How do I try to control my nightmares about my ex?

[Creepedout]

I broke up with my ex almost 6 months ago but we were together for a lot of years.  At first, I didn't dream about him (but I admit to thinking of him almost each day) but over the last few weeks it seems like I dream about him most nights and in more and more detail. The theme is we are getting back together but the people around us don't know that yet and I have to hide it. 

I wish I could stop this dreaming since I wake up feeling down.  I am involved with someone new that I really like and he gives me happiness so I don't think it's loneliness.

My ex did text me last month and a few times before that but for the most part, I ignored the texts and that seemed to aggravate him. According to his texts, he is involved with someone new and very happy (not sure I buy into all of that though).

does anyone have any thoughts on this?

[stillafool]

It's normal after a break up with someone you didn't want to break up with.  You need to block your ex from contacting you.  This will help a great deal. Of course if he is contacting you he will be in your subconscious.  So block him and enjoy your new guy.

[Creepedout]

I blocked him a month ago.

[schlumpy]

The only association I can guess at would be that there is some feature of your past relationship that is important to you and is yet unresolved and your subconscious is mulling it over through your dreams.

[kendahke]

Your subconscious is working through the deeper aspects of the break up and showing you that keeping him in your life, in whatever small way, is destructive to the point where you cannot live squarely in your truth.

I went through a similar occurrence when I broke up with my ex and it was pretty much what you're experiencing.  It'll abate once your subconscious is done pulling that information out by their roots.

Edited January 19, 2020 by kendahke

[preraph]

I agree with kendahke above that it's your subconscious still working through the break-up. 

 

One way to minimize the dreaming is to allocate just a couple of minutes before bed or before sleep and in private so you can really think and allocate those couple of minutes to thinking about it. you can ask yourself different questions such as how do I feel about this or that, what was my part in the problems, and is there anything I need to do to more neatly wrap up the matter. 

 

In other words you give it conscious thought before bed and entertain your concerns and thoughts then in a controlled environment so that your subconscious doesn't have to take it up after you're asleep, or at least not as much of it. 

if you are with your new boyfriend you could always just take a bathroom break or do it while you're in the shower.

Good luck. 

[Creepedout]

Thanks for the input.  My ex in his last communications to me sort of "blames me" for not responding to him and not wanting to see him (I blocked him after that b/c I couldn't take the guilt).  It's hard not to think about him (with his new squeeze) since we were together for so many years but I know I probably did the right thing breaking up and blocking him (even though he tried several times to see me). I am now dreaming about being in the holocaust and having to leave my home, etc.  It can really be traumatic. I can only hope with time, this too shall pass. I am enjoying my new relationship but thoughts of him creep in sometimes and I try to remember the reasons I broke up with him. 

[kendahke]

On 1/20/2020 at 4:23 PM, Creepedout said:

My ex in his last communications to me sort of "blames me" for not responding to him and not wanting to see him (I blocked him after that b/c I couldn't take the guilt).  It's hard not to think about him (with his new squeeze)

One of the perks of being one's boy/girlfriend is that they want to respond to you and want to see you.  When they leave you, those perks dry up--especially when they've gone on with someone else.

Your first priority are your own feelings,  not his. He gave that up, so he has to live with the consequences of that. He is not entitled to more than that.