Does anyone feel out of place?

[wtm78]

Wondering if anyone can share their experiences if what have similar situation.

When I see happy family photos on social media, I'm first envious. Then I'm sad. Often asked myself why am I in this situation. I feel lonely. I want to connect with another person.

When I talk to my wife, family and friends, they might be there but I feel disconnected. I can't seem to relate to their world. The things they think and talk about. 

Sometimes I feel like an alien. Out of this world. I can't relate to people around. Which is very strange because I used to be able to and people are attracted to me because I am relatable. 

Now I'm just alone, and out of place. Do you?

Edited February 19, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Ellener]

Do you have depression?

[Foxhall]

It might be just a case of meeting new people, friends or acquaintances I mean, (not abandoning your family!)

seek out a meet up group with more left of centre dynamic, astrology or something,

look to meet people from different countries, get different life outlooks and so on,

you dont have to be pigeon holed with your immediate family and friends.

[LuckyM]

Its really hard to answer this without knowing more about why you feel alone

and for how long--how old you are?

I often felt alone in my hostile family and in large groups,

even with my peers. Or at a singles meetup thing.

[2BGoodAgain]

okay, here's a secret that most people already know...

whenever you feel out of place, it's mostly YOU. why? b/c most people are too self absorbed about their own issues, life, thingies... to worry about YOU.

what you feel is a feeling, and feelings are internal, and is within you. also known as fear.

so next time you feel out of place, step all over that, and be what you want to be, rather than what you fears are telling you other people are making you feel...

[mark clemson]

Is it possible you're not connecting well with your wife? People can get busy and not "make time for each other". That can make some people feel lonely as your spouse is such an important relationship.

For some people, if they don't feel they are in a meaningful social role, that impacts their identity. My feeling is (I'm no expert) that some people "vacillate" until they find a group where they feel a sense of belonging. Possibly that is what you are experiencing?

[mortensorchid]

Seek counseling from a professional not with an online forum no matter how well meaning others (including me) may be.  

[wtm78]

On 1/25/2020 at 4:18 PM, Ellener said:

Do you have depression?

Going through some stressful times. Perhaps I'm down but wouldn't think it's depression.

[wtm78]

On 1/25/2020 at 4:29 PM, Foxhall said:

It might be just a case of meeting new people, friends or acquaintances I mean, (not abandoning your family!)

seek out a meet up group with more left of centre dynamic, astrology or something,

look to meet people from different countries, get different life outlooks and so on,

you dont have to be pigeon holed with your immediate family and friends.

Yeah thanks. I been trying to find a group to join. Have also asked counselor if he knows any support group. But haven't heard back from him.

[wtm78]

On 2/12/2020 at 2:27 AM, 2BGoodAgain said:

okay, here's a secret that most people already know...

whenever you feel out of place, it's mostly YOU. why? b/c most people are too self absorbed about their own issues, life, thingies... to worry about YOU.

what you feel is a feeling, and feelings are internal, and is within you. also known as fear.

so next time you feel out of place, step all over that, and be what you want to be, rather than what you fears are telling you other people are making you feel...

Thanks! Guess this make sense. Kinda feel this way when things are not going well and need some support. When I look around then I realized who have I been socializing with. When things are good, dining and having fun is easy. But when looking for some support and help, there are usually noone to turn to. 

Perhaps I need to somehow find a way to get out of thinking I have a problem to fix. Perhaps s*** happens and there is nothing to fix

[wtm78]

On 2/12/2020 at 11:17 AM, mark clemson said:

Is it possible you're not connecting well with your wife? People can get busy and not "make time for each other". That can make some people feel lonely as your spouse is such an important relationship.

For some people, if they don't feel they are in a meaningful social role, that impacts their identity. My feeling is (I'm no expert) that some people "vacillate" until they find a group where they feel a sense of belonging. Possibly that is what you are experiencing?

Yes - it's making a lot of sense. My marriage kinda ended when it began. When we were dating, it not as it's problem free. We have difference and somehow we are able to talk about the difference. I can freely and safely share my thoughts and feelings without being judged and she would not take offense. Somehow after marriage, perhaps she is so afraid of abandonment she does everything that caused us to disconnect subconsciously. When I try to connect she pushes me away. The timeout lasted from 20min to 1hr to 8 hrs to a day to few days to a week to a few weeks to months... Somehow it impacted me in a negative way. Like if I can't connect with my wife, I can't connect with anyone...

[Ellener]

1 hour ago, wtm78 said:

Going through some stressful times. Perhaps I'm down but wouldn't think it's depression.

Hope you feel better soon.

[Miss Spider]

I have always felt out of place. I know,  I know , snowflake syndrome. But I was even telling my friend the other day I’ve never really felt like I’ve belonged to any community. 

Edited February 17, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[FMW]

When I start feeling "different" it's usually because I'm way too up in my own head and not interacting with others.  As soon as I "check back in" and pay attention, things are good.  As was noted, most people are too focused on themselves to think about someone else being out of place.  

Really interacting with people involves being interested in someone else, curious about their point of view and experience (even when it's not something you share).  Do you have problems being interested in other people because of your feelings of isolation?  The next time you talk with someone, focus on them for at least a few minutes, not on what you're thinking or feeling at the moment.  The ensuing conversation might help you get outside yourself and feel part of the world around you.

As for your wife, I'm really sorry.  Have you told her that the distancing behavior has left you feeling disconnected from her?  Do you think she would agree to marriage counseling?  

[Harry Korsnes]

On 2/16/2020 at 5:33 AM, wtm78 said:

Going through some stressful times. Perhaps I'm down but wouldn't think it's depression.

Hi

Could be stress or just maybe you just dont feel like conecting.

Im just the same. When with a group of people and not interessted in thair convo, l

just up and leave for å while and value my alone time.

Sometimes i just dont feel like company, i got for a walk or go up on bedrock 

and stare out at the oceamn (Kind of meditate.)

Best of luck:)

Harry

 

[Ellener]

I get really stressed if I spend too much time with others. Any others. Have you read any of this on Highly Sensitive Person https://hsperson.com/

[carhill]

With HSP sensory inputs are turned up; people aren't necessarily a factor. If rarely surprised, that's one sign. With time and experience one learns to cope. It appears more tolerated socially in females than males.

[amaysngrace]

Some people are toxic and some can be draining.  It’s probably just your way of protecting yourself from negative energy others can bring.

[Harry Korsnes]

6 hours ago, amaysngrace said:

Some people are toxic and some can be draining.  It’s probably just your way of protecting yourself from negative energy others can bring.

Not necessarily toxic but training, its like sometimes one can feel like the fifth wheel 

on the wagon. Thats why i think its with some alone time. 

[wtm78]

On 2/18/2020 at 3:52 AM, Cookiesandough said:

I have always felt out of place. I know,  I know , snowflake syndrome. But I was even telling my friend the other day I’ve never really felt like I’ve belonged to any community. 

Yes - I felt the same too.. Do you feel like you lost your identity? i guess in some way, humans are social creatures and we are all looking for a sense of belonging? 

does that make sense? 

[wtm78]

On 2/18/2020 at 4:08 AM, FMW said:

When I start feeling "different" it's usually because I'm way too up in my own head and not interacting with others.  As soon as I "check back in" and pay attention, things are good.  As was noted, most people are too focused on themselves to think about someone else being out of place.  

Really interacting with people involves being interested in someone else, curious about their point of view and experience (even when it's not something you share).  Do you have problems being interested in other people because of your feelings of isolation?  The next time you talk with someone, focus on them for at least a few minutes, not on what you're thinking or feeling at the moment.  The ensuing conversation might help you get outside yourself and feel part of the world around you.

As for your wife, I'm really sorry.  Have you told her that the distancing behavior has left you feeling disconnected from her?  Do you think she would agree to marriage counseling?  

How do you check back in? What were you looking out for?

hmm... i had always been extroverted and comes alive hanging out with people. I know what you mean, and i am the sort that listens. My good friend thinks I am an empath. i guess, when in converstation, sometimes i want to talk about my view but not many seems to care about what i want to say. most of them just continue firing away their thoughts and i dont really get to talk.. also when i am really looking for someone to talk to, i realise that i cant find anyone. not sure if i look so strong and capable and undefeated or i never really get to talk much. the feeling of isolation seems to be a lack of meaningful connection. or perhaps i have not feel connected for so long i becoming aloof? 

as for wife, yes - i told her i feel disconnected, and she felt the same too. i guess the biggest hindrance is the difference in the perception of our reality... what i mean is, for me, the issue is the way she reacts to what i presented to her is highly emotional and explosive. but she keeps thinking that she cant be the perfect wife and hence gets really emotional and explosive.. i can no longer explain to her what the issues are. 

i have talked her into marriage counselling, she attended few sessions, according to the counselor, she didnt talk for the entire session, she just sat there and cry for the whole hour. after a few sessions she refused to attend and stop responding to the counselor's text messages. i continued sessions for almost a year until the counselor said there is nothing she could do for me except being a listening ear because a joint session with wife is not possible. 

[wtm78]

On 2/19/2020 at 8:32 PM, Harry Korsnes said:

Hi

Could be stress or just maybe you just dont feel like conecting.

Im just the same. When with a group of people and not interessted in thair convo, l

just up and leave for å while and value my alone time.

Sometimes i just dont feel like company, i got for a walk or go up on bedrock 

and stare out at the oceamn (Kind of meditate.)

Best of luck:)

Harry

 

i guess that is how i felt when i am not able to connect in the topic, slowly feels the disconnection in the group and with people.. 

[wtm78]

23 hours ago, Ellener said:

I get really stressed if I spend too much time with others. Any others. Have you read any of this on Highly Sensitive Person https://hsperson.com/

 

23 hours ago, carhill said:

With HSP sensory inputs are turned up; people aren't necessarily a factor. If rarely surprised, that's one sign. With time and experience one learns to cope. It appears more tolerated socially in females than males.

 

a friend thinks i am an empath, does that count? 

[wtm78]

22 hours ago, amaysngrace said:

Some people are toxic and some can be draining.  It’s probably just your way of protecting yourself from negative energy others can bring.

make sense! - some people makes me feel drained after talking. 

[carhill]

4 hours ago, wtm78 said:

a friend thinks i am an empath, does that count? 

If you often find yourself out of sorts without logical reason/quantification, possible. There's a difference between being an empath and having empathy. I think that's worth exploring. Forex, a week ago or so I got a text about an old customer being missing up where I live now. He'd come up to Oregon to fish as he often did. Somehow I knew he was dead and figured the highway cameras on the 101 would help find him even though the searchers were looking on the Chetco river. They found his body at milepost 323 on the 101, he'd run off the road and hit a tree. I won't go into the dreams I had in the months prior to 9/11 of airplanes crashing into buildings.

Very little surprises me. Kinda makes life boring sometimes. Probably gives off weird vibes too, people stay away from weird. Then again, the opposite can occur.....Stopped to get LP a few days ago and the woman who filled my tank ended up telling me her life story in the store. I can have that effect on people too. I had to stop myself from finishing her sentences. Again, little surprise. IDK your situation, we're all different. Anyway, we covered a bit of HSP in MC when I was married. Very problematical for my wife at the time, don't blame her, I was caregiving for a crazy person and it did affect me. Hard to detach the 'stuff' that HSP's sense. Women prefer a man who's a rock, at least my exW did.