Ellener Posted January 24, 2020 Share Posted January 24, 2020 well we'll see but match.com I get all these super super matches when I switch it off, and almost nothing when I switch it on! Something feels off is what I'm saying. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted January 24, 2020 Share Posted January 24, 2020 @Ellener. I feel your pain. I agree that a lot of what goes on on OLD is fake. But I have also found some genuine i.e. the women I've actually met have ALL been genuine. To be fair, I haven't met any in recent months. Most of my 'success' was in the first year I tried OLD (starting in Sep '17). Where I live, match.com happens to be the 'best'. It would not surprise me if the bestness of a particular OLD site varied from region to region. What I experienced is that it took a lot of patience and selectivity to separate 'the wheat from the chaff' or to find 'the needle in the haystack' ... about 500 unsolicited messages sent, maybe 100 undesirable unsolicited messages received, about 20 meetings, ONE special relationship that, unfortunately, didn't last. And, BTW, that first year it was WAY better than 40 years ago in my 20s meeting women without the 'assist' of OLD. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted January 24, 2020 Share Posted January 24, 2020 Will say in my market all the matches I get on match (women only, 45-60, mind you) that I have contacted in any way are real people, unlike free sites tried in the beginning. Nothing stopping you from switching back on and contacting the matches you got while switched off . I find it seems to ebb and flow the matches that really excited me, so last time on-line was very picky and waited for a great one to pop up...or just searched. What do you mean by genuine I guess is the question? I don't think the profiles are fake on match, at least a low percentage. Now fake and flaky people is another story 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 24, 2020 Share Posted January 24, 2020 exactly. . . it's a marketing ploy. When I was on e-harmony I didn't understand why men weren't responding when I reached out. Then my subscription ran out & I didn't renew it. Every day for like 6 months my inbox had a message from e-harmony telling me that I had new matches & if I would just renew my subscription I could see them. I felt bad that they were still sending my info to men as if I was available to be matched with them. I'm sure at least a few of those guys tried to contact me but then felt rudely rejected when I didn't respond. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellener Posted January 24, 2020 Author Share Posted January 24, 2020 I don't think most people are as together as we are honestly, they flake or fall apart as soon as there is any pressure. 31 minutes ago, SumGuy said: Nothing stopping you from switching back on and contacting the matches you got while switched off . That's what I've been doing. But now my only son went MIA after telling me he was suicidal, so that's my priority tonight. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 24, 2020 Share Posted January 24, 2020 I hope your son is OK. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted January 24, 2020 Share Posted January 24, 2020 Hope your son is OK as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CAPITAL CROOK Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 OLD is a business; you finding a partner in some apps is actually against their business model... IMO, PoF is the most genuine dating app. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellener Posted January 25, 2020 Author Share Posted January 25, 2020 Finally got hold of my boy, his phone is broken. He is about to graduate university, I guess it's stressing him, and of course I live with one of life's meanest people on earth. so that's stressing me. She really is a bitch, I've never met anyone so awful. I have this cute little dog, she told me lst night that she barks too much, I didn't think so, but she said she thinks the neighbours will complain. I've made friends with the neighbours so I went straight over, they didn't even know I have a dog, said they can't hear her at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 I wonder would a dating site where the organisers take active involvement in introducing people, that might work better, wouldnt mind giving that a go (being an organiser)😎 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellener Posted January 25, 2020 Author Share Posted January 25, 2020 match.com says I got 72 views today, but no 'matches'....it's all a bit weird to me. Complete waste of time and money so far! Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 @foxhall. eharmony and elite are (supposedly) 'dating site where the organisers take active involvement in introducing people' (sic quoting you). TERRIBLE matches! Women who I'd never select on my own. And relatively VERY few people (women - I haven't seen the men) signing up - I guess they agree with me that depending on the people running the site doing the matching is just stupid. A site that prohibits me from doing my own searching is almost worthless. @ellener. Thanks for your 'view' count - interesting. I get very few views and most are from women I've sent a Message to. Female v male or I'm undesirable or a little of each? Anyway what do you mean by a 'match'? In the match.com interface there are Views, Likes, and Messages. The only reference I've seen currently to the term 'match' is when there has been a two-way exchange of messages. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellener Posted January 25, 2020 Author Share Posted January 25, 2020 This is the most common message I get 'Sorry, we didn't find any recommendations for you today.Consider opening up your preferences. Even expanding your search distance by a few miles can make a difference.' Funny though, when I switched it off suddenly there were tons of emails saying someone liked me etc. I suspect it's all a bit fake. We'll see. Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 @ellener. I get that 'Sorry' message often when clicking the 'Discover' control. Discover displays the current list of Recommendations. Overnight the Match system propagates MANY profiles to that list. So when I click Discover first thing in the morning there are DOZENS (most of them terrible). As I'm surfing the web during the day, sometimes I'll click on Discover. MOST of the time clicking during the day, I get the same Sorry message you quoted. But since Recommendations do 'trickle' in all day, sometimes I'll see 'a few' (three is the most I remember but it's usually one or none). I bet you get way more emails about Likes than I do. To me a Like means just about nothing. Everybody on Match gets Recommendations that they can either Skip or Like (or Super Like which I guess costs more $). So to clear your (or my) profile from their Recommendation list they HAVE TO either Skip or Like. I NEVER Like because IMO that sends a false indication of interest. If I'm interested in meeting a woman who is one of my Recommendations, I send her a Message. This stuff is all just 'gaming' a particular computer program i.e. the Match web service. The 'goal' of the game is to identify another person who is playing the game as being someone you'd like to meet In Real Life. Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 6 hours ago, Ellener said: match.com says I got 72 views today, but no 'matches'....it's all a bit weird to me. Complete waste of time and money so far! I assume it really comes down to you local. I got that message too sometimes which is weird because then I will get an e-mail with recommendations. I really don't rely on the algorithm to find someone, I look on my own usually with the you may also like feature. If I used the search function literally thousands of matches with 40 miles I think, I can get it down to the hundreds if limit things to 10 miles. All these matches are is those who fit the pretty high level filters, none of them mean anything until read the profile. Sounds though like in your area match is not a good choice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 I thought you were working on moving out of that house? getting away from the mean people will help your mood. Would you consider doing what the cite suggests & opening up your geographical preferences? That does come with its own issues -- it may be inconvenient to date somebody too far away but under an hour is probably fine. Glad your son is OK. Consider doing something with your dog to meet people. There are often hiking groups where you can bring well behaved sociable dogs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 Also glad to read your son is OK. In the last thread where you mentioned him it sounds as if the two of you have a great relationship. As far as your dog barking and bothering the neighbors (as you discovered, the neighbors don't even know you have him) possibly he's bothering your roommate and she was just skirting the issue by trying to put it off on the neighbors. That's not to say your roommate's a nice person, just that she may be bothered by your dog and not know how to tell you. Since you believe she's mean, she may have sensed your dislike of her and feels uncomfortable approaching you about a difference the two of you may have. Again, not to say she's not mean! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 These match companies make millions and millions, not by correctly matching singles, not by enabling your happiness, but by everyone trying, hoping, taking a long shot. I don't think its the fault of technology or the owners, at all. Human nature (attitudes) of singles need to change. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 I’ve never used match because the one time I set it up it was just wayyyyy too confusing for me. I didn’t find the userface intuitive at all and couldn’t get to my messages. Maybe because you have to pay? I don’t know, but the free apps have been a lot easier and I’ve met some great people on them. I don’t pay attention to likes, just messages 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 @LuckyM. Totally the fault of the owners. I predict that the first dating site that sets up a fee structure that charges the customers for a 'real match' e.g when a profile is ONLY 'recommended' when ALL filters in both directions are satisfied i.e. 'her' profile meets MY location specification AND mine meets hers, instead of a subscription makes all the other sites have to do so as well to stay in business. Easy to change the algorithms to do so. However not likely to happen because Match Group, Inc runs OkCupid, PlentyOfFish, Tinder, Hinge and Match.com. With their market and mind share dominance they have no incentive to change their business model. And the investment threshold to compete with them is prohibitive. It's similar (but not as bad) to challenging Alphabet Inc in the cloud computing market. IMO It would take a multibillionaire to finance viable competition. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellener Posted January 26, 2020 Author Share Posted January 26, 2020 I'll give it a go again and see, I really have no interest or time for meeting hundreds of people so I'm hoping a gem will slip through. Have gone no contact with my friend now, no point waiting around forever and it's not a good vibe to be thinking about him if I'm meeting other people! I'm in nice suburbs, @SumGuy but most of the men around me have been married. I do think it would be better in other parts of town, but it is safe here and honestly I don't want to be driving miles right now, so that's on me. Thanks y'all! Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted January 26, 2020 Share Posted January 26, 2020 (edited) 6 hours ago, Ellener said: .. I'm in nice suburbs, @SumGuy but most of the men around me have been married. I do think it would be better in other parts of town, but it is safe here and honestly I don't want to be driving miles right now, so that's on me. Me too on living in the suburbs, not a fan of the suburbs but there are worse places. But the city I'm next to + greater metropolitan area I think is at least 5 million+. Even then, some of the best profiles seem to be a 100 miles away. In my age range of interest it is very rare to see someone who is not divorced and with kids still partially at home, luckily I'm of the age where kids are teenagers and off to college. So guess in the group who are about ready to have a lot more free time, and far less people around. On going through hundreds...people say it is a numbers game in a negative way. I think that more is the nature of reality no matter how you look for someone. Some may connect with a broader range of people than others but still for everything to come together in one person is not common. In olden days when we relied on the social circle don't think the odds were any better just had more people looking for you and some better filters. I came up from some very humble beginnings, so things being difficult, not coming easy, and being manifestly unfair..to me that is life as usual. Not that I believe that life should be that way. I hope your housing situation works itself out. I'd also dial back on dating while working that out, can be stressful to try to date in such a situation. Edited January 26, 2020 by SumGuy Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellener Posted January 26, 2020 Author Share Posted January 26, 2020 1 hour ago, SumGuy said: I hope your housing situation works itself out. I'd also dial back on dating while working that out, can be stressful to try to date in such a situation. Yes, thanks, I think it's a good time to figure out how it works. Not sure what to do about housing until my son is graduated and has a job ( another 4 months to graduation ) One of the reasons for moving in something like this is I don't want him to land back with me and mess about for another couple of years! He really has been in no hurry to grow up... Link to post Share on other sites
greymatter Posted January 26, 2020 Share Posted January 26, 2020 (edited) During one of the time periods that I used OLD, in 2015, I signed up with Match. After 2 days I was so not impressed with either the quality of guys on there, or their lame interface, that I cancelled and never used Match again. I had luck with free sites: tinder (met ex-BF who I was with for a year) and OKC (met my current partner about two years ago). Let me say again how much I hated Match. I know others like it but I thought it was so lame. And the algorithm was way off...one of my 99% matches was my boss who was SO not my type...and he was my higher up (not that the site knew that, or did it?!). Edited January 26, 2020 by greymatter 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellener Posted January 27, 2020 Author Share Posted January 27, 2020 @greymatter I just can't get the hang of the Match thing, you're supposed go through a list of possible matches every day but can only see a tiny bit of the profile and the pictures but clicking on the individual's profile loses the links to the next on list so each one has to be looked at individually which is annoying. And I sent a few messages but most don't reply, someone said you have to have a paid subscription to see them, so I started using the 'like' feature. I don't want to meet hundreds of people though 'just to see', and I'm not sure what to do if I do start seeing someone, do I switch Match off then, there's no 'taking a break' feature for that. So all in I expect it's going to be a long process, I'll probably give up after a while bored with messing about online! So far the one date I've been on contacted me spontaneously, we had nothing whatsoever in common but I went because his message was sincere and it was a lovely time. One guy called me but we just had a nice chat and though we did have things in common it just felt like a polite conversation, no spark. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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