Wife Won't Let Go

[Confused Woman]

Thanks for all the posts. I appreciate all the feedback- good and bad. Lynnered- thanks especially for your support. I don’t think I have access to PM. OldEurope and Newbby, you made some good points as well. I knew when I posted that I’d get some backlash. I’m just telling my story, and trying to work it all out.

 

Let me give some background to the situation. They were married for 9 years, have 3 children- all unplanned pregnancies (at least by him). She became pregnant when they were in college and they both dropped out. By his accounts he has been unhappy for the better part of the marriage even before the 2nd child was born. I blame him for staying as long as he did and we’ve had the conversation about why he continued to have children with a woman that, according to him, he stopped loving a long time ago. I don’t know why he stayed, he says it was for his children but that doesn’t mean he had to keep having more kids with her. It’s like it finally dawned on him that she’s going to continue to have babies as long as he’s with her- happy or not. And I’m not the first woman he’s cheated with, although I didn’t know that until after he had already moved in. She had to know about the others before me, and he told her several years ago that he didn’t love her anymore. He states that’s why he cheated- out of not caring at all about her feelings and just wanting out. Their marriage was over long before I came along.

 

His unhappiness with the marriage is based upon financial issues, personal goals and of course sex. First the financial issue- wife refused to work even though his income was not enough to really support the family. They argued over her getting a job for years. She always had some excuse as to why she would not work. He would literally drive her to job interviews and she would turn down job offers and everything. When one of the W’s relatives passed away she received a sizeable amount of life insurance money but she deposited all the money into her bank account and refused to let him have any access to the funds. Eventually she squandered away all the money and had nothing to show for it- no savings, no car, nothing. They were just as debt ridden as ever and still living paycheck to paycheck. He resented her for that. All the money he made was theirs but all her money was hers. It was all about her during the marriage.

 

Personal goals- he wanted to go back to school but she did not want to move so he couldn’t go to the school he wanted. He wanted to open his own business but because she never worked, they never had any extra money for savings.

 

Sex- well that’s every MM’s excuse so I don’t have to elaborate on that part. I know he’s not blameless. He shouldn’t have let her control the marriage for as long as she did, and he should have worn a condom at the very least. She knows how dedicated he is to his kids, and I think she thought all she had to do was keep having his babies and he would never leave. Never mind how they’re going to get fed or the problems in the relationship.

 

I strongly disagree that she has a right to know where he/we live. Not if she’s going to be threatening physical violence towards me, and show up at my home yelling, wanting to fight and possibly destroy my property. If she was acting rationally it would be a different story. I wouldn’t have a problem if W was rational, calm, but she’s not. She’s a physical threat to my personal safety and well being. She does have a lot of anger and she’s looking to unleash on me. I could even take yelling, but the moment someone threatens violence it’s a whole different ball game. I’m not going to just allow her to attack me. If she’s going to act like that she should never know where we live. And I don’t think I need to allow the W to burn my house down before I take preventative action.

 

He does have a cell phone and it’s on the all the time. His kids have access to him all the time. The wife does too. But that’s not what she wants, she wants to fight. She’s constantly asking him “Where does she live? Where does she live?” in a scary, irrational kind of way. No way is she getting this address in that state of mind.

[lust4life]

he cheated- out of not caring at all about her feelings and just wanting out. Their marriage was over long before I came along.

 

 

 

The marriage is still intact! Are you nuts? He is still married.

 

 

Nothing but the same thing happened before YOU, all OW are just like you, in so many ways JUST hoping for a different outcome. Why? It isn't going to happen. Give yourself some distance and live without an MM in your life. WOW. The marriage still isn't over. ????????

[TheDiva]

YES during this time I agree but once a DECENT AMOUNT of time passes,legall issues said& done he has a right to move in&on with his life & introduce his new lady into C life ,i dont want to be anyones mother but my own but i would be very good to his C,but C has a mother &its not me ,but as the woman in his life she deserves some respect all OW arent perfect but most are not the devil:p

 

 

Thats what I was saying. Until I had papers stating I had sole/joint custody I wouldn't let him to take my children anywhere without me. I know how the step mother thing is, after all I am one! I state that I am not his mother and don't want to be, he has one already, and I don't need to be. But by the same token, I feel the same about him that I do for the ones I did give birth too, simply because he is my H child.

 

 

I still think H needs a space of his own to get his business in order. If CW's safety is an issue then he needs an apartment post-haste. I also still stand by earlier statements that he has not fully made the W completely aware that his future doesn't include her romantically.

 

I just wanted to make a few points CW with the cellphone and no alone time with children. I am not the enemy, and I really wish just to help. I remember that i also stated that the W has no right to abuse you in an way. This includes your property as well. This H should really have more respect for you, He brought you into this, their marriage no matter how good or bad, was between them, and he needs to settle his D before he goes any futher with you, if for no other reason then to keep you safe from the W.

[lynnered]

1st of all i thank U for coming back there was a breif time i stopped because all of the BScoming here all the same drivel at least U know some of the erratic thoughts going throgh his W head such as hes property & so on.

and Lust4life is stalking & harassing me on LS& im not even her H is OW !!just think of the fires &tires shed be slashing:eek: whew at least he stayed & get daily polys to keep her out of the streets:lmao:

anyway i totally understand M being over long before U ,just because some do not agree does not mean its not true,Do U have a poly in the closet CS:)

it seems popular from what i hear

anywayi understand emotially MM is done has been done ,&he told her & like my MM W she ignored it sometimes like he said nothing & sometimes argued ,threatned to take C,screw him in child support,and ruin him all the way around!

i think his reasons are valid my favorite 1st sex YES it is important 2 people differnt needs ,its not going to work,it he likes &she feels its a duty ,or with my Mm it was never alot we have a wild ,passionate lovemaking but not most important quality love involved ,letting go,caring enough to satisfy Ur partner.

next finances also important he should have never M her with refusal to work maybe having babies was her way to keep him & not work?

Pesonal goal VERY IMPORTANT she must have that hes mine we are 1 i want to not better myself so nope he dont need to.

I do agree she has no right to know where U live he can go visit C at her home or take them to family member take them to dinner ,out something they are his C as well .

If she finds out i would get a restraining order based on her threats ,i she knows Ur name i would get one ASAP,that was also issue when MM left she was following him ,calling his cell all day,all the threats he was a wreck!

I feel so bad for U!just stay strong U are so close to Ur happiness dont let her take it away!

YES cell is fine ,if she gets house tn she can get Ur address &info if published dependeing on Ur state if U are listed ,&get a restraing order TN company will give U a free tn change ,omit address if published&if non pub no info given for a small monthly fee.& U can also use a phoney name to be listed under just tell rep situation!

STALKER

"The marriage is still intact! Are you nuts? He is still married"

he is still legally M,all other ways he is not ,he is trying to build a new life ,did U see all the issues?why should he stay with someone he doesnt even like much less love?o yeah cause he said i do well he has the right to say i dont want to DIVORCE!!

"Nothing but the same thing happened before YOU, all OW are just like you, in so many ways JUST hoping for a different outcome. Why? It isn't going to happen. ""

not all there are some success stories ive read a few on here ,and not all the same ,he wants to leave ,it is happening .

"" Give yourself some distance and live without an MM in your life. WOW. The marriage still isn't over. ????????"

why should she gie distance is it what he wants?she wants ?

SO if he walked out the door 2 days later met someone new he should just say wait 1or 2 years til i have final D?

he has lived years of being unhappy unfufilled wanting out &stayed for all his reasons,if he can walk away he should & i forget how long CS has waited but i feel her pain ,of waiting & waiting she is being patient ,sounds like .

Why cant some comprehend M is over ?

A peice of paper ?

If my MM & i had worked out in my state its 1year legal sep YES he would have lived under my roof ,i would have loved him ,and lived why keep waiting?

Dont hurt the kids ,be honest with W & keep it moving dont pause Ur life ,u guys have waited long enough cant wait til things get better & they will real soon :love:

[Art_Critic]

1st of all i thank U for coming back there was a breif time i stopped because all of the BScoming here all the same drivel at least U know some of the erratic thoughts going throgh his W head such as hes property & so on.

and Lust4life is stalking & harassing me on LS& im not even her H is OW !!just think of the fires &tires shed be slashing:eek: whew at least he stayed & get daily polys to keep her out of the streets:lmao:

anyway i totally understand M being over long before U ,just because some do not agree does not mean its not true,Do U have a poly in the closet CS:)

it seems popular from what i hear

anywayi understand emotially MM is done has been done ,&he told her & like my MM W she ignored it sometimes like he said nothing & sometimes argued ,threatned to take C,screw him in child support,and ruin him all the way around!

i think his reasons are valid my favorite 1st sex YES it is important 2 people differnt needs ,its not going to work,it he likes &she feels its a duty ,or with my Mm it was never alot we have a wild ,passionate lovemaking but not most important quality love involved ,letting go,caring enough to satisfy Ur partner.

next finances also important he should have never M her with refusal to work maybe having babies was her way to keep him & not work?

Pesonal goal VERY IMPORTANT she must have that hes mine we are 1 i want to not better myself so nope he dont need to.

I do agree she has no right to know where U live he can go visit C at her home or take them to family member take them to dinner ,out something they are his C as well .

If she finds out i would get a restraining order based on her threats ,i she knows Ur name i would get one ASAP,that was also issue when MM left she was following him ,calling his cell all day,all the threats he was a wreck!

I feel so bad for U!just stay strong U are so close to Ur happiness dont let her take it away!

YES cell is fine ,if she gets house tn she can get Ur address &info if published dependeing on Ur state if U are listed ,&get a restraing order TN company will give U a free tn change ,omit address if published&if non pub no info given for a small monthly fee.& U can also use a phoney name to be listed under just tell rep situation!

STALKER

"The marriage is still intact! Are you nuts? He is still married"

he is still legally M,all other ways he is not ,he is trying to build a new life ,did U see all the issues?why should he stay with someone he doesnt even like much less love?o yeah cause he said i do well he has the right to say i dont want to DIVORCE!!

"Nothing but the same thing happened before YOU, all OW are just like you, in so many ways JUST hoping for a different outcome. Why? It isn't going to happen. ""

not all there are some success stories ive read a few on here ,and not all the same ,he wants to leave ,it is happening .

"" Give yourself some distance and live without an MM in your life. WOW. The marriage still isn't over. ????????"

why should she gie distance is it what he wants?she wants ?

SO if he walked out the door 2 days later met someone new he should just say wait 1or 2 years til i have final D?

he has lived years of being unhappy unfufilled wanting out &stayed for all his reasons,if he can walk away he should & i forget how long CS has waited but i feel her pain ,of waiting & waiting she is being patient ,sounds like .

Why cant some comprehend M is over ?

A peice of paper ?

If my MM & i had worked out in my state its 1year legal sep YES he would have lived under my roof ,i would have loved him ,and lived why keep waiting?

Dont hurt the kids ,be honest with W & keep it moving dont pause Ur life ,u guys have waited long enough cant wait til things get better & they will real soon :love:

 

:lmao:

[Leid]

Thanks for all the posts. I appreciate all the feedback- good and bad. Lynnered- thanks especially for your support. I don’t think I have access to PM. OldEurope and Newbby, you made some good points as well. I knew when I posted that I’d get some backlash. I’m just telling my story, and trying to work it all out.

 

Let me give some background to the situation. .

 

WOW! that W sounds like dead weight.... I can't fault a man for wanting to divorce a W who is keeping him back and is fiscally irresponsible like that. Marriage, after all, is suppose to be a partnership. Some people do marry for reasons outside of love. I don't know why she married him, but she seems to be more a burden to him than a partner he's just having a few problems with. Young C or not, that's a serious issue to contend with. What good is playing house for the sake of the C when the two adults loathe each other or aren't getting along? C aren't stupid and they pick up more than we think. Now I understand why the W is so irrational.

 

Right now, I'm feeling more for the C in this situation, b/c if he's gone, this fiscally irresponsible W who doesn't work will eventually take out her anger or vent her frustrations on the C -- if she hasn't already done so!

[lynnered]

WOW! that W sounds like dead weight.... I can't fault a man for wanting to divorce a W who is keeping him back and is fiscally irresponsible like that. Marriage, after all, is suppose to be a partnership. Some people do marry for reasons outside of love. I don't know why she married him, but she seems to be more a burden to him than a partner he's just having a few problems with. Young C or not, that's a serious issue to contend with. What good is playing house for the sake of the C when the two adults loathe each other or aren't getting along? C aren't stupid and they pick up more than we think. Now I understand why the W is so irrational.

 

Right now, I'm feeling more for the C in this situation, b/c if he's gone, this fiscally irresponsible W who doesn't work will eventually take out her anger or vent her frustrations on the C -- if she hasn't already done so!

with

I asked MM about how W treated child even when he was gone for that time he said she was really good to C ,horrible to him but good to her little one ,except for fighting &yelling in front of her which i thought was not good but my MM W was just like CS MM W;) & most i hope wont let this affect C!

[newbby]

confused woman, sorry to say it but you boyfriend sounds like a big baby, like most men. so despite the fact that his wife was raising his children full time, he still wanted her to work? and when she didnt work he thought it gave him excuses to have an a? i know plenty of single moms who have to work and raise children on their own, it annoys me when men cant even get stuff together when they have someone looking after their children for them.