Getting mixed signals from my gf/ex....

[96GSX]

Ok, here's the short version! lol I meet this girl, we fall in love, she has to go to Iraq for a year (she's in the army). We decide to try and stick it out through the time apart. Slowly but surely the distance, and lack of communication take it's toll. We end up miscommunicating, misunderstanding, misinterpreting, and eventually we both feel all kinds of negative feelings, argue, and break up. We find it in our hearts to try again, and we break up. We try one more time and get engaged in the process, thinking maybe it will seal the deal for us...but nope, the miscommunication always makes things go bad. It got to the point where we made it through the year, but just before she was to come home, we had a talk. She said that over the course of the year, with all the distance, miscommunication, frustration, and all the craziness, that she isn't sure how she feels anymore. She is confused. She said she saw a side of me that she never saw before, and isn't sure if she can deal with it for the rest of her life or not, and isn't sure if she wants to have a family with someone who can snap the way I do. (I admit I became a very needy person while she was gone. I was so worried about her and us, that I became supersensitive to every little thing, and I would snap at her.) I then asked her if she wanted to end the engagement, she said that she wanted to have this conversation in person. I told her that she already started so we might as well finish it. We both agreed that the engagement was premature, and we decided we would call it off and start over. But her idea of starting over, unlike mine, is to learn more about eachother starting with friendship. To me, this sounds like a "lets just be friends". But she insisted it wasn't the case. She wanted me to know that it meant it was open to blossom into anything again. She even said that if we got to the point where we wanted to get married I could propose to her again. I asked her if she still loved me? At first her response was, "why would you aske me that if we are starting over?" I told her, "because I developed love for you through what we've been through together, and no matter what is going on, I have no problem telling you. I love you!" She was quiet for a bit then said that she loved me too.

 

I asked her if she was sure about this or if this was something she needed more time to think about. She immediately said that she thinks she needs to think about things more. So I end the conversation on a light note, calling her "buddy" and making a few laughs happen.

 

She calls me a couple days later, and I ask her if she is still needs to think about things. She says yes. I asked her if she wanted me to be there when she arrives home. She told me, "If you want to be there, then be there." I told her that I want to be there only if she wants me to be there. She says, "lemme ask my mom first." I asked her why, and she said, "I want to know whose going first." I told her who was going, and just told her to let me know. She never let me know, but her mom thought I should go, so I went. She arrives on the bus, I see her on the first bus arriving and she sees her sister, and points at her, she then see's me and she points at me and I point back. She gets off the bus, and I help her with her bags. She then gives me a hug, a good hug, not the little, uncomfortable, taps on the back. We talk a bit about random stuff. She see's the rest of her family, she gets interviewed by reporters, etc. Then its time to go. Everyone is getting in their cars to go home. I'm not sure at this point if I should go with everyone or not, so I figure, if she asks me to go, then I will go. She comes walking over to me as everyone else is already in their cars, so I figure its time to say goodbye. I say, "I'll see you later." She gives me a hug, then says, "I'll see you tomorrow, come to my house tomorrow." And she smiles at me. I say okay, and I'm off.

 

The next day comes, and her parents threw a huge party for her so there are a bunch of people at her place. I call her up and ask her what time she wants me to come over. She says, "Anytime you want duh!" So I head over there, and she's mingling with a bunch of people sitting in the garage. She see's me and motions for me to go sit next to her. I do. We chat about random stuff. I figure I don't want to hang around her all the time like an annoying fly so I go off and mingle myself. To my surprise, wherever I go, she ends up showing up. I was sitting on a car in the driveway, and she came over and sat next to me, and put her arm on my arm. I moved to the front yard and sat against the house talking to her brother. She comes over, stands next to me, and puts her hand on the back of my head and starts playing with my hair. She called me "babe" on the night which is kind of a big deal considering when we broke up the first time she made it a point to make sure I didn't call her "babe" anymore since we weren't together. The party ended up being half b-day party and when she cut the cake after all the singing, she looked to me to give the first peice of cake to.

 

Anyway, things go this way for most of the night. At one point her little cousin came up to us and asked, "so when are you two getting married?" I just busted out laughing, uncontrollably, which I think made her feel a little bit better about everything, even though she was upset with her cousin for asking." At least she knew I wasn't all torn up about it.

 

But it comes time for me to leave. And she is laying on the bed after packing for a couple days leave to a nearby army base which she is leaving for that same night. I stand in the doorway and say, "I think I'm gonna get outta here now." She looked at me and said, "okay". We just kinda stared at eachother for a while, then she said, "you don't have to wait for me." I kinda laughed a bit then walked towards her and said, "come here and give me a hug". She just lifter her arms up like a zombie, expecting me to get her off the bed for her. So I grab her arms, and drag her off the bed, and pull her towards me for a hug. I give her a big hug and lift her off the ground. I put her down to let go, and realize that she is still holding on tight. So I hold her some more. I tell her I missed her, and that it was so good to see her again and I rubbed her back for a little while. She eventually let go and said that it was good to see me again too. She told me she called my phone and that my phone should have her number on it now. I said okay, and goodbye and left. And that is kinda where things are now, and I have NO IDEA what to think as how she acted at the party was so different than what I would have expected from the conversation we had before she came home. I'd love to get your input.

 

Regards,

 

Confused

[Mr.P]

From what you've said you're doing great, doesn't look like you have split up. She's still very affectionate with and hasn't suggested "Time apart to think about things". Keep at it the way you are doing and all will sort itself out over time. And I can't see you waiting around for long for this to happen..

[MLSCrow]

Thank you for your feedback. And from the sounds of things, you think that her acting as if we are still together is a sign of her decision? As far as breaking up goes?

 

I really became insecure about all of this and any type of encouragement is good. Thanks.

 

Anyone else?

[96GSX]

Thank you for your reply. So you think that her actions at the party may have been a sign of her decision as far as breaking up or not goes?

 

I really have become very insecure about all of this, and I'd love to get some more encouraging words if they fit here. This goes for anyone reading this.

 

I appreciate it all. This site is so good.

 

Regards,

 

Confused.

[96GSX]

sorry for the double post, I lost the first one, and didn't think it went through.

[96GSX]

I was last at her house on Sunday for the party. I called her shortly on Monday just to see if she was all set with a hotel for the next few days (3 days at the base, she's supposed to come home on Wed). She said yeah, we small talked, I said, bye, and she said "bye crazy" (her little nickname for me).

 

It is now wednesday, and I find myself worrying that she hasn't called yet, even though part of me tries to reason it away saying, "it's only wed...chill out" I can't help it though. Do you think I have reason to be worried?

[96GSX]

Ok, so she calls, and she tells me she is sick and had to go to the hospital today. she has pneumonia and will be in bed for about a week. I told her I'd stop over tomorrow morning with some soup. She seemed to think that was a cool idea. So we'll see what happens.

[96GSX]

Ok everyone. I really need your input on this. I wake up early and start making her soup. 1 whole roasted chicken, some pasta, potatoes, celery, carrots, and seasoning. I also made her some fruit salad, got her a get wel card and some flowers. I head over to her place. She calls me just as I'm leaving and says, "when are you coming over?" I said, "I'm on my way, it'll be about an hour." She said, "what have you been doing all morning?" I said, "I've been up for a while cooking for you, so chill out." She said, "You didn't have to cook, you could have just brough me canned soup." I said, "hell no. If I'm gonna bring you soup, I'm gonna do it the right way, with some homemade healthy soup, not soup with chemicals and preservatives." She laughed, and told me to hurry up and to call her when I'm close.

 

So I call when I'm close and she said that she's in her driveway in her car with her mom and sister waiting for me, and that they are all going to the mall to drop her sister off at work. So I said okay. Got to her house and went with her and her mom and sis to the mall. We get to the mall and we drop her sister off, but then she says she needs to go in to drop her suits off to be tailored. I say okay, but it turns into a full out shopping session.

 

Now here is where I start to get confused. Coming off of a party where she was very affectionate and treated me like her boyfriend and that we never broke up, I really don't know how to take the events of this day. So here goes. It starts off with us walking around, chit chatting. She keeps coming up to me to tell me things, cuz her voice is kinda shot from her being sick. She asks me for my opinion on how clothes look on her, she asks me to hold her stuff while she tries x,y,and z on. All the while, I do notice that she keeps looking at me. Looking at my face. Even if I'm not looking at her, I see her with me periferal vision and can tell she's looking at my face. She does this the whole time through the mall. I also notice that when she doesn't know where I am, she'll look around till she finds me. So I'm thinking...wow, I'm on her mind (even though I know I really shouldn't be thinking anything). But I notice that she's not calling me "babe" like she did at the party, and today she's calling me by my first name. And the affectionate touching was nowhere to be found. She would touch me, but only to get my attention (tap me on the shoulder...elbow me a couple times lightly, that kinda thing).

 

So here I am already kind confused about it all, wondering how come she could act one way at the party and another way today. I asked her how she was feeling while we were there, and she said she was feeling like ****, but that she can't stand being in the house all day and needed to get out and walk around. So maybe it was the fact that she wasn't feeling good, I don't know. I just know that I'm getting confused.

 

We do have a flirtatious moment or two during the time at the mall. I'd make fun of her and laugh, she'd make fun of me and we'd laugh, and at one point she hit me with one of her small shopping bags, and I gave her a little shove back, then she tried to hit me again, and I dodged and shoved her again. She tried again, and hit me, and I tapped her on the head. We kinda laughed a bit and that was that.

 

We leave the mall and get back to her place, and she sprawls out on the couch. She says she exhausted and tired and not feeling good. I ask her if I can get her anything, she says, "yeah the soup." I go and get her some, and bring it to her. She starts eating, and asks for salt (she loves salt). So one she salts up the soup she tells me that its really good. I then give her the rest of the stuff I Intended to give her as I was expecting her to be in bed sick and not up and about. I gave her the issue of Cosmo I got her for bed reading. I gave her the little pumpkin I got to go along with the flowers I got. I gave her the card, which she got a kick out of when she read it. She said thanks, but not much else. (Since the war, she doesn't really seem to openly appreciate anything). She then goes into the computer room and wants to look at puppies she could potentially buy. She asks me to go look at them with her. I go in, and sit on the floor. I ask her if she's busy this coming sunday. She says, "I dunno." I said, well, I'm busy from now through next week, except for sunday morning, so I wanted to know if you wanted to go out for breakfast or something." She said, "yeah sure" (still looking at the screen). I then walked out of the room and go to eat my soup. I look up only to see her head sticking out of the other room and looking at me. I ask, "what?" She says, "nothing, you were just making a lot of noise with your spoon hitting the bowl. She went back to looking for puppies. She asked from the room..."you don't want to look at puppies with me?" I came into the room and said, "not really." She said, "ok then." and kept on looking.

 

Then her sis in law comes over with her new born baby, and my gf/ex (still not sure what we are) all of a sudden has energy and is excited to see the baby (she's baby crazy). She all lovey dovey with the baby, giving it all kinds of attention and affection, and as good as it is for her to be happy, I can't help but feel kind of jealous of the baby at this point. She does sit next to me with the baby and lets me hold it for a while, but then I have to get going...I have work. So I get up, get my things and say goodbye to her, and I look at her. I wait to see if she is going to give me the same kind of goodbye I got at the party, but instead she just said, "okay bye". I kissed my palm and put it on her head as she was still holding the baby, and I said, "call me later." She said, "okay", but I somehow doubt she will call. Anyway, can you please let me know what you think?

 

Regards,

 

Confused and hating it.