Eternal Sunshine Posted January 14, 2020 Share Posted January 14, 2020 My current job is extremely stressful. I work around the clock for a global company. In the last year, I haven’t had time for much outside of work. If I’m not working weekends, I’m trying to catch up on sleep. However, I have been successful and the plans for me could lead to great things. There is certain excitement in competing and winning. Outside of work though, my life is pretty empty. Even if I wanted to date, I don’t have the physical or mental energy for it because my job is so demanding. If I lost focus even for 1-2 months, next promotion will go to someone else. With all that mind, I started a low key search for a less stressful job but without the pay cut. I was very selective and have recently received an offer. I’m currently thinking it over. This is a more technical role, with flexibility to work from home anytime. They have even insisted on offering me slightly higher than my current salary and with about 20% of responsibility. More relaxed lifestyle is appealing to me. I’m thinking about getting a puppy and even dating. However, I live alone and the lack of constant team interaction and challenges could make me feel bored. I’m worried that I will just become depressed and I will no longer be successful at anything. I thought this is what I wanted but I find myself hesitating on pulling the trigger..... Link to post Share on other sites
Pleasant-Sage Posted January 15, 2020 Share Posted January 15, 2020 Needed change is sometimes still hard or even scary to do. I don't know if you need a new job but the fact that you started looking says at least subconsciously you think you do. The new job offer definitely sounds better. When it comes to job satisfaction, different people need different things. For some people, it's about money, for others they don't mind to work for lower wages as long as they feel appreciated by the company. There's other things involved too. You should have some kind of balance when it comes to life. Work too hard and you will become burned out and probably need a whole new career at that point. Life is short. Try to learn to enjoy it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 15, 2020 Share Posted January 15, 2020 how old are you ES? if you are younger I would take the new job, just focusing on your career alone is a dead end road. is your retirement plan well funded? that's another thing to consider 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted January 16, 2020 Author Share Posted January 16, 2020 6 hours ago, alphamale said: how old are you ES? if you are younger I would take the new job, just focusing on your career alone is a dead end road. is your retirement plan well funded? that's another thing to consider I am 40. So still have 25 years of working life... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 There are ways to stay engaged when you work from home but they take effort. One thing some people do is use a shared space location from which to work one day a week so you get that office feel. Attending Meetups for business or business oriented breakfast meetings can also help. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 8 hours ago, Eternal Sunshine said: I am 40. So still have 25 years of working life... And 40 or more years of living life. I'd take the job that allowed me a better work/life balance, especially since the compensation is similar. And I get why you're hesitant. Not being buried in work means you'll have the time and need to confront the deficits in your personal life. No more excuses... Mr. Lucky 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 7 hours ago, d0nnivain said: There are ways to stay engaged when you work from home but they take effort. One thing some people do is use a shared space location from which to work one day a week so you get that office feel. Attending Meetups for business or business oriented breakfast meetings can also help. I was lonelier until I got the puppy, now people stop and talk to her ( through me too! ) . And being in a shared house has probably cured me of loneliness forever so you could get a roomie. I do some of my work in the library, some in coffee shops/restaurants so people get to know me and I'm always friendly to regular checkout people and neighbours. No, I don't see many of my friends on a regular schedule, but we drop in and out of each other's lives with texts and phone calls and lunches. And the gaps are filled via the internet. Go for it if that's what you want, deal with any loneliness issues as they arise. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 The BEST part about working at home is being able to really spend time with your pets. If you begin to feel isolated, just take a lunch break and go out to eat or something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted January 16, 2020 Author Share Posted January 16, 2020 Current people I work with are not really my friends, loneliness is just masked by being too busy. New job has an open plan office in my city, with desks on first comes first served basis. I was told that I am welcome to go there anytime but most people prefer to work from home. Also, there is an hour commute to that office. I have made the decision to take the offer. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 1 minute ago, Eternal Sunshine said: Current people I work with are not really my friends, loneliness is just masked by being too busy. New job has an open plan office in my city, with desks on first comes first served basis. I was told that I am welcome to go there anytime but most people prefer to work from home. Also, there is an hour commute to that office. I have made the decision to take the offer. way to go ES, congrats Link to post Share on other sites
ChatroomHero Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 You mention if you slow down for 1-2 months, the promotion will go to someone else. Does that mean the promotion will be determined and given in a couple of months? If so, I'd say it would make sense to stick it out. If not, if the promotion is the prize at the end with no clear timeline or guarantee, I would not count on it and I would plan on what I had at work today will be what I had at work tomorrow, next month, next year, etc. Dangling the carrot at work in my opinion almost never comes to fruition. I always found that if they have a plan or mention wanting to promote you and are serious, either they lay out a specific timeline or promote you. If it's a situation where they are impressed and know you are good and they are serious, they pull the trigger. If you find yourself in the position of, "If I take one day off or if for the next two weeks I want to end every day at 3:30 pm but if I do I will lose my promotion", then as far as I am concerned, there is no promotion or plan. Once I have proven myself, if I feel the need to prove myself over and over or else the slightest ease up will wreck my future goals, then I am at the wrong job. I see you decided to take the offer and I think that is probably a good thing. You said you'd make a bit more for 20% of the responsibility. It doesn't sound like you'll lose any close work friends and getting your time back for yourself will improve your life drastically. Based on how you know you work, I bet in the new job you'll do 50% more than expected and who knows what that could lead to. The one thing I would recommend is to tell your current boss you are leaving and why and see what they offer. Being a global company, either way I expect you would 'always' be on the clock but if the promotion and plan you mentioned was for say a VP with twice your pay and they really liked you, they may offer it up now. On the chance that maybe your employer things you just love working all the time, they may hear your reason and say, "ES, we had no idea. You are amazing and we want you to have a life and be happy. If you stay we will give you a raise, more vacation and deliver a timeline to the promotion and the plan we have for you". Either way this is a great situation to be in. It's a lot easier to know you are making the right choice if you have 2 decent choices to choose from as opposed to choosing the lesser of two evils. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted January 18, 2020 Author Share Posted January 18, 2020 21 hours ago, ChatroomHero said: You mention if you slow down for 1-2 months, the promotion will go to someone else. Does that mean the promotion will be determined and given in a couple of months? If so, I'd say it would make sense to stick it out. If not, if the promotion is the prize at the end with no clear timeline or guarantee, I would not count on it and I would plan on what I had at work today will be what I had at work tomorrow, next month, next year, etc. Dangling the carrot at work in my opinion almost never comes to fruition. I always found that if they have a plan or mention wanting to promote you and are serious, either they lay out a specific timeline or promote you. If it's a situation where they are impressed and know you are good and they are serious, they pull the trigger. If you find yourself in the position of, "If I take one day off or if for the next two weeks I want to end every day at 3:30 pm but if I do I will lose my promotion", then as far as I am concerned, there is no promotion or plan. Once I have proven myself, if I feel the need to prove myself over and over or else the slightest ease up will wreck my future goals, then I am at the wrong job. I see you decided to take the offer and I think that is probably a good thing. You said you'd make a bit more for 20% of the responsibility. It doesn't sound like you'll lose any close work friends and getting your time back for yourself will improve your life drastically. Based on how you know you work, I bet in the new job you'll do 50% more than expected and who knows what that could lead to. The one thing I would recommend is to tell your current boss you are leaving and why and see what they offer. Being a global company, either way I expect you would 'always' be on the clock but if the promotion and plan you mentioned was for say a VP with twice your pay and they really liked you, they may offer it up now. On the chance that maybe your employer things you just love working all the time, they may hear your reason and say, "ES, we had no idea. You are amazing and we want you to have a life and be happy. If you stay we will give you a raise, more vacation and deliver a timeline to the promotion and the plan we have for you". Either way this is a great situation to be in. It's a lot easier to know you are making the right choice if you have 2 decent choices to choose from as opposed to choosing the lesser of two evils. Good luck! Nope - no guarantee for a promotion. It was 1-2 months away for a year now. They have increased my salary somewhat as a compromise but no change in title. I guess it’s also the fact that I have lost trust in the upper management. I told my boss I’m resigning and he got angry. I gave 1 month notice (my contract says 2 weeks). He said I need to give them at least 2 months because it’s a senior position. I said no sorry, I can only give 1 month because I’m starting a new job. My boss said “I don’t accept your resignation”. To which I said “that’s not how it works. If you make my remaining time difficult, I will only leave sooner.” It wasn’t a pleasant conversation and only reinforced that leaving is the best decision. Now I have to tell my team. I know one of them will end up promoted to my position so they are going to pretend to care but will secretly be happy 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ChatroomHero Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 2 hours ago, Eternal Sunshine said: Nope - no guarantee for a promotion. It was 1-2 months away for a year now. They have increased my salary somewhat as a compromise but no change in title. I guess it’s also the fact that I have lost trust in the upper management. I told my boss I’m resigning and he got angry. I gave 1 month notice (my contract says 2 weeks). He said I need to give them at least 2 months because it’s a senior position. I said no sorry, I can only give 1 month because I’m starting a new job. My boss said “I don’t accept your resignation”. To which I said “that’s not how it works. If you make my remaining time difficult, I will only leave sooner.” It wasn’t a pleasant conversation and only reinforced that leaving is the best decision. Now I have to tell my team. I know one of them will end up promoted to my position so they are going to pretend to care but will secretly be happy Actually you should feel good about the whole thing. You know the dangling carrot was just that and if they worked you until you dropped, they didn't care how it affected you. You know absolutely you are making the right decision. The gift they gave you was confirming that you made the right decision, it's not often you get a clear cut answer in whether changing jobs was a good thing or not. That should wipe away all the stress of, 'am I making the right decision?'. No go start looking at puppies. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 Congrats on accepting the offer! Less stress = better physical and mental health!! Getting a puppy will only make it that much better, and to have the opportunity to work from home? Well, color me jealous!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted January 26, 2020 Author Share Posted January 26, 2020 (edited) Wow - everything that happened in the last couple of weeks made me 100% sure I have made the right decision. Once VP found out about my plans, he seemed extremely angry. He was trying to get HR to make me work more than what was my legal notice. Then he banned me from telling my direct reports about my resignation. He insisted on meeting them all 1-1, together with my boss and telling them himself, so that he can "set the story". I told him that I am not happy about this but I will respect his wishes. So after those meetings happened, all my direct reports called me panicked. "ES, please tell me what is going on? Is company in trouble? Please be honest?". Having had close and positive relationships with them all, of course they will trust me more than they will VP and my boss. I did the right thing, calmed them down, didn't badmouth anyone. One thing they all said was "At lest we know how coldly we will be treated if we decide to leave". They were all told "ES is now the past. Do not talk to her anymore". They won't be promoting anyone and have decided to hire my replacement from outside. I was just thinking, if something happens with my new company and they rescind the contract (unlikely but I have seen it happen), I would rather be homeless than ask for my current job back. Honestly, my current company makes me sick. I have nearly killed myself working for them and this is how I get treated. I have even be denied an exit interview. Edited January 26, 2020 by Eternal Sunshine 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 26, 2020 Share Posted January 26, 2020 Any company that takes up your whole life is not a good company to work for. You work to live, not live to work. Don't let this past employer mess up your transition to the new company. It sounds like a great opportunity. Now you can have a life. One great thing about working at home besides being able to have a dog or two is you can also throw in a load of laundry and little quick things like that to keep you from having so much to do on your off time. Of course you can save money on lunch by eating at home, but I still enjoy eating out a lot and taking that break just like if I was out working in public because I like to get out in the public and dress up feel like a normal person sometimes. You don't want to get into a grind of only being at home, but I will say that a choice between the two always being at work or always being at home I would choose the latter. Congratulations! Link to post Share on other sites
ChatroomHero Posted January 26, 2020 Share Posted January 26, 2020 Yeah, it looks like you realized they worked you like a dog, dangling the carrot but knew ultimately they cared very little. It's actually good to get that confirmation and wipe away all regret. If they are bad mouthing you or are attempting to make you look bad to coworkers who could also be potential future employees/employers, I'd take the gloves off a bit. If the other employees didn't know they were going to hire from outside now, I'd leave a nice little package on their doorstep and I'd be sure to key them in to that fact if they didn't already know. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 26, 2020 Share Posted January 26, 2020 Are you still working there? working out a notice ? if you are I would tell them goodbye.. Even working a notice you should feel respected and be able to do your job, by them telling your teammates to not talk to you anymore is something that HR should hear about. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 26, 2020 Share Posted January 26, 2020 On 1/15/2020 at 11:50 PM, Eternal Sunshine said: I am 40. So still have 25 years of working life... you better plan on 30-35 more years of working life. unless you have a LOT of money set aside Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 Eternal Sunshine, I think I've worked for that company. Good choice to get out I say. If you have a lawyer friend ask them about what to do on exit. Companies like that can play games and its good to know what you can do if they try to smear your reputation or change past performance reviews or hold back you last paycheck. The things such companies think they can get away with are truly astounding. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted January 29, 2020 Author Share Posted January 29, 2020 I just went shopping for working from home/gym attire: leggings, track pants, casual t-shirts. I didn't have a chance to wear any in years! Plus I will now have time to get back to the gym and clean eating. I am looking forward to this next chapter 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CloudyHead Posted January 29, 2020 Share Posted January 29, 2020 You made the right decision. Spend 2020 working on yourself with the extra time on your hands. My sister left a position she held for almost 20 years at age 47 and it was absolutely the best decision for her. She began working at home, got a cat and she's happier. She still has lunch or dinner with her former coworkers every 3-4 months and some have joined her at her current company. Link to post Share on other sites
Johnhihix Posted January 29, 2020 Share Posted January 29, 2020 Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 On 1/28/2020 at 6:33 PM, Eternal Sunshine said: I just went shopping for working from home/gym attire: leggings, track pants, casual t-shirts. I didn't have a chance to wear any in years! Plus I will now have time to get back to the gym and clean eating. I am looking forward to this next chapter Congratulations and well done for handling it all positively! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 Congratulations Eternal Sunshine! 🙂 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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