I don't think Online Dating is Genuine

[nospam99]

@ellener. I'm confused. Do you or don't you have a paid subscription? My understanding is that you couldn't have sent messages unless you had already paid.

It also sounds like you are commenting on the 'recommendations' that you get by clicking on Discover. It also sounds like you're a new user. If you are new, I suggest you try clicking on Search and 'play around' with the settings. When I was new, I found most of the 'good' matches (even DATED several) by using Search instead of Discover. I'm 'old' now (more than 2 years) so I've already seen almost all the profiles that appear in my Search results.

[Ellener]

4 hours ago, nospam99 said:

@ellener. I'm confused. Do you or don't you have a paid subscription? My understanding is that you couldn't have sent messages unless you had already paid.

I do have paid subscription, but if I'm writing to men who don't apparently they can't see the messages, they just get a message saying sign up to see what I say. 

4 hours ago, nospam99 said:

It also sounds like you're a new user. If you are new, I suggest you try clicking on Search and 'play around' with the settings. When I was new, I found most of the 'good' matches (even DATED several) by using Search instead of Discover. I'm 'old' now (more than 2 years) so I've already seen almost all the profiles that appear in my Search results.

I am! And it's not really my thing, computer stuff. Wow the profiles stay on that long? I was expecting some prince to carry me off into the sunset within a few weeks 🤣 I might not want a serious relationship in 2 years ( to quote Michael Scott in The Office) 😆 

 

[chillii]

Ha , was that serious about the 2 wks. ?

Because l tell ya what , even if it wasn't that's still what most women seem to go on them thinking, hence most of the ridiculous over rating themselves and thinking  on so many profiles. They really seem to think it's a supermarket and all they have to do is just take their pick , when they don't even get asked out in RL.

But yep , many many of them on mine were also on 3 or 4 others to and had been for years , that says the real story. Or they can just come read ls haha.

Edited January 28, 2020 by chillii

[Daisydooks]

On 1/24/2020 at 11:18 AM, Ellener said:

well we'll see but match.com I get all these super super matches when I switch it off, and almost nothing when I switch it on!

Something feels off is what I'm saying.

 

I've heard/seen here it's a ploy to get paid members back again once they leave. I chose a free site because I wasn't invested initially. I met my fiance rather quickly, I'd say? Under a year of OLD and had physically met a handful of men. I spoke to a boat load of them though! Haha Happy Fishing, they say! Not! Haha

Some were attractive but lied about stupid things or only wanted sex, some were less attractive but never messaged me again and ghosted me when I would have gone on another date  

I did meet my fiance on POF years ago now. I found him after being really picky with my filters after getting frustrated with the men who messaged me. I found myself allowing them to chase me and picking from them. Once I took control, I had better luck. Haha He was the only one who was honest about his "flaws" as he saw them before we met. I don't think a 5'9" man is flawed man, but he did and had been turned down a lot because he wasnt tall or didnt show up in most women's filters. He knew his "husky" build wasnt for everyone. Haha What I liked most is he didnt lie to make those traits disappear online. 

I found men online tended to hide truths even if they were really silly. Like height?! Why lie and say your 6'1'' and then show up to a date on Friday 3 inches taller than me? Dude, you're 5'7" and 5'7" is fine. What's not fine is pretending you're someone you arent. Its unattractive and just makes me wonder what else someone is hiding if they cant be honest about something so very silly 

[Ellener]

A man messaged me yesterday with a would you like to meet and his number in response to my 'like' heart I sent, I called him a few hours later and it was encouraging that we connected on lots of topics and the conversation went on for an hour or so and involved a lot of laughing, always meaningful to me! I don't take myself too seriously and I really appreciate other people who have learned to be flexible and non-judgmental etc. 

He picked up on my reluctance to go to his part of town and the area in between, which is nothing to do with him just that it's not the safest part of town to be out and about, and I'd like to focus on our date not be scanning the horizon for possible risk situations.

Anthony Bourdain, God rest his beautiful soul, once did a whole program on this city and wonderful places and people and one segment he described a BBQ joint in what is definitely a difficult area to be in and relax; I wouldn't go there unless I had a film crew posse with me either 😀 I digress...

Anyway he picked a nice area where we can get a drink, food, walk and talk, look at antiques, so we'll go and see.

I found myself in a weird head-space a bit later in terms of my friend I've had feelings for for some time, what will I say if he calls now etc. but reminded myself, he hasn't called so far and we've known each other, had feelings for each other, for some time. I always think of quotations those moments ( I love quotations! ) and 'we must let go the life we have imagined in order to live the life that is waiting for us...'

 

 

 

[Miss Spider]

Have fun of your date.:) antique browsing sounds nice 

[chillii]

Yep have fun , that's a great way to look at this stuff.

The chick way back when that drove down to see me in her camper, was into gold detecting and antique bottles and stuff. And it turned out funny that on my place l had this old shed , with 100s of old bottles . We spent 2 hours in the old shed, covered in crap and dirt , it was a real laugh digging around . Later we went inside and she made us lunch and we walked and talked , laughed, beautiful day, still think of her and wonder how she is. 

Hope you have a nice time anyway. Don't really think you can be on hold for the friend seems he's done nothing about it. Maybe when you see him next you could try giving things a little nudge , if he's interested he should take the bait.

Good luck

[preraph]

^ Antiquing and going through an old shed sound right up my alley!  To me, that is a great way to bond with someone, as long as you both enjoy it.  

[chillii]

Thanks Preraph . yeah it was one funny day, she had a killer sense of humor this chick talk about laugh, knew her bottles too, and we found a few rare ones so that was pretty cool .

[SumGuy]

16 hours ago, preraph said:

^ Antiquing and going through an old shed sound right up my alley!  To me, that is a great way to bond with someone, as long as you both enjoy it.  

Right out of American Pickers  , I love that show...

[preraph]

Did you see the footage on the news today of the guy on Antiques Roadshow who had bought a Rolex dive watch in 1974 while he was in Saigon (assuming he's a vet).  The dude is all gray and long-haired and all.  And he was going to take it diving and never did and had it in his lockbox this whole time and he literally fell on the ground when the guy told him it was worth $400,000, and then after he got up, told him that was in decent condition, but his watch was pristeen, so up to $700,000!

[SumGuy]

No but used to watch that show too.  Never refinish antique furniture

[chillii]

6 hours ago, preraph said:

Did you see the footage on the news today of the guy on Antiques Roadshow who had bought a Rolex dive watch in 1974 while he was in Saigon (assuming he's a vet).  The dude is all gray and long-haired and all.  And he was going to take it diving and never did and had it in his lockbox this whole time and he literally fell on the ground when the guy told him it was worth $400,000, and then after he got up, told him that was in decent condition, but his watch was pristeen, so up to $700,000!

 

Holy fk , why doesn't that happen to me.

[preraph]

No kidding!  But really, who would lock a watch up in a lockbox for nearly 50 years??

 

That he paid $350 for!

Edited January 30, 2020 by preraph

[Miss Spider]

Antiques road shows is an amazing show 

[Ruby Slippers]

On 1/25/2020 at 1:59 PM, Cookiesandough said:

I’ve never used match because the one time I set it up it was just wayyyyy too confusing for me. I didn’t find the userface intuitive at all and couldn’t get to my messages. Maybe because you have to pay? I don’t know, but the free apps have been a lot easier and I’ve met some great people on them. I don’t pay attention to likes, just messages 

I agree.

I think the paid sites are scams, basically. The longer it takes you to find someone, the more money they make. Match used to be and perhaps still is notorious for continuing to send you "alluring" matches after you got off the site and potentially met someone.

I've only ever used free sites and I agree those are more legit than the paid ones.

[nospam99]

I've posted many time that the 'genuineness' (not to be confused with actually meeting someone) almost certainly varies with one's gender and location. I find the 'free' sites (for me, OKCupid and Plenty of Fish) have become just about useless because they are not attracting new users. As recently as this week I had two apparently 'genuine' responses from apparently decent women on Match, notoriously a paid site (of course Match Group, Inc runs all three sites and most likely steers users to their paid site).

In one case she was another skier and we exchanged messages about her having a season ticket at a mountain that's a 3-hour drive from where either of us live. The other woman was a 'daily recommendation' who lives nearby. Match presents 'recommendations' with only the information that shows what a good match the other person is for the customer receiving the recommendation, in this case me. You have to read the recommendation's full profile to discover if you are a good match for them. In this case, even though she and I are spot on for personality, goals, and values, I hit the dealbreaker trifecta for age, height, and body type. Nevertheless we had a very friendly exchange of messages. So, I can report two 'genuine' ladies this past week, both on a paid site.

Obviously Cookies and Ruby, Your Mileage DID Vary. But being attractive, young (compared to me in both cases) women changes the OLD dynamic.

[Ellener]

On 1/29/2020 at 4:12 PM, chillii said:

Don't really think you can be on hold for the friend seems he's done nothing about it. Maybe when you see him next you could try giving things a little nudge , if he's interested he should take the bait.

yes, I've made it clear I am interested in a relationship, he must have some issue I don't know and he's not going to tell me...I have stopped 'accidentally' seeing him out and about ( ! ) and I'll just forget about it now. 

On 2/4/2020 at 12:07 PM, nospam99 said:

Match presents 'recommendations' with only the information that shows what a good match the other person is for the customer receiving the recommendation, in this case me. You have to read the recommendation's full profile to discover if you are a good match for them. In this case, even though she and I are spot on for personality, goals, and values, I hit the dealbreaker trifecta for age, height, and body type.

Match website is hard to use in that the links break up if you stop to look at a profile more closely in the list of 'recommendations'. It's really time-consuming to use. I accidentally sent someone back the heart-like thing too one day, then looked at the profile after and he seemed borderline white supremacist...I quickly sent him a message saying I'm sure you are very nice but we don't have anything in common!

I'm a bit rusty on the etiquette of such things 🤔 but I know a lot of people get frustrated with all the messing about so I'm trying to be polite, open, thoughtful etc. and treat people as I would in real life.

Wonder what will happen with the lawsuit against match.com, the FTC sued the company last September for apparently faking profiles and messages to trick consumers into signing up. It's all a bit cynical and clinical really, selling 'love'!

 

 

[Fletch Lives]

Match used to be good, but is somewhat of a scam today. The same people are on the free sites.

[nospam99]

@ellener. When I drill a recommendation to read the full profile, the 'Back' browser control returns me to the recommendation list, usually to the recommendation that I just drilled. No loss of position. But it may depend on the browser. I usually use Chrome when running through my daily Match recommendations. What is time-consuming for me is that the list is LONG and most days every woman on it is a FAIL because of combinations of distance, no longer using the site, or mutual mismatches on what 'we' are Looking For. It is a waste of time (and frustrating) to have to Skip dozens of profiles, often ones I've seen before. I see a profile worth sending a message to maybe half a dozen times each month.

@fletch. In my area, there is a huge overlap of the same people among Match, PoF, and OKC. However Match continues to be, far and away, the site that women in my target demographic join ''if they're having only one'' (trivia question - what beer jingle did I just channel?)

Edited February 8, 2020 by nospam99

[LuckyM]

I haven't used match.com or other sites in  a few years but assume it is much the same.

It is in the owner's best interest that users are not too successful, so they will keep customers

involved. Much like casinos. Some payoffs but mostly lack of success. However, I still think that

because of the choosiness of singles and the idea that someone better (a soulmate) will come along,most

users will not get what they want, REGARDLESS of the technology. Some of you succeed and even get married

but owners will never tell us the ratio--your chances and anyway, people would not be honest. Sure owners could make it easier

and cost less, but what's the incentive?  So I agree and disagree.

[anotherfool]

On 1/26/2020 at 7:11 AM, Ellener said:

I'll give it a go again and see, I really have no interest or time for meeting hundreds of people so I'm hoping a gem will slip through.

Have gone no contact with my friend now, no point waiting around forever and it's not a good vibe to be thinking about him if I'm meeting other people!

I'm in nice suburbs, @SumGuy but most of the men around me have been married. I do think it would be better in other parts of town, but it is safe here and honestly I don't want to be driving miles right now, so that's on me.

Thanks y'all!

You are a woman.... make him drive!  😎

 

[anotherfool]

I've been using Match off an on for a while.

I don't agree that its a scam.   I have had a few dates materialize and one longish relationship.

Its definitely a learning process and you have to not expect instant results.

I do not understand the matching algorithm.  Some recommendations have a 97% match and I can't figure out why others would have only a 75%.

But I don't really care too much about that. 

 

The nice thing about the daily matches is I don't think the person knows that you view them with that interface.

If you actually click on the name that brings you to the full profile, then they get notified that you have viewed the profile.

I tend to wait for a woman to view my profile before reaching out to them - that way I know I wasn't a complete turn off.

Sometimes I go through periods where I will send unsolicited email and my responses have been about the same ratio.

[Ellener]

4 hours ago, anotherfool said:

You are a woman.... make him drive!  😎

I kind of like to meet someone a time or two before I get in the car with them, and to be under my own steam so if it doesn't feel right I can leave!

He did offer to come to my part of town, also to come see our organic garden here, but I can't imagine anyone being too impressed with the old lady I share a house with  she's only met one of my friends and she was pretty mean!

 

[chillii]

Well , l hope it's a little bit of encouragement but on my site here most were real and l met some great women.

Mind you , some had just stopped using it , but you could see those it showed how long since they'd logged in. The were a few scammers but that's expected.  Funny thing , read a lot of crap about pof but here l must say, helped a mate set his up a few mths ago and it was pretty good. He met some great ladies and he's been with a steady now awhile.

l closed mine well over 12mths ago but l still get emails and matches daily, they even send me likes, l dunno how someones liking me seems my acc is closed, they def' have their tricks .