She kicked my dog

[Ellener]

I live in a shared house post-Harvey, my dog adores the cat that was here when we moved in, then it had to be euthanised, now it loves the kitten they got from a shelter.

Animals adapt naturally. It's us humans who find it difficult!

[Gaeta]

I went to my vet appointment last night. The dog is healthy, his eardrums are intact, all his neurological reflexes are good so he's old age deaf. I see a change of attitude in Claire toward the dog. I detect patience and a little more understanding. 

I don't want to impose a cat on my old dog. He may have another year to live top, I don't want to stress  him with adapting to another animal during his last months of life. Then I don't want any animals anymore. It takes me a very long time to mourn their passing. Claire can get a cat when she moves in her own place. 

[Banana Bender]

 

On 1/19/2020 at 9:50 AM, Gaeta said:

She is 15. My moral commitment is for life, my legal guardianship is till she turns 18. She's not a stranger to me I saw her grow up, she is my deceased ex-huband child so my own daughter half sister. When she was taken away from her mother Claire asked to come live with me. 

Bottom Line:
Her behaviour, throwing a tantrum, then deliberately kicking your dog, is completely unacceptable.  NO excuses.
First thing is to make sure she is made aware of that.
(That doesn't mean you need to be harsh, but she must learn that such behaviour is unacceptable.)

There are several possibilities in play here.  
It could be she has behavioural issues,
Could be she's testing you.
Could be she's had a bad example from her biological mother, and thinks such behaviour is ok.
Also keep in mind that teenage girls are a mess of hormones, so responses can be overly emotional compared to other points in their lives.

Part of the problem, is that she is trying to figure out where she fits in.
If somebody hurt one of my dogs, they would quickly find themselves bouncing down the footpath.
But there is obviously a huge exception to that rule.  It would never happen, because they are even more dog-mad than I am, but my children come first.

That's the challenge you face.  If she is to be your daughter, then she has to know that she comes first.
She has to know that if you had to chose between her and your dog, you would choose her.
And yeah, if your dog was the reason she had to abandon her cat, then no, not a good move.
If your dog would tolerate it, maybe ask if she would like a puppy?  Her OWN dog?

Edited January 29, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed inappropiate comment

[Gaeta]

On 1/27/2020 at 9:50 AM, Banana Bender said:

And yeah, if your dog was the reason she had to abandon her cat, then no, not a good move.
If your dog would tolerate it, maybe ask if she would like a puppy?  Her OWN dog?

When she came to live with me she never asked if she could bring her cat. Now 18 months later she asked for a new cat, the answer is no. She knew the answer would be no, she tried like any other teenager. She did not fuss, she accepted it was no and why it was no.  We live in a condo, I am not having a cat + a dog in a small space. She is not getting her own dog either, that dog would end up being my full responsibility after the newness is gone. Soon she'll go to college and she'll be too busy and uninterested in taking care of a cat or a dog.

Also, my dog has cost me thousands of dollars in medical care in the past 3-4 years, on top of that he cost me at least $250 a month in medications + food + grooming. He is now deaf, he also has occasional epileptic crisis, syncope, severe food allergies, I am emotionally drained. I am not having any other pet, ever. 

[major_merrick]

I definitely get not wanting another dog after what you've been through.  And if Claire is going to college, a dog isn't the best idea anyways.  They need regular hours and more attention than other critters.

For what its worth, cats seem to be cheaper and take care of themselves better than a dog.  My husband's indoor cats are quiet, well-mannered, and cost very little.  The outdoor cats are half-wild, of course....but even those are relatively friendly.  His oldest cat is almost 15, and sleeps most of the time.  I'm not very fond of animals, but the only thing about the cats that gets on my nerves is when I'm trying to cook and they want to keep me company on the kitchen counter.  Aside from feeding and changing the cat box (which I don't do at all) there's no care tasks aside from trimming and filing claws. 

[Ellener]

Think of the dog and refer to it as 'our dog' now you're a family unit?

I always allowed animals in and out of the home(s) when my son was growing up and yes, usually ended up taking care of them. I didn't mind, I like animals around,  but a friend of mine got her kids a puppy each with a six month trial- if they didn't take care of them themselves the dogs had to be rehomed, which she did at the end of the six months! 

@major_merrick that's why I would not have an indoor cat, I hated litter boxes! Don't remember any of my cats ever going on kitchen counters, but I would hate that too. The cat litter is way better nowadays but I still don't like the idea of a cat being indoors all the time...

[major_merrick]

@Ellener We keep the cats either indoors or outdoors, and they don't mingle.  Outdoor cats need more shots and medicines than indoor cats, and even still they have a much shorter lifespan due to predators and other issues.  Indoor cats are pretty clean and can be guaranteed not to have worms.  If a cat goes outside, you're always deworming them. The only downside to indoor cats is that they really LOVE to jump.  My husband made "catwalks" close to the ceiling in a couple of rooms, so the cats can climb and run around.  They get plenty of exercise. 

[simpycurious]

never good to kick a dog.....dogs are such great pets for all age groups of people:  labs, golden's, corgi's 

who doesn't love dogs

[preraph]

I can understand not wanting to own a dog, but someone who can't love a dog just doesn't have love in them. They're defective.