Is the guy interested or just playing games?

[Ben23]

I think I am in love with a guy I met a few years ago while I was on vacation.  We had a great connection and continued flirting and texting and sending pics for about a year and then he flew across the world to visit me. He came to live with me for a week and before that we hadn't kissed or anything more (except for talking about it on texts ect) so the visit was a bit strange, since we shared a bed and was kind of "forced" into sex. I really wanted to, had been thinking about it since I first met him, and he said he wanted to wait because then the relationship would be more serious. I said ok, but we ended up hooking up, having a good week, and when the week was coming to an end I could feel him more distant. I told him I wanted to keep dating, but he said he needed more time and it was difficult because we lived in different worlds basically.

Anyway, I was pretty sad about it, I really liked him. And a few weeks later he told me he wanted to call, he felt bad, and we talked a little, and some time went by, and then he started to text me a lot and told me he missed me and that he wanted to come back to visit again. 

Time went by, and he wanted to come visit me and he was just waiting for me to pick the dates. At that time I had a new boyfriend but it wasn't going great with us, and I still had feelings for the other guy. So I wanted to meet him to see if I felt that I truly was in love, and if that was the case, break up with my boyfriend obviously. I was really confused about my feelings.

Then somehow my boyfriend gets texted by some random girl: that I was planning to meet this guy and probably have sex with him and cheat. And she sent him screenshots of our conversation as proof. She also said this guy had naked pics of me on his phone, and she knew all about our past (that he had visited me before and was like my ex. So she obviously knew him). my boyfriend freaked out, and told me that if I met him he would dump me. 

So I didn't meet him, even though I really wanted to. I later asked him if he was behind the screenshots ect and he said he wasn't and that he was so sorry and that he was gonna change all his passwords.. and he didn't have any naked photos of me and that he would never betray my trust like that. So I let it go.

Later we talk again about he wanting me to come visit him, and he could visit me ect. He seemed so eager.

I never directly told him I have a boyfriend btw, it's not official on Facebook or any other social network, but I have photos of my boyfriend so I know he knows.. 

Then suddenly, it's on Facebook that he is in a relationship. 

Some weeks later, his facebook is gone, he makes an insta account and starts to follow me. Of like 15 people he follows I am one of them. 

And that's that.

Fyi, we are 28 years old, he is a student, very serious about good grades ect.

So, my question to you, what do you think?? Does he like me? Why did he start to follow me on insta? Did he get a girlfriend just because I have a boyfriend? Did they break up and he is embarrassed because it will show on face? 

Obviously am quite desperate for asking about this in a forum, please help. 

Am not trying to be a jerk, my boyfriend is a really good guy and I am not doing other then friendly talk with the other guy, I just need to know if he likes me so I can "go after him" or leave him be and move on. I think about him almost every day... it really sucks. 

 

[stillafool]

I think he likes you but is in a relationship with another girl who btw is probably the one who found your texts and told your bf.  It worked because now both of you are afraid to contact each other again.  You could always break up with your bf and pursue this guy but his girl isn't going to let you.  If you feel that you want to cheat on your bf for another man, you need another bf.  Don't waste your time.

[FMW]

How were you "forced" into sex simply by sharing a bed?  Who forced whom?

If you are only with your boyfriend because you don't think you can get your first choice (this other guy) then drop the boyfriend.  You are not a teenager, don't play with someone else's emotions just to have a boyfriend until someone better (in your opinion) comes along.  

I think the whole story of the other girl having information about you and this other guy and telling your boyfriend is all pretty sketchy.  

To answer your question, yes, it sounds like the other guy likes you, not sure where the girlfriend comes into things.  You'll need to ask him and stop playing games with each other.   

[Ben23]

Thanks for replying I really appreciate it.

Well not literally forced I just ment that there was one bed in the apartment, and we had been talking/texting about hooking up for a year so it was in the cards so to speak. Nobody forced anyone, I just really wanted to, maybe I pressured him..  he had sent me a lot of dirty pics so I just assumed he wanted to, but he probably wanted to wait and take it more slow..

Every time I am ready to let him go, he contacts me in some way. Like now on Instagram. I make my peace but when he does things like that he stirs everything up again..

 

[FMW]

The two of you need to decide whether you want to pursue something together or not.  If you want to go for it then you each need to free yourself from your other relationships.  If you aren't going to do anything about it then you need to stop contacting each other and focus on the relationships you are currently in.  

Your boyfriend is suspicious and maybe the other guy's girlfriend is as well, so that's a bad place to be in.  Decide what you're going to do and don't make a mess trying to hedge your bets by keeping a toe in with the other guy.  

 

[stillafool]

Did he at least take you out during that week he stayed with you?  Probably he was guilty about what he was doing to his gf and that's why he wasn't keen on sex.  Why the rush?

[Ben23]

2 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Did he at least take you out during that week he stayed with you?  Probably he was guilty about what he was doing to his gf and that's why he wasn't keen on sex.  Why the rush?

No I think you misunderstood. When he came to visit me 1-2 years ago, we were both single. He recently got a girlfriend, a few weeks ago.

[stillafool]

Oh, well whether he's interested or not he's not free but looking to cheat.  Don't  go there.

[Ben23]

7 minutes ago, Finding my way said:

The two of you need to decide whether you want to pursue something together or not.  If you want to go for it then you each need to free yourself from your other relationships.  If you aren't going to do anything about it then you need to stop contacting each other and focus on the relationships you are currently in.  

Your boyfriend is suspicious and maybe the other guy's girlfriend is as well, so that's a bad place to be in.  Decide what you're going to do and don't make a mess trying to hedge your bets by keeping a toe in with the other guy.  

 

Yes, you are right. 

[Ben23]

1 minute ago, stillafool said:

Oh, well whether he's interested or not he's not free but looking to cheat.  Don't  go there.

Or did they break up, hence why his Facebook is down, and the reason he added me on Instagram? 

[Ben23]

41 minutes ago, Finding my way said:

The two of you need to decide whether you want to pursue something together or not.  If you want to go for it then you each need to free yourself from your other relationships.  If you aren't going to do anything about it then you need to stop contacting each other and focus on the relationships you are currently in.  

Your boyfriend is suspicious and maybe the other guy's girlfriend is as well, so that's a bad place to be in.  Decide what you're going to do and don't make a mess trying to hedge your bets by keeping a toe in with the other guy.  

 

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