wtm78 Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 How long should martial separation be? It has been 7 months of separation? Does moving on means start dating? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 At least in my state a couple has to be separate & apart for 18 months before you can even file for a No Fault divorce. Then you file & wait to get a court date which could take another year. Moving on may mean dating for some people but you really need to be ready to start dating. If you are not it's OK to take time for yourself 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 2 hours ago, wtm78 said: Does moving on means start dating? I didn't date until my divorce was final simply because I didn't want to be that "we're getting a divorce" guy when meeting women. I also had a young son to care for 50% of the time, so my plate was pretty full. YMMV... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 2 hours ago, wtm78 said: How long should martial separation be? Depends on the people and the marriage dynamics. 2 hours ago, wtm78 said: It has been 7 months of separation? Does moving on means start dating? IDK, how many years married? Children at home? Reason for separation? Filed for divorce? As example of a dichotomy, my exW had a new guy's boots at her door a few months after we separated and filed for divorce. I haven't really dated in ten years. Didn't love her or remain attached but the experience killed my sincere interest in women so IMO it's not fair to them to waste their time. Two unique people, one unique marriage. YMMV. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 I agree with Mr Lucky. Wait until it's official. Mine was official last Aug, and my first sort-of date was Jan. (Friend set me up) Needless to say, it's up to you, and when you feel ready. I thought I was ready... but that first outing just felt wrong. (But a group set up was fun as there was zero expectations) I wish you luck moving forward. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 First of all, what are the laws regarding separation and divorce in your location, and does dating others have any impact on the divorce process? You'll probably need a lawyer anyway, so ask sooner rather than later. IMO, start dating again when you are ready. If you've moved out, and feel ready, there is no reason to wait (aside from any legal issues, and there is no expectation to reconcile). In my case, my marriage was long over and grieved before I even moved out. I was dating within a few weeks. After about 6 months and many first dates and short-term "relationships," I met the wonderful woman who later became my wife. IMO, it's foolish to wait until things are final, as long as YOU are ready to move on. What if divorce takes years? What will you have missed out on in the meantime? And who might you have missed out on, who could be you ideal match? Sure, you'll find someone eventually. I'm glad I didn't wait - I found as ideal a match as anyone could hope for, long before my divorce was final. And this relationship is incomparably better than my first. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 I would suggest that you date once you have solid ground under your feet again and have found your center. If you are still swinging back and forth it won't work. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 24, 2020 Share Posted January 24, 2020 I was separated from my ex for a little over 2-years, but we would hook-up here and there...so, not until you have fully exited the relationship should you date. Again, state laws, as mentioned also play into your decision, if divorce is on the horizon. Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted February 4, 2020 Share Posted February 4, 2020 Separation is practice for divorce. Quit practicing. Do the real thing. Divorce. Date when you are ready but I strongly suggest you wait till the divorce is final. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 4, 2020 Share Posted February 4, 2020 I think most do date during separation, but it is just chaotic and an emotional roller coaster. During divorce and dividing up assets, the couple often has a brief reconciliation due to sentimentality and also just because divorce and legal stuff and all the moving and dividing up stuff is a big pain you just wish you could make go away -- and of course, reconciliation would make it go away at least temporarily. So you date someone and then get sucked back in and you have to spend a certain amount of time doing things with the ex and the new person doesn't like that. And then you've got two dramas on your hands and just want to crawl in a hole, so yeah, might be better to just spend time going out with friends and maybe traveling. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 4, 2020 Share Posted February 4, 2020 On 1/23/2020 at 11:35 PM, schlumpy said: I would suggest that you date once you have solid ground under your feet again and have found your center. If you are still swinging back and forth it won't work. Yep. It took me about six weeks after leaving to reach this place. But I also had no second thoughts and no kids. Link to post Share on other sites
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