DataGuy Posted January 21, 2020 Share Posted January 21, 2020 Hi everyone, my wife and I have been married for about 13 years. After 2 kids, the death of 3 of our parents, 2 degrees, and many other changes, we've probably ignored our relationship for too long and have hit a crisis point. Not sure we are ready to jump into marriage counseling. Two part question: 1. Where do you go to find the right resources to help a marriage? It seems there are so many places where you can find books, courses, workshops, blogs, etc. How do you aggregate all this into something that can help? 2. How do you ensure you find the right resources for the core problems? At this point it seems there are so many issues and it would be nice to find something that can hone in on the issue so we are wasting time and making things more frustrating. Appreciate all your input in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 21, 2020 Share Posted January 21, 2020 talk with your friends, family and co-workers. Chances are some of them have gone through a divorce or marriage counseling Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 The first think you have to decide is what your problems are. Once you have an idea of what you want to improve, you can select a counselor or a program that will address those issues instead of using a shotgun approach. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 Be really careful. Not all counselors are equal. Some want to place blame; what ever is wrong in a marriage is rarely the fault of only one person. Talk about your goals & discuss the gender of your counselor so somebody doesn't feel ganged up on. We did some self help -- I found a book that helped called Fighting for Your Marriage. We also went to a communications workshop to learn how to talk to each other. the workshop we attended was taught by a H & W team. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted January 24, 2020 Share Posted January 24, 2020 (edited) I don't know. On the Internet there is a lot of "The blind leading the blind" and just bad, politically correct, advice. I don't trust most therapists because they learned what they know from the current schools systems and I think the schools have gone off the rails years ago and aren't teaching the truth. [] Edited January 24, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Topical content Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 24, 2020 Share Posted January 24, 2020 So, today, this morning, what do you find lacking in your marriage? Our MC, a clinical psychologist, liked to boil things down to simple stuff. Go with today, right now, when you gaze at your spouse across the breakfast table. What? Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 24, 2020 Share Posted January 24, 2020 I would note that, on the internet, there is a lot of the blind leading the blind, and a lot of bad, not politically correct advice as well. Why the hesitancy to go to MC? Look for one with 10-12+ years of experience who genuinely specializes in couples counseling. Find a few and if you don't like the first one, try your 2nd or 3rd option until you find one you like. I would point out that ultimately any marriage lasting boils down to a choice to stay together. It can withstand almost anything so long as you both choose to maintain it. Once one or the other of you genuinely chooses to end it, it's over or at best a house of cards waiting for a breeze. That said, you can make that choice to stay together a LOT more pleasant (for both of you) if you figure out how to stay loving, pleasant, supportive, meet each other's needs, etc... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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