Sadness

[Angelflower]

Crying is better than holding it in. Just get it out. Take a hot bath and then try to get some sleep. I was watching some tv earlier and their was a segment on it about how there were a lot of people feeling sad this winter because of the weather and I believe it's true... it's been a bit darker than normal this season and I think we are all feeling it. It does make it harder to move forward and easier to just wallow so please take care. I personally suffer from SADD so I use a special light. They recommend using at least 20 mins a day but I find I have it on all day here over my computer. It's called light therapy. Winter is going to hang on longer so maybe tomorrow check into them and get yourself one. I do find it helps... 

[Piddy]

7 hours ago, Angelflower said:

 I personally suffer from SADD so I use a special light. They recommend using at least 20 mins a day but I find I have it on all day here over my computer. It's called light therapy.

You need to move to Florida.  We have more sun that we know what to do with.  Of course then there's the skin cancer risk, but we're loaded with dermatologists here. 😎

[FMW]

Nothing wrong with crying, it can be very therapeutic.  Divorced dad seems like a nice enough guy, just not ready to be a boyfriend to anyone.  Don't waste any energy feeling negatively about him or about things not turning out the way you had hoped.  

You opened yourself up to be vulnerable to him, that's a good thing - because you'll never really connect to anyone else without that ability to be vulnerable.  So look at it as a practice run and look forward to the next guy that will come along.  In the meantime, be nice to yourself (specifically STOP saying you're too old for anyone to want you) and do things that make you feel good. 

[Angelflower]

1 hour ago, Piddy said:

You need to move to Florida.  We have more sun that we know what to do with.  Of course then there's the skin cancer risk, but we're loaded with dermatologists here. 😎

I love Florida my son lives there. I was going to move to there but my son doesn't want me to live anywhere near him. My own family doesn't love me, want me or need me. I'm an orphan now.. my parents are dead and my children hate me. And I lost my job over a year ago... so I am also very poor living on food stamps and savings so I really cant afford to move anywhere anyways. 😢  

Edited January 18, 2020 by Angelflower

[Happy Lemming]

1 hour ago, Angelflower said:

I love Florida my son lives there. I was going to move to there but my son doesn't want me to live anywhere near him.

Come to the Sunny Southwest!! 

Arizona... Its a dry heat!! 

And its affordable!!

[Ruby Slippers]

16 hours ago, Angelflower said:

Not sure why you want to just assume that if people mentions using they are then abusing. This is exactly why I don't tell people that I smoke weed... they want to jump to all kinds of conclusions.

You said you smoke a lot. Sorry, I was trying to help, but it's clear you don't find it helpful.

I hope things turn around for you. I have felt lost in a dark place before. There is hope.

[Angelflower]

Just now, Ruby Slippers said:

You said you smoke a lot. Sorry, I was trying to help, but it's clear you don't find it helpful.

I hope things turn around for you. I have felt lost in a dark place before. There is hope.

No I don't find it helpful... you know nothing about me so I am not sure why you want to assume just because I smoke weed I am abusing. 

[mortensorchid]

And toAnd to answer or address other points in this thread:

I have been taking anti depressant drugs for years and I LOVE them in all caps.  Life has been a rocky road but these helped me in ways I never dreamed possible.

Was this guy different or exceptional?  He was in the fact that we had this and I think I was starting to fall for him, but he stopped it in its tracks before it could.  I cried because this was the first real lead I had had in years and I just had hope.  But ... he won't take it further when it was ready to go and there is nothing I can do about that.  

People tell me I am a gem and all these other guys are nothing but losers because they won't take it further.  My self esteem has taken a beating more times than the average to be sure.  But... where does this leave me?  Disappointed and depressed.  How can it not be?  It's hard, life can really suck.  

[scooby-philly]

OP,

 

Sorry to hear about your suffering. Just last night I hit a severe wall of sadness and depression, and it picked up again when I woke up this morning. While maybe some if it is lingering affects of a heartbreaking relationship ending 5 months ago, I know - because of a lot of self-reflection, therapy, and work on myself, that it's not about missing her. It's about the fact that I know what I want in a relationship and partner and I've settled, even ignored signs that relationships weren't right for me or that a partner was not in love with me as much as I was in love with them, mixed up with stuff I want to work on in my personal life and career. So, that being said, having gone through depression and heartache before, there's no single formula for getting back to a solid life that's fulfilled and let's you discover joy and happiness and infuse it into your life.

You need to figure out what brings you joy. Things to do when you need time alone. Things to do when you need to refill your batteries. Things to do when you are down. Things to do that make a difference in the world if you're into that sort of thing. It's not a question of even necessarily trying new things, though that's not bad either, but of letting your ego do and asking, "when I've been truly happy and firing on all cylinders, what have I been doing?" "when I've been healthy and happy, what am I not doing?", "what are the things I've always wanted to do but my defense mechanisms have stopped me because I was raised or conditioned by people/experiences to not want to do them?". Answering those types of questions will help you figure out an underlying pattern. So..as an example - maybe you like to give back to your community or the needy. Go do it! If you've done that before - even just a day when your church was volunteering at a food bank or your work was doing a community service day - go and do it on your own! Like the outdoors? There are outdoor groups (on sites like Meetup) all over the world - join them for something - hiking, canoeing, skiing, whatever you enjoy!. Then, when you're happy and fulfilled you will start to attract the right kind of people. Now, you may still attract the wrong kind, but if you're doing the work mentally you'll be able to stop yourself from getting involved with the wrong people.

[Gaeta]

Morten: I am really sorry. Crying a good shot will do you good. Be kind to yourself and lick your wounds for a couple of weeks. In 2014 I had a huge heartbreak and I lost a lot of faith in men, and in finding someone and the next man I met is my current boyfriend. Giving you a big hug!

[mortensorchid]

Just to update, I am moving on from him.  We've had no contact since, and I am getting back to business as usual. 

[Gaeta]

Good stuff Morten: 

Don't give this man more importance than he deserves. You had no intimacy, you were not officially dating, he stood you up, let you hang for days if not weeks, he needs to be put down from the pedestal you put him on. 

[mortensorchid]

On 1/21/2020 at 1:30 PM, Gaeta said:

Good stuff Morten: 

Don't give this man more importance than he deserves. You had no intimacy, you were not officially dating, he stood you up, let you hang for days if not weeks, he needs to be put down from the pedestal you put him on. 

Thanks, this is the case.  I was thinking in the beginning that this was meant to be because of the circumstances around it, but I see now that it wasn't because of just what you said here.  He wouldn't go out and meet others, there was no intimacy, he never initiated much contact, etc.  But I'm not the first who made this mistake.  I'm okay with it now.  I also failed to mention to others that his recent divorce was his 2nd marriage in the can.  Don't know much about his first marriage other than he said he was a doormat to a psycho as well, but ... There's certainly something not right about this.  So, life goes on.  It was for the best. 

[alphamale]

good riddance I say