ElizaO Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 Hello, It's been eight years since I met my partner. He and I bought a house together three years ago and now I regret that. His temper is very uneven: sometimes he is glad, but very often he is sulky or irritated. A couple of nights ago, I sat by him and wanted to talk about things I had read in the news, one of them being about someone who committed suicide during the holidays, and I asked my partner what he thought about someone who did that to his children and why anyone would do that. He answered "I don't know, what a strange question to ask". Then, when I asked him why he thought it was strange, his next anger tantrum started. I tried to tell him calmly that I just wanted to talk about the news, but he interrupted me directly and then, when I said that I had to go to sleep soon since I was working the next day, he followed me to my room (we sleep apart since he snores) and started screaming that I had to apologize for saying that he didn't give me an answer. What I meant is that he didn't give me a real answer and that I felt hurt that he would call my question strange. I told him that I needed to sleep soon and would he please leave me alone. He put on some loud music on his computer and refused to leave my room. He was screaming almost the whole time, and I told him that I tried to explain how I felt about this but that he had interrupted me. He told me that I talk about how it feels and he talks about what really happened. I asked him to leave several times since I had to get up for work early the next day, but it took twenty minutes for him to leave, telling me that "you haven't heard the last about this". I cannot take this anymore. He refuses to listen to me and I want out of this relationship. Sadly, I am now 39 years old and my dreams of a husband and children seems lost to me; of course, he won't propose to me and I would prefer to find another man. What would you do if you were in my situation? I feel sad and scared about the future. Thank you for reading this! Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 I think it was a weird question too. I mean, you could say how you feel about it, and if he had any thoughts on the matter he would offer them up. But it's weird to expect him to discuss thoughts on something which he doesn't care to think about. Rather than being hurt or pushing it further, you should have just dropped the question. That said, his behaviour was unacceptable and if I were you, I'd be out of there. And on top of not being good to live with, he's not going to give your your dreams of a husband and children anyway. And if he did, he'd be a poor role model for your children. Cut your losses and get out of there. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 Yes hes obviously got some demons inside his head, Is he only sulky and irritated with you or how is his general persona outside the house in public, is he depressed and the thoughts of suicide are a touchy subject, Does he show any remorse later for these outbursts Are you close enough to his family to gently broach the subject with them, Do you wish to try to help him or are you angling towards a clean break, I think you both need help, dont let this linger. Id imagine his family is the starting point. at least when you have no children it should be easy to get away? Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 On 1/17/2020 at 2:37 PM, ElizaO said: I cannot take this anymore. He refuses to listen to me and I want out of this relationship. Sadly, I am now 39 years old and my dreams of a husband and children seems lost to me; of course, he won't propose to me and I would prefer to find another man. What would you do if you were in my situation? If that's how you feel, then you spelled out what to do about it. While it's clear he has issues, I suspect this is about more than one nasty argument - you seem to think he won't marry, and of course there's the issue of kids and those stresses with a guy like this. No easy answers here unfortunately. One alternative to leaving or tolerating would be to insist on MC and probably some IC for him to resolve whatever's driving his rage. That would entail staying while he "worked on himself" and so putting more time in on the risk that the therapy might not work well. IF he outright refuses any counseling that makes it easier in some ways. You might consider having some eggs frozen if you can easily afford it. Not that that's a cure-all by any means. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 (edited) If you were married and had children together, I would respectfully suggest that counselling is in order... Given that you are not married and he has no intention to give you what you really want for your life, I would say that this relationship has run it’s course. Life is to short to stay in an unhappy and unfulfilling relationship... It’s time to go and find your own happiness. Good luck. Edited January 20, 2020 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 In your situation I'd leave. It's going to be tough to get your part of the equity in the house since you're not married. Women marry and have kids after 40. Even if you don't, you'll be better off away from this bully. Link to post Share on other sites
UCanCallMeCrazy Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 Your bf is a lunatic. He needs to see a psychiatrist. not going to work out, but it is interesting that you have been together for quite some time. Was he always like this? It sounds like his anger is resulting in domestic abuse; marriage will only make it worse. Find the exit, but be careful. The house will be a problem, best thing to do is to sell it and split the proceeds (if any). Link to post Share on other sites
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