CAPITAL CROOK Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 1 hour ago, JPT0918 said: One question.. Everybody here advocates going no contact. Based on what you've said, it seems there is room where we can exist together or am i wrong? The reason you are going no contact is to regain your respect. You are showing her "I don't need you, but you need me". There is room where you two can exist together, in a state of no contact, for now. Later down the road, maybe you will have another opportunity, but when that opportunity comes, if you continue to do things like you have done, all it will lead to is just more no contact... NC is like pressing the reset button... Time is the most powerful force on this planet, it has created new mountains while turning old mountains into dust... No force on this planet is immune to the touch of time. You need to get time on your side. You do that by going NC. Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 9 hours ago, JPT0918 said: One question.. Everybody here advocates going no contact. Based on what you've said, it seems there is room where we can exist together or am i wrong? That's the best way to go. But If you stick with her, nothing will likely change. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted January 26, 2020 Share Posted January 26, 2020 On 1/23/2020 at 10:25 PM, JPT0918 said: 2 week ago, I took her grocery shopping for some food items, which she used to cook him and another couple dinner (unknowingly to me at the time). I felt completely disrespected because the intent was to cook ourselves healthy lunches for the week. and she chose to entertain other people at my expense. Today, we went to a local market to prepare a salad for each of us. I decided to buy some vegetable produce and she threw in a few items for herself. items i know she intended to prepare him dinner. I wanted to question her intentions right then and there but didn't want to come across as jealous. However, I just felt totally used. so, do I approach this with her? Point blank ask her who those groceries are for and if she says anything other than "us", when you get to the check out, put all your stuff on the belt and place the divider at the end and tell her you're not paying for her new boy's chow. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 26, 2020 Share Posted January 26, 2020 You speak of having lunch and walking breaks together, so I wonder if you're coworkers. If so, it would be very unprofessional to go No Contact. You must remain professional and courteous. But you can stop being a shoulder and close friend. Regarding setting boundaries, I don't agree with setting them beforehand. It's my opinion that people should know what is reasonable in a relationship...and if they do something which any reasonable person would know is uncool, then it's just a straight up deal breaker. If I was starting a new relationship and the guy started telling me deal breakers upfront, I'd view him as too jaded and waving a big red flag. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JPT0918 Posted January 28, 2020 Author Share Posted January 28, 2020 On 1/26/2020 at 11:08 AM, kendahke said: Point blank ask her who those groceries are for and if she says anything other than "us", when you get to the check out, put all your stuff on the belt and place the divider at the end and tell her you're not paying for her new boy's chow. Thanks for responding ken I understand where you are coming from. I doubt we will be in this position again. Today she asked me to send her money. i played it off and said all I had was cash but told her i could come by later tonight knowing full well he would be there. She didn't like my response. LOL 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JPT0918 Posted January 28, 2020 Author Share Posted January 28, 2020 On 1/26/2020 at 3:02 PM, basil67 said: You speak of having lunch and walking breaks together, so I wonder if you're coworkers. If so, it would be very unprofessional to go No Contact. You must remain professional and courteous. But you can stop being a shoulder and close friend. Regarding setting boundaries, I don't agree with setting them beforehand. It's my opinion that people should know what is reasonable in a relationship...and if they do something which any reasonable person would know is uncool, then it's just a straight up deal breaker. If I was starting a new relationship and the guy started telling me deal breakers upfront, I'd view him as too jaded and waving a big red flag. Yes we are coworkers. I'm just trying to figure out how much interaction we should have. I must say, at this time, I do not contact her at all. She seems to be reaching out to me and more frequently. Probably because we don't get paid until Friday and she's short on cash. lol. However, she does also contact me about common interest things. So, i do think she wants me to have a role in her life. I just feel I need to control everything. Let her go to him for everything. Because this is what she chose. She needs to face her own reality, too. I think in her mind she wants everything to go back to as before, which is next to impossible. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JPT0918 Posted February 25, 2020 Author Share Posted February 25, 2020 Ok it’s been awhile and I wanted to provide an update. We had a conversation about our relationship as far as where it Currently stands. Basically we agreed not to rely on each other and not place heavy reliance on each other for support. I believe she doesn’t want to rely on me so much because when I went no contact she felt abandoned, which she fears the most. However, here’s where my confusion lies.Recently she’s been pressuring me to plan for events in the future. She wants to go attend a concert in May and Spend a weekend away next month. Yesterday, she called me and became upset when I didn’t book the room. She’s Been more demanding of me and gets angry quickly over little things. I’m curious as to why she’s acting this way? I know her new boy toy is no longer as shiny as when she first met him and I know she’s gotten word that I’m starting to meet new people and exploring dating again. I don’t mind doing things with her it if we are going to be strictly platonic, then her behavior must change. It seems it’s a control thing with her and she’s losing her grip on me. Any thoughts on her behavior and how I should handle this? What should I expect from her? As far as her next move? I should note she is hyper sensitive to any kind of discussion of her behavior, which often times leads to arguments. Also, she has all the characteristics of a covert narcissist. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 7 hours ago, JPT0918 said: I believe she doesn’t want to rely on me so much because when I went no contact she felt abandoned, which she fears the most. This means she is putting a guilt trip on you to stop you from going no contact. 7 hours ago, JPT0918 said: Recently she’s been pressuring me to plan for events in the future. She wants to go attend a concert in May and Spend a weekend away next month. Yesterday, she called me and became upset when I didn’t book the room. She’s Been more demanding of me and gets angry quickly over little things. I’m curious as to why she’s acting this way? Let me guess, she wanted you to pay for everything. The concert tickets, the weekend away. Dude, you need to open your eyes. She is using you for what she can get out of you. 7 hours ago, JPT0918 said: It seems it’s a control thing with her and she’s losing her grip on me. Any thoughts on her behavior and how I should handle this? What should I expect from her? As far as her next move? Yeah, walk away. After all the comments you had a month ago about this girl, why haven't you run yet? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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