What do younger girls see in older guys?

[basil67]

3 hours ago, fromheart said:

Many younger, attractive women get bullied by older, bitter women.  This is a fact.  

If it's a fact, there must be evidence.   Care to share your source?    Because I know nothing of the sort.

[thefooloftheyear]

14 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

He is the perfect example of a quality younger man, that according to some men on here, do not exist...

What,....one with a harem of girls.??😂

TFY

[basil67]

4 hours ago, major_merrick said:

What is attractive in a young woman (cute, clueless, poor, sex-driven)

Other than old men, who finds cluelessness attractive?    

[major_merrick]

28 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

OK but your husband  the same age as you, he is not an "older" man.
He is the perfect example of a quality younger man, that according to some men on here, do not exist...

I mentioned earlier that his parents are a generation older than mine.  For all purposes he basically acts 20 years older than he is, and always has.  In contrast to just about every other guy I've met that is our age.  And with his premature gray, he looks older too.  My comparison is about the qualities that the older ones have that the vast, vast majority of the younger ones do not. 

[preraph]

4 hours ago, jeff0011 said:

I would say this... Let's say there is an absolutely stunning 25,26,27,28 year old woman.  Now who is she trying to attract , and what group is she trying to reach through her social media?  Etc

 

a. Hot 18 year old college freshman guys?

b. Guys her own age who, have debt and are just starting out?

c Guys 35 to 45 who have money, boats, cars, etc.

obviously C. 

That is totally false.  Women generally date guys in their own age range.  Maybe you're hanging with the golddigger crowd.

[elaine567]

Truth is people come in all shapes and sizes there is no one size fits all, the generalisations doled out here are nonsensical.
Feckless, immature, debt ridden young men and cutesie, slavish young women with a fetish for older men...
Oh dear.
 

[jeff0011]

Apples to apples.  
Let’s say  there is a fit and handsome 25 yr old guy, and a fit and handsome 35-40 year old guy. 
 

Chances are, the 25 yr old guy is less mature.  Makes less money.  Has less.  Cheaper car. Cheaper tastes.  Maybe even has a roommate.  This guy will have a hard time procuring an attractive girlfriend that is also 25.  That’s reality.  He. Igor as well spend his time earning instead of wasting his time.  

The girl will find the older man more attractive , assuming he has more and isn’t living in moms basement. 
 

It is not the case for men.  If the girl is fit and attractive, it doesn’t matter if she is totally broke.  The younger woman is far more desirable. 

I mean is this even a debate?

[elaine567]

You forget that young men grow up, many have great potential and most women like to grow up and  explore that potential with him.
He speaks her language...
She wants to move into an apartment, buy a small house, buy a bigger house get married.. have kids etc.
She often does not' want to move into a house some older guy bought for his wife and kids... or some old live in gf.
They don't want to deal with the baggage...
She wants fresh and new, she does not want to fit in as wife #2 or 3 or 4...

[basil67]

16 minutes ago, jeff0011 said:

The girl will find the older man more attractive , assuming he has more and isn’t living in moms basement. 
 

You write as if this is fact.   Are you alleging that all women who are 25 are choosing men who are 35-40?    In my last job, I worked with a lot of 25-30yo women and almost all were with men who were a similar age to them.   How do you explain this apparent anomaly?

[Kitty Tantrum]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

If it's a fact, there must be evidence.   Care to share your source?    Because I know nothing of the sort.

Uhhhh... for my entire life bitter old bags have been telling me that basically everything about me that is not like them and not in line with their own preferences and prejudices makes me "immature," "weak," "infantile," "daddy issues," "gold digger," "maladjusted," "foolish," etc.. Both directly to my face and otherwise. It's a very real phenomenon.

Lots of examples of it in this very thread.

Another very real phenomenon: noticing some 40+ year old woman flirting with my husband (happens fairly frequently while I'm nearby but it isn't obvious we're together)... he either acts or really IS oblivious to her interest... then she'll wander off for a bit, then she wanders back over eventually and sees us sitting together or holding hands or whatever, and THE LOOKS I GET. Holy cow. Like some kind of burning, festering, petulant, jealous rage.

Lots of older women get REALLY bent out of shape when a man they want is taken by a younger, prettier woman. Telling themselves and perpetuating the idea that there must be something innately WRONG with that coupling (the woman is immature/broken, the man is sleazy/predatory, the relationship must be transactional, etc.) helps them sleep better at night, or something. Like "Oh *huff* WELL, if he were a healthy non-predatory man who wanted a REAL WOMAN, he'd obviously be with me."

lol

[basil67]

On 1/19/2020 at 1:50 PM, fromheart said:

Blatantly a very good looking couple...

https://peopledotcom.files.wordpress.com/2017/05/jane-seymour.jpg

*Patently.    The word blatantly expresses a tone of disapproval

I digress.

Jane Seymour in a another patently good looking match.  Christopher Reeve is one year younger than Jane Seymour.    https://clickamericana.com/media/movies-motion-pictures/romantic-tradition-returns-somewhere-time-1980

[sothereiwas]

3 minutes ago, Kitty Tantrum said:

Lots of older women get REALLY bent out of shape when a man they want is taken by a younger, prettier woman.

This absolutely happens. I find it sort of childish but it is what it is. I'm not even what you'd call an oil painting so a really exceptional older man with a younger woman is very likely to see this all over the place. 

[basil67]

7 minutes ago, Kitty Tantrum said:

Uhhhh... for my entire life bitter old bags have been telling me that basically everything about me that is not like them and not in line with their own preferences and prejudices makes me "immature," "weak," "infantile," "daddy issues," "gold digger," "maladjusted," "foolish," etc.. Both directly to my face and otherwise. It's a very real phenomenon.

I've never had an older woman say these things to me.   I wonder what the difference between the two of us is?

[major_merrick]

13 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

You forget that young men grow up, many have great potential and most women like to grow up and  explore that potential with him.
He speaks her language...
She wants to move into an apartment, buy a small house, buy a bigger house get married.. have kids etc.
She often does not' want to move into a house some older guy bought for his wife and kids... or some old live in gf.
They don't want to deal with the baggage...
She wants fresh and new, she does not want to fit in as wife #2 or 3 or 4...

Really?  Well, I wonder why so many women buy houses now and expect a guy to move into HER place? 

I initially felt some discomfort in selling off the house that I'd bought, paid off, and customized.  But it was helpful for me to move into a nest that my husband had already made.  Potential is nice, but luxury is nicer even if it isn't all fresh and new and just for me.  Once I got used to it, I found it to be much nicer and more spacious than what I had. 

[preraph]

31 minutes ago, jeff0011 said:

The girl will find the older man more attractive , assuming he has more and isn’t living in moms basement. 

You jump to a lot of conclusions.  Women in their 20s when I was in my 20s thought guys over 30 were old and boring.  They do not find them more physically attractive, and they are not all relying on the man to be the one who's successful.   They're from a different generation and have little in common with them and they know it as soon as they open their mouths, if not just by looking at them.  

Edited January 20, 2020 by preraph

[preraph]

13 minutes ago, Kitty Tantrum said:

 

Lots of older women get REALLY bent out of shape when a man they want is taken by a younger, prettier woman. 

Yeah, but not if he guy is old.  

[Tamfana]

3 hours ago, jeff0011 said:

Of course.  And some women might dream of paying a mans bills while he sits home and plays Xbox. . There are always exceptions to everything.

And some women are wealthier than the men they date and support their boyfriends or husbands so money is not an issue at all.  

[elaine567]

M_M
BUT again I say your husband is not and never was an "older man". 
Surely you should have preferred and hitched your wagon  to a guy 10-20 years older...no???

Edited January 20, 2020 by elaine567

[major_merrick]

@elaine567

Perhaps, although I maintain that it isn't age itself that attracts women, but rather the things that go along with the age and are only rarely separated from it.  In the past I've gone for girls10-20 years older.  And my younger sister DEFINITELY goes for older women.  With the exception of a fling with one of my exes, she tends to prefer women our mom's age.  She likes a nice, reliable cougar/sugar mommy to take care of her.   

[Kitty Tantrum]

19 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I've never had an older woman say these things to me.   I wonder what the difference between the two of us is?

If I had to take a stab at it:

1. Geographical location.

2. Socioeconomic status.

3. Ideology.

I'm a poor country girl raised on the outskirts of a booming urban liberal paradise - the residents of which have long ago infested my once-quaint hometown. I imagine that if I paid lipservice to THEIR ideologies (you go girl, equality, down with tradition, etc.) and just quietly did my own thing, they might not go out of their way to condescend to me about my choices. But when I talk about myself in a way that reveals my own ideology as being more or less diametrically opposed to feminism/modernity, I get jumped on for basically "not knowing any better."

I could take a stab at framing all of my life choices as being in line with feminist ideology, and this would probably rarely if ever happen. But I don't do that. I guess what it comes down to is that you are probably much closer to the "norm" than I am. A little common ground can go a long way toward diffusing hostility.

[basil67]

@Kitty Tantrum  I think you're onto something.  I too live in a gentrified liberal area, but I'm feminist.  That said, none of the women I know would go up to a complete stranger and get stuck into her.   Who are these women to you?  Do they know you or are they strangers on the street who attack you?   What does your husband do when they say these things?

[Woggle]

All types of women and men are attracted to all different types of things. There is no consensus amongst women anymore than there is amongst men. I hate these generalizations. 

[sothereiwas]

7 minutes ago, Woggle said:

All types of women and men are attracted to all different types of things. There is no consensus amongst women anymore than there is amongst men. I hate these generalizations. 

"Women put greater weight on the intelligence and the race of partner, while men respond more to physical attractiveness. Moreover, men do not value women’s intelligence or ambition when it exceeds their own. Also, we find that women exhibit a preference for men who grew up in affluent neighborhoods. Finally, male selectivity is invariant to group size, while female selectivity is strongly increasing in group size." - GENDER DIFFERENCES IN MATE SELECTION: EVIDENCE FROM A SPEED DATING EXPERIMENT* RAYMOND FISMAN SHEENA S. IYENGAR EMIR KAMENICA ITAMAR SIMONSON

[elaine567]

7 minutes ago, basil67 said:

@Kitty Tantrum  I think you're onto something.  I too live in a gentrified liberal area, but I'm feminist.  That said, none of the women I know would go up to a complete stranger and get stuck into her.   Who are these women to you?  Do they know you or are they strangers on the street who attack you?   What does your husband do when they say these things?

Sounds like a pretty rough area if women are accosting other women in the street for dating some old bloke... 

[Kitty Tantrum]

11 minutes ago, basil67 said:

@Kitty Tantrum  I think you're onto something.  I too live in a gentrified liberal area, but I'm feminist.  That said, none of the women I know would go up to a complete stranger and get stuck into her.   Who are these women to you?  Do they know you or are they strangers on the street who attack you?   What does your husband do when they say these things?

Actually, a lot of the women who have said these sorts of things to me have not been strangers, but co-workers, family members, etc. People I know who are trying to "help" me; to "enlighten" me. It's always more subtle than aggressive, but it's there!

But before I quit my job, and especially before I learned to avoid people and brush them off, it actually was a fairly regular occurrence for some strange woman (customer) to come up to me and strike up a conversation with me just because I was cute and dressed a certain way and they saw me as part of the overall ambiance of their shopping/dining experience, like I was a curiosity there for them to enjoy. I'd get bombarded by questions about whether I grew up in the area, do I dress like that all the time, questions about how "fulfilling" my job is and if it was my "dream."

So I say something like "nawww, I always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, this is just what I'm doing for now."

And they basically go "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE."

Lots of "oh-but-you-can't-just"s and "didn't-you-know-that"s and "oh-but-you-can-do-better-than-that"s. It's pearl-clutching. It's like telling someone's conservative old biddy grandmother that I always just wanted to be a prostitute.