rayne2312 Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 I had a coworker who I developed a huge crush on, let's call them X, nothing physical happened but we would talk often (both during and after work/I sometimes grabbed lunch with this person during lunch breaks, etc. Our job involved a lot of travel within our teams so, we'd joke around a lot and there was chemistry when we'd go on business trips (though it was always professional). This had to be the biggest crush I've ever had, and strongest. I never get involved with coworkers as I like to keep my professional and romantic life separate. Despite my feelings of not wanting to mix my work and private life, I eventually told this person how I felt during a business trip. This was huge for me but I was so drawn to them and compelled to let them know on the chance that things could progress further. While my revelation didn't lead to our relationship progressing further (hanging out outside of work, etc), I was glad to finally get that off my chest. After I told them they appeared more impressed with my assertiveness than willing to take anything further, although they admitted to being in the middle of a divorce at the time (which I didn't know about prior) so I understood any hesitancy. Fast forward, not long after I opened up to my coworker, X eventually received a competitive job-offer and left our company. Since they left, we've spoken casually but they never initiated anything beyond small talk. Even the casual texting here and there got to a point where it didn't occur as often (once a year or so.. always initiated by me). I eventually became kinda frustrated/hurt since it felt like X knew my feelings, never addressed it beyond the day I let them know how I felt, and just continued to have casual conversations. I kinda took the hint eventually and just stopped hoping this would progress into anything further. It really sucked because even though I've moved on and am in a relationship currently, I still think about that person from time to time.. I even find myself having random vivid dreams about them. Recently at work a couple of my coworkers and I had a huge get-together at their house and one of the guys invited X. When I saw them again my heart dropped. It was so good seeing them again. It was a good night hanging out as a group but eventually they had to leave early to catch a flight and my other coworker drove X to the airport. I was happy to see X but I eventually received the cold shoulder again when I reached out to them after we all hung out, X was busy and couldn't talk much. X will still joke around in our group of friends and X will almost seemingly flirt/give me a hard time but it's all very fleeting. It's hard because I have genuine feelings still somehow and i'm almost beginning to feel like they like my attention more than actually reciprocating or addressing my feelings-- which is very childish and really hurtful. I know all of this from their end obviously spells out 'not interested' and I've tried to just move on/ignore them ,etc. The logical part of me knows that if X wanted anything beyond casual friendship that it would be obvious but then another part of me questions myself and considers that maybe X knows I've moved on/ they're too shy/awkward about reigniting things. How do I stop this annoying 'maybe' catch-22? I get so annoyed with myself for even still liking them still and have zero idea why part of me still hasn't forgotten them. I've had crushes before (though not of this magnitude) and been in plenty relationships. It doesn't help that we have mutual friends in common. I also feel guilty since my current partner is great and i'd be heartbroken if this situation was happening on the other end with my current relationship. Maybe having a conversation about this with X would be beneficial but at the same time, I'd feel crazy for randomly initiating that 'hey can I get some closure' conversation. I feel a little nuts for even privately still having lingering feelings after so long. It's basically inevitable that I will see X from time to time. I'd rather be mature about our future interactions instead of giving them the cold shoulder, being overly passive-aggressive (since there is a part of me that holds some resentment for X discarding me/my feelings so casually without even trying to address the pink elephant in the room. My heart races the entire time i'm around them and I still feel this annoyingly-baffling attraction/pull towards them. I also know what it feels like to know that someone likes/has a crush on you but the feeling isn't mutual, it feels good to feel wanted and I don't want to feel like i'm possibly being casually used to feed their ego. The whole thing can and has felt a little like an emotional rollercoaster. Am I crazy to still have a crush after so long? What can I do to make these residual feelings stop? How do I handle these interactions with X going forward? 😕 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 You aren't crazy but that is a long time to hold on to this pipe dream. Your head knows it will never be & you are behaving maturely. Somehow you have to think he was the one who got away & push him out of your dreams. Link to post Share on other sites
2BGoodAgain Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 just b/c you got into another relationship, didn't mean you moved on. You just buried your feelings/thoughts. some people bury these feelings and eventually, they go away. but if they keep lingering, it's most likely, you didn't properly process why this person invoked such strong feelings within you. sometimes, it's not really the person, but how they make you feel. When you don't figure out why they make you feel so strongly, it can lead to such situations like you mentioned above. as for her, it's obvious she doesn't think of you in the same way. most people talk/get along, b/c it's better than awkward silences and it just means she enjoyed a good conversation, etc.. doesn't mean she wants more. so any attraction is all on you; and given the specific event that she was going thru a divorce, it's even bigger red flags that she was prob just getting over her divorce with friendly banter that sometimes tells them, it's gonna be ok... you can survive and find someone else outside the marriage.. who knows... the point is, you need to move on and if burying your feelings hasn't work, you might get a therapist/counselor and figure out why you feel this way. Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 I feel for you, that's why I hate having crush, it always take so long to get over them for me, like you, 2 to 3 years or maybe more.. I suggest that you get the closure, and end it for real. NC NC NC.. Link to post Share on other sites
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