their bodies for 9 months. Anything they ate or drank they had to keep your health in mind. I heard that a crying baby can be calmed down by hearing a cd of the mother’s heartbeat. Biologically, I just don't understand the importance of fathers when it comes to raising children. We can talk all we want about co-parenting but the fact remains that human beings are carried in the womb of a mother from conception to birth. The chemical changes of pregnancy cause her body and her feelings to change -- and changes continue from conception to birth. Mothers are hard wired to provide for the newborn in a way the baby's father isn't. It is she who provides the sufficiency of breast milk, the best nutrition for a human infant. It is her heartbeat and voice to which the baby has become accustomed during gestation. So babies are born wanting and needing their mother's body for survival. Edited December 20, 2020 by SuperHeroMan Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 20, 2020 Share Posted December 20, 2020 (edited) I'm guessing that you're not a father SuperHeroMan. Also, I wasn't able to breastfeed my firstborn, and also suffered post natal depression. Meanwhile hubby bonded really well with love and bottle feeding. I find the suggestion that he was of little importance quite offensive. Edited December 20, 2020 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SuperHeroMan Posted December 20, 2020 Author Share Posted December 20, 2020 17 minutes ago, basil67 said: I'm guessing that you're not a father SuperHeroMan. Also, I wasn't able to breastfeed my firstborn, and also suffered post natal depression. Meanwhile hubby bonded really well with love and bottle feeding. I find the suggestion that he was of little importance quite offensive. No, I'm not a father. I'm just wondering what biological importance that fathers have when it comes to raising kids. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 20, 2020 Share Posted December 20, 2020 I'm guessing that you didn't have a good father? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SuperHeroMan Posted December 20, 2020 Author Share Posted December 20, 2020 (edited) 5 minutes ago, basil67 said: I'm guessing that you didn't have a good father? My father was an abusive alcoholic that my mother divorced when I was 6 years old. He died 8 years ago, and the last time I have ever seen him was when I was about 7 years old. I was about 19 years old when he died. So I never really had a father or a father-figure in my life. Edited December 20, 2020 by SuperHeroMan Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 20, 2020 Share Posted December 20, 2020 So I'm guessing you had mates who had great dads. What did their relationships look like? What did their fathers add? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SuperHeroMan Posted December 20, 2020 Author Share Posted December 20, 2020 (edited) 5 minutes ago, basil67 said: So I'm guessing you had mates who had great dads. What did their relationships look like? What did their fathers add? From what I seen, it seems that most of them had a good relationship with their father. A big thing that their fathers added for them was helping them when it came to stuff. Edited December 20, 2020 by SuperHeroMan Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 20, 2020 Share Posted December 20, 2020 (edited) And teaching them and supporting them....mentoring... And giving the rough and tumble play which mothers don't provide. Edited December 20, 2020 by basil67 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted December 25, 2020 Share Posted December 25, 2020 God, to ask what my father added to my life is like asking what did water, food and air add to my life. He affected everything. He was a human being. We all benefit with kind and attentive adult human beings in our life when growing up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Millennial Posted December 25, 2020 Share Posted December 25, 2020 (edited) It should be self-evident, but go and look up the statistics regarding the expected quality of life for kid's without. Edited December 25, 2020 by Millennial 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted December 27, 2020 Share Posted December 27, 2020 Anyone can be a great influence in your life growing up. Mother, father, grandparent, aunt, uncle, teacher, neighbor. As far as what biological importance fathers specifically have I haven't found there to be much. Anything of value a father has to offer can usually be found elsewhere. In my 37 years on earth so far I can count on one hand how many men I've met, seen or listened to that actually had something of significance to teach me. Odds are I ended up better off being raised by women and figuring out all the male stuff on my own. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sothereiwas Posted December 27, 2020 Share Posted December 27, 2020 28 minutes ago, gaius said: Odds are I ended up better off being raised by women and figuring out all the male stuff on my own. Science says not in general but applying statistics to individuals is a misuse of the science. Link to post Share on other sites
Millennial Posted December 27, 2020 Share Posted December 27, 2020 2 hours ago, gaius said: Anyone can be a great influence in your life growing up. Mother, father, grandparent, aunt, uncle, teacher, neighbor. As far as what biological importance fathers specifically have I haven't found there to be much. Anything of value a father has to offer can usually be found elsewhere. In my 37 years on earth so far I can count on one hand how many men I've met, seen or listened to that actually had something of significance to teach me. Odds are I ended up better off being raised by women and figuring out all the male stuff on my own. I walked all over my mum, quite frankly. There was no way she was going to stop me doing something, if I wanted to. Not in body or spirit. The stats are clear on the benefit of fathers (or more so, both parents) and quality of life. Simply cannot understand only learning from 5 men in your life. I've learnt from 5 men in the last few months. You've also went from "anyone can have something to teach"...to..."only learnt anything of significance from a handful of men" which doesn't exactly seem intellectually consistent. Seriously think there are a fair few difficult skills which you have zero chance of learning with that attitude. Literally no chance. Link to post Share on other sites
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