Hopeless....

[GuitarGuy7]

All I really wanted in life was to feel wanted, to feel loved, to have a nice and attractive girlfriend. Even from a young age, I was biologically hard-wired to be attracted to women; from Kidergarden all the way to my senior year of high school, I.  Growing up, I had the expectation of getting a girlfriend in my teenage years, finding love in my 20s, getting married and engaged. After all, everybody else in my family got to date and was married before they were 25. And now that i'm 25 years old, i'm still a virgin, still alone, and have never even kissed a girl. And it's clear that somewhere in my life, something went wrong that prevented me from ever having a healthy relationship with women. 

Maybe it's due to the fact that I was diagnosed with Aspergers at a young age and that makes social skills much harder. I have known at least 40 young men with aspergers and only a few were able to successfully date. Maybe it's due to my unusually short height. At 5 ft 2, I am shorter than 99% of adult men in the United States; and despite all of the men in my family being at least average height, I simply got very unlucky with my stature.  Maybe it's due to my ADHD and not having a lot of interest and sitting around and talking to other people.  But I think the truth is that it's a combination of all of these things and they all come together to create a perfect storm. 

In 8th and 9th grade, I was severely bullied and was socially ostracized by the women I was attracted to.  They called me weird, a creep, a stalker, they tried to outright avoid me when I tried talking to them, and this completely devastated my self-esteem. Even today, many women I talk to are fearful of me and I don't understand. 

I can't help that i'm attracted to beautiful women; I am a slave to my own biology and that's why I can't escape their hold on me. Combine that with a society obsessed with love and sex; people like to think that love and sex isn't that big of a deal but society contradicts that statement. I can't turn on the radio without hearing love songs, or watch TV without there being some sort of romantic plotline, or the fact that the majority of my co-workers are married. All of this makes me feel incredibly left out, it makes me feel profoundly depressed about my chronic singleness. 

And the reason why I feel hopeless is because what makes me undesirable to women can't be fixed. If girls don't like you because you're fat and dress like a hobo, at least you can lose weight. But you can't fix height, you can't fix aspergers, you can't fix what is wrong with me.   And for that reason, I feel completely screwed, that there is no hope for me. And to be honest with you all, I don't want to live knowing that I will never be able to experience love and sex with women. 

[The Outlaw]

You can't throw in the towel because you're single because NONE of this is worth taking your life over. If someone bullied, rejected and ostracized you because you're different, that says a whole heck of a lot about them and they weren't really worth a moment of your time to begin with. And believe it or not, they did you a favor because if you had been in a relationship with them, you wouldn't have been happy. There are far worse things out there than being single and I know it's easier said than done for you, but you can't ever let it get you down. But don't throw your life away over it. 

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I'm sorry, GG :(.  I think you would find if you adjust your expections/requirements for the women you want you'd find exactly what you need.  We've advised you before to look into Asperger's dating sites.  Do you want a cure for your loneliness by finding a life partner who understands you and complements you or do you just want to bang a hot woman?  

Priorities.

[preraph]

The way you talk about that all you ever wanted was an attractive woman makes me wonder if one of the reasons you wanted attractive woman is to make you feel more good about yourself for having her on your arm, using her as a crutch to prop up your self-worth. Otherwise I just don't believe someone who seems as desperate as you for love would make attractive a requirement.

[GuitarGuy7]

 

13 minutes ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said:

Do you want a cure for your loneliness by finding a life partner who understands you and complements you or do you just want to bang a hot woman?  

 

I don't really know what I want to be honest, I just want to be able to get some dating experience. I think a part of the reason why I haven't lost my virginity yet is because I think i'm a bit of a hopeless romantic than just a straight up horndog.  Not saying I don't have sexual feelings at all, but I think I am more relationship and connection driven than sex-driven.  It's not just sex that I want, I want the validation that comes from knowing that someone desires me in a romantic and sexual way.  But I still want to date someone that I consider to be attractive, not absolute gorgeous, but I coudn't date someone I wasn't physically attracted to at all.   

I was on a fairly popular adult social media site and one of the users invited me to a gang-bang, apparently gang-bangs are a thing on this site. But I don't know, maybe I find it weird to get naked in front of a bunch of strangers, especially to lose my virginity this way would probably be pretty intimidating; also the fear of getting robbed and physically taken advantage of, I am not a very big guy and almost every adult man is bigger and stronger than me. Maybe I should have gone since it's clear that i'm probably going to be a virgin for a long time. 

 

 

 

 

Edited January 23, 2020 by GuitarGuy7

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

54 minutes ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

It's not just sex that I want, I want the validation that comes from knowing that someone desires me in a romantic and sexual way. 

This is a pretty immature way of looking at dating.  I mean, at least you're honest, but do you want a partner or just someone to make you feel better about yourself? What would you like to bring to her life?

[preraph]

The problem with that is when you break up, she takes your self-esteem with her. you need to get in therapy and work on your self-esteem from the ground up so that you got it no matter whether you have a attractive woman with you or not.

[GuitarGuy7]

It's just that I base my value on whether or not women like me, so that's why i'm always depressed. And I can't help the fact that I am attracted to women, it's a combination of biology and society being all about love and sex and it causes me to feel left out. 

 

 

[chillii]

4 hours ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said:

This is a pretty immature way of looking at dating.  I mean, at least you're honest, but do you want a partner or just someone to make you feel better about yourself? What would you like to bring to her life?

But then you might b surprised. Back when l heard that same bs , especially the needing to know she was still desirable , from so many 40s women , it's even through ls , that  l'd almost throw up in the end.

ps , anyway op , seems as you mentioned attractive first and foremost all through most of your post 50 times  , there's no surprises you've had no luck , sounds like your looking and thinking all the wrong things and not only but also way way out of your depth.

You gotta look a bit deeper than just that fella or you'll just keep getting what you've always got.

Edited January 23, 2020 by chillii

[Ellener]

6 hours ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

maybe I find it weird to get naked in front of a bunch of strangers, especially to lose my virginity this way would probably be pretty intimidating; also the fear of getting robbed and physically taken advantage of, I am not a very big guy and almost every adult man is bigger and stronger than me. Maybe I should have gone since it's clear that i'm probably going to be a virgin for a long time. 

Sweetie, anyone is going to baulk at this kind of scenario, I'm super-confident and I wouldn't have gone! 

Those instincts are there for a reason, and even with Aspergers you should be cautious about safety issues.

 

[K.K.]

7 hours ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

  one of the users invited me to a gang-bang, apparently gang-bangs are a thing on this site. But I don't know, maybe I find it weird to get naked in front of a bunch of strangers, especially to lose my virginity this way would probably be pretty intimidating; also the fear of getting robbed and physically taken advantage of, I am not a very big guy and almost every adult man is bigger and stronger than me. Maybe I should have gone.

 

 

Yea..NO. JUST NO. You think you wanna die now ? This would surely send you off the proverbial cliff. 

4 hours ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

It's just that I base my value on whether or not women like me, so that's why i'm always depressed  

 

That’s your first mistake. Get your s*** together and find something about yourself to like. Create the man you want to be. 

There’s no use to keep ruminating on what’s wrong with you. 

Everyone like you always talks about wanting to change. 

Don’t talk about it ! Be about it! 

[preraph]

A woman isn't going to change how you feel inside. It is not normal for people to only feel good about themselves if they have someone else admiring them. You can't borrow someone else's self-esteem. You need professional help to start working on why you don't have any to begin with and then just start doing things to build yourself up. 

[nospam99]

@preraph. I disagree VEHEMENTLY. It depends on the woman and the guy. Any individual's SELF ESTEEM can be dependent on lots of factors. The quality (and quantity) of loving relationship(s) in their life is one of those factors. So, for a man, certain relationships, especially the one with the primary woman in his life, most definitely WILL change the way he feels inside.

[preraph]

You cannot be dependent on another person for your self-esteem. That is a sandcastle. Self-esteem comes from within, and if yours is as low as his is you need help. 

[Happy Lemming]

14 hours ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

Maybe it's due to the fact that I was diagnosed with Aspergers at a young age and that makes social skills much harder.  Maybe it's due to my unusually short height. At 5 ft 2, I am shorter than 99% of adult men in the United States; ...My ADHD and not having a lot of interest and sitting around and talking to other people.

I can't help that i'm attracted to beautiful women...

Yes, the deck is stacked against you, but you have to date within your league. There is nothing wrong with dating a "plain Jane" or someone on the "chubby" side.

All guys want a "beautiful woman"... I want a "Christina Hendricks" look alike, but that's not going to happen.  So I have to find happiness in the "league" of women I can date from.

[GuitarGuy7]

I believe that there are certain attributes that make people more likely to be successful in dating; it's something that some people are naturally good at because they have the natural tools to succeed.  What makes someone naturally good at dating?  Well they're usually tall, facially attractive, confident, charismatic, have a good physique, and are naturally good at reading others and situations and being able to take advantage of it. Another example would be that some people have the potential to be really good basketball players because they're tall, athletic, and have good hand-eye coordination.  But much like how some people will be naturally good at a specific skill, there will also be people who will be naturally bad at that skill because of certain disadvantages.   For instance, if i'm really short, slow, un-athletic, I will probably never be a good basketball player no matter how much I practice; if I based my value on how good I was able to put a ball through a hoop, then i'd always be depressed and disappointed. 

And I think that for dating, because of traits that I have whether inherited or not, I am at a pretty significant disadvantage. For one thing, i'm the opposite of tall.  I am 5 ft 3, and the game of dating severely penalizes short men. I also have aspergers syndrome, another major disadvantage in the game of dating.  Weird voice, don't have a super attractive face, naturally quiet, bad teeth, do I have to go on?  And I don't have the natural confidence or charisma to make up for these shortcomings; if I were naturally funny, charismatic, and had good "game" then I could potentially be able to make a girl fall for me despite my major shortcomings, but this is something that I simply don't have...    Iv'e seen ugly men who are naturally funny and charismatic be able to date hot girls, I am not one of these guys.   I am also not financially well off (yet), but then again, i'm only 25 and still in college so here in the next five years, I should be able to make decent money. 

 

So I think the truth is that much like how some people arne't built to be good basketball players, some people are not built to be good daters, and I am one of these people.  I think with the potential that I have, I may get into a relationship when i'm 30 with a decently attractive woman, not a 10/10 but maybe a 6 or 7 out of 10.  I'm probably never going to be a "Don Juan".  I'm never going to sleep with 10+ women, or be able to go to a nightclub and be able to get laid on a regular basis. I'm probably never going to be successful on Tinder or be able to regularly get dates, I simply don't have the qualities needed to be able to have that lifestyle.   My role will simply be the good guy, long-term provider. 

Edited January 23, 2020 by GuitarGuy7

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

11 minutes ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

 My role will simply be the good guy, long-term provider. 

And what's wrong with that??  Listen to HL.....date within your league.

 

Also, get your teeth fixed.

[GuitarGuy7]

But that’s the thing, I don’t want to date someone I find unattractive.  

When people say date within your own league, it’s like they’re telling me “you’re so unattractive, the only women you’ll ever be good for are unattractive women”  which I take as a big insult because I actually care about fitness and watch what I eat.

It’s a self-esteem issue, I want to feel like I’m good enough for girls that there is someone out there who wants me because that’s something that I was heavily deprived of growing up.  I would rather die than not be liked by women. 

Edited January 26, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I think we've established by now, from your many, many threads about this same exact issue, that your main disqualifying trait in the world of dating is that you are not attractive.  You are short, skinny, have bad teeth, and a weird voice.  These are all things you have shared with us.  Your level of attractiveness is a huge hurdle you probably won't be able to overcome, aside from the teeth. 

You don't think it's "fair" you should have to settle for a woman who is not gorgeous.  Oh well.  Life is not fair, and you are entitled to nothing (just like the rest of us).  Plenty of conventionally unattractive women would make great partners, and probably good lovers, and you are not giving them a chance because you're stomping your foot like a toddler, wanting what you perceive "everyone else" has--a beautiful woman.  And I would predict that, in the end, you would get an ego boost from a less attractive woman whose company you enjoyed desiring you that would be sufficient to fulfill your feelings of inadequacy and lack of self esteem.  And, you will probably find her attractive because of her personality, not what she looks like in Instagram pics.

You have not even tried this approach because you are so obsessed with an arm-candy type woman desiring you sexually, thinking that will solve all of your problems.  That is probably not going to happen because you've set your expectations/entitlements too high. The sooner you accept this and adjust your expectations, the sooner you will be on your road to happiness.

You want women to give you a chance even though you are not a sexy man.  Why aren't you giving other women a chance who might feel the same way?  Do you 100% know they have nothing to offer?

 

[GuitarGuy7]

Well I’m going to prove you wrong. Even if that means working my tail off so I can make a lot of money. 

[preraph]

30 minutes ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

But that’s the thing, I don’t want to date someone I find unattractive.  

When people say date within your own league, it’s like they’re telling me “you’re so unattractive, the only women you’ll ever be good for are unattractive women”  or “you’re so short, only fat chicks will give you a chance”  which I take as a big insult because I actually care about fitness and watch what I eat, a fat person does not they’re just lazy. 

It’s a self-esteem issue, I want to feel like I’m good enough for girls that there is someone out there who wants me because that’s something that I was heavily deprived of growing up.  I would rather die than not be liked by women. 

Then the only way that's going to happen is to fix your self-esteem. You are looking for some woman to wave a wand at you and turn you into a prince. It's delusional. if you want someone who genuinely thinks you're attractive in you need to date at your attractiveness level and find someone who genuinely likes you. 

 

If you're unwilling to date someone who would date you, then what is the point about going on and on about it? It's your own fault.

[Els]

41 minutes ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

Well I’m going to prove you wrong. Even if that means working my tail off so I can make a lot of money. 

You're welcome. You can start now.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

43 minutes ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

Well I’m going to prove you wrong. Even if that means working my tail off so I can make a lot of money. 

GG, your ideal woman......think of her.....why do you think she should desire you?

[Cookiesandough]

Become rich or famous 

[preraph]

He's looking for a woman to make him feel desirable and attractive and give him self worth. If the only reason a woman wants you is because of wealth, you still don't have that because they're still not attracted to you, just your money.