Blind-Sided Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 Hi All, This is, more or less, a general question, and age gap in dating. I know people say "Half plus seven"... or something like that. But something has been coming to mind lately, and that's where you see a younger woman with and older guy. Lets say... a 20 year spread. Even I, at one time thought that was strange... but now, maybe not so much. ok, I'm 47 and needless to say, established in my life. If I was to find a girl who was 27... how bad would that be? If she was done with her education, and had a career started... basically we would be in the same stage in life. The second part of this is... we all know this happens... but truly... what does a young girl see in an older guy? (assuming not a sugar-daddy) I would love to hear the female side of this. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Tantrum Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 My husband and I are only 15 years apart. I was 29 and he was 45 when we met. What I see in him, to put it all in a nutshell, is a man who has left childhood firmly behind him. Too many young men have not done this before they begin "dating," and too many still never will. I've experienced a particular phenomenon my whole life, where I have been routinely pushed into the role of "defacto leader" or "only grownup in the room." I gave men my own age a fair chance, and I never met one who was in any way willing to take that role away from me. So I don't think it's bad at all, having that sort of age gap - so long as your values and goals mesh well. If you go LOOKING for someone of a certain age, on the other hand, and prioritize age range to the point where you're dating someone primarily because they're young and hot (or old and boring, whatever), and not properly addressing the issue of long-term compatibility... lol, good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 Older men are more likely to have been married and/or have substantial relationship experience. Life experience tends to imbue a quieter confidence even if with more 'baggage' from life. There may also be aspects of the elektra complex for some women, the attractiveness of a father figure. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 What about children? She’d be coming into an ideal age to start a family, but his sperm and body are getting old. I wouldn’t want a 50yo as a new father. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 7 minutes ago, basil67 said: What about children? She’d be coming into an ideal age to start a family, but his sperm and body are getting old. I wouldn’t want a 50yo as a new father. Scientists now believe optimal age for fatherhood is below 35, after that the risks multiply for the child and the mother. 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 Prior to my current marriage, I have preferred older men, though have never dated a man more than 10 yrs. older. I think that many older men are emotionally stable and have gained wisdom and confidence from life experience. They tend to know what they want and who they are, which I think many (young) women find attractive. I agree with Kitty, not all older men are reliable or confident just as not all young men are silly or flaky...ditto for women. Date for the individual, not the age. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blind-Sided Posted January 18, 2020 Author Share Posted January 18, 2020 Kitty: OK... thanks. My ex and I were 8 years apart, and it was never an issue. But, there is a lot to think about there. Carhill: WOW +50K posts !!!! LOL. OK, I can see that. The father figure thing. Basil and Elaine: That is a valid consideration. and It's something I was actually thinking about personally as one of the girls I met was 38 and didn't have kids yet. AND, well... I'm not looking for more. But this is more of a general question... not specific. But lets assume that the girl has no interest in having a kid. Why would someone with so much life in front of her want to be with someone who has seen a lot of it? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 Blind-Sided, I can't imagine a young woman with her life in front of her seeking a man who's that much older. That said, if she met someone older and they clicked, well then she may consider it. Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 20 yrs to me is not that bad. Its the 30 to 40 yr span that I think is risky. I guess as long as the man is active and goes to the gym etc and has a lot of energy. I think it could work. Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 In my opinion, being with an older man, can tend to bring up daddy issues that a certain kind of women might have. A damaged woman searching for approval will do very well with a man many years her senior. Speaking in terms of the sexual exploration alone, you’d be hard pressed to find better. Being able to give up control so that she is only concentrated on simply pleasing him in any and every way that he needs and requests is- freeing. It lends itself to fantasies of the sicker persuasion that are neither appropriate nor routinely spoken. He takes the lead. He commands respect and she can merely follow along waiting for instruction. Deliciousness if the right person. Not to mention the other part is that he is older, most likely well established and can make her feel protected and safe. No, of course you don’t have to be a damaged woman to appreciate the complexity of the older man. I’m just stating that sometimes that is the case. That was talking about the much older man. A man the same age or only a couple of years older is most likely considered the best choice because of both being in the same general mindset in life. In that case, you just pray that you didn’t get a dud in the bedroom, and roll through life together in the same space, at the same time. Sometimes younger men haven’t gotten to the point of wisdom that an older man has and although quite cute and mighty hard bangers, they simply can be too flighty, too lazy and way too argumentative. Crazymakers of sorts. . I said some. Not all. They each have their appeal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 I haven't noticed that very many younger women do like older guys at all. If you see them out, they could be on a first OLD date where the man totally lied about his age! My aunt and uncle (deceased now) had a pretty large age gap, but they were both by far the best looking people in the county, too. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 Seems to me people rarely change and whilst there is this perceived "wisdom" that is assumed comes with increasing age, it seems to me that some older people are often as daft, impulsive and unreliable as they ever were. If he was a bad bet at 20, he is just as bad a bet at 50. Add in failed relationships and marriages and kids and "crazy" ex wives and other "baggage", then for a single 27yo with no kids it is often just not worth the trouble. She doesn't want a ready made family, nor does she want to be wife #2. Single mothers are however looking for fathers for their kids and can often overlook such "baggage" to get the security that they want. So IMO, young women looking for much older men are gold diggers looking for a cosy set up, are woman with Daddy issues, or are women with other mental issues that need an older "father figure" to feel safe or they have 3 kids and no husband to provide for them, or are "desperate". They have failed to attract a younger guy so look for older guys who are usually a lot easier to get. OR the older guy is great looking for his age or is particularly charming or is truly young at heart. He is not clueless about current culture, nor does he act like her Dad, Sometimes however these guys are Peter Pans, they have never really grown up they get stuck at about 25. Whist they may attract a younger woman, by the time she has matured, his boyish charm and youthful "spontaneity" has got very old... 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 I think the better question is what do younger girls see in younger men? Dating a man your own age as a woman is almost always going to result in the woman dating down. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 One public example is Dina Ruiz who married at 30 and later had a child with actor/director Clint Eastwood, 66 when they got married, and was married to him for 28 years. She remarried in 2016 to a guy only two years older than her whose ex-wife also apparently dated Eastwood. IDK, gold-digger, attention-hound? Dina was already pretty well known and actually met Eastwood during an interview she did as a news anchor of a local TV station in the Monterey area. Clint had been the mayor of Carmel back in the mid-80's and spent time in the area periodically. Father figure? At 36 years older he was old enough to be her father, some of my friends were grandfathers at 36. Could be. Given Clint was notorious for going through women and having affairs, no secret there, he could've hooked up with anyone but married a young news anchor and stayed married for 28 years. Didn't have to, for sure. Had a gaggle of kids already with different mothers. Grandkids in the mix too. Neither did Dina. She could do fine on her own money-wise, and did, and does now. Plenty of guys likely were courting her being unmarried in her 20's and a figure in local TV. IDK, for some people things just fit, no rhyme or reason. Saw it a lot with my father's generation where the guys came back from the war in their late 20's and hooked up with teenage girls. The war took a lot of boys and made them into men, and fast, or killed them. Young ladies liked that, apparently. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 Clint Eastwood isn't a "guy." He's the best-looking and arguably most talented actor and director to come out of Hollywood in my lifetime. He'll still be good looking at 90. There are people who are so extraordinary that nearly everyone finds them attractive. They are the exceptions rather than the rule. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 Experience and maturity. In most cases, older men know what they want, aren't afraid to get it, and they're more financially stable (if not already). Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 Seems to e many older men and women do not have a clue what they really want, are conflict avoidant and are dreadful with money too.IMO it is not age that matters, it is the individual involved. Some people have it together at 20, whereas others are still struggling at 50+. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 59 minutes ago, preraph said: Clint Eastwood isn't a "guy." He's the best-looking and arguably most talented actor and director to come out of Hollywood in my lifetime. He'll still be good looking at 90. There are people who are so extraordinary that nearly everyone finds them attractive. They are the exceptions rather than the rule. So, what would a young lady see in an older guy who had seven kids with a bunch of different women, banged other women while married, banged other guy's women, made a lot of enemies in relationship-land, was sued (Sondra Locke, who he lived with while she was married to someone else), on and on. Yeah I get he's hot. There's lots of hot guys out there. Rich ones too. 36 years older, that's two generations pretty much. So, is that how the real world works? Any other guy, older or not, with that rap sheet would get eviscerated on this forum, especially in the Infidelity forum. But if it's Clint, wide open VJ. Excellent! 👍 Link to post Share on other sites
fromheart Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 It depends on many things, but the bottom line for a man is if he's looking after himself. I've done martial arts since I was a kid, trained intensely most of my life. Don't drink, don't smoke. I self study on a regular basis. The young women go for me. I don't ask for their attention and I certainly don't need it. It just happens. Most men my age drink, smoke, eat crap and are fat. If you don't want to be fat, middle aged and ugly you don't have to be. Yet the majority choose it. If you want women of any age group, you need to work on yourself. Its that simple. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 Has anyone here said they are desperate to be with Clint? Rich or not, he is no real prize to most, but some women will always be attracted to money and fame and I guess he has the gift of the gab and is a bit of a charmer to boot. That is how it tends to work. Add in a bit of mental health issues and no doubt daddy issues and ambition, and suddenly this old guy is the best thing since sliced bread... Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 4 minutes ago, fromheart said: It depends on many things, but the bottom line for a man is if he's looking after himself. My guess it is not just your physique it is your general demeanour and personality that attracts some young women to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 As far as someone like Clint Eastwood goes, he's a legend. Most people will take a chance on a legend. Those rules just do not apply to garden variety dating and "guys." Link to post Share on other sites
fromheart Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 (edited) 9 minutes ago, preraph said: As far as someone like Clint Eastwood goes, he's a legend. Most people will take a chance on a legend. Those rules just do not apply to garden variety dating and "guys." Back in those days the men were always portrayed as older, wiser, rough around the edges. Clint was in his 30's and 40's when he was doing westerns and the women loved him. Roger Moore was in his 40's when he portrayed James Bond, and the women over here adored him. Edited January 19, 2020 by fromheart Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 I always wondered why we had all these old geezers portraying men I was supposed to be attracted to? I never found any of them in the least bit attractive and the fact the women looked like their daughters was creepy... Link to post Share on other sites
fromheart Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 4 minutes ago, elaine567 said: I always wondered why we had all these old geezers portraying men I was supposed to be attracted to? I never found any of them in the least bit attractive and the fact the women looked like their daughters was creepy... Blatantly a very good looking couple...https://peopledotcom.files.wordpress.com/2017/05/jane-seymour.jpg Link to post Share on other sites
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