I slept with my ex and then blocked her. Am I a bad guy?

[Demps87]

On 1/26/2020 at 8:05 PM, kendahke said:

if you have to ask...

 

and he hasn't come for you yet?

 

That's called "gaslighting"
 

Dude, just leave her alone. You mean her no good.

You're adding to her ptsd and that's not fair.

Sleep with one eye open because blood is thicker than water.

How would I be adding to her ptsd exactly? I'm genuinely wanting to know because that's concerning..

[266696687]

I haven’t posted here in a while (even though I still read the forum) but I felt the need to reply here.

 

I have to agree with Kendahke you are definitely adding to her anxiety / PTSD issues and the fact that you can’t understand how or why is a little concerning. 
 

You was wrong to sleep with her after breaking up with her. A lot of other posters have explained why already so I won’t elaborate here. 
 

in regards to how you are adding to her her anxiety.

1. You repeatedly block / unblock her for your own convenience without thought or care for how this makes her feel. You effectively drop out of and pop back up in her life when you want and only when you want. You talk to her on your terms and your terms only. - not an equal balance and in fact it sounds like you use it to punish her for ‘annoying’ you or questioning you on your motives for why you keep contacting her / sleeping with her. 
 

Being broken up with is difficult enough. Check out any other thread here on the forum and see how even a simple text from an ex induces stress, anxiety, pondering and often wishful thinking. Some spend hours trying to figure out what each message means. She’s probably in a constant state of trying to figure you out. Each time you contact her you stop her moving on from you. I’m almost certain you are doing this on purpose as you have doubts as to whether you made the right decision. In order to keep her keen on you, you keep popping up in her life so she knows you still exist. This is a way of keeping her as an option, if you do eventually decide that you want her back when your job becomes permanent. You’re stringing her along and I’m sure you’re aware of what you are doing here. Hence why you said to her that you may want something in the ‘future’. You haven’t ruled it out so you’re giving her false hope and leading her on. 
 

2. You act like a boyfriend to get what you want. I.e company / sex and a good weekend of fun but when she questions your motive oh guess what you throw the breakup back in her face and tell her “You told her you didn’t want a girlfriend”. Mixed messages all over the shop. Mixed messages cause anxiety, confusion, upset etc this is you selfishly keeping a hold on her in order to prevent her moving on, not only that but you’re using her for your own gain. If she dares to question you on it, there comes that line again. “ I told you I didn’t want a girlfriend.” Or you block her because she’s annoying you. Makes me wonder what you must be saying to her in order to get her into bed in the first place though. “I still love you.” “I still care about you / want you.”???? Can you honestly tell me you haven’t said these things to her before she slept with you? I doubt the last thing you said to her before you had sex was “I don’t want a girlfriend this is just sex for me.” She wouldn’t have slept with you at all otherwise. 
 

intentionally or not your manipulating the situation for your own benefit. 
 

You may walk away from the encounter feeling good and happy but she leaves confused, upset and anxious. 
 

What you are doing is messing with her head and I’m sorry but she’s right to be pretty furious with you so the fact she’s told you you’ve behaved terribly really isn’t surprising. She will wise up and block you out of her life for good soon enough, that or her brother will step in, sounds like he is starting to already by telling you to back off. 

You sound like an intelligent thoughtful guy but surely you can’t be so blind that you can’t see what you are doing? 
 

leave the girl alone if you actually care about her at all

Edited February 20, 2020 by 266696687

[EAM19]

On 1/21/2020 at 4:12 PM, Demps87 said:

I am remorseful about it by the way. I never intended to hurt her. I still care about her and I'm still attracted to her. I just can't be with her. 

More than anything I guess I'm looking for answers on how to move forward. On one hand I dont want to apologise and risk giving out further mixed signals because I know she will forgive me and try to be friendly again. On the other hand.. judging by the responses I was very much wrong and misjudged the situation. So surely I should apologise? 

Apologise  then say you shouldn't  talk/be around each other. It's  not fair to either of you. Let her move on with her life. Everyone who has been dumped goes through a period of still wanting the person. You are prolonging hers by giving her hope. Stop sleeping with her and leave the poor girl alone

[Redhead14]

On 1/21/2020 at 9:54 AM, Demps87 said:

So it does appear that I used her?  I thought she knew I wanted nothing more, she chose to sleep with me so I made the assumption that it was ok. 

 

"I thought she knew" -- This is about what YOU knew.  You knew she wanted you back and that she has some "issues".

A mature, adult man would realize that this woman still wanted him and he would have "manned" up and had a heart to heart to make it clear that you were indeed done with her.  What you did was wrong and most certainly seemed like you intended to use her.  Granted, she's a grown woman and can choose for herself what to do, but really now?  You are aware that she has some "issues" and she's been hurting and hoping to get back with you.  A good guy would have turned the sex down. 

Actually, it seems that neither one of you is good at communicating.  You assumed some things, and she assumed some things -- i.e. she assumed that because you slept with her again, it mean't you wanted her back.  You assumed that she knew you didn't.  This young woman thinks that sex with a man means that he really cares about her and is serious apparently.

 

Edited February 21, 2020 by Redhead14