Text from a female colleague

[fishlips]

Let it go. It's only a colleague and it's probably about work. If she wanted to secretly contact him, she wouldn't be texting him in the evening when it's likely that you would be around.

You could ask about it if you are really worried, but is he going to tell you about an affair? If you trust him, then let it go.

[elaine567]

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that they aren't out to get you.

Was his ex controlling or had she in fact sussed him out?
The mad ex who called him out as a cheater in front of friends may not have been really so mad...if the full story was known.
Due to not wanting to be labelled as "mad", you are now tiptoeing around him...
That may suit him.
I also wonder why this work colleague didn't call him on his work phone?
I think it is a valid worry.
Workplace affairs are common, you are not wrong to wonder what is really going on here.

[2BGoodAgain]

the thing is....

big things start small... how many full blown affairs started with a friendly chat? of course, you can't cut out friendly chat, can you? Also you can drive the one person away with your insecurities, as well...

Of course, if you are secure, you should also be confident in asking without fear of reprisal... b/c honestly, it's a simple question... not like she's nagging him or anything. But if something feels off, and she wants to know... rather than let it fester and let her imagination take flight, she should prob ask....

BUT.. the prudent thing to do, might be to just note it but trust him... keep an eye open for anything other similar events... and if you really feel your gut telling you something is off... THEN ask him directly. 

 

 

[Ambereyes]

Well I just felt if my bf asked me “ why is he texting you? ” I would sense a little distrust and a bit controlling...so I feel if I ask him, I will come off a little controlling or insecure too. Cuz I do think a secure person probably wouldn’t feel the need to mind who he talks to  or think “so many people are having office affairs and I gotta check on him too and nip everything in the bud”?

Edited January 16, 2020 by Ambereyes

[d0nnivain]

The tone will be a factor in her.  The way you said it does sound controlling & insecure.  However, softly inquiring, "Why is your colleague texting you on the personal phone rather then your work phone?"  just makes you sound curious.  

Curious (even with an eye toward "protecting" your relationship) is just fine.  Implying that you have some say in who he communicates with is a problem.  

[schlumpy]

15 hours ago, Ambereyes said:

Well I just felt if my bf asked me “ why is he texting you? ” I would sense a little distrust and a bit controlling...so I feel if I ask him, I will come off a little controlling or insecure too. Cuz I do think a secure person probably wouldn’t feel the need to mind who he talks to  or think “so many people are having office affairs and I gotta check on him too and nip everything in the bud”?

There is nothing wrong with protecting your relationship. Don't let an esoteric idea about how to act in relationships stop you from understanding where you stand with your SO. It will only lead to unpleasant surprises down the road where you will be at a disadvantage. 

[Andy_K]

Nothing wrong with asking about this sort of thing once in a while, provided you're not doing so in an angry, accusing way. His reaction to your desire to know is just as important as whether there's anything actually going on. But this sort of thing really shouldn't happen often.