Poutrew Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 This thread reminds me of the TV sitcom - the name escapes me, but the guy, Doug is a UPS driver and he's married to Carrie- anyway, the bodybuilder Lou Ferrigno, happens to be their next door neighbor. One day Lou asks Carrie to oil him up for a bodybuilding competition, and she does it... all while Doug is at work. I can't remember if Doug is OK with it, but how many of us would be OK with our wives / GF doing the same thing? If it were me, I'd open up a playboy magazine to the centerfold, and put it in front of wifey. "Honey, Miss February there asked me to oil her up for this photoshoot, and I did it. Did I do a good job? The other gals liked it so much, that tomorrow I'm going to oil up Miss March as well..." I just don't believe the people defending this silly woman's unwise utterings would be fine with their own significant other telling how sexy and hot another <real and accessible> person makes them, if that other person isn't them... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 (edited) Here is something else to consider,....and I am not sure its been mentioned.. I live in an area where people in general take very good care of themselves...Just doing my daily business it wouldn't be unrealistic to pass at least a dozen solid 9/10 type of women on any given day...I am sure women could say the same of the men...Additionally, I belong to a gym where there are several young woman with great bodies working out in tights and sportsbra's...You can virtually see everything...I don't creep on them but ANY guy that could still fog a mirror cant help but notice...It wouldn't even be normal if they didn't notice..But here's the thing... The minut I leave the place the memory of it is completely gone...By the time I put the key in the ignition I couldn't care less what they do, who they are with, etc...And that would be the case mostly for any normal man or woman...These women don't occupy any space in my brains memory.. As fast as that image appears is as fast as its gone.. In this case, the fact that she brought it up outside of work, that tatted and muscled up guy is occupying space in her head....You all can make of it what you will, call this guy insecure, whatever....But the reality is that NONE of you would like it if some person objectively more attractive (maybe way more) than you are is occupying the mind space of someone you share your life with...Its no prize that she is using that image to get her aroused to be with him..Its humiliating for this guy, really... At the very least she should have kept it under wraps... TFY Edited January 28, 2020 by thefooloftheyear 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 (edited) No, HE brought it up. They were in the car and he said he had to get in Chris Hemsworth shape, and that's how it started. She did not just come home and tell him this. Edited January 28, 2020 by preraph 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fishlips Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 It was inconsiderate, but it's sort of extreme to not want to have sex with her anymore. I doubt she is going to cheat on you if she told you about him. If she really wanted to get it on with him, she never would have mentioned him. That said, talk to your wife and let her know how much this hurt your feelings. Ask her how she would feel if the shoe were on the other foot. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 2 minutes ago, fishlips said: I doubt she is going to cheat on you if she told you about him. If she really wanted to get it on with him, she never would have mentioned him. That is not necessarily true. People who are crushing or "in love" tend to want to talk about the object of their desire all the time to anyone who will listen. Of course if attached they do not want to alert suspicion, but if they can find ways to introduce them into the conversation "innocently", they often will. They cannot help themselves, they want to tell the world... The betrayed spouse is often well aware of the OW/OM, as they have often been well informed of their existence... They just didn't put two and two together until dday. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 Yeah, but HE started the conversation, not her. And then after mentioning he needed to work out and look like Chris Hemsworth, he didn't like that she mentioned the guy at the gym as an example. He brought it up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 2 hours ago, elaine567 said: Here the OP has had an insight into what really turns his wife on and it ain't him. Not to disagree with some of your other points, but - not at all sure this is actually true. OP works out and is a physical guy - as he said, he's going for Chris Hemsworth shape, etc. She like big guys (not particularly rare). OP is a big guy, and she's with him - he satisfies her. This guy at work is just another version of the same. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 If she didn't want to be with him, she wouldn't be. She sounds extremely interested in him and turned on by him and even used this opportunity of HIM bring up beefy guys to point out how much that made her want HIM even more. He's acting childish. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
fishlips Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 I think it's understandable that he's upset, but he is overreacting. What is the point of never having sex with his wife again? That isn't going to help his marriage. If he wants to stay married, he needs to talk to her. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 (edited) On 1/26/2020 at 4:10 AM, MajesticHybrid said: I work out and I’m athletically built but I’m nothing next to this guy. (I have seen him) And I don’t do tattoos. ^^^ this is his problem. @mark clemson Yes he works out, but he knows ,she knows and now we know he can't compete. She more or less told him who she will be fantasising about when they are having sex. He knows he can't "top" this guy. It it NOT good. Sexual attraction and desire can be extremely fragile, once lost they are very difficult to regain. She was stupid bringing this "hot guy" right into the middle of their sex life. "I got so turned on by this ripped guy, but as he is not available to me, then you will have to do..." is what she basically said. Who really wants to hear that? Edited January 28, 2020 by elaine567 7 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Daisydooks Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 On 1/26/2020 at 11:53 PM, Poutrew said: How many of us have had the experience of having our SO cry out the name of a hottie they work with during their orgasm? Would it be something you and they would just laugh about afterwards? Yeah, didn't think so... Again, no one did this in this case. Where did you come up with this scenario? Lol. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Daisydooks Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said: At the very least she should have kept it under wraps.. I agree. She should have bold faced lied. But that's about all I agree with. Lying would have been best as OP cant handle the truth even though he pushed and pursued the answer. Lying to her husband would have FOR SURE prevented the affair you all seem to forsee. 🤔🤔🤔 Edited January 28, 2020 by Daisydooks 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Daisydooks said: I agree. She should have bold faced lied. But that's about all I agree with. Lying would have been best as OP cant handle the truth even though he pushed and pursued the answer. Lying to her husband would have FOR SURE prevented the affair you all seem to forsee. 🤔🤔🤔 This is actually what he posted... ". So I just said how I needed to workout today. She said okay. Then I said I have to get in Chris Hemsworth shape. She rolled her eyes and went into her explanation of how seeing hot guys made her “want to wrap my legs around you” Now c'mon people....you are all twisting the hell out of this..How in God's name could this be considered "pushed and pursued" ??? Its not even a nudge...And she wouldn't have had to lie about anything because he isn't asking her about anything.. I ask you….You tell your husband, "boy, that JLo has a great body, I need to train more""....Then he just says...""yeah....there is this one chick at the gym...wow...she is so hot, tight little bubble ass, flat belly, great tits...wow":....."makes me soooo horny for (ordinary) you"..(not suggesting you are ordinary just play along here)... He didn't elicit a response at all...He was making a statement...There are no question marks in his statement to her... I'll say it again...., she's bringing this particular guy up, and if he didn't just walk by at that time, then this guy is occupying space in her head...unfortunately for this guy, its the space that gets her wet.... BTW.. I don't think this is something that cant get worked through...I think it can...But this guy is experiencing a reaction that just about anyone would feel if in his shoes... TFY Edited January 28, 2020 by thefooloftheyear 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 3 hours ago, elaine567 said: ^^^ this is his problem. @mark clemson Yes he works out, but he knows ,she knows and now we know he can't compete. Fair enough, you have a point and I recognize the other points you were making as well. OP can compete, though, in a multitude of ways. He's actually with his wife and can do a lot of things: from good sex (if he can get past this) to leadership within the couple/family, to "being there for her", intelligence, personality, etc etc. As we all know there is more to life and to a marriage than just being a larger beefcake than some other guy. If that's really all that matters to this woman, perhaps they should never have gotten married. But I doubt it is. Is it a problem? Yes, absolutely. But making it sound like there's nothing OP can do is defeatist ad a bit of an overreaction IMO. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Daisydooks Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 28 minutes ago, thefooloftheyear said: This is actually what he posted... "So I just said how I needed to workout today. She said okay. Then I said I have to get in Chris Hemsworth shape. She rolled her eyes and went into her explanation of how seeing hot guys made her “want to wrap my legs around you” Now c'mon people....you are all twisting the hell out of this..How in God's name could this be considered "pushed and pursued" ??? Its not even a nudge...And she wouldn't have had to lie about anything because he isn't asking her about anything.. I ask you….You tell your husband, "boy, that JLo has a great body, I need to train more""....Then he just says...""yeah....there is this one chick at the gym...wow...she is so hot, tight little bubble ass, flat belly, great tits...wow":....."makes me soooo horny for (ordinary) you"..(not suggesting you are ordinary just play along here)... He didn't elicit a response at all...He was making a statement...There are no question marks in his statement to her... I'll say it again...., she's bringing this particular guy up, and if he didn't just walk by at that time, then this guy is occupying space in her head...unfortunately for this guy, its the space that gets her wet.... BTW.. I don't think this is something that cant get worked through...I think it can...But this guy is experiencing a reaction that just about anyone would feel if in his shoes... TFY No. Now you're reciting his 3rd version of the story. 😂 He changes his story as much as his underwear. Please see that "She said it in response to something I said actually. I brought up how much she liked Chris Hemsworth. He’s one of her celebrity crushes. One of many. And she she rolled her eyes and said she only thinks about that stuff mostly when I bring it up." What you have shared here is his 3rd version of the same story. Now he isnt withholding sex either because she didnt do anything wrong but only after responses telling him not to withhold sex. 🙄 I respect your standpoint and agree she shouldnt have said anything as he is hurt and I would have personally used a different example, (not someone I work with,) but he keeps changing the story... so it's a little hard to follow. In his own words, he asked, he engaged, he wanted an answer. He started this conversation. She gave an example. She also rolled her eyes at the mention of Chris Hemsworth, and also admitted to not thinking about this unless HE brings it up. He pursued an answer and he got one he didnt like. When told he was being childish for withholding sex, he added to and changed a little of his story again. 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 39 minutes ago, mark clemson said: But making it sound like there's nothing OP can do is defeatist ad a bit of an overreaction IMO But I guess that is where he is at, at present. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 (edited) Is it? On 1/26/2020 at 12:45 PM, MajesticHybrid said: Im not throwing a tantrum or anything like that. I’m not mad at her. She didn’t do anything wrong and I’m not dumb. There are lots of guys out there who are going to turn my wife on more than I will. I just honestly don’t feel like being flirty or sexual with her right now. And honestly, I think that should be acceptable. Dunno - @MajesticHybrid does this spell the end of the marriage for you? Time to throw in the towel? No way to fix things? Edited January 28, 2020 by mark clemson Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 1 hour ago, Daisydooks said: No. Now you're reciting his 3rd version of the story. 😂 He changes his story as much as his underwear. Please see that "She said it in response to something I said actually. I brought up how much she liked Chris Hemsworth. He’s one of her celebrity crushes. One of many. And she she rolled her eyes and said she only thinks about that stuff mostly when I bring it up." What you have shared here is his 3rd version of the same story. Now he isnt withholding sex either because she didnt do anything wrong but only after responses telling him not to withhold sex. 🙄 I respect your standpoint and agree she shouldnt have said anything as he is hurt and I would have personally used a different example, (not someone I work with,) but he keeps changing the story... so it's a little hard to follow. In his own words, he asked, he engaged, he wanted an answer. He started this conversation. She gave an example. She also rolled her eyes at the mention of Chris Hemsworth, and also admitted to not thinking about this unless HE brings it up. He pursued an answer and he got one he didnt like. When told he was being childish for withholding sex, he added to and changed a little of his story again. This is a bit naive. Unless he calls her at work and says "hey are you thinking about your hot co-worker" then her comments is at minimum misleading. Truthfully, very few of us can honestly say they dont or haven't fantasized about someone while being in a relationship with someone else, few lack the empathy to broadcast them to their partner, especially when its someone attainable. Link to post Share on other sites
SolG Posted January 29, 2020 Share Posted January 29, 2020 I think this post highlights the different ways people are wired. I can absolutely observe a particularly hot celebrity, or indeed random person, and transfer that desire right back to a partner. They may be hot'n'all, but do they know me? Am I comfortable with them? Do they light my fire like the person I trust intimately and care about? Nope. No way. Not even. I obviously can't speak for everyone... but when I come across a hot person in a particular context, it makes me horny. And being horny makes me think of my SO and how great we are together. And makes me want THEM, not said celebrity/random. They might be the impetus, but not the destination. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dimjo9 Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 On 1/25/2020 at 8:10 PM, MajesticHybrid said: So, my wife told me something the other day that really bothered me. There is a guy who works with her who is seriously ripped. He is built like The Rock. No exaggeration. He has tattoos up and down his arms and my wife loves tattoos. She just came out and told me how turned on she was when she saw him. But she said this made her want to be with me. I work out and I’m athletically built but I’m nothing next to this guy. (I have seen him) And I don’t do tattoos. So this guy is right up my wife’s alley. But it made no sense when she told me that she saw him, was turned on and wanted me???? That logic makes no sense. She saw a guy much more attractive to me and was turned on but it made her want me? I’m sorry but that just doesn’t add up. If I see an attractive woman. I think about being with her. I’m attracted to her and turned on so I think about her. The one turning me on. So I don’t believe my wife. I basically don’t want to have sex with her now. I mean it’s embarrassing to be naked in front her. So I was hoping in any women had insight into this mindset Because it doesn’t add up to me. Hopefully someone can explain it to me. Hi MajesticHybrid, The early stage of cheating is Infatuation or attraction to the OM/OW.. most cases revolved around co-workers (proximity, access, bonding) Just be prepared & always be on guard..Do you have kids ?? Your assets protected ? Wife is manipulating you now ( testing the water ).. Do you share passwords for all your social media ? If She is new on this expect rookie mistakes which will work on your advantage. She already gave you insight of what will happen..You love her 101% or kept some reserve ?? Marriage is like gambling we can’t see the future thats why we don’t go All iN.. In case one of the spouse will go stray the hurt is bearable. Your world revolved around her? Might good to start preparing for an exit plan unless she will quit her work & NC with the co-worker. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 On 1/28/2020 at 11:03 AM, preraph said: No, HE brought it up. They were in the car and he said he had to get in Chris Hemsworth shape, and that's how it started. She did not just come home and tell him this. He brought up a celebrity that is not part of her life. She brought up her crush. Link to post Share on other sites
2BGoodAgain Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 hmmm think of it like girl porn... you watch porn, you get turned on, but you don't have any intention or ability to go have sex with the porn, so you turn to your partner... being turned on by someone, but wanting you isn't a bad thing... a bad thing is thinking about him, while doing you. lol. now THAT could be a problem. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 35 minutes ago, 2BGoodAgain said: hmmm think of it like girl porn... you watch porn, you get turned on, but you don't have any intention or ability to go have sex with the porn, so you turn to your partner... being turned on by someone, but wanting you isn't a bad thing... a bad thing is thinking about him, while doing you. lol. now THAT could be a problem. Yeah and women never have issues with porn...right? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 Majestic hybrid, do you ever watch porn? Link to post Share on other sites
2BGoodAgain Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 1 hour ago, DKT3 said: Yeah and women never have issues with porn...right? that's not the issue, atm. the problem is that this guy has a problem enjoying the benefits of his woman being turned on by something she sees. ) Link to post Share on other sites
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