Lovebutlost Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 I will try and make this as short as possible. My boyfriend and I met when we were 18. We are now both turning 28 and a few months away from our 10 year anniversary. Things have been going really bad for a few months now. After about 6 years of dating I moved in with him. He lives on his parents property in a flat. It's super tiny but we sort of manage because he works with his dad at home. Our communication has always been quite forced as he comes from a household where they dont voice their concerns or feelings but I come from a household where we over share. It's really challenging for me as I crave that emotional connection like just sitting and talking about the most random things, our feelings, goals, aspirations etc. But he is never able to do that. He just closes off but he can chat to his friends for hours on end over messages but he finds it difficult to talk to me. Sometimes I start a fight with him on purpose just to see some sort of emotion. He never gives me compliments or really supports me. We never just cuddle or kiss at home and the sex feels like there is no passion there, like he could do without it. When we go out I always have to initiate to hold his hand or waist it's like he doesnt need me or he doesnt care. He never shows me affection at home or when we out. Sometimes he doesnt even notice that he hasn't kissed me hello and it stays that way until we go to bed. I support him in everything he does, his sports, his business, his life etc. When he is down I always have to pick him up but it's getting to much. It's like a 1 way street. I have been dropping marriage hints at him for a while now and I get the come back, "why are you so obsessed with getting married, just enjoy out relationship in the moment" and when I bring up kids he like brushes it off. I really want to start our life, move out, get married and have kids. We are not getting any younger. His excuse is always that money is tight, money has always been tight but he isn't doing anything to rectify the situation. When I ask him about his goals or future plans he said he doesnt have any. I guess I just feel like we arent on the same page and point in our lives anymore but I love him so much. I just cant keep fading into his background story. I am so confused. Please can someone help with some advice. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 He's going to be a horrible parent if he can't even communicate with you! I realize marriage is overdue, but he doesn't sound like someone you'd want to spend your life with and coparent with. He doesn't sound like he'd participate much. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 RUN. Don't even think twice just pack up and go. Your marriage would be hell. DO NOT subject your future kids to this... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Daisydooks Posted January 26, 2020 Share Posted January 26, 2020 (edited) 4 hours ago, Lovebutlost said: Our communication has always been quite forced It wont get better with children and marriage. 4 hours ago, Lovebutlost said: He just closes off but he can chat to his friends for hours on end over messages but he finds it difficult to talk to me. He is capable, but completely unwilling, or has no desire to speak to you. 4 hours ago, Lovebutlost said: He never gives me compliments or really supports me. We never just cuddle or kiss at home and the sex feels like there is no passion there, like he could do without it. So there is no pleasure on your side whatsoever? 4 hours ago, Lovebutlost said: never shows me affection at home or when we out. Sometimes he doesnt even notice that he hasn't kissed me hello and it stays that way until we go to bed. You dont want to spend forever this way. I promise ❤️ 4 hours ago, Lovebutlost said: It's like a 1 way street. I have been dropping marriage hints at him for a while now and I get the come back, "why are you so obsessed with getting married?" Why are you? What redeeming qualities does this man have? Maybe years ago things were great. Dont hold onto something that just isnt there now though. Not only is he not on the same page, he cannot even hear you. He doesnt want to hear you. He has no ability to be a good husband or father as it stands. An ultimatum changes almost no one. Do you have the finances to move out? I would start looking for my own place. Quietly, if you need time to save. It can make things really uncomfortable if he knows you're not able to leave right away, while knowing you want to. There is no single reason to marry him. Stop pushing for marriage. You dont want this. You are at different stages and that is ok. You will be ok. Just don't spend another 10 with him. What isnt ok is staying miserable because you've been together forever. Youll grow to resent him more, things will get worse, and you're still be no closer to your dreams. You're holding onto a man who doesnt share them Edited January 26, 2020 by Daisydooks Link to post Share on other sites
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