Shocker16 Posted January 15, 2020 Share Posted January 15, 2020 Hi, My story maybe have mixed reviews but I don't feel I can tell anyone close to me. I started chatting to someone on a dating site and we exchanged numbers. It was a week before Christmas and because his family lived abroad he was away but we kept texting the whole time up until 2 days ago. The messaging turned sexual overnight and was pretty constant the whole time. Normally if someone sexted me I'd run a mile but I stick with it and we did actually connect. I did tell him I didnt know what I wanted but was happy for some fun only. He messaged me every morning and throughout the day and this just made my feelings grow. After a previous bad experience I google the hell out of a name to make sure they are legit. I found him on the electoral which was 6 years ago and he was named living with a female. At this point it didn't cross my mind that he would still be in this relationship. We fell out initially because I saw him online on the dating site after he was saying things like he was falling for me(warning sign number 1). He did say that he was just clearing notifications and in the end i continued talking to him even though I didnt believe him. When he came back after xmas we did meet up at my home and we ended up being intimate and then the messages continued but I noticed that in the evenings he didn't message as much(warning no 2) and when we arranged to meet again he could only do over a week later. At this point i realised he must have a gf. But.....shamefully I continued messaging him as I just really enjoyed the contact. Then a couple of days ago he cancelled our meet as he said he had been overloaded with work. At this point I was so disappointed I instantly asked him if he has a gf as I suspected it but told him I wasn't cross and didnt change my feelings but needed to know. He denied it and then just stopped messaging. I asked him to message me and tell me what he was thinking and he blocked me. Then with the little self respect I had left, I messaged him on the dating site apologising and basically laid it out they we were so sexually compatible it would be a shame to let it go and made it clear I wouldn't ask any more questions and that I should have trusted him. I said all this knowing he prob is a dirt bag and does have a gf. He then blocked me on the dating site. So now I'm left feeling so empty. What I cant understand is why on earth I would continue like I did with my suspicions. It was always going to end in tears yet I continued to persue him. I've been single for the last 3 years and in this time have put on weight and have no confirdence with men. He gave me so many compliments and he was gorgeous aswell. Yes I am foolish but I dont feel it. I just feel empty. One thing I have done is delete our whole conversation and deleted his number to try and find closure for myself. But I am totally gutted. I know I deserve it in a way as I was more than 50% sure he had a gf but I just caught feelings and just couldnt let it go. I'm not sure if I'm asking for advice or for someone to just read my story, I just feel a little lost at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 Trust me, the guy isn't worth it despite what you feel. No one ever is. And don't kick yourself over it. You pursued him despite suspicion because he filled a void. It doesn't make it any easier but it happens. Everyone one of us tends to attract the wrong type of individual at one point in our lives or another, but you have to pick yourself up and just keep moving. And always go with your gut instinct, because if it seems too good to be true, it usually always is. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shocker16 Posted January 16, 2020 Author Share Posted January 16, 2020 (edited) Thank you for your kind words, kinder than I deserve. However, you are right and it did fill a void. Strangely a void I didn't even know was there. Before I chatted to this guy I vowed I didn't need a man and was happy with my life but he made me realise different and how much better life can be. One thing I didn't mention before was that the positives I have taken from this is that he boosted my confidence and made me realise certain things about myself(in a good way). Thank you for taking the time to reply, it means alot. Edited January 16, 2020 by Shocker16 1 Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 (edited) No problem, @Shocker16. Just keep your head held high and keep moving. And *DON'T* give up. Sometimes when a relationship doesn't pan out can be a blessing in disguise. And there's always someone out there will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Edited January 16, 2020 by The Outlaw 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 The first warning sign actually wasn't this: "We fell out initially because I saw him online on the dating site after he was saying things like he was falling for me" It was this: "The messaging turned sexual overnight and was pretty constant the whole time." Followed by this: "When he came back after xmas we did meet up at my home and we ended up being intimate" This dude was all about sex, from the beginning. You mistook the sexual side of things as emotionally connecting; he did not. I don't even necessarily believe he has a girlfriend. You have essentially zero proof of that and certainly not enough to come at him with such an accusation. Finding out he lived with a woman six years ago is not proof that he is still with that person, nor that she was even his girlfriend. Not being able to meet for a week also does not necessarily mean he is taken; a sign of low interest, yes, but not conclusively a sign he is already in a relationship. Chill on that kind of stuff next time. Ask questions if you wish to suss someone out, but hold off on accusing people of things you have such little basis for. Now, do I think he was serious about you and being genuine that he was falling for you? No, not for a minute. Sure, he enjoyed sexting and probably enjoyed the actual sex as well. He led with that, in fact. That's fine if all you want is to have some fun, but you should not take a guy seriously when he's sexting without ever having met you and comes over to have sex on the first meet-up. Let this one go. But be more selective about the men you meet in person next time, and don't emotionally invest in someone you hardly know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shocker16 Posted January 16, 2020 Author Share Posted January 16, 2020 You are 100% right. Sometimes things need to be blatantly pointed out to you for you to realise it. It's really hard not to feel so emotional about things and I think because of this i should steer clear of the sexting in future and just date the old fashioned way. I appreciate your advice and will take this onboard moving forward. Your advice actually does now make me feel foolish, which is something I needed to feel in order to move on. Thanks for replying 🙂 Link to post Share on other sites
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