Kristine Posted January 15, 2020 Share Posted January 15, 2020 Got the talk. From a guy who talked and acted like a boyfriend but didn't want the commitment. He basically said he's stressed right now told me earlier this is his busiest time of year. Asked for a few week break. I said I'd give it to him, but I've updated my profile. And I'm healing, releasing him. He thinks I'm movie star beautiful, and lots of guys were after me, but I choose him eventually. I kind of think he's testing me to see if I would wait. So I plan to give him two weeks. Because I need time to heal anyway. I was really falling for him. Now I have an ex boyfriend begging to come back, I don't want and can't get rid of. The guy I do want wants space. And all I want is a big hug. I'm sad. Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted January 15, 2020 Share Posted January 15, 2020 I'm not sure what to say about guy that needs some time, but if you think it's just a test, and you like him... then give him the 2 weeks. As far as "The Ex" is conserned... don't talk with him. He's your ex for a reason. Sorry for what you are going through. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted January 15, 2020 Share Posted January 15, 2020 He’s not testing you. A man who is truly interested and cares would never risk losing you to another man. Let yourself cry and then pick yourself back up and explore other options. This guy is not the one. 8 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 15, 2020 Share Posted January 15, 2020 (((((((Kristine))))))) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2BGoodAgain Posted January 15, 2020 Share Posted January 15, 2020 when you like someone.. you make the time... no games, no see who contacts who first, no will she wait for me test... you want to be transparent and be true to the other... 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted January 15, 2020 Share Posted January 15, 2020 2 hours ago, hippychick3 said: He’s not testing you. A man who is truly interested and cares would never risk losing you to another man. Let yourself cry and then pick yourself back up and explore other options. This guy is not the one. This. That being said, if I were under a ton of stress and needed a two week break to take care of myself, I would ask for it. BUT, if I cared about the woman I would make for damn sure she knew it was that and only that. And I would go out of my way to make sure she felt as secure as possible during this "break". Otherwise, well, see the OP's post. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lorenza Posted January 15, 2020 Share Posted January 15, 2020 The only thing he's testing you for is how little he can invest and still get away with. "Can I go bang other women and still have her as an option in case I'm not successful?". 6 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted January 15, 2020 Share Posted January 15, 2020 Maybe he didn't like being shopped... TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 15, 2020 Share Posted January 15, 2020 Why can't you get rid of the ex-BF? 3 hours ago, Kristine said: Now I have an ex boyfriend begging to come back, I don't want and can't get rid of Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 15, 2020 Share Posted January 15, 2020 Is this your sex guy or date guy you're talking about? Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 15, 2020 Share Posted January 15, 2020 (edited) Haha, you don’t tell them you’re still seeing others. Only a noob would do that. You guys really suggest she should have been exclusive to a guy who isn’t interested Edited January 15, 2020 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted January 15, 2020 Share Posted January 15, 2020 22 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Haha, you don’t tell them you’re still seeing others. Only a noob would do that. You guys really suggest she should have been exclusive to a guy who isn’t interested Yeah, and only a noob wouldn't figure it out, even if you don't tell...😂 TFY 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kristine Posted January 15, 2020 Author Share Posted January 15, 2020 2 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said: Maybe he didn't like being shopped... TFY Well he stuck around. But that's why I think it's a break rather than break up. This is his busiest time at work. He knows I ended things with all the guys I was seeing. Either way, won't kill me to be single for a few weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 15, 2020 Share Posted January 15, 2020 (edited) A vet should already assume it is a high probability. xD. It is 2020 and people multi-date. Edited January 15, 2020 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 15, 2020 Share Posted January 15, 2020 Love makes us do silly things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kristine Posted January 16, 2020 Author Share Posted January 16, 2020 He turned cold, when I said I something about loving me one day and hating me the next he was normal again. Than instead of the it's not you it's me message he changed it to I need time to think, I'm under a lot of stress and basically asked me to give him time. But I'm replaying it all in my head, I don't usually get broken up with, even the last guy who broke up with me wants me back and literally begged me to give him another chance. When I'm done I'm really done. That's how I know the break-up message. I asked him to be straight with me and tell me we're done. But he wouldn't do that. That where the he's testing me idea came from. But I had therapy today and he said he did me a favor before I got even more involved and consider it a break-up. I just haven't fully released this "dating" guy yet. I was really starting to fall for him. My mom was shocked he broke up with me, she knows what he looks like and how he basically stared at me the entire 2nd date. I've determined he loves my looks, but not my person. I'm emotional, I am bipolar. He can't handle the emotional side of me. He was talking about how we're soulmates, saying all this stuff about how he loves me more than I love him, and than this!? I've never done that to someone. That's really cruel. If he didn't have a PHD I would have tossed him to the side long ago. I value education and intellect, but he didn't seem all that smart when I was teaching him a card game. Anyway I'm not ready to date right now, I did redo my profile but I've been rejecting everyone. And the ex had the best chance, sex with him was great! He always satisfied me. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 He valued you for your looks and not your personality. You valued him for his PHD but not his personality. Seems that both of you were causing harm....and being hurt in this relationship. Best that you're out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Caauug Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 15 hours ago, Kristine said: He basically said he's stressed right now told me earlier this is his busiest time of year. Asked for a few week break. I said I'd give it to him, …. 9 hours ago, Kristine said: This is his busiest time at work. 2 hours ago, Kristine said: He turned cold, when I said I something about loving me one day and hating me the next he was normal again. Than instead of the it's not you it's me message he changed it to I need time to think, I'm under a lot of stress and basically asked me to give him time. I asked him to be straight with me and tell me we're done. But he wouldn't do that. That where the he's testing me idea came from. I know it is a long shot as it rarely ever happens but just maybe..... He is telling you as straight as he can that he is really busy this time of the year and needs a little space to get his head around some things??? Some jobs can be very seasonal and leave you with little time to think about anything else in the busy times. If you are as hot as you say you are, he will not be testing you. He will want to keep you. Maybe he can not afford the time right now to deal with your drama? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kristine Posted January 17, 2020 Author Share Posted January 17, 2020 19 hours ago, Caauug said: I know it is a long shot as it rarely ever happens but just maybe..... He is telling you as straight as he can that he is really busy this time of the year and needs a little space to get his head around some things??? Some jobs can be very seasonal and leave you with little time to think about anything else in the busy times. If you are as hot as you say you are, he will not be testing you. He will want to keep you. Maybe he can not afford the time right now to deal with your drama? Well he said he needed a few weeks break of dating so he could think and recover. I said I could wait, he said thanks for understanding. But it feels like a breakup. We had a date planned Friday originally. I'm not that hot but he thinks I am though my mom has said I could be a knockout, need to lose some weight. Link to post Share on other sites
scooby-philly Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 No sane, normal, balanced man (not perfect, cause like unicorns and the tooth fairy, they don't exist) would ask for two weeks of space without a lot of talking first, ground rules, assurances from you, etc., if he truly cared (loved) you. "Space" and "I'm really 10x busier at work and I won't have time to talk or do a lot for the next 2 weeks" are not the same thing. And I'm not jumping on board the band wagon of him wanting to test you and your limits. But...he certainly was naive (if he means no foul) by not being extremely clear and decisive with how he handled it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kristine Posted January 17, 2020 Author Share Posted January 17, 2020 I really want him or I wouldn't wait. We had fun together, good conversation, nice dates. But it's really hard to wait. I miss talking to him. And we didn't start on the best foot. He's not the cutest but he's muscular. He's so loving with his touch. I just love being around him. My mom thinks he'll be back. I'm beautiful, he's old and not attractive. But it's early in all I have is phone number and city of work and residence not place or address. I just don't know he talked about being just us and that's not what I want. We want different things. I want him part of my life not just an aspect. I'm thinking too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kristine Posted January 18, 2020 Author Share Posted January 18, 2020 I talked to him last night. He wants something between casual and relationship. Whereas I'm looking for a relationship. He says it's about more than just sex, which we haven't had. But we have a good time together, than things flip and it gets ruined. I was tired so I couldn't really resolve things. My med makes me sleepy. Should I let him go? I really want him but more than he wants me. Another guy I dated and did have sex with which was great. Wants to see me again. After having sex he said something about being a slow learner that turned me off dating him. He scored high on the pros cons list. Guys are throwing themselves at me, except the one I want. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kristine Posted January 18, 2020 Author Share Posted January 18, 2020 Well I said not my thing. And basically good to know now. Though I'm thinking he lied on his profile. I avoided all casual daters. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 1 hour ago, Kristine said: I talked to him last night. He wants something between casual and relationship. Whereas I'm looking for a relationship. He says it's about more than just sex, which we haven't had. But we have a good time together, than things flip and it gets ruined. I was tired so I couldn't really resolve things. My med makes me sleepy. Should I let him go? I really want him but more than he wants me. Another guy I dated and did have sex with which was great. Wants to see me again. After having sex he said something about being a slow learner that turned me off dating him. He scored high on the pros cons list. Guys are throwing themselves at me, except the one I want. Just make sure the reason he's the guy you want isn't because he's the one you can't have. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 2 hours ago, Kristine said: He wants something between casual and relationship. Which is....what, exactly? He's blowing hot air. I'm sorry but I think this man has more or less lost interest. He might be up for some fun times occasionally but doesn't want to commit himself to you. I wouldn't bother. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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