Will she ever come back?

[Mr. Nice Guy]

I was with her for almost 3 years. Form pretty much day one we lived together. We had plans to get married when we were more financially sound. We both wanted kids. She always told me that she was so happy she meet me and that she never wanted to be with out me.

 

We had our problems just like any other couple. When ever I went out with my friends she would pretty much beg me to stay home to be with her and most of the time I did. She complained alot about not having a ring yet but i told i just cant afford the one i think she deserves she thinks i didnt want to get married yet but i always assured her i did. The last 6 to 8 months of the relationship I wasnt as intimate as i use to be with her. I guess i just got comfortable with her. She said something about it once in a while but never really pushed the issue. I guess it was more of problem then I thought. She kept talking about with her best friend that she works with and her friend told her to talk to me about seriously .She kept telling her friend that she would.

 

About three months ago a new assitant manager transferred from one store to her store. I met him one night at a party of one of her co-workers. When we got home i told her that I didnt like the guy and that he was bad news. I told her that i thought he was coming to her store and was going to try to mac on the girls at her store. She didnt think so. Well right after he started at her store he took all the single of age girls at her work to a party and was hanging all over them including my ex gf best friend.

 

About a month and half ago one day at work i guess my ex told this guy about the problems with me. Then a month ago she told me she was going shopping to get her best friend a bday present. When she came home that night i could tell something was wrong. So i finally got her to talk about it. She finally pushed the issue about how she felt we were kind of growing apart. So we talked about it for a while got all emotional with each other made up then made love. Well the next day she was getting ready for work and I could still tell something was wrong. I asked her and she said it was just what we talked about the night before. I knew she was lying so i finaly got her to tell me. When she told me that the night before she was going shopping for a bday present she really went over to her assitant managers house and fooled around didnt have sex but fooled around. She was so upset and felt so bad and said she wanted to work things out between us. So i didnt know what I was going to do she never lied to me before. So that night I stayed at my friends house just to get away she called me a couple times to make sure i wasnt going to do anything stupid.

 

So i stayed some where else for a few nights while I was thinking about what to do and just saw her during the day. So like three nights later i decided i want to stay together and work things out. At first she was happy that this what i decide and told me she wants things to be like they were the first year we were together. So did I excatly that. But the next day she said she loved me but wasnt sure if she loved me the way she should. So we still hung out during the day and I did everything like it was it the beginning. We even made love every day and it was great.

 

Then a few days after that went on she said I love you and care about you a lot but i just cant see myself spending the rest of my life with you now. I just dont love you the way that i should. I asked her if it had anything to do with this guy from her work and she said no she hasnt really talked to him besides work stuff at work. So i was crushed asked her if there will ever be a chance for us down the road. She said maybe Ill come back and if you dont find someone else maybe we can try. So I left her alone and let her keep the car that i gave her. And thought just give her some space she will come back in a week. Then I found out all those days we were hanging out during the day trying to work things out at night after i left she would call him and talk to him for like one to two hours. So i asked her why she didnt tell me and if they were talking about being together. She said they were just talking about dumb stuff like a couple of friends and she didnt tell me because it had nothing to do with us breaking up and she didnt wat to hurt me. So i asked if they were going to get together. She said no we are just going to be friends and hang out. The day after she left me she starting staying at his house. I asked her about that and she said they are just friends that like to hang out. I told her that friends dont just sleep over at each others house all the time. So I took the car back.

 

So I told her that things probably would of worked out between us if she wasnt talking to him everynight when we were trying to work things out. She just said it had nothing to do with him and that she didnt leave me to be with him.

 

After all that i found out from her best friend (which doesnt like this guy and is a good friend of mine too) that at the last store he worked at he started to mess around with this girl that was having problems with her boyfriend. The girl ended up leaving her boyfriend for him they lasted 2 weeks split up and she ended up quiting because he made life at work hard for her. So her best friend told her this and about how he was all over her and all the single girls at the one party. My ex only said that he told her she was different and that her best friend was the one hang all over him.

 

That week after she left me i kept talking to her and realized i was getting no where that he probably had her all brained washed anyways. So I started NC. That weekend I went away to florida just to get away. She found out and called me asking me about some money that i took out of the bank before i got my own bank account. Then she started to ask what i was doing and where i was at. I told what ever i want to do and where ever i want to be. She kept asking where are you. I said out of town. She was like i know where what are you doing down there, who did you go with, did you meet someone. I told her i went down there by myself and does it really matter to you if I met someone. She like i guess not but did you and I said yea i meet some people at this martini in florida. She was like why did you go. I said what was i suppose to do sit at home and sulk over the love of my life leaving me for someone else that she promised she would never do. She said i didnt leave you for him even though it looks that way. That was pretty much it. We havent talked since its been about two weeks now. I havent contact her at all since and she hasnt called me at all.

 

I just hope this NC thing works I do want her back real bad but on my terms. Our 3 year anniversary is coming up at the end of this month and i also leave for school at the end of the month which is 3 hours away. The reason i finally decided to go to school is so that we can have a better life together and she knows that. And now i have to go to school all alone. With no one here to support me.

 

Maybe I should of saw this coming she just turned 21 in july (i will be 24 in NOV). Me and her best friend dont think things will last long with this guy i guess he is a real jerk towards her friends. She pays for everything because he never has money. He has a kid and is only separated from his wife.

 

Its just hard being with out her. When i wake up the first thing i think about is her. How can she not care about me any more i use to be her world and she was mine. How can she break up with me and the next day be with him. Im so confused. I did go on a date this past weekend and have been talking with another girl but it really doesnt help the pain.

 

Do guys really think this no contact stuff will work? I just need some advice.

 

Thanks for reading

[lost_in_chgo]

Having no contact with her will give you time to get past it, and let her know that you are moving on. What she does with that is up to her.

 

Sounds like the guy is just on the make and using her, so that's not going to go long term.

 

But, there are still issues in you relationship. She left for a reason. So if you are thinking of taking her back if she calls you, you should probably drop the "on my terms" stuff. You need to fix whatever was wrong on both sides. If it turns out that she just wants to date around, then you can't force her and maybe down the road when she gets past all that, she'll reconsider. But don't wait for it to happen.

[NTB]

her coming back??.......why would you want her to come back aside from the "i love her so much" stuff

dude the girl left you for another guy.. that is wicked if she did it once it will happen again

i say do NC get yourself together and move on with your life

[pippen_2k]

Thankgod you got your car back, and how dare she question you about the money out of the account.

 

Give her nothing, cause you owe her nothing!

[Mr.P]

Sounds so similar to my situation! My ex dumped me for a complete **** but swears he had nothing to do with us splitting up.

 

I've followed the advice on here, NC. Best route for you to feel better, and for her to probably realise how she screwed it all up.

[Mr. Nice Guy]

Lost in chgo

what i really ment by my terms is that if she wants to come back to me because she loves me and wants to be with not that she ended up getting hurt by him and just coming back as a back up plan. I didnt mean i have a list of rules or anything when i said my terms.

 

Pippen

 

I think her asking about the money from the account was excuse to call me to ask me about being in florida.

 

Mr P. and NTB

Thanks for the advice and i plan on sticking to NC.

 

One question though if she calls me should I answer or just let her leave a message and call her back in a day or so?

Any advice on this would help thanks guys?

[lost_in_chgo]

Ok, I see on the terms thing.

 

On the call... always better to let her leave a message if you aren't sure how to handle things. You can call when you are better prepared and you may be able to derive some sense of her viewpoint or state of mind from the message she leaves. Puts things more under your control that way.

[Mr. Nice Guy]

The reason I was asking about dont answer the phone when she calls and wait a day was so she would think like wow he didnt answer my call or call me right back.

[Mr. Nice Guy]

Ok I got a text message this moring saying good moring sunshine but it didnt say who it was from should i contact her and ask her if she sent it?

[Mr.P]

Not if you're sticking to No Contact !!

 

Forget about it.......

[Mr. Nice Guy]

Thanks for the advice i didnt want to really contact her anyways. But I found out it was from this girl i went out on date last weekend. I guess that is a good sign but this girl is young and a little immature. She nice and sweet but i just feel like another young girl will just get me back where iam at now. Plus i still have strong feelings for my ex. Any advice will help. I wouldnt mind hearing some advice from the opposite sex.