MsJayne Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 (edited) I've been seeing a guy for about three months, reached the stage where I introduced him to friends a couple of weeks ago. During the evening, (where we were all having a wine and all leaning towards a bit squiffy), he mentioned that my girlfriend was dominating the conversation, (and she was, she always does, very competitive and likes to one-up everyone, and I've been irritated by it myself sometimes because she often cuts a short story long and drones on 🙄), but he said it in a jokey kind of way, and maybe it came across as a little familiar. She took offence and the evening came to an uncomfortable end and we all went off to bed. The following morning when we all got up , (he'd had to get up and leave early for work), I apologised for any awkwardness the night before, but it felt a bit weird, like I'd committed some terrible sin. Prior to this happening, when my BF arrived at my place, my girlfriend had jumped up like a jack-in-the-box when my BF rang the doorbell, and rushed to the front door to greet him, and then spent the next three hours ignoring her own partner and monopolising mine in conversation, (always about her, her, and more her - which is why he eventually got bored and said something). So...I spoke to her the other night, and the subject of my BF came up. She tells me that the reason that she took offence was a sexist comment my BF made, (I vaguely recall this but it was so inconsequential that it hardly bears thinking about, let alone getting all precious about), and basically called him a jerk and then proceeded to tell me that her BF would NEVER say something like that, and tells me they discussed it and her BF was shocked, so on and so forth ad-nauseum. The thing is, that's not what happened. She didn't crack the darks over a sexist comment, she cracked it when he told her to stop dominating the conversation. I feel she's rewriting history and smearing my new BF in the process, basically labeling him a sexist creep, (he's not), and putting me in a position where, if I want to hang out with them, my BF won't be included. I'm not sure how I feel about this, and it's crossed my mind that she is in fact jealous because of the way she was all over him until he pointed out that she wasn't letting anyone else speak. Any opinions? Edited January 23, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 From what you describe, I think your take on the situation and what she's doing is correct. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 Let it go, let it be...honestly I don't know why some people get so controlling/micro-managing/over-analytical, but it always seems to result in the same, being unaware of the effect on others and unwilling to take responsibility for that when it's pointed out, then making everyone feel off-balance and uncomfortable. She should have said 'oops, sorry' when someone pointed out she was taking over, and if I were you I would just be gracious and smooth things over for now, and not over-think it yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 Sounds like she calling in the loyalty card - him or me? This is why old friends become OLD friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 What sexist comment did your bf make? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MsJayne Posted January 22, 2020 Author Share Posted January 22, 2020 14 hours ago, elaine567 said: What sexist comment did your bf make? I'm not sure what the context of the conversation was, but apparently he mentioned being a ratbag when he was young and said he and his teen mates used to get it on with the trainee nurses from a nearby hospital, and my girlfriend got all offended and said , "As if nurses would sleep with teenage boys!" I vaguely recall this, but it was so inconsequential that I took no real notice at the time. I just think she's making a big deal of nothing to vilify him because he told her to let someone else get a word in. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 Yes, she may need put in her place sometimes but why did your bf feel the need to do it in front of your friends. Truth is some men cannot tolerate outspoken women and need to put them down.. I remember hearing about a study a while ago, the fine details evade me but basically it looked at male/female social interactions.. Men in mixed company mostly did most of the talking often to other men, and were happy doing so, they did not feel they monopolised the conversation even when they did. Some women felt they monopolised the conversation sometimes and other women felt they had too, but they actually didn't, they had just marginally spoken a bit more than usual. Also consider that some men will try to split up female friendships AND was boasting about his sexual exploits really a subject to bring up with the friends of his new gf?, Be careful, keep an eye on him. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 24, 2020 Share Posted January 24, 2020 I can't see where he did anything wrong. So he talked about when he was a tearaway teenager and probably stretched the truth a bit. No big deal. Your friend is a full on drama queen who is intent on causing trouble between you and your BF. You need to tell her firmly to drop it and keep her annoying opinions to herself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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