What do younger girls see in older guys?

[basil67]

8 minutes ago, sothereiwas said:

"Women put greater weight on the intelligence and the race of partner, while men respond more to physical attractiveness. Moreover, men do not value women’s intelligence or ambition when it exceeds their own. Also, we find that women exhibit a preference for men who grew up in affluent neighborhoods. Finally, male selectivity is invariant to group size, while female selectivity is strongly increasing in group size." - GENDER DIFFERENCES IN MATE SELECTION: EVIDENCE FROM A SPEED DATING EXPERIMENT* RAYMOND FISMAN SHEENA S. IYENGAR EMIR KAMENICA ITAMAR SIMONSON

I can't discount a lot of this.  My own daughter wants a guy who's intellectual curiosity matches her own.

But none of this says that a women desire an older man.  

[preraph]

Kitty, being conventional has now become unconventional, I guess.  You're just different than the mainstream.  I imagine people do wonder why, but I hate that any of them are just punitive about it.  And I imagine some of them do think maybe if your world was bigger, you would be less that way.  But who knows if that has any truth to it.  If you're happy with yourself and your life, that's what matters, and you seem to be.

[sothereiwas]

1 minute ago, basil67 said:

But none of this says that a women desire an older man.  

I don't think they do. What women do seem to find attractive are characteristics that are often found in men who are a little older. That might seem to be a distinction without a difference but for purposes of discussion I think it's worth noting. 

[central]

I don't know what younger women see, and I don't really care. I'm do not (and haven't) pursue younger women, but a few have decided that I'm a good match for them. If we are very compatible, I'm not going to worry about it. My wife is only 8 years younger, so not a serious difference, but it does complicate things a little since I've retired - mostly things like health insurance in this backwards country. Two long term girlfriends were at least 25 years younger (and they were at least 30, so weren't naive). I expect there could be problems with a large age difference later in life, as the older person retires, or has health issues, etc. - will the younger one still be happy with their choice?

[Kitty Tantrum]

18 minutes ago, preraph said:

And I imagine some of them do think maybe if your world was bigger, you would be less that way. 

I'm sure they do think that - but they're laughably off-base in their assumption that my world is smaller than theirs, that I'm ignorant, etc. just because I don't share their views.

The fact that it is so un-fathomable to them that someone might be just as intelligent, informed, educated, experienced, driven, etc. as they are (actually probably MORESO in many cases) and yet choose to live life in a completely different way, based on different values and ideologies... kind of says to me that their criticism is doled out more for the purpose of self-validation than because they have any RATIONALLY-based concern for me.

[preraph]

Could very well be!  But you know, people who are different draw attention, always have.  I just think it's awful they don't keep it to themselves.  

[Citizen Erased]

10 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I don't know what younger women see in older men.    But the only time I really take issue with it is when the man has a clear preference for women who are not only younger, but also less worldly.  A woman who is naive enough for him to mentor and mould to be as he wants.   And in the case of another similar thread at present, wanting her stay at home instead of having a job.   In this case, it's got a predatory edge.  

Have to agree with this. Being attracted to someone regardless of age is fine. Being attracted to them because you think you can dominate them is definitely not ok. 

[major_merrick]

58 minutes ago, Kitty Tantrum said:

If I had to take a stab at it:

1. Geographical location.

2. Socioeconomic status.

3. Ideology.

I'm a poor country girl raised on the outskirts of a booming urban liberal paradise - the residents of which have long ago infested my once-quaint hometown. I imagine that if I paid lipservice to THEIR ideologies (you go girl, equality, down with tradition, etc.) and just quietly did my own thing, they might not go out of their way to condescend to me about my choices. But when I talk about myself in a way that reveals my own ideology as being more or less diametrically opposed to feminism/modernity, I get jumped on for basically "not knowing any better."

I could take a stab at framing all of my life choices as being in line with feminist ideology, and this would probably rarely if ever happen. But I don't do that. I guess what it comes down to is that you are probably much closer to the "norm" than I am. A little common ground can go a long way toward diffusing hostility.

I got raised in one of those urban "liberal paradise" places, now living outside a quaint tiny country town.  I can kind of see how people in both environments might talk down to you.  But a lot of dealing with others' opinions of your life choices comes down to how you approach life.  I'm a feminist, very much into "girl power."  I'm also part of a patriarchal family.  The two things CAN mix, and I kind of enjoy how much it messes with people's heads.  I don't have people challenging me to my face.  IDK if it is that I look like too much trouble to mess with, or perhaps how I live just stuns people into silence.  Be you, be stunning 😎

29 minutes ago, preraph said:

Kitty, being conventional has now become unconventional, I guess. 

This is definitely true.  And now some people actually rebel against the conventional, and that unconventionality leads back to a traditional lifestyle, modified slightly to fit the 21st century.  What is old becomes new again. 

[Woggle]

53 minutes ago, sothereiwas said:

"Women put greater weight on the intelligence and the race of partner, while men respond more to physical attractiveness. Moreover, men do not value women’s intelligence or ambition when it exceeds their own. Also, we find that women exhibit a preference for men who grew up in affluent neighborhoods. Finally, male selectivity is invariant to group size, while female selectivity is strongly increasing in group size." - GENDER DIFFERENCES IN MATE SELECTION: EVIDENCE FROM A SPEED DATING EXPERIMENT* RAYMOND FISMAN SHEENA S. IYENGAR EMIR KAMENICA ITAMAR SIMONSON

Speak for yourself. I love the fact that my wife has a brain and I can get into pretty deep conversations with her. I wouldn't have it any other way.

[chillii]

mY EX w always said the younger but more matured type chicks often find a lot of older guys really sexy and that it was always very common among a lot of her friends back when.

And l could understand that as in my 20s l often found some older women really sexy to.

Edited January 21, 2020 by chillii

[Woggle]

I few months ago I stumbled on to some feminist blog that actually had a spreadsheet about Leonardo Dicaprio and his dating his habits. As long as everybody is of age mind your business.

[Kitty Tantrum]

Snapping back from the tangent a little bit, I'll say that the only thing that has ever given me serious pause about marrying an older man is the realization that, assuming we both die of old age/natural causes, I'll probably still be here for a good 2-3 DECADES after he kicks the bucket. Longevity runs in my family, and I take pretty good care of myself. Difference in age is compounded by relative difference in life expectancy.

But that's a lot less scary now than it was when I was 18-19. In fact, after more than a decade of being partnered with men my own age, the idea of being stuck in THAT dynamic until the day I die is horrifying. 😆

For me this is the best of both worlds: the kind of marriage I actually want to be in, AND I always kind of fancied the idea of being a nun anyway, so when he kicks the bucket, I can join a convent... or start my own - who knows! That will keep me plenty busy until it's my turn to GTFO.

[Kitty Tantrum]

I think it's fair to say that MOST younger women aren't attracted to MOST older men... because most older men aren't that attractive (spoiler alert: most younger men aren't that attractive either... most PEOPLE aren't all that attractive) Most women aren't out there "hunting" for an older man. But if the man is objectively attractive with his age redacted, the majority would likely not take too much issue once they learn that he is older.

All this stuff about age gaps kinda seems like a symptom of the system wherein everyone puts out their stats upfront in lieu of getting to know people organically.

[CityChick]

To answer the original question. My take on "older" is diverse, ranging from 5 years to 22 years. As for what I find appealing it is really no different than if I was looking at someone 6 months older than me. It depends on the guy. 

 

The current guy I am interested in is 20 years older.

He, like a number pointed out, is far more financially stable than many my age (34) would be. Am I interested in his money? No. I have my own money & investments such as acreage I'm set to inherit from my grandmother. Am I looking for a "father figure"? No. Having served in the military, and correctional services, I need some "father figure" like I need fleas. Is he Brad Pitt handsome? Nope, not even close.

I put far more merit to personality than I do money or looks & I liked what I saw from the start. 

 

 

Quote

"Women put greater weight on the intelligence and the race of partner, while men respond more to physical attractiveness. Moreover, men do not value women’s intelligence or ambition when it exceeds their own. Also, we find that women exhibit a preference for men who grew up in affluent neighborhoods. Finally, male selectivity is invariant to group size, while female selectivity is strongly increasing in group size." - GENDER DIFFERENCES IN MATE SELECTION: EVIDENCE FROM A SPEED DATING EXPERIMENT* RAYMOND FISMAN SHEENA S. IYENGAR EMIR KAMENICA ITAMAR SIMONSON

This "study" was based off of 392 university students (so 22-35 in years) & 4 minutes of "dating". If someone can decide a person is worth spending their life with in 4 minutes they need to get out more. Far more. 

[mark clemson]

Just to bring some data in, it appears were' talking about 1/40 couples (top two rows of chart in link below) or about 1/13 if you include 10-15 year age gap (top 3 rows).  I think the top two rows is where it's truly "noticeable" although no doubt there's variation in that.

Within 5 years appears to account for more than 75% of couples. So that's a pretty strong tendency IMO.

So they're out there, but not TONS of May-December weddings or anything. Interesting to look at the bottom 3-4 rows as well.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_disparity_in_sexual_relationships

[sothereiwas]

6 hours ago, Woggle said:

Speak for yourself. I love the fact that my wife has a brain and I can get into pretty deep conversations with her. I wouldn't have it any other way.

It's a statistical study, not a personal mission statement. 

[sothereiwas]

4 hours ago, CityChick said:

This "study" was based off of 392 university students (so 22-35 in years) & 4 minutes of "dating". If someone can decide a person is worth spending their life with in 4 minutes they need to get out more. Far more. 

It's just one of many studies that generally show the same or a very similar thing using different methodologies. 

[CityChick]

 

6 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said:

I'll say this much, which may contradict some earlier comments....A lot of these girls you are talking about that went to an older guy, did so because they were too homely or had some other issue that kept them from keeping and attracting a like aged man...Its not that they deliberately selected them, they did it as a default move from all the times they got dropped on their heads by guys their age...

Let's not make this more than what it is...

TFY

I have been compared to Marilyn Monroe by complete strangers. When I was younger a modeling agency approached my parents with a very impressive offer to represent them. And the same happened when I was in college & a big agency was going through looking for girls. No surprise. Natural Irish-curly hair, green eyes, porcelain skin & I've never used makeup in my life because I don't need to. Only someone who is blind or stupid would call me homely irl. 

As for some other issue that would either be the "problem" of being intelligent. Or the "problem" of having too much self respect & having high standards for myself. I've always been physically fit (right now attend the gym for 3 hours a day twice a week, walk the dogs before/after work, ride horses on the weekend) & have no mental problems so when you get right down to it there's no legitimate issues. And as I actually have standards I've never been "dropped on my head" by guys my age - the few I dated in university we've still got good rapport & are still friends. 

 

Now if I was to be blunt a slut as many of the girls my age around here are who hang around the pubs & the clubs (like how beggars can't be choosers) - and some of them are so pathetically desperate for any sort of attention they're actually proud of their jumping-from-bed-to-bed "accomplishments" - I'm sure I'd find more guys around my age appealing.
That is, after all, the predominant type of woman my age who is "appealing" around here. Not the intelligent ones without issues. But the not necessarily intelligent ones (such as some dimwit who didn't even know what 9/11 was about) with issues. 
 

 

Edited January 21, 2020 by CityChick

[fromheart]

8 hours ago, jeff0011 said:

A guy in his 40's is in the drivers seat for once. He can get women in their 50's.Easily. 40's easily. 30's easily. Late 20's easily. Lower 20's more difficult but some are into that.

 

Its the late teens to mid 20's that go for me.  Ironically, I'd rather date mid to late 20's upwards.  But the women who look at me mostly are 18-25.  This has happened in the last 5 years or so, I have theories as to why but I don't actually know.  Perhaps because I have the ability to sit with a woman and talk to her, without trying to get it on with her.  Ive spent years traveling and working in different countries, was a sailor at one point. 

Am in the fitness industry, am also a keen musician.  Though I have my own property, I'm always in a tracksuit or jeans.  Never really could relate to money/corporate people.  I don't click with the corporate crowd down the bar, they bore me and I'm sure I'd bore them.  Also have an intellectual streak, so can't relate to the working class girls down the bar.  

Women take one look at you and decide they like you or not in a millisecond.  That's been my experience.  With women who value money and the corporate ladder, perhaps they are going to place more value in a man climbing the ladder they are on.  There's also mental wavelength, a working class girl might not know what I'm about, if I tell her one of my pass times is to study Classical Greece.

But these are theories.  No idea why the younger women check me out.  I still get high school girls wolf whistling at me.  Maybe I should have been a pin up boy. 

[gaius]

Fromheart, I've never met a woman young or old who signaled genuine interest in a guy by wolf whistling. Her friends probably dared her to whistle at the old guy as a joke, and your ego misconstrued it as genuine attraction. And if you actually thought that was genuine attraction, you're probably misconstruing a lot of female behavior unfortunately.

And please, stop acting like you're the spokesperson for all men. I don't really meet guys who's egos seem to revolve solely around dating younger women that often. You're in the minority.

[Blind-Sided]

18 hours ago, jeff0011 said:

Of course.  And some women might dream of paying a mans bills while he sits home and plays Xbox. . There are always exceptions to everything.

I doubt it.  LOL.  I know to woman at the moment who have "Man Child" husbands who play more games than do house work... and they are both on the verge of a divorce.

 

OK... I was traveling for work yesterday... but DANG... this thread exploded.  Thanks everyone !!!!

[Blind-Sided]

15 hours ago, jeff0011 said:

Apples to apples.  
Let’s say  there is a fit and handsome 25 yr old guy, and a fit and handsome 35-40 year old guy. 
 

Chances are, the 25 yr old guy is less mature.  Makes less money.  Has less.  Cheaper car. Cheaper tastes.  Maybe even has a roommate.  This guy will have a hard time procuring an attractive girlfriend that is also 25.  That’s reality.  He. Igor as well spend his time earning instead of wasting his time.  

The girl will find the older man more attractive , assuming he has more and isn’t living in moms basement..........

I think you are right with this.  Comparing myself to my 25yo cousin... who is working hard, but would rather play with his car, and live with mom... I'm stable, have my own house, and generally have cash in my pocket.  AND... a house full of "Toys".  (boat, few motorcycles, new truck, and other hobby stuff)   So... if a late 20's girl finds me attractive... it could be a subconscious want to be taken care of, and not just a "Gold digger" type.

 

14 hours ago, Kitty Tantrum said:

Uhhhh... for my entire life bitter old bags have been telling me that basically everything about me that is not like them and not in line with their own preferences and prejudices makes me "immature," "weak," "infantile," "daddy issues," "gold digger," "maladjusted," "foolish," etc.. Both directly to my face and otherwise. It's a very real phenomenon.

............

Another very real phenomenon: noticing some 40+ year old woman flirting with my husband (happens fairly frequently while I'm nearby but it isn't obvious we're together)... he either acts or really IS oblivious to her interest... then she'll wander off for a bit, then she wanders back over eventually and sees us sitting together or holding hands or whatever, and THE LOOKS I GET. Holy cow. Like some kind of burning, festering, petulant, jealous rage.

..............

lol

Wellllllll.......................... OK, I'll let it out. 

 

I was out last Friday night with a friend who has been trying to set me up.  There was a 27 year old girl (Who I knew from when she was just a little girl)  and she was very "Flirty" with me. There was another girl (38) who came out because my friend told her I was going to be there... and a third woman (early 50's) who was also looking for someone to set me up with.   Well... the 38yo girl came out to talk to me, but I could tell she was upset that the 27yo was sitting with me, and consuming most of my time.  ( could see her giving the evil eye, but nothing vocal)  BUT... the older woman looked directly at the 27yo and said "We are here trying to find him a REAL woman honey!"  I nearly fell off my chair.  BUT the response back was... "I am real." 

Well, I need to get ready for work.  I guess I'll have to read the rest of this thread later. Thanks everyone.

[fromheart]

21 minutes ago, Blind-Sided said:

  Well... the 38yo girl came out to talk to me, but I could tell she was upset that the 27yo was sitting with me, and consuming most of my time.  ( could see her giving the evil eye, but nothing vocal)  BUT... the older woman looked directly at the 27yo and said "We are here trying to find him a REAL woman honey!"  I nearly fell off my chair.  BUT the response back was... "I am real." 

Well, I need to get ready for work.  I guess I'll have to read the rest of this thread later. Thanks everyone.

Yes, this is something that happens constantly.  An older, jealous woman trying to ruin it for a young woman.  And this particular older woman wonders why she's still single...

The fact is, the younger woman was more attractive to you I'm guessing.  And it sounds like she was enjoying your company also.  Let the old, obnoxious hags stir their cauldron and enjoy yourself. 

As soon as you find out that you are attractive to younger women, you will automatically have the hags on your case.  They'll do everything they can to bring you to their level.  Feel sorry for them, they're a joke.

Edited January 21, 2020 by fromheart

[Blind-Sided]

15 hours ago, preraph said:

.......  Good lord, my friends in my mid-20s would have called a 35 year old guy hitting on them a geezer and laughed at him.  

EXACTLY !  This is why I started this thread. right or wrong... I would have expected a 20 something to say "Old Geezer" and not continue to contact me after.

14 minutes ago, fromheart said:

.......
The fact is, the younger woman was more attractive to you I'm guessing.  And it sounds like she was enjoying your company also.  ......

Sure.... But, youth brings physical beauty. And when it's just a meet up on a Friday night... that's what catches the eye. (men or women) But with that said... I wouldn't say I was targeting a younger girl. In this case, she came to me.  Truth be told... the thought beforehand would have been me talking with the 38yo all night.

Edited January 21, 2020 by Blind-Sided

[gaius]

I do have to admit, I saw an elderly man the other day on a street corner ranting loudly about older women, what bags they were, how he works out, and the younger women walking by just started swooning. I think one of them even whistled at him.

It was almost like the second coming of Justin beiber actually.