Sarcasm - another way of being funny or silent destructor?

[Legatus]

I have been thinking about it for a while and decided to create a topic to discuss it. What is your stance on sarcasm? Do you use it? Is it used by your SO, friends? If so what kinds of sarcasm were they?

But most of all I want to find out about people's boundaries. Do you think sarcasm can be detrimental to a relationship or self-esteem? What good and bad sides of sarcasm can you see?

What I define as sarcasm: “The use of irony to mock or convey contempt.”

I'll add my personal opinion later on.. 

[sothereiwas]

Sarcasm is like salt; delicious if used a little in the right context. Otherwise, it kills everything. 

[Angelflower]

I am a very literal person so I have a very hard time with sarcasm. I can't tell if a person is being serious or not. 

When I was kid and my dad used sarcasm all the time to say mean spirited things about other. He was so good at it you never knew if he was serious or just teasing. For example... when I was 15 we went camping in another country. While there my parents made friends with some of the locals.. they were having such a good time that they told me they were trading me off for some cows and horses. I believe them! I spent the whole vacation in turmoil of how I was going to escape and make my way back to the USA. That is just one example of many.

Unfortunately because of my father I find myself slipping into using sarcasm a lot when I am very unhappy. When life is good though I don't find myself using it as much...but when I am depressed like now... that seems to be the only think that comes out of my mouth. I guess I am pretty funny too because people are always laughing at my comments. 

Edited January 17, 2020 by Angelflower

[Legatus]

@Angelflower that kind of sarcasm to a child can be devastating. I think a lot of parents also assume that kids/teenagers have an innate ability to decode sarcasm, which in reality it's not true. 

What are you doing to combat your sarcastic side when you're unhappy?

[Angelflower]

I am a big fan of random acts of kindness. Your right it was devastating... as a result I never felt loved. To this day I have trouble feeling like anyone loves me. I try to make sure my comments are not directed toward a person in particular but more at a situation instead. 

I have also found that when I use sarcasm that is directed toward a person it is usually thick with some sort of  truth that the person doesn't want to hear and as a result I lose friend and loved ones.

Edited January 17, 2020 by Angelflower

[Angelflower]

Thinking about this more I would say in my own life sarcasm has been a silent destructor. When I think about the friendships and family relationships that I have lost it all comes down to something I said that they didn't like hearing. My father always told me I just needed to learn to keep my mouth shut... something I just can't seem to do. 

[vla1120]

I believe it depends on the spirit in which the sarcasm is intended. I use (what I would consider) humorous sarcasm almost daily. It's never a biting, hurtful sarcasm. I do have a problem sometimes with people not understanding my sense of humor, but I'm usually able to sort that out rather quickly. My husband, however, uses biting, hurtful sarcasm when he's angry. In that regard, it's hurtful and it is the not-so-silent destructor.

[Funktionull]

I think it has a place as long as you and the other people are aware of the context in which it is being used. Never use it to intentionally hurt someone and if you inadvertently do, be aware enough to apologize.

[basil67]

My sense of humour does not extend to sarcasm.  This is fortunate because my nearest and dearest friends and family don't use it.  

[LuckyM]

Depends on how sarcasm is used. If it is about a person an event or thing.

Sarcasm toward a friend or acquaintance is often taken negatively, as a slap..

You need to say it with a big smile, show you are not serious. Even then, sensitive people

will be taken aback and possibly offended. My parents were sarcastic and I hated it.

Then some people will not GET the sarcasm and think you mean it.

[preraph]

If you find yourself having to say "Only joking" or accusing the recipient of your barb of having no sense of humor, then your sarcasm isn't funny and is more a way to attack people without getting called out on it and you need to zip it. 

[mark clemson]

Sarcasm - a force so evil it corrupts everything it touches, while leaving a trail of twisted wreckage and smoldering corpses in it's wake.

Yay sarcasm!

 

It's a rhetorical device. Like any tool it can be used with skill, or without, or misused. There's the potential for misunderstanding, so it needs to be used with care in some situations.

A hammer isn't a tool for relationship destruction either, but if hubby has got to start getting handy at 3 AM for some reason or starts making threats with it, well...

[Woggle]

I can be very sarcastic but it is never said out of hate. If I don't like you I am blunt and direct.

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Sarcasm is a tool I have employed many times while giving a sales presentation, I used to go door to door selling energy contracts and the rule was that you could not talk negatively about competitors, so instead I would use sarcasm to devalue their current contract, then right after use a value building statement about our contract, it was gold.

Sarcasm is a concept of value though, so you have to be careful how you use it interpersonally. 

 

[Legatus]

With my friends, I'm sarcastic, but it  depends on the kind of friendship we have. Let me tell you why I started this topic. There is a story from my past and present, different ones

1. My best friend. We've known each other from the very first day of high-school. After school I left to another country and we didn't talk for 4 years but then she actually lived with me in that country, twice. Nothing romantic. We were best mates. But she always used sarcasm a lot. It was never intended as a hurt, or so I believe, but after 10 years of friendship, living with her under one roof, I suddenly realised one sad thing: I never felt like she respected me as a person, as a man. I remember I told her that once and she was outraged. This is when I first fell how years of sarcasm can slowly make you question those things. I love her like my sister but I never felt respected. 

2. The girl I was dating. I knew from the moment I met her she was sarcastic. After few hours I also knew she uses it as a defense mechanism. When we were getting closer she would be sarcastic more often than not, and often about the same things. Only recently I found a pattern that majority would be about something physical. Whether it's my pointy chin, badger-like (short) hair, or different things. I totally understand that saying these things are sometimes flirty and I get it. She would be sarcastic about herself too "Ohh those dancing shoes are not meant for farm-girl feet like mine" but in my case it was just getting repetitive. Since analysing data is my job I find patterns everywhere, so this was no different. I don't have to deal with it because we don't see each other but it made me wonder a little bit.

@CAPSLOCK BANDIT you are, of course, right that it's still a skill that not everybody possesses even if they think you do. But is the skill just about knowing how to use it in certain context? Based on my #1 my friend was very skilled but with time, those things slowly started to be very heavy. The problem is that if she took the whole sarcasm away after I had told her - it would be even worse - because she wouldn't be herself. 

I've learned sarcasm along the way but I only use it in humorous situations. Lately I've been reading more about the cues you can give to very sarcastic people, in order to trigger them to think about, like, for example, taking things literally. 

[schlumpy]

Sarcastic humor is a lot of fun with the right group of friends but it should never be an uncontrolled part of your personality. There are too many humorless and touchy people in this world eager to be offended.