Woggle Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 My friend is about to finalize his divorce and supposedly his soon to be ex is going around blaming me for getting in his ear and encouraging me him to leave. What happened is that after Trump was elected she turn into a super radical feminist and being very hateful against men. He was supportive of her and thought she just needed to get her rage out but it all hit the fan during the Kavanaugh thing. She told him to leave the house and get a hotel because she couldn't deal with being any men and we was away for almost two weeks. He loved the peace and quiet while away so when she invited him back home he served her with divorce papers. I told him that he can do what he wants but he will be a punching bag again in the future whenever something happens that triggers her misandry again. He is not obligated to take abuse because of events that have nothing to do with them and while I fully support what he is doing he went to me for advice and I gave him my opinion. She supposedly is furious at me and blames me for poisoning his mind against her. If she never made him into the enemy they would still be married if you ask me. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 A final straw for me some years ago was with this guy who I got in lots of political/social conversations with. He was a Constitutionalist at all costs. Well, the Constitution wasn't written equalizing women, so it's got to have amendments for that. (Just this week the ERA has expired after all these decades because all states won't ratify it, which is horrifying!). My final straw was when I realized he would not be for keeping a man in jail for domestic violence after it was clear he did physical harm to her by marks on her body, in order to keep him from going and finishing her off for calling police. It's pretty irritating to have these types of things minimized by men as radical or misandry. I have no position on the Kavanaugh thing, but the partisan divide in politics has taken its toll on lots of people. Frankly, I'm surprised it's her trying to blame someone else for his opinion. She found out what his real thoughts were on the subject (regardless of whether Kavanaugh is guilty or innocent), and if he felt it was okay someone would do such a thing to a person in college as was alleged, then that would be a dealbreaker for a lot of women. Because it's indecent. She wants to believe it was YOU who put those ideas in his head so that she doesn't have to realize she wasted years with someone who never really had any respect for her or any other women. No, that's not fair to you. He has a mind of his own. From this point, you should just stay out of it and respond to anything coming your way with, He has his own brain. My feelings are irrelevant on Kavanaugh here, but they are that there wasn't sufficient evidence and that I can totally and absolutely believe a college boy would do such a thing because it happens all the time and that the witness, with her "little girl voice" while being a psychologist, couldn't be read for the absolute truth. Little girl voices are an affectation that sometimes result from arrested development, which resulted from some type of abuse -- but as a psychologist, there's a pretty good chance she might have known that (not certainty) and been putting it on, though since that fact is not widely known, not sure why she would think it would be effective to the general public. Put that together with the ongoing partisan lynching, and you have uncertainty. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted January 18, 2020 Author Share Posted January 18, 2020 She is the one who wants him back and he was clearly supportive of her during all her activism. I am sorry but you can't lay this on him having no respect for her or women when he showed infinite patience towards her. This is a woman who wouldn't even allow male artists or movies about men in the house because she was tired of honoring male greatness. She has calmed down since he left her but he decides he doesn't want to live with a hateful woman. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 (edited) no woggle, you are not to blame...she's a crazy ho Edited January 18, 2020 by alphamale added "crazy ho" 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 No, you're not to blame. But it's interesting that she's giving your mate no credit for having his own mind. It's another good reason for him to leave her. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 Patience and respect are the same thing. In this context patience actually sounds pretty condescending. But she does sound like she's out on the fringe. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiritedaway2003 Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 For some people, it's easier to lay blame on others for their own failures/flaws. You're not to blame. And your friend has a brain of his own. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 Yes people have minds of their own but we all know how easily the average person can be swayed into doing just about anything. That's the problem. Woggle got involved and basically undermined the marriage. His "advice" stirred the pot further. Instead of leaving them to it to sort their own differences and staying neutral, he fired up the angry and annoyed husband into asking for a divorce... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted January 19, 2020 Author Share Posted January 19, 2020 I didn't fire up anybody. He asked me for advice and I told him that at the end of the day he will always be the target of her rage whenever she is angry at men in general. That baseline contempt and resentment against the male gender will explode in his face unless she is willing to some serious work on herself which she doesn't seem to want to do. Nobody should have to leave their own house over something that they had nothing to do with. She could have at least left herself. She also calls my wife a hand maiden since she sides with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 The ins and outs of the situation are irrelevant, but when asked for your advice on his marriage instead of trying to calm the situation, you stirred it up. You were I guess incensed at her opinion of the male gender and you were inciting your friend to punish her for it. Maybe he would have come to that conclusion by himself but you certainly were not acting like a peacemaker. I can see why she thinks you poisoned his mind, as your "advice" was hostile to her and the continuation of the marriage.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted January 19, 2020 Author Share Posted January 19, 2020 I have no desire to be a peacemaker to somebody in an abusive marriage. 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 No it's not your fault at all, she's a nut job who won't take responsibility for her part in the demise of her marriage. One of her feminist friend's probably got in her ear and told her it was all your fault. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 There's a good possibility that you could end up on the outs with both of them over this. Men and women sometimes try to blame their partners friends instead of blaming their partner. It's not right ever. And just the act of blaming someone else for your partner's actions is tremendously disrespectable to the partner because it implies you think they don't have a mind of their own. I have seen it a lot both on and off of Love shack. If they decide to stay together you very well could be ousted. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted January 19, 2020 Author Share Posted January 19, 2020 Given the fact that the divorce will be finalized pretty soon chances are they won't be back together. He says that leaving her is like escaping prison so I think his mind is made up. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Tantrum Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 She's nuttier than a pecan pie. If she blames you, take it as a compliment. That scenario is one of the most ridiculous things I've heard. Throwing your own husband out of the house to indulge and wallow in the emotional cesspool of someone else's public hysteria? Lolllll. The fact that she did this when he was being SUPPORTIVE just takes the cake. She EARNED that divorce fair and square. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 Yeah, she went off the deep end a bit and is now trying to pin her mistakes on you. Kicking him out was a bridge too far IMO. Marriage partners are not punching bags for one to go over-the-top venting one's frustrations on. Duh... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 25 minutes ago, Woggle said: He says that leaving her is like escaping prison This is definitely not your fault! I'm sure there is much more at play here than her hatred of our Republican president. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted January 19, 2020 Author Share Posted January 19, 2020 Just now, CautiouslyOptimistic said: This is definitely not your fault! I'm sure there is much more at play here than her hatred of our Republican president. It is the fact that she wants to make him and every man pay for him being elected. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 Just now, Woggle said: It is the fact that she wants to make him and every man pay for him being elected. But, I mean she must have a history of this type of extreme behavior before this, right? I know a lot of people went crazy after the election, but were there warning signs beforehand?? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 Goodness, divorce over Trump...is there no limit to his reach?! I had a friend once who divorced her husband because he hit her and scared her child; apparently my name was mentioned at the hearings as 'a bad influence' and the cause of the break-up. When same friend called me a few years later to say she was getting remarried I said 'honey I promise not to break this one up!' and we both had a good laugh! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted January 19, 2020 Author Share Posted January 19, 2020 Actually she seemed pretty reasonable even five years ago. Something awaked in her that sent her over the edge. Most women in our circle think she is nuts and she calls them hand maidens. If she hates men this much why does she even want her husband back in her life? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 3 minutes ago, Woggle said: Actually she seemed pretty reasonable even five years ago. Something awaked in her that sent her over the edge. Most women in our circle think she is nuts and she calls them hand maidens. If she hates men this much why does she even want her husband back in her life? Keep out of it now. It wasn't your fault and if he goes back steer clear of him for a while too. No idea why people create such drama and think it's okay. I can only think they must have great sex... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted January 19, 2020 Author Share Posted January 19, 2020 I told him I am here for him if need be and both of us have invited him over to Cali if he needs to just get away. That is all we can do. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 It is his marriage and his divorce. He is a grown man. He can choose whether or not to listen to his friend. He chose to listen to you. That is up to him. I do not think you are to blame any more than anyone else he might have consulted. Politics is getting more divisive it seems. I don't know what the Kavanaugh thing was about, being based in the UK, but it obviously bothered her a lot. He might well have been supportive but when people's fundamental views differ, it is usually apparent to one or the other. Like anything else that matters in life, people's attitudes come out in unconscious ways as well as what they consciously say. Presumably your friend's wife did not feel he or his friends understood the issues or empathised. Regardless, he is getting divorced and you are his friend. There will be discord and upset during the divorce, there usually is. Does your friend blame you or just his wife? Here in the UK, Brexit has divided families and friends - I think largely because it falls along personality lines, if one can say such a thing. Some are the kind that support Brexit and all kinds of deregulation, others do not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 5 minutes ago, spiderowl said: I don't know what the Kavanaugh thing was about, being based in the UK, but it obviously bothered her a lot. Kavanaugh was nominated (and eventually elected) to the Supreme Court, but since he's a Republican, there was a witch hunt and there was a hearing about an incident from when he was in high school where he was accused of sexually assaulting a girl at a party. Depending on what party you belong to, and how much independent research you did, you may have believed it or not. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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