What do younger girls see in older guys?

[jeff0011]

6 minutes ago, sothereiwas said:

Factor in means there are going to also be other factors. Science says we're not even necessarily consciously aware of how they steer our decision making boat, but the outcomes can be and have been quantified. This beneath the surface influence is likely why some people will argue so vehemently against their being influenced by the things research says people are influenced by. 

Wait a second ....

How about that.  

Exactly.. You don't hear any guys saying "Wow, remember all the hot girls in high school with fancy cars!" 

For women it happens subconsciously. Is the CEO hot? Or is he hot because he is the CEO?   Was Bill Cinton that hot if he was bagging groceries?? Or hot because he was President? Was the guy with the expensive , fast,  car in high school just as hot if he was taking the school bus?  

What drives women is so obvious. Getting them to consciously admit it is nearly impossible. Watch actions. Not words. 

[stillafool]

Actually the bf I was in love with in HS had an old beat up, late model car his grand dad gave him.  All the girls wanted him. 

[sothereiwas]

6 minutes ago, jeff0011 said:

Exactly.. You don't hear any guys saying "Wow, remember all the hot girls in high school with fancy cars!" 

If you did a fill in the blanks like this:  "Wow, remember all the hot girls in high school with _____________" 

Signs of affluence are not going to be at the top of the responses, that's for sure.

I've not been dating for some time, but back when I was, worked examples of this were readily available in the things that men and women would choose to represent about themselves. It's instinctive knowledge. Having said this, I don't think being older in and of itself makes a fella more attractive overall much, although again, science says that for selecting a mate women overall tended to prefer men who looked 'more masculine' (not a shocker really) and that men who were a bit older tended to have more pronounced masculine features that were judged to be more physically attractive. They didn't have to be OLD as such but they tended not to be extremely youthful. 

Men judging women on physical appearance had no such trends. 

We're a bunch of apes. 

[2BGoodAgain]

i don't think...

1) it's the age/older guy, that does it. it may be more what they "should" represent (mature financials, more stability in what they want/need, wiser,etc)... NOT that it's a guaranteed thing, mind you. But just that more than not, it's perceived percentage wise, older guys have it more together... i know, i know.. you guys can bring up examples of not...so can I.. i said "perceived" or "percentages"...

2) as i've said before, the older guys/what they represent could be a temporary, momentary, reacting kind of thing a girl wants, more than long term... kinda a short term band aid for whatever they're going thru, or reacting from a prev relationship... grass greener on the other side... most jump back from it, when they get it and realize it isn't all that... and some stay. (shrug)...

in the end, everyone is diff and similar... they want certain things short term, and long term, and they usually don't know what they want... and by they, im' talking about guys AND girls... That's why, they may throw themselves at an older guy/girl thinking they want "X"...., and change their minds later on... minus those people who are just there to use people...

 

[sothereiwas]

38 minutes ago, stillafool said:

old beat up, late model car

That phrase is an actual oxymoron, just so you are aware. 

[sothereiwas]

8 minutes ago, stillafool said:

REMEMBER: You were the one to bring up HS and I just responded.  

Watch it, your memory is getting bad.  

Two different people you quoted there. Maybe I'm just not getting it but your post seems incoherent to the point of being nonsensical. 

[sothereiwas]

2 hours ago, stillafool said:

Actually the bf I was in love with in HS had an old beat up, late model car his grand dad gave him.  All the girls wanted him. 

Disregarding the self-contradictory "late model, old" issues with this statement, it again essentially makes the point that women judge men based on differently weighted criteria than men select women on. In this specific case "All the girls wanted him" is given. It's not always affluence but it's a fact that the human brain is really good at taking multiple factors into account and making a choice. We're not always aware of the factors (marketing people would argue we're SELDOM aware of them) but we do this, and we also develop shortcuts based on how we're wired and what we have determined works. Affluence, popularity, prowess at various things, and so on are factors we all consider, but which science says women weigh differently than men do. Men put physical appearance and youth very high on the list, generally without even thinking about it. Women are more critical and have a lot of other factors they consider with high weight. Game theory predicts this based on the relative investment each sex has in the act of reproduction. 

We all do this. It's nothing to be ashamed of. 

 

Edited January 21, 2020 by sothereiwas
phrasing

[Blind-Sided]

2 hours ago, jeff0011 said:

Exactly.. You don't hear any guys saying "Wow, remember all the hot girls in high school with fancy cars!" 

.............. 

No... because your buddy would have punched you in the face and said... "Why would you go out with that poser/daddy's girl."  (and probably put the "B" word in there)   BUT... they were always the secretive party slut.  LOL.

OK, with that said... there was 2 girls in HS that I did say that about their cars.  But both of them were in auto-shop class with me.  One had a nice VW bus... and well... we all knew her. (if you know what I mean) and the other was little surfer chick who had a beater bug, and we all helped he keep it going. 

OK... off topic... but just had to throw that out there.

[Blind-Sided]

OK... just throwing this out there to make everyone cringe. I asked this question to a buddy of mine... who knew me and my ex from before we were even dating... and his answer was... "Well, she is older than your daughter.  It's fine."  LOL.

Edited January 21, 2020 by Blind-Sided

[basil67]

3 hours ago, sothereiwas said:

If you did a fill in the blanks like this:  "Wow, remember all the hot girls in high school with _____________" 

Signs of affluence are not going to be at the top of the responses, that's for sure.

 

Daughter is a few years out of HS so I asked her about this.   She said that the thing that most of the girls who were popular with boys had in common was being sporty.  The runners, the swimmers, the soccer players.   I wonder if the confidence which sporting talent gives adds to their overall aura.....possibly like jocks?

(Please no comparisons to boys liking them because they were slim as opposed to overweight girls.  We live in a high socio economic area with negligible rates of kids being overweight.  Pretty much all the kids are slim)

[sothereiwas]

1 minute ago, basil67 said:

The runners, the swimmers, the soccer players. 

Seems about the same as I remember. In a population where there are no real differences in youth, physical health seems like a likely thing to become a basis for selection. Again, males select on many criteria too, it's just the weighting of the categories that varies quite a bit. In a case where everyone is 17 give or take a year or two, youth isn't going to be much of a factor.

Remember how HS girls made a big deal out of dating a college guy, if they were able to do so?

[elaine567]

The main "scare tactic" study looked at 40 million births and babies... 

[VioletVelvet]

Here's what I'd be more concerned with as OP -- She's 27, you're 47. In 13 years she's going to be 40, you're going to be 60. Right when she sees her youth disappearing she also sees that she's married to a guy who's starting to have health troubles and look like an old man. She's going to feel like she got a raw deal.She's not going to be ready to be a nursemaid and she'll likely bolt, probably with a hot 32-year-old guy. 

[sothereiwas]

24 minutes ago, basil67 said:

 I'm simply stating the fact that his sperm is more likely to produce a child with a disability.  No different to older women.

Pretty sure the odds are significantly different. 

[sothereiwas]

9 hours ago, basil67 said:

The statistics are sobering. 

Have a careful look at what that means, and then compare that to the odds of something like downs in children born to 50 year old women. It's not even close, which is why it took so long to be noticed. 

For instance, what does "After adjustment for maternal age, infants born to fathers aged 45 years or older had 14% higher odds of premature birth " mean to you? 

Edited January 22, 2020 by sothereiwas
Added example

[sothereiwas]

18 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Are 50 year old women having babies?  You can probably count that number on one hand.

It's apparently up something like 400% recently. In the '90s it was about one a day or every other day I guess, so if you have really big hands. One source says "A total of 677 US women over the age of 50 gave birth in 2013" so that's roughly two a day now. 

Here's a worked example of expressing odds. Suppose a person buys a lottery ticket that gives 1 in 1,000,000 odds of winning, and then later buys a second ticket bearing a different number. One could say her odds of winning have gone up tremendously, but that doesn't mean she's sure to win. 

Edited January 22, 2020 by sothereiwas
Stat

[stillafool]

Does all of this really matter?  People don't care about statistics or everyone who smokes would quit.  Just marry who you want and have babies until you're 90 if that's what you want to do.  Other than conversations on forums, no one gives a damn.

[GingerGal]

What I don't get is the negativity. I've seen, just skimming through, mention of:

1) Gold diggers. Ok so is someone gonna seriously try & tell me some run of the mill 30 year old who marries a wealthy 32 year old isn't a gold digger? 

2) Broken or faulted. Ok so is someone gonna seriously try & tell me some 30 year old girl who marries a 33 guy with criminal record five miles long doesn't have something "wrong" with her? 

3) Manipulated. Ok so someone is gonna seriously try & tell me some 30 year old girl whose parents have bought her clothes, fed her, paid for her car, etc. isn't gonna be manipulated by tough-as-nails 34 year old who has been more or less self sufficient from 15? 

Those are the easiest summaries and my response is get real.

Being a gold digger, broken, faulted or "wrong" with them, or being manipulated doesn't have an age bracket. If it did then the police, social services, etc. would have a far easier job - a far, far, far easier job - as they'd just have to focus on one particular age of people regarding domestic abuse, sexual abuse, manipulative behaviors, emotional abuse, etc. & not "everyone" under the god damn sun. 

Is it some inferiority thing that fosters the negativity? A jealousy that some young chick has interest in Jack (48) over there & Bob (52) over here but couldn't care to say hi to Moe (53), Larry (55) and Curly (49)? A jealousy that Jack & Bob may actually be serious about Rachel (32) and Jenna (34) but would not Cruella (58) & Ursula (60)? 

Seriously.

WHO CARES!!! 

It is the decision of a young woman to get involved with an older guy. Some may want the stability. How is that any different than a 32 year old from a poor family marrying a 38 year old middle class guy who makes 90k a year? How? Isn't she a gold digger seeking stability. Given the mentality I've read she should get back to slum central & marry a poor guy, shouldn't she? 

Some may want a "daddy figure". Someone to learn from. How is that any different from a 30 year old from a small cowpoke town where the biggest business is K-Mart that's never been anywhere marrying a 35 year old city boy who has been to fifteen countries & speaks 3 languages? Isn't she some desperate little thing. Given the mentality I've read she should get back to the village & keep feeding the chickens, shouldn't she? 

Some have gotta have a problem or low self esteem. There's something wrong with her. How is that any different from a 28 year old marrying her 30 year old boyfriend since they were 15 that has cancer? Gotta be something wrong with her to marry this "loser", right? 

s***.

Not everyone wants to have kids - we're not field mice whose only thought is sex, kids, sex, kids. Some people actually can't have kids (broken right?). 

And unless the woman is underage or has mental disabilities WHAT exactly is the issue besides the sense of inferiority & jealousy of those making comments? Much like the jealousy & sense of inferiority of those who make comments about interracial relations.

 

[Blind-Sided]

@GingerGal

Thanks... that's a spot on answer !

[sothereiwas]

If you're having trouble figuring out the total risk from a group of almost 14K within a group of 40M, the thing you're looking for is pretty subtle, our you need to hire better statisticians. 

[jeff0011]

27 minutes ago, GingerGal said:

What I don't get is the negativity. I've seen, just skimming through, mention of:

1) Gold diggers. Ok so is someone gonna seriously try & tell me some run of the mill 30 year old who marries a wealthy 32 year old isn't a gold digger? 

2) Broken or faulted. Ok so is someone gonna seriously try & tell me some 30 year old girl who marries a 33 guy with criminal record five miles long doesn't have something "wrong" with her? 

3) Manipulated. Ok so someone is gonna seriously try & tell me some 30 year old girl whose parents have bought her clothes, fed her, paid for her car, etc. isn't gonna be manipulated by tough-as-nails 34 year old who has been more or less self sufficient from 15? 

Those are the easiest summaries and my response is get real.

Being a gold digger, broken, faulted or "wrong" with them, or being manipulated doesn't have an age bracket. If it did then the police, social services, etc. would have a far easier job - a far, far, far easier job - as they'd just have to focus on one particular age of people regarding domestic abuse, sexual abuse, manipulative behaviors, emotional abuse, etc. & not "everyone" under the god damn sun. 

Is it some inferiority thing that fosters the negativity? A jealousy that some young chick has interest in Jack (48) over there & Bob (52) over here but couldn't care to say hi to Moe (53), Larry (55) and Curly (49)? A jealousy that Jack & Bob may actually be serious about Rachel (32) and Jenna (34) but would not Cruella (58) & Ursula (60)? 

Seriously.

WHO CARES!!! 

It is the decision of a young woman to get involved with an older guy. Some may want the stability. How is that any different than a 32 year old from a poor family marrying a 38 year old middle class guy who makes 90k a year? How? Isn't she a gold digger seeking stability. Given the mentality I've read she should get back to slum central & marry a poor guy, shouldn't she? 

Some may want a "daddy figure". Someone to learn from. How is that any different from a 30 year old from a small cowpoke town where the biggest business is K-Mart that's never been anywhere marrying a 35 year old city boy who has been to fifteen countries & speaks 3 languages? Isn't she some desperate little thing. Given the mentality I've read she should get back to the village & keep feeding the chickens, shouldn't she? 

Some have gotta have a problem or low self esteem. There's something wrong with her. How is that any different from a 28 year old marrying her 30 year old boyfriend since they were 15 that has cancer? Gotta be something wrong with her to marry this "loser", right? 

s***.

Not everyone wants to have kids - we're not field mice whose only thought is sex, kids, sex, kids. Some people actually can't have kids (broken right?). 

And unless the woman is underage or has mental disabilities WHAT exactly is the issue besides the sense of inferiority & jealousy of those making comments? Much like the jealousy & sense of inferiority of those who make comments about interracial relations.

 

Great post.  I was thinking of the trust fund boys who get married early.  Are those girls not “gold diggers” simply because they are the same age?

I think men(Especially men who act like men) are the only acceptable group left to hate. Arguments could be made against interracial children, illegal aliens having multiple children, people on welfare having kids they can’t afford, gay people adopting, test tube babies, etc etc.  But that wouldn’t be PC. 
 

It’s just thinly veiled jealousy and man hating.  “It’s not fair! He can have money, and a beautiful younger woman! Their baby will be deformed! People will stare! She must have mental problems! He is a creep!” Etc etc  “That man should like me no matter what my age is! “

 

[basil67]

Ginger Gal, first of all, context is everything.   A 30yo woman with life experience and a 50yo guy - not a blip on the radar.  A 55yo guy wanting an uneducated 22yo who must stay at home, be supported by him, mentored by him, wear conservative clothing etc (see other current thread) is a highly risky proposition for the young woman.  It's not only predatory, but also unsafe in terms of not gaining the life skills required to be able to leave the marriage if need be.    

Regarding to this second example, is it wrong to not want this situation for my daughter?   Likewise, I would not want her to marry a career criminal.   And I've have something to say if my 34yo son wanted to marry a women who'd been reared without life skills.   Though I think I don't have to worry about her marrying a trust fund boy because we're working class background and people generally marry within their own socio economic.   His family would probably turn their noses up at her public school education and working class drawl.

 

[jeff0011]

11 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Ginger Gal, first of all, context is everything.   A 30yo woman with life experience and a 50yo guy - not a blip on the radar.  A 55yo guy wanting an uneducated 22yo who must stay at home, be supported by him, mentored by him, wear conservative clothing etc (see other current thread) is a highly risky proposition for the young woman.  It's not only predatory, but also unsafe in terms of not gaining the life skills required to be able to leave the marriage if need be

 

That’s just such an odd example.  But if that’s what she wants, then that’s what she wants.  it’s nobody’s business. Do you want laws against stay at home moms who didn’t go to college? Can they marry a younger guy and stay home? Is that ok? 

with divorce laws that highly favor women, she could take him for everything. It’s far riskier for that 55 year old man  than the 22 yr old woman  

 

 

 

[GingerGal]

24 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Ginger Gal, first of all, context is everything.   A 30yo woman with life experience and a 50yo guy - not a blip on the radar.  A 55yo guy wanting an uneducated 22yo who must stay at home, be supported by him, mentored by him, wear conservative clothing etc (see other current thread) is a highly risky proposition for the young woman.  It's not only predatory, but also unsafe in terms of not gaining the life skills required to be able to leave the marriage if need be.    

Regarding to this second example, is it wrong to not want this situation for my daughter?   Likewise, I would not want her to marry a career criminal.   And I've have something to say if my 34yo son wanted to marry a women who'd been reared without life skills.   Though I think I don't have to worry about her marrying a trust fund boy because we're working class background and people generally marry within their own socio economic.   His family would probably turn their noses up at her public school education and working class drawl.

 

🤣 Working in law enforcement I've met 20 year olds that have MORE life experience than 50 year olds , 60 year olds or even 70 year olds depending on their upbringing, cause of the crappy lifestyle they led thanks to useless parents who in reality should've been sterilized years prior to having kids. It depends on how one defines life experience.

A sheltered 30-year-old which is all around a child does NOT have any life experience compared to a 34 year old who has raised themselves since 15 either. 

A friend's a prime example. 32 & he's more likely to burn his house down starting the stove or boil his hand cooking pasta, can't find the washer fluid in his car with a guideline, and when living in an apartment wanted the landlord to change the light bulb in his unit - really life experienced individual here all cause his mama treated him like he was made of glass. 

 

And I see you conventionally miss the points. Btw basil67 not every 55 year old is a predator seeking some dimwitted 22 year old. It happens in EVERY age bracket. Google it. Plenty of 22-32 year olds being abused & manipulated by their predatory 30-40 something another boyfriends.  It's outright simply offensive to imply both older men & younger women are nothing more than predators & stupid. 

Edited January 22, 2020 by GingerGal

[basil67]

jeff, yes it is odd.  And creepy.   This is why the women are having such a reaction to it.   

Out of curiosity, do you have kids?    If so, would you be happy for them to choose to ditch their education and have no marketable skills and relying on a partner for everything?   Because I would move heaven and earth to make sure my daughter got a good education and could be self sufficient.   Even if she found herself pregnant, I would care for the child so that she could stay at university and get a job.