My Closure

[chocolate_boy]

Ok so she did reply,

 

"Hi,

 

I think you need to know I read the email. I don't hate you at all and I do cherish the good times we had I promise, I care about you much more than you will ever think but I can't see you or have contact with you. Sorry I've been ignoring you, but I didn't know what else to do.

 

Take care of yourself and be happy, I know you will be. I'm so sorry I hurt you, that was never my intention and you know that. "

 

Civil of her at least. Now just want to close this chapter of my life finally!

 

I'm out with the boys for a huge night tommorrow, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna let her make me feel down, I'm a man and gonna start acting like one.

[ReluctantRomeo]

I'm out with the boys for a huge night tommorrow, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna let her make me feel down, I'm a man and gonna start acting like one.

 

Good philosophy!

[pippen_2k]

Before you go out make sure you dont take your phone with you! Turn the ****** off and put it somewhere where you wont find it if you come home drunk lol.

 

Just a tip cause most people come home drunk after a breakup and try to call or msg their ex.

[chocolate_boy]

Lol, deleted her phone number anyway, incase such an occasion should arise!

 

Thanks for the support guys.

[ReluctantRomeo]

Just a tip cause most people come home drunk after a breakup and try to call or msg their ex.

 

Or even worse, they are home getting progressively drunker in a post-break up debriefing with sympathetic guy friends, when the ex telephones... just in time to receive some of the conclusions of the drunken ramblings. True story, I'm afraid

 

Don't even pick up the phone when drunk. Hide it.

[chocolate_boy]

Well by the sounds of her brief reply, I doubt I'll be hearing from her again anytime soon or at all. I guess she feels a bit guilty but that's about it.

[Baz]

You are right, she wont call.

 

Be prepared, it is going to be very tough for you now emotionally but you must remain strong and start moving on. I promise you there is nothing you can do. Just turn around and start walking. Ive just done the same and im hurting badly but the sooner I/we can get away from this dark corner of our lives the better. It requires strength of character and discipline but if you value yourself, just do it.

 

Come on we can do it.

[chocolate_boy]

Yeah of course, I have the satisfaction of knowing that there is someone out there who will not only treat me better, but also women that are more sensitive and even better looking and more attractive... Life's too short to waste your love on some idiot who wasn't prepared to put in the effort.

[chocolate_boy]

That said, I have no doubts at all that she will be in touch in a few weeks/months when I've moved on and got with someone new, lol, they always ****ing do!

[Baz]

What do you care?

 

She has missed her opportunity to be with you. Unless she is stood on your doorstep dont acknowledge her at all. She no longer exists.

[chocolate_boy]

Ah god no, I'd not take her back I'm pretty sure of that. How could I ever trust her again?

 

I'm just saying that's the way it always seems to happen isn't it?

[Baz]

It is and it is not fair to do that to someone who they know has strong feelings for them. It is so disrepectful and immature especially when you have specifically asked them to stay away.

[chocolate_boy]

I think what gives me this impression is this is very different from how I know she usually handles splits, she had two boyfriends before me, one of which she split with and continued to live with (along with 4 other people) for 18 months without problem, he got with another girl and her with another guy, and they simply were civil to each other.

 

Her last ex she wanted to be best friends with afterwards and they're at uni together and she still sees him everyday.

 

However she seems to have to shut me out of her life completely... I'm not precisely sure why, but it does strike me as odd.

 

I know her other two relationships she simply got bored and it frazzled out but she stayed in them for a month or two afterwards.. then left. With us it came on very quickly... infact I have cards of her professing her undying love to me, one of which was only given to me at the start of last month..

 

I just have a gut instinct she will be back one day, but trust me I'll have moved on by then, 100% certain!

[Chigirl]

Chocolate boy said:

"With us it came on very quickly... infact I have cards of her professing her undying love to me, one of which was only given to me at the start of last month.."

 

 

That's the way it happened with me. The guy came on very quickly and I wasn't ready for anything serious. He initiated all serious conversations, then as I slowly let my guard down and allowed myself to develop feelings for him, he seemed to change. Go figure! I'm learning that you should take a relationship slow, have fun and things will slowly progress. If you move to fast, things tend to not work out.

 

Anyway, moving on is awesome! Good luck!

[chocolate_boy]

I meant the break-up came on rather quickly, infact things were going rather swimmingly, until one weekend, it all changed literally overnight and hasn't been the same yet, just cos we had one small (in retrospect) argument.

 

In hind-sight though maybe we did move a bit fast at the start, declared love after about two months, but I think that's probably quite common. It was the break-up that was un-naturally quick!

[Chigirl]

Right. My breakup was VERY quick and unexpected. I initiated the "talk" and he officially made the decision. I was willing to work through things and I guess he'd had it. At that point, I agreed with him and thought it was for the best that we breakup. After time has passed, I partially blame myself. Had I not initiated the conversation, we would have stayed together longer. But, things would have eventually ended, so it's good that they ended when they did....even if it was very quickly.

 

Also, it's been 2 weeks since I wrote the letter, and still not response. I guess I won't be as lucky as you to actually hear back from the ex! Again, maybe that's a guy thing. Maybe guys get so over-whelmed that they don't know how to respond.

[chocolate_boy]

Could be right, I've actually been on the flip side of this.

 

A few years ago I was engaged to a girl, who suddenly had a massive change in her, we tried to work on the relationship for a few months, but the way she was just put me off her (became very clingy, wouldn't allow me out, bad tempered all the time, always trying to start arguments etc), I warned her several times that unless things changed I would walk, she'd be ok for a week or two then go back, eventually after about 4/5 months of putting up with that, I had enough and broke up with her after a HUGE row.

 

She then started calling me and txting me and turning up at my house, requesting "meetings" which I did go to, but she was just trying to reason with my why I should come back... but it was no use I didn't feel the same, and infact because she was so full on... I didn't have any space to decide how I really felt about her. This continued for about 2 months, then she met someone new.. and sure enough about 2 months after that, I got out of the rebound relationship I was in and suddenly realised I still had VERY strong feelings for her, I asked her back, but of course by then it was too late...

 

So I do know what it feels like to be on the other side of the fence, when you're being pestered by calls, txts, letters etc. it's just not appealing, you've done your letter, now leave it and move on with your life... if he does love you he won't be able to help himself in a few weeks/months.

 

Take it from someone who's been there!

[Chigirl]

That's what's funny. In my head, I realize all of these things. I realize we weren't meant for each other and eventually, down the road, we probably would have broken up. I realize there's someone out there better suited for me. I realize I wasn't happy in our relationship. I realize I need to move on. On the other hand, your heart misses that person. You wonder what they're up to, etc.

 

But, I hadn't tried calling him or contacting him. I also didn't expect to talk to him until several months down the road when we'd both moved on. Then, he emailed 2 weeks after we broke up to "check up" on me. I thought it was very selfish of him to do that. I guess he was feeling guilty or something...not sure. I was mad, though, b/c by that point, I was moving on and wasn't thinking of him as much. I was doing really well. However, once he emailed me after 2 weeks, it brought back all the feelings I'd worked 2 weeks to get past. He definitely halted my healing process. That's when I wrote the letter. I realized I still needed some questions answered in order for me to feel closure (please note: this was a mutual breakup, but it was still hard).

 

Anyway, I'm in the process of moving on. I do miss him, but I think I miss the good things about him. I remind myself of the things I didn't like about him, and it makes me feel better about our decision to end the relationship. However, like I said that doesn't make the pain any better. Everyone goes through this at some point in their life and it only makes you stronger for future relationships. I think of failed relationships as learning experiences for the love of your life!

[westernxer]

However, once he emailed me after 2 weeks, it brought back all the feelings I'd worked 2 weeks to get past. He definitely halted my healing process. That's when I wrote the letter.

 

Your situation mirrors something I went through awhile back, down to the two-week mark. I know exactly what you're talking about, and how you felt at the time. In fact, I was so pissed that I wrote back just to reiterate it was over. That's the last I heard from her, so I guess it worked, but maybe she just ignored it, based on her reasoning at the time we ended things (she had doubts so I dumped her on the spot... never thought about it prior to that moment). I guess she didn't see it coming, but that's what happens when they don't respect you.

[chocolate_boy]

OK so I'm ****ing confused now!! Was out with the boys tonight, having fun, til I get chatting to some girl, very pretty, blonde, seemed into me, asked for my phone number etc. However after talking to her I feel like absolute ****, so depressed and missing my ex I can't believe it... what the hell is going on with me? I blew this girl out cos I just couldn't bear to imagine it in the end

[HotCaliGirl]

I've been going through something similar - even though my bf cheated on me and it was a nasty break-up and several months have gone by, I feel like I'm cheating when I get asked to go out. I was so loyal to him, that it is still difficult to be with other people, so considering how new your breakup is, maybe you just need a little more time (not as long as me!)

 

The fact that you miss her and feel depressed are normal feelings, indicating that you really did care for her. I think that is a good thing, compared to someone who is indifferent and could just go off with another girl right after his relationship ends without any internal termoil - i hate that.

[Baz]

I agree. You are not healed and that is a very healthy sign. Shows you have empathy. In todays society that is a rare commodity.

 

Take your time.

 

Incidentally where was this girl, im ready to go!

[ReluctantRomeo]

I think that is a good thing, compared to someone who is indifferent and could just go off with another girl right after his relationship ends without any internal termoil - i hate that.

 

I agree. It may hurt now, but the flip side is that you find it easy to be loyal and invest in long term relationships.

[chocolate_boy]

Thanks for the support again guys.

 

Feel much better this morning, think the alcohol doesn't help right now either, it tends to bring me quite down. Although I will probably kick myself over that girl in a few months, she was rather fine lol

 

I agree it is too soon, it's only been 2 weeks since we split, I need to heal and get over that before I start seeing anybody else. I've made that mistake before, getting into rebounds makes you temporarily happy, but after a few weeks it just f**ks u up 10 times more.

[pippen_2k]

Its only been 2 weeks dude, you cant expect perfection straight away.

 

You obviously invested alot of time and effort into this girl so these feelings are gonna be lingering for quite some time.

 

Alcohol is a good quick escape for a few hours, but I found out that I fell twice as hard when I started sobering up or was hungover.

 

The point I guess im trying to get across is, this is gonna take time, alot longer than a few weeks, so just take it 1 day at a time and dont stress about things too much.