SumGuy Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 34 minutes ago, sothereiwas said: I think I agree with what you're saying, but doesn't the whole myth of the soulmate sort of depend on there being only one? Not in my book. To me soulmate has more to do with a connection that transcends because you are in the same soul space, so to speak. It may be rare but don’t believe there is only one. Perhaps the myth started long ago when the biggest city in their country was like 40,000. it’s also very romantic to think it is unique. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
sothereiwas Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 Just now, SumGuy said: it’s also very romantic to think it is unique. I believe this is the idea a lot of people are trying to communicate when they use the phrase 'soul mate', but I agree, it's completely idiotic to believe there can be only one. Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 Well at least on a planet of 7 billion 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sothereiwas Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 8 minutes ago, SumGuy said: Well at least on a planet of 7 billion Even out of a pool of a few thousand I'd say it's complete bullsh*t, but today, with communications the way they are, it's beyond goofy to believe there could only be one IMO. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 (edited) I live in a pool of several million and believe I’ve found my soulmate a second time, now does she believe (or want to accept it) not so sure Edited January 22, 2020 by SumGuy Link to post Share on other sites
sothereiwas Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 2 minutes ago, SumGuy said: found my soulmate So ... what does that phrase even mean then? It sounds like a fancy way of saying "we get along" if you throw it out like that. Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 (edited) 7 minutes ago, sothereiwas said: So ... what does that phrase even mean then? It sounds like a fancy way of saying "we get along" if you throw it out like that. Well typing in the phone while killing time out and about doesn’t lend itself to lengthy and nuanced posts. it is much, much more than getting along...as I’ve been in long term relationships where we get along very well...there is a certain, depth, a shared way of seeing and being, that goes beyond what I’ve experienced or felt with anyone but one person before....and we both felt it on the first date Edited January 22, 2020 by SumGuy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, sothereiwas said: So ... what does that phrase even mean then? It sounds like a fancy way of saying "we get along" if you throw it out like that. Anyone asking something like this has obviously never been anywhere near something of the depth that it's all about and never will , they just aren't built that way. Other people still understand it and feel it even if they haven't lived it. Edited January 22, 2020 by chillii 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sothereiwas Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 34 minutes ago, chillii said: Other people still understand it and feel it even if they haven't lived it. I can look at facts and see them for what they are. Some people can't seem to do this. The whole 'soul mate' thing is just a thing people who think like teenage girls use to convince themselves they are as special as their parents told them they are. My opinion. I love my wife, she's very special to me and we really click. If we never met, I would have met someone else who would have also clicked. I'm very glad that didn't happen, but I'm not going to attribute some semi-mystical horse pucky to it. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 (edited) Haaa , well l'm glad you love your w and she's very special to you anyway , be a shyt of a marriage if she wasn;t huh. Edited January 22, 2020 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 On 1/20/2020 at 4:43 PM, chillii said: lf it's any consolation, l saw her 30yrs later at 46. at a reception. She said hi chillii , l had no idea who she was. She married someone in her 20s they had kids and were still together.The shock to me was she was nothing like who l knew at 16 now and l was n't even remotely attracted to her, not even a grain of sand . And we didn't have anything much to say either . Few mins and l was well ready to go talk to someone else, felt zero.So there ya go. But yeah l do agree with some of the others that supposing you did marry your childhood sweetheart and it worked out and lasted forever , hell yeah , may as well have just done it and lived that life as apposed to any other , at the end of the road it'd be equally just as good a life as any, maybe even better than the other life and things in the end , we go on to do. l saw my mum n dad go full circle they were married 56yrs and doting on each other at the end, after many huge ups and downs marriages now would not a hope in hell survive these days, not a hope.But watching them at the end l thought really , with everything they went through , yet here they are , and it's as good a life as any too and l think they'd be glad the road it all out and were where they were at at the end. My gf's parent met at 14 in school in Italy , they're 85 now, lt's amazing how things end up sooooo sadly at the other end with health problems and after a life time together side by side, end up separated and in homes or something. But before all that , they were still inseparable and spent their last 20yrs after retire , sitting at the kitchen table or pottering round the house, fussing over each other and cracking jokes about each other and their ways or habits .Things like watching old couples like that makes you think fk me , is any other life any better , really. No matter what you end up doing , so what, big deal . Here they are and really it's as good a life as any maybe better than most. lf l knew that back at 16 and could know it would last forever hell yeah , l would've taken that life. I really messed my life up by remarrying my childhood sweetheart, we were totally incompatable and the only good thing to ocme out of it was our son. Who won't even talk to his dad the past few years now. There's a gospel music song, the words are 'wouldn't take nothing for my journey now....' There are gifts in the imperfections of life too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted January 24, 2020 Share Posted January 24, 2020 On 1/22/2020 at 5:27 PM, sothereiwas said: I can look at facts and see them for what they are. Some people can't seem to do this. The whole 'soul mate' thing is just a thing people who think like teenage girls use to convince themselves they are as special as their parents told them they are. My opinion. I love my wife, she's very special to me and we really click. If we never met, I would have met someone else who would have also clicked. I'm very glad that didn't happen, but I'm not going to attribute some semi-mystical horse pucky to it. Certainly one can confuse infatuation and lust with more than it is and spin all sorts of fantasies in ones head about a person you barely know; especially when young and especially when that is your desire. I imagine 99% of the time that is what is going on when young people (under 40 :) ) say soulmate. I'll just say at 50+ , fairly good these days at shifting fact from fiction, and not labeling things as soulmate level until many, many months down the road (even if the feeling was there at the start). Semi-mystical...guess it depends on how you see the universe, and what you call mystical. Connecting at a level that is rare...I don't think it has to be mystical, just a level or alignment that is very hard to find, maybe a bit of pheromones in there as well. Is it any thing more than genuine love, hard to say. For me I don't think there is only one person out there that could do it, just that such a person is rare and hard to find; so a relationship with such a person gets its own name. You can approach these things with caution and objective insight to see if you are fooling yourself, but in my view logic and precise language will always fail to describe such feelings and experiences. Link to post Share on other sites
Gold Pile Posted January 26, 2020 Share Posted January 26, 2020 On 1/20/2020 at 5:18 PM, OpenBook said: If there is "THE ONE" out there for me, I don't think I've met him yet. I'm getting long in the tooth, so he better hurry up. 😠 Hello there open book. How long in tooth? 😍😉 Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 (edited) I agree... it's not ONE soul mate available to you... it's a "Class" of soul mates. Think of it this way... If you have an accident in your car, and it needs fixed (an affair) and the shop says it's beyond repair, so you need a new fender. (The divorce) Sure... that SEXY NEW Ferrari fender is hot (The busty young date) but it just isn't going to fit. So, the shop finds a good replacement part. Maybe it's not the OEM part... but it's a perfectly matched replacement. (a new GF with the same values) There you have it. I remember in my younger days... I dated a Girl for 5 years, and even worked for her family. When I found out she was cheating, and we broke up... I thought "How am I to move on?" "How can I love another?" But, eventually, we do move on, and we find someone new. I honestly thought that I would have been together until the end with my wife, and I was willing to work on any issues. Problem was... she went nutz, and just wanted to blame, and become cruel. So... in that case... the soul changes. Mo... learn to love yourself. The rest will follow. Edited January 28, 2020 by Blind-Sided 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sothereiwas Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 1 hour ago, Blind-Sided said: I agree... it's not ONE soul mate available to you... it's a "Class" of soul mates. I agree that this is the reality. Where I disagree is when someone tries to label this reality as a version of the soul mate myth. The mythical soul mate is fairly consistently (and sometimes literally) marketed to us as finding "the one". Now I wouldn't have imagined the phrase "the one" would need dissection, but apparently the intrinsic meaning of the words isn't sufficient for everyone. The soulmate is a fiction of romance literature, chick porn, etc. Reality is a lot better. Link to post Share on other sites
Bantosm Posted February 6, 2020 Share Posted February 6, 2020 On 1/19/2020 at 9:31 PM, Cookiesandough said: I don’t really believe in a ‘soulmate’ or ‘the one’. Just people that we meet in life who we are more compatible with than others. I used to feel the same way. If you meet the right one that will all change. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted February 13, 2020 Share Posted February 13, 2020 I don't believe there is a "one" and I'd be put off by a guy who thinks there is...because it's either a lot of pressure for me to maintain that aura for him, or there's no way I'd match up. Nope I'll stick to a guy grounded in reality who adores me but at the same time sees me warts and all and doesn't put me on a pedestal. That's true love. All I know is what you want can be a lot different to what you actually need. I'm still grappling with this. I no longer have an ideal person in terms of superficial traits such as liking particular books or movies, or any kind of fantasy image...I've dated enough to come close to that fantasy in my head but it wasn't right because we didn't have the same values or he didn't know how to treat me...so I chucked out my list. I'm thinking about character now and trying not to get swayed by stuff that doesn't matter. I do want to feel that emotional connection though. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
simpycurious Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 Isn't it "thought provoking" how different people view LOVE as a whole. I do believe in THE ONE combined with the perfect combination although nothing in life is always perfect/all the time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 (edited) On 2/14/2020 at 10:42 AM, thecrucible said: I don't believe there is a "one" and I'd be put off by a guy who thinks there is...because it's either a lot of pressure for me to maintain that aura for him, or there's no way I'd match up. Nope I'll stick to a guy grounded in reality who adores me but at the same time sees me warts and all and doesn't put me on a pedestal. That's true love. All I know is what you want can be a lot different to what you actually need. I'm still grappling with this. I no longer have an ideal person in terms of superficial traits such as liking particular books or movies, or any kind of fantasy image...I've dated enough to come close to that fantasy in my head but it wasn't right because we didn't have the same values or he didn't know how to treat me...so I chucked out my list. I'm thinking about character now and trying not to get swayed by stuff that doesn't matter. I do want to feel that emotional connection though. Nah it's not like that at all. She or he isn't really on a pedestal in that way so to speak , and you know damn well they aren't perfect and you don't expect them to be , and you know your not either and they know that too, there's none of that shyt. Your both fully consciously well aware that there's things you don't even like about them , but there's nothing to live up to , you know who you each are and you'll both still fk up plenty and say things sometimes and have all the normal ups and downs . lt's more like just a full acceptance type of thing , like your just so into each other warts and all that none of it really matters , your actually more yourself and more at peace with them than anyone else on the planet , you might even look at them and like the things you don't like , and you know they'll be chuckling at things about you too that they don't like and just excepting them because it's just part of who they are and you are , where as if that was with someone else , it would all matter and you wouldn't even be together. But it's not unbend'able , it's not unbreakable , or blind, that's not how it is , in that way it's more like say, a peace. You often see in in certain special old couples , even after all those years they still chuckle at each other and know each other so well goods and bads but none of it matters. Edited February 25, 2020 by chillii 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sothereiwas Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 5 minutes ago, chillii said: lt's more like just a full acceptance type of thing For me, it's an acceptable degree of compatibility and the conscious choice to partner in for the long haul. Not super mystical but that, for me, is the reality and the strength of will it takes to make that choice and stick with it is way more attractive than attributing it to some karmic chance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pleasant-Sage Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 (edited) My first marriage killed the soulmate thing for me. Didn't believe in it anymore. Figured you could just be compatible and share chemistry with many different types of companions. When wife number two went crazy and left, I compare the heartache and turmoil I experienced to a transformation. It was like my soul had bonded to hers and when she left, it was like separating two pieces of wood glued together by sheer force. So, my perspective has changed on it a little. No, there's not just one perfect someone out there made for you. Soulmate just implies the bond level you have with your partner. It's how much you invest into each other and works together with compatibility and chemistry. Edited February 25, 2020 by Pleasant-Sage Link to post Share on other sites
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