major_merrick Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 I've noticed something interesting in my family. Obviously due to close age and close quarters, our family's children are pretty bonded. Around primary school age, my husband prefers to separate the kids' bedrooms by gender. But we've got two pairs that are not cooperative. Wife #1's twins have not wanted to be separated. They insist on sleeping together in the same bed. Since they are in first grade, my husband hasn't pushed the issue. However, Wife #4's children are older. They are from her previous marriage. The oldest boy and the girl share rooms with siblings of the same sex, but last night while I was sitting up waiting for my husband to come home I noticed the girl slip into her brother's room to go to sleep. Same thing again tonight, so I guess it is a nightly habit? When I checked on them quietly last night, they were curled up together, with the boy's arms around his sister. Now, I wouldn't EVER believe that anything sexual is going on even at their age. For one thing, other siblings sleeping in the same room...it just isn't likely. My thoughts about these two pairs are as follows: 1. The young twins - they've never been separated, and have slept together since birth. My own twin babies fuss and cry when separated, so I get it. They don't want to change, and Dad has been soft enough to let it continue. 2. The older ones - perhaps they cling to each other because they lost their father early in life? They've been integrated into a new, larger family. While they are loved and my husband is a great stepdad and they get along well with their step siblings, losing a parent and changing family structure is about as stressful as it gets at that age. I don't have much understanding about opposite-sex siblings, since I only have one sister who is much younger than me. So, what do most families do about this? Just leave things alone? Let the younger ones continue for a while? Should I even tell my husband and Wife #4 what I observed with the older pair? As the older ones grow up, will their bond to each other inhibit their ability to bond with an intimate partner, or could things normalize? Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 I had to share a room with my sister when we were teens and we HATED each other ( we're closer now! ) Just wanted to say, my only son REFUSED point blank to sleep in his bedroom all his teen years, he slept on the sofa in the middle of the living room, it was kind of his protest at his dad and I getting divorced.... We tried to change it at first but ended up just ignoring it. Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 My niece and nephew are Irish twins (10 months apart.) Even though they each had their own room growing up, she slept in her brother's room until she was about 11 and he was about 12. He had twin beds, so they didn't sleep in the same bed, but their mom had to eventually tell them they were at an age where they each needed their privacy. Even after that, she would still sneak into his room at night - not for anything inappropriate - they were just best friends and told each other everything, so she'd go in there after a date, or whatever, to tell each other about their night. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 On 1/23/2020 at 1:09 AM, major_merrick said: 2. The older ones - perhaps they cling to each other because they lost their father early in life? They've been integrated into a new, larger family. While they are loved and my husband is a great stepdad and they get along well with their step siblings, losing a parent and changing family structure is about as stressful as it gets at that age. Bed-hopping is done on the regular in your home so they are probably just modeling what they are seeing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author major_merrick Posted January 27, 2020 Author Share Posted January 27, 2020 5 hours ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said: Bed-hopping is done on the regular in your home so they are probably just modeling what they are seeing. I kind of doubt that. My partners and I don't bed-hop. We're all in one together in one room, and the kids have no idea what goes on behind closed doors. Our bedroom isn't even on the same floor. 5 hours ago, vla1120 said: My niece and nephew are Irish twins (10 months apart.) Even though they each had their own room growing up, she slept in her brother's room until she was about 11 and he was about 12. He had twin beds, so they didn't sleep in the same bed, but their mom had to eventually tell them they were at an age where they each needed their privacy. Even after that, she would still sneak into his room at night - not for anything inappropriate - they were just best friends and told each other everything, so she'd go in there after a date, or whatever, to tell each other about their night. I definitely get the best-friends part of it. Like your niece and nephew, the older pair is getting to the point where I kind of think they should have a bit more privacy. But even outside of sleeping hours, those two are constantly together. As long as they aren't showering together or something weird like that I guess it is harmless. So far, I've just left things alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
homesickclutter Posted March 17, 2020 Share Posted March 17, 2020 Some experts recommend finding solo digs by age six, while others say it's fine for opposite-sex siblings to room together right up until the pre-teen years. Either way, privacy issues are inevitable, so be prepared to handle them when they arise, so each child feels comfortable in his or her home. Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted March 17, 2020 Share Posted March 17, 2020 Maybe you have too many wives?! Link to post Share on other sites
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