My Closure

[chocolate_boy]

Anyone that has followed me threads will know I've been through a bumpy ride the last few weeks, I was picked up and dropped 3 times by my girl of 8 months. She is ignoring my calls and txts, so today i decided to send an email and say everything I wanted to.... I feel a thousand times better now....

 

If you have time, read it through and give me your opinion.... I have deleted her name and other people's for obvious reasons:

 

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Dear ****,

 

I hope you are well, and I hope you will read this email, before you get upset, I’m not going to be nasty or blame you for anything, or try and persuade you to come back to me. I do want to move on too, but as you will have noticed from the texts I sent you, I am having a hard time understanding, and feel like I need to get some things out of me and hopefully it will help us both learn where we made mistakes and what inevitably caused the breakdown of our relationship. I don’t want a reply to this, just for you please read it.

 

I’ve had a lot of people tell me just to forget about you, that the way you are acting towards me now shows you no longer care about me or my feelings, and while I did think that initially, I think back to how you were on holiday, when you were confused and upset and treated me coldly, only because you didn’t know how else to act… I feel like you’re just trying to move on with your life, and I respect that you have your way of doing that. But I think you must see deep down how much you have really hurt me. You’re not a bad person for that, you just followed your feelings, and no one can blame you for that, and you know, a couple of years ago I’d have just ignored you and got with someone else, but that is just letting pride and ego get in the way of feelings, and it’s not healthy or mature.

 

Seriously everyone, friends and family have told me not to contact you again, that I’ll only make things worse and that you don’t care and I just look stupid.. I even think back to when *EX BOYFRIEND NAME DELETED* used to send you all those emails and txts and it looked pathetic, but you know I’m not like that, I’m not going to plead for you cos that will do no good. I am man enough to admit that I made mistakes though, and that is what I want you to see.

 

Remember the day I went to the pier on my own 2 weeks ago? I spent a day thinking about everything, and the main thought that really hit me is…

 

”think ahead in one year, will I regret not trying to do anything more to make this work instead of walking away?”.

 

I’ve also been through a huge emotional rollercoaster over the last three weeks. I was at first too proud to admit defeat, I felt bitterly rejected by someone that I had given my heart too, and that made me angry, it made me cry, it made me sad, frustrated.. any emotion you could think of, I felt over the last few weeks.

 

I admit, walking away and never talking to you again (as I have always done in the past) seems so much more dignified than talking to you when you’re currently ignoring me and treating me like you couldn’t care less about me.. but I realised that day at the pier I truly do love you, and I have also been to blame for this situation so I should try to make things right, whatever right may be… I just wanted to reassure you that I genuinely do care about you, more than you’ll probably ever know.

 

 

 

I know I got all defensive and off with you when you wanted to talk, and I said I didn’t need explanations or anything, but once again that was just pride talking, and it was just me being frightened… I couldn’t face getting in bed that night knowing that in a few hours the person I love with all my heart will be sat opposite me, listing reasons why she doesn’t like me and wants me out of her life… so rather than face it, I ran away.

 

However, we do deal with things very differently, and I do know that I’d never do to you what you are doing to me at the moment.. and I know you don’t want to hurt me… I remember how bad you felt that you had hurt your ex, and how reassuring you were and how you talked about things with him… I know the situation with him was different, but now being so off with me could make me feel used and insignificant and less of a person. I’m not weak, I know I’m not that, but it hurts that you might have that opinion of me. I think in reality though you’re just confused and don’t know how to deal with this… maybe it has hurt you more than you are letting on. But it just makes me crazy wondering what I did that was so wrong that makes you come across almost like you hate me now.

 

I really hope that you don’t ever get in a bad relationship, but if you do I think it will make you see how good ours was. Even though we were only in each other’s lives for a short time, I have some of the happiest and most loving memories of my life with you.. But ****, I think you’re age was probably a big factor in this, I remember what it was like to be 20… you think that every relationship automatically means you fall in love.. and hey if one didn’t work out, the next one will fall in love and it’ll be better or the same… It’s not like that, you can’t force it.

 

You were the first person I opened my heart to in over two years, only because when I met you, I felt some form of instant connection with you, you seemed like a genuinely nice, caring person…. Now I do see you have a darker side, but I think that stems out of fear and confusion, and you shouldn’t run from it…. I have been severely hurt by people that were meant to love me in the past, thrown on the scrap-heap when I’ve given my heart to them, but that’s life.. but 2 years ago I swore it’d be a cold day in hell before I let it happen again, and next time I fall in love with someone I need to be sure they are trust worthy and do love me… and you seemed to have all the things I was looking for.. I trusted you…

 

I do admit I felt really scared.. the first night we told each other we were in love.. I felt so sick for a few days, cos I was terrified.. I didn’t feel I could tell you that, but I just thought through it, I knew I loved you, but I also saw your flaws… You’re not perfect, no one is. You admitted to me you get bored of relationships after 6 months, which set alarm bells off, hence the whole joking about September being the end all along… I think that often stopped me being totally open with you. I saw what put you off *EX BOYFRIEND NAME DELETED*, his neediness and coming across as weak, and thought I’d be damn sure I didn’t seem the same.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I know you got the impression that I was sometimes selfish and insensitive, but that was just a barrier I put up to stop myself appearing weak to you. I thought that if I sort of played it a bit tough occasionally and stubborn you wouldn’t see me as weak like you did *EX BOYFRIEND NAME DELETED*, and then would never get bored of me and leave me… it was all out of insecurity really. However, I do now see that was such a mistake, that there’s certain things that people like and dislike, and each person is different, but it also depends on the person who is doing them. So even if I (as I tried to do) did the complete opposite to *EX BOYFRIEND NAME DELETED*, it doesn’t guarantee anything. Thing is, you have seen the real me lots, and I do have a lovely personality, and I am very sensitive and caring, and I know know that if you fall in love with someone, don’t ever be afraid to show it, and I never will make that mistake with anyone again. I feel embarrassed for telling you though.

 

I did realise all of this in last week, which is why I so wanted a second chance, just to show you how much I loved you and truly commit too you… Even stuff like you getting the impression that I’d move away and drop you in a second if a job came up. I know I gave you that impression, but only because I felt like I had to, I was convinced that you were going to leave leeds after uni and I’d be left behind, and I thought unless I also seem like I am like that, then you’ll see me as weak and want to leave me (again I was trying to be the opposite of what I saw turned you off about your ex’s). When the truth was, you were the number one in my life ****, I did tell you, maybe you forgot, but you were one of the most important things in my life, as important to me as my career and family… and I couldn’t choose between them, or you, I loved you.

 

As to the relationship itself, yes I admit we did go through a few bad weeks, and I do know exactly why. As I have told you, we took it for granted, you were working a lot and were tired, I wasn’t showing as much interest as I’ll be honest, I felt like I was second best a lot of the time, and I just didn’t want to appear needy (and turn you off).

But ****… we did have a really good, happy, solid relationship, yeah we bickered a fair bit over those few weeks when things got stressful, but relationships are about that.

 

If you’re looking for the perfect relationship, one that comes easy and doesn’t involve disagreements, sorry to say it, but that will never happen, and its often said that the more you bicker and argue with someone, the more love you have for them, cos if you didn’t care, you wouldn’t bother talking about things.

 

And isn’t a relationship also about bad times, and overcoming them just as much as the good times? And coming out the other side of it stronger. No relationship be it with a boyfriend, or even family is free from problem, but the way that is worked is by sticking together and working it out. And once anger and pride have got out of the way, if you really love someone you will always be there for them no matter what, which is how I feel about you. If I’m honest, you have probably hurt me and made me feel more rejected than I ever have, but I’d be there for you in a second if you needed me, and I may sound weak and pathetic for saying that, but I’m a good man ****, and one who has a lot of feelings for you, and should you ever find someone like me again, please don’t make the same mistakes that we have.

 

We had our problems ****, but love isn’t always safe or dependable, it can be a rollercoaster, don’t be frightened of it though, respect it, step back and look at it, and you can make things work. There’s always a way… I know you told me that you fear getting close to people, I think emotionally you and I are very similar, but it does you no favours. Learn from my mistakes.

 

I do hope you feel ok, I know that if you truly do love me, or at the very least, care a lot for me, you will have also felt similar to how I have felt. Saddened that something that was so precious and special has ended in such a bitter and sour way, I never wanted us to part on bad terms, and it’s tore me up like I can’t describe. That’s why I so wish I had not agreed to get back with you only for you to end it again like this, as it would have been a very mature and respectful ending with minimal pain.

 

As I said ****, the purpose of this email is not to make you feel bad, or to get you back in my life. You must have done so much thinking over the last few weeks, and for what you did, you have your reasons, but please do learn from what has happened, and don’t make the same mistakes, or you’ll end up having these 6 month relationships all your life, and breaking people’s hearts as you going along, and that’s a cruel thing to do. I know you are a nice person, and caring, but always show it, don’t be cold and insensitive, that doesn’t suit you, and I know that’s not the real you…. To be honest I think I probably know you a lot better than you ever knew, I do see a lot of myself in you.

 

I realise that contacting you only drives you further away from me, so this will be the last time I do, I mean it this time, as soon as this is sent, I am going to delete your phone number and email address, all your texts, and get back on with my life, concentrate on my career and eventually start dating other people etc. when I feel ready. I won’t pine for you any longer and have regrets from the past. I do still miss you, but you were such a major part of my life, that I probably always will.

 

But I feel happier now than I have in the last three weeks, I feel at peace, like I have at least told you how I feel and can now let go of all of this and you.

 

Don’t feel like you have to do anything to this, I’m not even expecting a reply.

 

And please remember everything I told you, cos it will all make sense one day. I know I’m a sentimental old fool, but I did cherish you and respect you so much, and I hope one day you do find someone else that does as much as I did, and I’m sure you will, just please recognise it and don’t block them out of your life.

 

I wish you all the happiness in the world, you’re an amazing person, keep the love beads too, if you ever need them, you’ll know that at one time in your life, someone loved you so much as to give you that gift.

 

I hope you get everything you want and your dreams come true too, never give up on them.

 

Sorry to say this, but I do have to tell you, I love you.

 

Farewell

x

[ReluctantRomeo]

Have you sent her this yet?

[westernxer]

Given her age, I doubt she's ever read this much in her life.

[slubberdegullion]

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, chocolate_boy, but there's no way that she's going to get through all that.

 

If you haven't sent it yet, good. Don't. There's no point in sending it. "Closure" is a myth. Moving on is the best way to manage your feelings.

 

If you have sent it, take it as a lesson learned and nothing more.

 

If you haven't, but you absolutely, positively MUST send it, distill it down to no more than 5 sentences. Message me privately if you want help with that (I'm a writer/editor, so we can work on this together if you must).

[ReluctantRomeo]

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, chocolate_boy, but there's no way that she's going to get through all that.

 

That's probably for the best, given the way it ends...

[chocolate_boy]

Yeah i already sent it,

 

But to be honest it was just a release, we've been broken up about a week and a half now, and not spoken about why at all. Her last words to me were "I love you" kissed me, and left my house, that was the last time i saw her.

 

One of my close female friends just read it and said it was word perfect.

 

I just want her to know everything i've been thinking and feeling, she wont meet me to talk, so that was the only way of reaching her.

 

I've now blocked her email and deleted her numbers.

 

I don't think its bad for being honest, and yeah the ending is a bit sentimental, but hey, maybe she'll read it all one day, if not, hey...

 

I think it's the most honest letter i've ever written to anyone in my life though.

 

She is doing a degree in journalism too, so reading is her strong point

 

Fact is I've been beating myself up all week cos there's been stuff I wanted to say and couldn't to her. Now I have and she will know and I can move on..

 

I geniunley feel 100% better.

[chocolate_boy]

Besides, i am 25.. I have made mistakes before, done the NC thing and and let someone i loved go without a fight or without expressing my true feelings.

 

I feel much more adult and mature, and free in my mind for sending that.

 

the email was the truth from the heart and when its put like that with no alterier motive I think anyone would struggle to make a mockery of it

[westernxer]

Well, if you feel good, great.

 

However, you should have walked away after she dumped you the first time. Fighting for love is a ridiculous notion. They either like you or they don't.

[chocolate_boy]

Yeah i always did in the past, but that's just pride... I think honesty and maturity will always do you better in the long run. I'm not pleading or begging her back, I just levelled with her...

 

I wouldn't take her back anyway, I couldn't trust her again. But if it helps her in the future, that's cool, as I do care about her a lot, and one day maybe i'll have her as a friend like my other ex's are now... but that's a long way down the track.

 

She was just too immature for me, hopefully my letter will make her see that its not all black and white. She often accused me of being insensitive and having a care-free "do what I want and **** you" attitude, I feel I need to show her why, so I can truly be at peace.

 

I can move on now though, for real.

[pippen_2k]

It might not have been your motive to make her feel guilty or win her back, but that letter you just sent did both!

 

Never point out others problems like that. Let them live and learn from their own mistakes... dont worry what goes around comes around ( or is it what comes around goes around ? lol f***s me ) but she will get her heart ripped one day and will eventually learn.

[chocolate_boy]

I think you misunderstood, the point in that was to show that I was as equally reponsible for our relationship breaking down... I don't want her to get hurt in the future, I want her to know I care about her and she was a great girlfriend, and just point out why she hurt me so she can avoid it.

 

In the end, we did have a fun 8 months together, but I don't see her as a life partner, or even want her around after the way she treated me over the last few weeks, I just want her to understand why I sometimes acted the way I did, and change a bad bitter break-up, into a more reflective learning curve for both of us.

 

It feels so much better than just running away, acting the tough guy, having pride and hiding feelings.. I did all that when I was with her, and it got me nowhere, I'm not looking for revenge or to win.. just be honest with her, and now move on with my life.

 

I feel I that letter acheives that very well.

 

And maybe she will feel guilty after reading it, but that's good, cos I feel guilty about mistakes I made, but also know that they're in the past, and I'd certainly not take her back now, I just have been feeling like **** for the last week cos all of that has been bottling up inside me.

 

You see when most people break-up, they talk about what happened or why they're breaking up.. we didn't, like i said, we didn't see each other again after she wanted to meet to discuss a break-up last week, but I was too stubborn/proud/scared to do it.

 

To be honest I was also riddled with guilt.

 

This is the closest thing I'll get to talking to her about what happened and why we went wrong.

[westernxer]

Closure letters are funny. They're usually self-centered and full of scorn, complete with back-handed compliments and condescending advice for the offender in question.

 

Therapeutic, no doubt, but better off being sent to oneself, or not at all. It shows weakness, and lack of composure.

 

I learned this from experience.

[chocolate_boy]

If that's how mine came across then it's certainly not intended that way.

 

I'm just trying to be the mature one, and let her know that the bad feelings she had about me and the mistakes I made were for a reason.

 

And that it's not a game to me, I'm not playing, everything there came from the heart.

 

I don't expect or want a reply, I just never got a chance to say anything in my "defense" if you like, or even say how I felt.

 

Our relationship ended in 2 sms messages, with me basically saying "stop wasting my time you silly little girl, and dont ever contact me again". Yes, I felt my pride was in tact.. but inside felt so much pain and bottled up feelings. I messed up, I should have been mature and talked to her, and I had regrets, now I can tell her that.

 

And I feel more of a man and stronger for having the balls to admit I ****ed up too.

[Baz]

Westernxer,

 

You are right in what you say but some people are just too decent and dont have the strength to ignore repeated contact from the ex. Sending a closure letter is a nice way of saying please leave me alone now...

 

Whether they work or not is a different thing but I do think that it is the first part of the closure process. Ulimately if they dont go away then NC should be implemented I guess.

 

Its about being comfortable with your actions. I know it is weak but people are different.

[HotCaliGirl]

Anyone that has followed me threads will know I've been through a bumpy ride.... I feel a thousand times better now....

Hi Choc.boy, I'm so sorry for all the hurt you are currently going through over your break up, but it's good to see that you are finding closure and facing the situation and are able to move on, which is very difficult to do.

 

It's not a good thing to send closure letters, but since this has helped you a lot to get things out that you needed to in order to feel better, then in this case I'm all for it, even though there is a lot of wording I wouldn't have stated the way you have and I would've kept it in my draftbox...I'll give you a little bit of my feedback, but I can understand where you're coming from.

 

You keep repeating that people -friends, family etc etc keep telling you not to contact her. This makes it sound like you've said so much nasty things about her to make her out to be a monster that nobody wants you near her! I don't think she's going to appreciate reading that...

 

Also, the first thing I thought of just looking at your long letter was oh no, this is exactly what her ex-s did - after the break-up sent her long emails! But at least you acknowledge it in your letter!!

 

You say she's confused, has a darker side, comes across as cold and insensitive, that you think she thinks you are weak, that she didn't mean to hurt you, and the list goes on - analyzing how she feels and what she thinks and what she's like! She will get frustrated if she disagrees and will tell herself that you just don't get her, adding weight to her decision not to be with someone who thnks so little of her. You even tell her you're going to delete her phone number and email address and never contact her again and as a result feel happier than you ever have in the past 3 weeks. Ouch. See, you say you don't want to hurt her, that this is just a neutral closure letter, but you are doing it (hurting her) as though you don't realize that you are (playing dumb about it). If a guy wrote those things to me, I would be erasing all signs that he ever existed in my life faster than a click of the mouse.

 

Also, I am beginning to learn of some of the things you contributed to the downfall of the relationship - so far you've said this has come out of the blue, is weird and that you've done nothing wrong - you have no idea why she'd leave you. Here you say that you were too scared to open up to her, that that would show you as being weak, as her ex-s were. You keep comparing yourself to her ex-s and put this tough wall around you. Then all of a sudden you say that "I admit we did go through a few bad weeks, and I do know exactly why," at which point you go on to list all the bad things you have done! Well, we're here to help you, and now it makes sense why she left you, whereas before I couldn't understand why someone would leave you out of the blue...basically you state that you were not showing any interest in her so that you would not appear needy like her ex appeared...i.e. you neglected her and acted indifferent towards her - these are major relationship-breakers to women.

 

I know you got the impression that I was sometimes selfish and insensitive, but that was just a barrier I put up to stop myself appearing weak to you. I thought that if I sort of played it a bit tough occasionally and stubborn you wouldn’t see me as weak like you did *EX BOYFRIEND NAME DELETED*, and then would never get bored of me and leave me

...similar to what I analyze above...

 

Also, you mention her ex-boyfriend in almost every paragraph...I didn't even know my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend's name...you are comparing yourself to him way too much...You even say that you gave her the impression that if a job came up in a different city, you'd drop her and go away, in order to appear tough to her, and specifically write to her that you did that to not look weak like her ex-boyfriend!!!!!! Come on...what woman wants to hear that a job means more to her man than she does, that he'll drop her to leave town as soon as a good job offer comes along...

 

And please remember everything I told you, cos it will all make sense one day.

you’re an amazing person

Is this intended to soften the hard blows?

In any case, the end result is that you feel better, you have found closure and hopefully you learned something from it too - that it is ok to show your weakness, be yourself and give it your all - instead of trying to appear "strong" i.e. showing no interest in her.

[chocolate_boy]

Yeah I know I compare myself to her ex a lot, but he was interfering a lot in our relationship at the start, and now that it's also over with us, I just felt like I should let her know why I sometimes acted the way I did, it wasn't cos I didn't care, I just was trying too hard I guess.

 

I mean don't get me wrong, I wasn't cold to her or stopped showing affection, I told her I loved her everyday, always tried to make her feel secure, I just didn't always justify why I was doing things, and that gave her the impression I'd always do what I want. I never told her I'd leave her for a job if one came up, we did have a discussion about it one day, and I sort of said that if anything came up for her, I'd make her go and wouldn't hold her back.. therefor giving the impression that's how I felt. I did loving and romantic things though as I told you before, taking her to egypt for her birthday, romantic dinner on the river nile, took her away for weekends a lot, bought her presents etc. Let her stay with me everynight so she wouldn't be lonely at home.

 

A lot of what I say in there isn't assuming how she felt, it's based on what she told me, we actually split up on vacation together, on the first day! We had already paid for it and booked it again, and most of what's in that letter are responses to the things she said to me on it, but then we did get back together cos she had realised she loved me she told me (actually on the plane on the way home!).. then I didn't see her for two days, and got the sms saying she had changed her mind and wanted to end it again.

 

I'm telling her at the end that I have deleted her number and her email cos I'm moving on, as I know she's deleted mine (she told me), and I'm now showing her I'm moving on, although I've stated in the email I would be there for her if she ever needed me (?), and to show her I'm not about to start a barrage of pleading emails and txts like her ex did.

 

I really have done it though, so the only way I'll ever be in touch with her again is if she initiates it.

 

It does feel like it's done and over to me now though, you understand that it didn't before... I just couldn't leave a relationship where someone had ASKED ME to get back with them cos they had almost left me, and I opened my heart to her again and was all geared up to commit 100% to her and show her how happy I could make her, only for her to snatch it back two days later before I even got a chance.

 

I had to tell her the things I did to get it out of me, know that she knows everything I feel so much better, and can move on with my life.

 

I don't blame myself for the break-up however, I did make a few mistakes, but I really feel she was just getting into her usual "bored after 6 months" routine. Plus the fact it seems a bit convenient that she breaks up with me when all of her university friends are suddenly back in town... I bet if this happened a month ago when I was pretty much the only person she knew in the city, it would have been a very different story... for that part I feel a bit used.. but hey it's over now.

[westernxer]

Westernxer,

 

You are right in what you say but some people are just too decent and dont have the strength to ignore repeated contact from the ex. Sending a closure letter is a nice way of saying please leave me alone now...

 

Whether they work or not is a different thing but I do think that it is the first part of the closure process. Ulimately if they dont go away then NC should be implemented I guess.

 

Its about being comfortable with your actions. I know it is weak but people are different.

 

I agree with you, Baz. Emotions do get the best of us, sometimes. Took sending one for me to realize it was the wrong thing to do, but that was back in the day, when still in college. It's no fun to receive one, either, but it's better than getting stalked.

[Chigirl]

I think you guys are giving this guy a hard time. Chocolate boy, I recently sent my ex a letter and also felt the same release you did. I did not want him back and my intentions were not to place blame. I also had friends read it and they all agreed it was perfect and that I should send it....even an ex-boyfriend agreed.

 

Every relationship is different causing everyone to handle breakups differently. I think as long as you don't stalk the person, or inflict harm on yourself, then you're dealing with it fine. So, Chocolate boy, it's good you sent the letter. Who cares what her reaction is or what she thinks of you for sending it. As long as you feel better, that's all that matters. My friend told me..."you have to stay true to yourself". And if sending the letter made you feel better, more power to you!

[chocolate_boy]

BMShell, thanks very much for being supportive, that's made me feel a lot happier.

 

To be honest, the only thing that letter was for was to say the things I would have said to her if I wasn't so stubborn as to not meet her two Fridays ago. I don't believe I've been acting like stalker-ex, we've only been split about 10 days now, and all I've done is about 2 sms and that letter, and that is it now.

 

To be honest, if I didn't get in touch, it would probably just reaffirm that I didn't care, maybe a good tactic for "getting her back", but I've realised I could do better than her and she's too immature emotionally for me, that's not what I want. I wanted to get all the things I needed to say out of me, and since I was not going to get a chance to say them to her anytime soon, a letter is a good way, as 1) She can't ignore it. 2) it will sink in more as I believe she will read it (if out of curiousity if nothing else) probably more than once. 3) I can say what I really mean rather than forgetting bits of getting my emotions/thoughts clouded by her being there.

 

And yeah I feel 100% for doing it than I did before.

 

Today I took another big step.. packed up all her belongings and gave it to a mutual friend... I was avoiding doing this as it was the only reason she would have to contact me really.. and I wanted her to. Now I'm letting go, I deleted her phone no., blocked her email, and have given her back the only tie we still had between us.

 

I think this is really the start of getting over it now... and in a way it feels good (yet very sad).

 

She is still on my mind pretty much every waking moment, but at work today I did go a good few minutes without thinking about her, and then realised and was like "yeah!"

[Chigirl]

Sounds like my situation. My ex actually emailed me 2 weeks after we broke up. I was really mad b/c I was doing really well with not talking to him and as soon as he emailed me to "check up" on me, it brought back all my emotions I'd worked 2 weeks to get over. After that point, I struggled to stop analyzing our relationship. So, I wrote a long letter as therapy for myself. It turned out so good, that I decided to send it to him. I sent it to him and haven't heard back. It's hard not knowing if he read the letter and if he did, how it affected him.

 

For me, I also felt it was a huge release, like 100lbs had been lifted off me. I wasn't expecting a response, I just wanted him to read how I'd been feeling throughout the relationship, but as time has gone by I realize I really am wanting / needing a response. It's made moving on hard. I hope this doesn't happen to you. Stay strong.

[chocolate_boy]

For me, I also felt it was a huge release, like 100lbs had been lifted off me. I wasn't expecting a response, I just wanted him to read how I'd been feeling throughout the relationship, but as time has gone by I realize I really am wanting / needing a response. It's made moving on hard. I hope this doesn't happen to you. Stay strong.

 

Obviously I only wrote the letter yesterday so I can't say exactly how I'll feel later on. But either way, if your letter was as powerful as I believe I was, it's bound to have some effect. And the fact that they don't reply either proves their still hiding from it or just don't know what to say (I'd have problems replying to that email!). I've blocked her email address at the moment anyway, and at least we got it out.

 

I've had problems before not saying what I really felt, and in one case actually regretted it for almost 2 years, at least this time I feel like I have done everything I could possibly do to resolve it and make things better, and I will hopefully have no lasting regrets.

[Chigirl]

I'm not sure if he's hiding from it, or just doesn't know how to react. My ex-ex-boyfriend (not the ex that I wrote the letter to) said he would have a hard time responding if I'd sent the letter to him.

 

I'm also assuming he's moved on b/c guys seem to deal wtih breakups that way...they move on quick and fast so that they don't have to deal wtih their feelings. Am I right? Maybe he's in another relationship, maybe he's just doesn't want to think about what went wrong in our relationship. I'm not sure. But, I know that I sent it as a way for him to see how I was feeling. The breakup was mutual, but that didn't make it easy to deal with.

 

I still don't reget sending the letter, despite not hearing from him. I worry what his reaction is, but over time that will go away. I hope he takes the time to read it and is able to reflect on some things I said.

 

Good luck with your situation. I hope as time goes by it gets easier for you! Sounds like you're doing a good job of blocking it out of your mind and moving on!

[chocolate_boy]

I'm not sure if he's hiding from it, or just doesn't know how to react. My ex-ex-boyfriend (not the ex that I wrote the letter to) said he would have a hard time responding if I'd sent the letter to him.

 

I'm also assuming he's moved on b/c guys seem to deal wtih breakups that way...they move on quick and fast so that they don't have to deal wtih their feelings. Am I right? Maybe he's in another relationship, maybe he's just doesn't want to think about what went wrong in our relationship. I'm not sure. But, I know that I sent it as a way for him to see how I was feeling. The breakup was mutual, but that didn't make it easy to deal with.

 

I still don't reget sending the letter, despite not hearing from him. I worry what his reaction is, but over time that will go away. I hope he takes the time to read it and is able to reflect on some things I said.

 

Good luck with your situation. I hope as time goes by it gets easier for you! Sounds like you're doing a good job of blocking it out of your mind and moving on!

 

I dunno if it's true that guys get over it faster, as far as I know my ex is currently out partying every other night with her friends, something she never did when we were together, whereas I'm the one who's not really in the mood to do that.

 

I think they'll certainly read the letters, even if I only know that cos my ex read all her ex's emails in great detail (printed them out etc.), so even though she did reply to him, and for some reason won't to me... I'm sure she at least read it.

 

But as I said earlier, that's not the point, we have said our piece, and in this instance I know I won't have any regrets, as I have tried 110% to work through our problems and not give up on a fixable relationship.. but it takes two people, she just bailed out when we went through a rocky patch, and as if I want to be with someone like that anyway... I did everything I could.

[HotCaliGirl]

...so even though she did reply to him, and for some reason won't to me... I'm sure she at least read it.

How do you know she didn't respond to your email if you said you blocked her address from receiving any more emails from her? I mean, it's ok if you didn't. I know it's hard what you're going through and deep down you might wish that she'll respond apologizing and even maybe want to get back together. but hang in there.

 

You say she's going to parties all the time and before she didn't. Maybe she's doing that to upset you even more, which is working. I think since she'sthe one who hurt and left you and you need more healing than she does, that YOU should be going to parties. This will help you to feel better and maybe you'll end up meeting someone new...

[chocolate_boy]

How do you know she didn't respond to your email if you said you blocked her address from receiving any more emails from her? I mean, it's ok if you didn't. I know it's hard what you're going through and deep down you might wish that she'll respond apologizing and even maybe want to get back together. but hang in there.

 

You say she's going to parties all the time and before she didn't. Maybe she's doing that to upset you even more, which is working. I think since she'sthe one who hurt and left you and you need more healing than she does, that YOU should be going to parties. This will help you to feel better and maybe you'll end up meeting someone new...

 

I didn't block her email from receiving, I blocked her from my msn list, but I think that still means I can get her emails, but like I said, I'm not expecting a reply, and so far haven't got one (been two days since I sent the email). To be honest I'm turning slowly but surely more angry at the situation, that someone could just give up on a good relationship and not want to work through a rocky few weeks.

 

She did tell me when I first got with her though that she never tries to make relationships work, and usually just gives up on them if anything happens. I did bring her up on this a few months ago, and she said although she has in the past, it was very different with me and "I've never had as much respect for a boyfriend as you and I think i'm really lucky to be with you", this was about the end of August she said all that... and yet she does it again, just gives up and runs away at the first sign of getting comfortable.

 

She has also told me before that she loves the start of a relationship and that's the best bit, and she felt (as she has with her last 2 boyfriends) that after 6 months our "spark" died out, we didn't have sex as often anymore, and do as many exciting things.. but I explained that's called getting comfortable, we should recognise it and work on it, she just had to talk to me and we'll do things to improve that.. but no, she runs away before we even give it a chance.

 

I will start going out again soon, just at the moment I'm sort of being a bit of a recluse and dealing with my depression, which i think is healthy for a few weeks, I just don't feel ready to be out partying yet, I feel too down and am not great company, and certainly don't feel remotely ready to talk to other girls... I cannot remember a time I felt less confident or un-attractive to women as I do now...

 

And with all this constantly on my mind, I'm exhausting myself, and not sleeping at night, so am pretty much sleeping in the afternoons, not really having a lot of life at the moment.