I'm lost and not sure how to cope

[Terrylee1]

I'm 47 years old and my life is unrecognizable from 3 years prior. I got married at 44 for 1st time. We moved to a new city. Unfortunately, my health started to decline. I began early menopause and developed hypothyroidism along with ulcers and weight gain. Those are all things that can be fixed if you have health insurance. We had savings and a plan. The plan failed due to my decline in health. My husband has a job however, I had the career. I was a the financial backing in the marriage. That's not an issue given that I'm able to work. Also, I come from a well off family. The thing is, my parents or shall I say my mother forbids any assistance regardless. She has her 5 carat diamond and chanel bags amongst designer towels. What I don't understand is that we are losing both vehicles and our home. My father tried to help us against my mother's mandate and he can never assist again. I'm a Gemologist with a very good career and education. I'm too sick too work.  I got emergency medical insurance for my health and will be back on track within 3 months. In the interim,  everything has to go. I don't believe that I am owed anything or that anyone should pay my way. My own parents, millionaires, wouldn't assist and I'm hurt.  Had I not received emergency health insurance through the state, I would have had to remain sick.  I had no idea that there were issues with my parents until recently. I've never needed help, I've always been self sufficient. There are no huge family feuds or hatred that I was aware of. My mother is upset I think because after I moved away, my father wanted to move with my mom to the same town to be close to me. That's all I can come up with that could have caused ill feelings. Am I acting entitled or is it ridiculous that my parents are very well off and won't help?  I don't understand. My husband is morally supportive but not willing to do what is necessary to keep afloat until I'm well.  Any advice?

[FMW]

Your parents don't owe you financial assistance (as you stated yourself) but it's normal to feel hurt that they have abundance and don't WANT to help you during your time of need.  

I think a more important issue to focus on is your husband.  Why is he not willing to "do that is necessary to keep afloat"?  He is the one who absolutely should be there for you in whatever way is necessary, including financial.  You're a team.  

I'm sorry I don't really have advice, I'm not sure what your options are for your circumstances or your location.  There are are various options for assistance either through government programs or local charitable organizations, depending on your particulars.  

I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation, I hope you are well very soon and able to bounce back financially soon.

[Terrylee1]

Thank you. I agree. It just hurts so much. If I were well, I could handle it. I'm just trying to gain my health. I feel like I failed. I know that's not truth. My husband failed me. 

[vla1120]

Dealing with health issues as well as financial issues really takes its toll. Do you have someone to talk to like a close friend or therapist? I agree that your husband needs to step up and fill in while you get back to being healthy and the main breadwinner. Is it possible he's not stepping up because he expects your parents to come through with help?  Also, are you an only child and/or were you closer to your father than your mother while growing up? My sister-in-law was clearly her father's favorite. Because of that, there was always a bit of a jealousy issue with her mother vying for his attention. It was quite sad, in reality (a mother being jealous of her own daughter.) I'm not saying that's the issue, but your story reminded me of their relationship. Her mother, long after her father's death, would not lift a finger to help her with anything. I get that a parent is not obligated to help. I just couldn't watch my daughters struggle without providing some assistance, especially if I knew they were hard-working individuals who had simply fallen on some hard times. (But then, I've been accused of doing too much for my daughters.)

[Terrylee1]

58 minutes ago, vla1120 said:

Dealing with health issues as well as financial issues really takes its toll. Do you have someone to talk to like a close friend or therapist? I agree that your husband needs to step up and fill in while you get back to being healthy and the main breadwinner. Is it possible he's not stepping up because he expects your parents to come through with help?  Also, are you an only child and/or were you closer to your father than your mother while growing up? My sister-in-law was clearly her father's favorite. Because of that, there was always a bit of a jealousy issue with her mother vying for his attention. It was quite sad, in reality (a mother being jealous of her own daughter.) I'm not saying that's the issue, but your story reminded me of their relationship. Her mother, long after her father's death, would not lift a finger to help her with anything. I get that a parent is not obligated to help. I just couldn't watch my daughters struggle without providing some assistance, especially if I knew they were hard-working individuals who had simply fallen on some hard times. (But then, I've been accused of doing too much for my daughters.)

My mother doesn't not care much for me and I don't understand. I never will. I have an older sister who just got out of prison after 6 years for drugs and identify theft. My mother has now gravitated to her and 

[vla1120]

Mother/daughter relationships can be so complicated. Hopefully, soon, you will get a chance to talk to someone about your relationship with your mother. I know that does not help you in your current situation. In that respect, maybe you can sit down with your husband and discuss a temporary solution (meaning more from him) until you get back on your feet again and are able to support the family as you usually do. Moving forward, though, he should be willing to step up to do more so that he can take a little of the pressure off you. If nothing else, you can bank his extra income for retirement. Best of luck!

[Terrylee1]

Thank you.  My husband is not stepping up as he should.  I never married him for money however, work ethic is important. I'm mad at him too. I don't have friends so I rely on me. If I felt well enough, I may just up and leave. I am admitting something. I resent my husband for not doing whatever it takes. I would move mountains. I have had thoughts of leaving him. I am the provider in our home.  He wants to assist in my business. It took 10 years of schooling to work in my industry.  Yes, he is lazy I think. He hinders my work rather than help. I work alone and its difficult to listen to his ideas for my business when he hasn't a clue about gemology, numismatics and appraising.  He was cleaning my burmese jadeite specimen with windex one day.  He neglected to read that ammonia destroys the luster of the stone.  Thank you for listening. You all have been so kind. There is so little kindness in the world today. It's very nice and brings tears to my eyes that people I have never met care and reach out. It's so lovely 

[vla1120]

Your husband sounds like my first husband. I was always the main breadwinner. I threw in the towel after 32 years (and a couple of cheating incidents.) He would quit a job if it interfered with his softball or flag football team schedule. I lost quite a bit of respect for him during those years because everything was left to me to provide for our family. I jumped through hoops and did whatever I needed to do to further my education and increase my salary from year to year. In my state, by law, he automatically gets 50% of my pension when I retire. He keeps bugging my daughters about when I am going to retire so he can start collecting MY pension. Ugh. 

Like you, I was very happy I found loveshack.org. I've gotten so much good advice out here. Keep venting! It definitely helps. Have a good weekend!